Pokemon Quickies
by PsychoMD
Summary: My quickie comedy series. Each chapter is a new short comedy, about 5 pages long, designed to give you a quick laugh. Hold onto your witches hats! I actually managed to get a holiday quickie done in time for the holiday! Happy Halloween!
1. Quickie 1: No Vayas a Taco Bell

Disclaimer and Explanation: I was bored so i threw this Quickie together just to put up. Its not my funniest works, but as long as it brings a smile to someone's face, it was worth writing. Oh btw, I don't own Pokemon, nor do i own Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Jessie, James or Meowth. I do however own rip-offs of them. I hope one day Brash Katchoom will be as big as Ash. Look for him leaving Pillet Town any day now. (If you're one of the 2 people that took that seriously, and not as a joke... PLEASE do not reproduce.) Anyway, enjoy... next time a write another quickie, I'll just add it as another chapter to this one. Oh and as always I'd really appreciate reviews.  
  
Pokemon Quickie: No vaya a Taco Bell  
  
"How can a city this big NOT have a gym?" Ash asked slightly annoyed.  
  
"Don't get mad at me Ash," Brock replied, holding up his booklet, "I didn't write this book. Look, it says that Culio de la Raton is a city without a pokemon center because a young boy named Yu-Gi-Oh came through years ago and made everyone forget about pokemon... at least until the fad wore off, but by that time, it was too late to get the gym running again."  
  
Misty sighed, "Yes, thank you sooooo much for that editorial" She yanks the book away from Brock, "What it really says is that the pokemon center closed down 20 years ago when the owner went off her own journey."  
  
Ash smiled, "Oh, well i hope she comes back soon, I'd love to battle some one with that much experience."  
  
"You wont be battling her, unless they come out with a Ougei board version of Pokemon," Misty explained, "she's dead."  
  
That thought brought Ash down a bit. "That's so sad... how'd she die?"  
  
"Well, it says here she was eaten by a Magikarp." Misty said.  
  
"Sounds a bit fishy to me." Brock replies.  
  
Ash looked at Brock and replied, "Brock, did you have to cast out that fish pun?"  
  
Brock grinned and said, "Get reel, of course I did."  
  
"Well i guess i fell for it hook line and stinker." Ash replied.  
  
WHAM!!! WHAM!!!  
  
That was the sound of Misty's mallet drilling Brock and Ash's skull. She walked away muttering, "I hate puns."  
  
After Ash and Brock caught up to the fiery red head, Ash said, "You know, speaking of things being eaten, we should get a bite to eat as long as we're here."  
  
Brock nodded over to a Taco Bell, "How about there, we haven't had mexican for a while."  
  
Ash nodded, "I haven't had mexican since I last saw my old friend Rolando."  
  
*SCENE CHANGE TO ASH'S MEMORY  
  
"Rolando, old buddy," Ash said getting ready to leave, "I just want to say, your a true friend. We've been best friends for so long, I cant imagine life without you. We've seen it all, but I'm afraid i have to go now. The world of Pokemon is calling me, and i must answer it. Carpe Diem, my dear friend, you have to seize the day and make it your own! I hope you never forget me, i promise you my dear sweet buddy, I'll never, ever forget you..." Ash smiled as his friend... ...who looked confused at him and said, "No hablo inglés" "  
  
*SCENE CHANGE BACK TO PRESENT DAY  
  
Ash sighed, "We were so close."  
  
Brock and Misty shot a glance at each other, but before either could say a word, Ash said, "all right then, lets go get something to eat!" And dashed off to Taco Bell.  
  
*INSIDE TACO BELL* (By the way, just so you know, what is to follow is based on actual events that happened to me not that long ago, enjoy)  
  
After a short wait, it was Ash and company's time to order. The young woman behind the counter asked Ash for his order. "all right," Ash said, "I'll take the 10 taco family meal, please make that 5 soft shell tacos, and 5 hard shell tacos. And would you please add the mexican pizza to that meal?"  
  
The woman punched it up, and said, "Alright, that'll be $30.85"  
  
Ash's face fell. He glances up at the price board. It clearly says, "10 Taco Family Meal... $9.95, add a mexican pizza for $2.95" He then looks back down and at the price register. "$30.85"  
  
Ash scratches his head. "Umm... miss, i think you've made a mistake..."  
  
The woman shakes her head no. "Your order right here, 10 Taco Family Meal, plus a 5 soft shell tacos, plus 5 hard shell tacos, plus a mexican pizza meal."  
  
The trio exchange glances. "Umm... I'm sorry ma'am, but you've misunderstood my order. I don't want all that extra stuff, i just want the taco meal with the pizza."  
  
The woman lets out an annoyed sigh, "I have to get the manager now."  
  
And a minute later, the manager came out, "Is there a problem?" She asked stiffly.  
  
Ash made a rye face, and said, "Not a problem ma'am, there was just a mistake in the order..."  
  
"He wants to change his order AFTER i rang it up," The teller explains.  
  
The manager lets out and annoyed sigh, and takes out her key. "Fine..." She presses a few buttons, and the order is deleted, "Just give her the order again." And she leaves.  
  
Ash takes a deep breath and repeats his order... very slowly. "Alright." The teller says a bit annoyed, "I got it NOW... your order is $24.30"  
  
Ash winced at the price, and caught his temper. Sadly, Misty did not, "WHAT? What did you ring up this time?"  
  
The teller raised an eyebrow and said, "I rang up exactly what you said, a 10 taco meal, and a mexican pizza meal, and a steak burrito meal."  
  
Ash couldn't contain himself this time. "WHAT? What burrito meal? I never even said anything CLOSE to burrito!"  
  
"Fine!" The teller said, "I'll change your burrito meal to just a burrito?"  
  
"NO!" Ash yelled, "NO BURRTIO!"  
  
The teller looked at him like he had three heads. "You don't want the burrito?"  
  
Ash bit his tongue, took a breath and said, "No... i don't want the burrito... I also don't want the Mexican Pizza meal."  
  
"You ASKED for a mexican pizza, sir" The teller said annoyed  
  
"YES!" Ash said  
  
"Now you don't want it?"  
  
Ash growled slightly, "I WANT the Pizza... I DONT want the meal..."  
  
Teller: "Alright then... i got you now... that's $4.95."  
  
Ash winced again, his face turning a slight tinge. Brock leaned over to Pikachu who happened to be waiting on his shoulder, "We should have went to Burger King..."  
  
Pikachu replied, "Pikachu chu pika chu pikapichu" (Personally i don't like any place without those little ketchup packets)  
  
Meanwhile, Misty stepped in again, "HOW did you come up with $4.95???"  
  
"A Mexican Pizza meal with a burrito, NOT a burrito meal." The teller explained.  
  
Ash grabbed his head and let out a yell, "We're BACK to the damned Burrito!!! And I don't want a Mexican Pizza meal..." Ash pointed up to the large sign overhead, "You see that picture up there? The 10 taco meal, plus a Mexican Pizza, THATS what i want!"  
  
The Teller leaned over the counter and looked up. "Sorry sir, i cant see from this angle... But i think i got you this time. The total is $13.95."  
  
Ash face brighten up, that total sounded close. "Alright then!" And handed her a twenty dollar bill and got his recipe. Ash's face fell when he saw the recipe.  
  
_____________ Taco Bell  
  
5 soft tacos  
  
1 Mexican Pizza  
  
1 Mexican Pizza Meal  
  
______________  
  
Ash slammed his fists down on and yelled, "NO! What in the depths of your ignorance is the problem here??? I just wanted the damned meal on the sign here!"  
  
The manager happened to come back now. "Sir... is there a problem?"  
  
"YES!!!" Ash and Misty yelled together  
  
Ash almost pleading now, said, "All i wanted when i came in here, was a 10 taco meal, 5 soft, 5 hard, and the Mexican Pizza that comes with the meal for about 3 bucks extra. What is so hard about this? What is the trouble?"  
  
(Just so you know... this is where my real life story ends... but actually this story is almost over too, just hang in there!)  
  
"Trouble?" The girl said, "Well... perhaps you should PREPARE for trouble!"  
  
The manager, who we now find out is a male, "And you should make it double!"  
  
The trio groaned, "NOW i KNOW we should have went to Burger King..." Brock says.  
  
A customer came up to the counter, "Excuse me... there's fur in this taco."  
  
"HEY!" Meowth yelled at the guy, while hopping up on the counter. "I got dees here plastic gloves on and this hair net on! Don't blame for da hair!' Then Meowth coughed, gagged and spit up a wad of hair onto the floor.  
  
(Alright, everyone all together now. "EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!")  
  
That's pretty much what everyone did at this sight, especially those that realized they had soggy hair in their food too, and the building emptied pretty quickly.  
  
"Alright twerp!" Jessie yelled, "Hand over Pikachu or its time to battle!"  
  
"NEVER!" Ash said reaching for his balls. (Filthy filthy minds)  
  
Jessie called out, "Go... ARBOK!" But before she could call out her pokemon, she was handcuffed. So were James and Meowth. "Wha...?" James asked.  
  
A man held out his badge, "Health Inspector. You three are under arrest. This place is filthy!"  
  
As they were being led out, "But.. but... we don't even OWN this place!"  
  
Ash and company laughed at their foe's misfortune, till Ash asked, "Hey... where's Pikachu?" Then the young boy found his pokemon rummaging through the hot sauce packets. "Hey no!!! Pikachu, that's not..."  
  
"PIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" The yellow mouse yelled leaping through the air, spewing flames.  
  
"...ketchup... it's hot sauce..." Ash finished too late.  
  
Pikachu: "Pika chu chu pikachu chupi pipichu." (This ending really burns me up)  
  
Brock grinned at the screen and said, "That's salsa folks!... haha.. get it? That's salsa... get it? AUGH!" Brock took off as he saw Misty closing in with her mallet with that 'i hate puns' look on her face. Iris out on the mallet.  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
"Whew..." Misty said, putting down her mallet. "This one's in the bag."  
  
"Thank god," Ash said, "What a load of crap this episode was."  
  
Brock sighs, "That's SALSA folks??? What the hell is up with that? If that wasn't the most corny piece of crap I've ever uttered..."  
  
Ash shrugs, "At least its over, lets go get a bite to eat."  
  
Misty giggled, "Sure, anything BUT Taco Bell... Hey... what's up with Pikachu?"  
  
Annoyed, the yellow mouse yells, "PIKACHU PIKAPI CHU PIKAPI!! PIKA CHU CHU PIPIPICHU!" (You could have told me that was REAL DAMN hot sauce in that packet!!! I burnt my freaking tongue!)  
  
The trio walks off the set, "Come on, we'll get you a glass of water Pikachu" Ash says, "And I know you two are disappointed with this episode, but come on... its still better then Mucha Lucha..."  
  
THE REAL END  
  
This story is dedicated to the hard workers at Taco Bell... who have never ONCE gotten my order completely right.  
  
This story is brought to you by a grant from the C.H.U.D.s foundation, and by reviewers like you... so please submit a review! Much thanks! 


	2. Quickie 2: WWEwwww PUNishment

Quickie 2: "WWEwwww PUNishment"  
  
Disclaimer and Explaination: This is an entirely seperate story from the first one. You do not need to read the last chapter in order to understand this one, although im sure most people will read them in order anyway. Anyway, just a quick little story to bring some laughs and smiles into your day. This one i really enjoyed writing because... well... in the immortal words of Homer Simpsons, "Finally, a way to combine my love of helping people with my love of hurting people!" This story is either going to make you laugh... or make your brain leak out your head. Enjoy! :-D  
  
WWEwwwww PUNishment  
  
We join our heroes in a pleasent lake side location, just outside the woods. And its almost time for dinner. Brock was cooking some sort of soup. Misty was playing with Togepi. And Ash sat on a log reading the latest edition of WWE (WWF for those who dont follow it) Raw Magazine.  
  
Misty sighed, "I dont know how you boys can watch that garbage..."  
  
Ash looked up from his magazine, "We DON'T get to watch it... I have to read it out of the magazines."  
  
"You KNOW what i mean" Misty said, "Its all fake you know..."  
  
"Of course I know its fake Misty, I'm not stupid. Its just fun to pretend its real..." Ash explained.  
  
Brock raised an eyebrow and grinned seeing his opening, "Alright, put down the magazine man... Dinner time... and you know dinner is just like Foley... just in the Mick of time!"  
  
Ash winced at the pun, but quickly came back, "And what kind of soup are we undertaking tonight?"  
  
Brock was taken aback by this quick retort, and as he was pouring out the soup said, "Its a delecious soup thats been served since the beginning of Mankind."  
  
Ash took the bowl and said, "Well, its nice and hot, i hate my soup served Stone Cold..."  
  
Misty made an "ahem" noise. "Guys... thats enough..."  
  
Brock wouldnt hear of it and quickly said, "Served cold? Never! I'm "The King" when it comes to making soup!"  
  
"The King, eh?" Ash said getting the reference, "But can you take the heat? I hear there's many better chefs in Chyna."  
  
"GUYS!!!" Misty said louder.  
  
Even Pikachu was starting to get annoyed, his fur standing up a little.  
  
The two ignored them, locked in battle, Brock looked at Ash and said, "I could beat any cook in China, we could walk into any resturant, and i could beat any chef there, from the lowly beginner up to the Big Bossman!"  
  
Ash grinned slighty and said, "What recipe would you win with? Not that one veggie dish thats Al Snow peas and nothing else..."  
  
Brocks eyes widened and he said, "I think i Kane win with that recipe... what do you think i should make?"  
  
"You could buy a pack of franks and make your famous dusty Road Doggs and serve them with an X-Pac of Soda..." Ash suggested.  
  
"PIKA!" The yellow mouse exclaimed releasing a burst of power blasting the ground near Ash. Misty stood up, and said, "I agree with Pikachu, thats ENOUGH!"  
  
Brock looked up at Misty and said, "Whats wrong Misty, your actually awfully Mysterio..."  
  
Ash suggested, "She needs to take the Edge off..."  
  
"She could be come a Christian?" Brock offered.  
  
"Or how about about one of those novels that come with herbal brews..." Ash said starting to grin, "You know... a Booker T..."  
  
Pikachu sighed and said "Where's Team Rocket when you need them? I'd gladly go with them right now..."  
  
Misty looked shocked, "Since when can you talk human???"  
  
Pikachu looked nervous, "Ummm..." Then quickly takes out a pair of shades and takes out a neuralizer and flashes Misty. "Pikachu pika chu chu pi!" (Damn that was a close one...)  
  
Brock and Ash failed to notice any of this... Brock said "You know, im starting to get Bishoff'ed"  
  
"Well Vince you put it that way..." Ash replied.  
  
Brock: "If you dont stop, i'll punch you and give your eye a Shane-r"  
  
Ash: "Hah! Your a Dreamer!"  
  
Misty groans and storms off, Pikachu tagging along.  
  
Brock: "Well, I swear if you dont stop you wont get any Keibler cookies for dessert!"  
  
Ash: "Thats some Mattitude you got... you know i love those cookies, they're so Hardy!"  
  
Brock: "Yeah, they are, best with a Lita of pepsi."  
  
Ash: "And you could... um... i mean... you could serve... umm... ahhh... damn!"  
  
Brock leaps up and yells, "YES! I won!"  
  
Ash grinned "Well played..." and shakes Brock's hand... "Next time, your going down... but seriously... a Lita of soda?"  
  
Brock grinned back and said, "Oh come on... no worse then your Book of T... Booker T pun"  
  
Ash laughed, "Come on, thats classic... oh hey... here's Misty..."  
  
The red head came storming back, her eyes flaming and swinging her mallet. "Alright you two, you've been warned!"  
  
WHAM!!! WHAM!!!  
  
And to follow that up... they both recieved a thunderbolt by Pikachu as well.  
  
The moral of the story... Pun wars: In the end... there are no winners.  
  
Misty grins and looks at the camera, "Well... Tazz all folks!"  
  
*Iris out on Misty grinning and winking at the camera  
  
THE END  
  
Ash gets up rubbing his head. "Damnit Misty..." He said, "You nearly broke my freaking skull."  
  
Misty frowned and replied, "Hey look, YOU declined to have the stuntman..."  
  
Brock comes walking from off stage, "Yeah man, you can't blame HER for YOU being so stubborn. You should have just gotten a stuntman like me."  
  
"Yeah..." Ash said looking down, "Speaking of that... Shouldn't your stuntman have gotten up by now?"  
  
The trio looks down at the downed stuntman, and Brock kneels down and removes the man's 'Brock' mask, revealing the man to not be a man at all, but some kind of pink lizard creature.  
  
"Hey... JarJar..." Brock says shaking him, "You ok?"  
  
"Oh... dear..." Misty says after hearing no response from the hated alien, "Ash... maybe you should go call 911."  
  
"Fine... fine.." Ash said walking off, "It's his own damned fault that he cant get work anywhere else..."  
  
Yelling after Ash, Jar Jar yells weakly, "Tell them meessa can havea no Amoxacillian, it'll killa messa."  
  
"Yeah yeah," Ash says half listening, "Tell them you want Amoxacillian, i got ya..."  
  
"No no..." Jar Jar says drifting back unconcious, "Messa in big trouble..."  
  
THE REAL END  
  
I hope you enjoyed my tale, and i have a little message to give you:  
  
Please have a good night and give your loved ones a hug from me. May you have lots of sunny days and if your a writer, may your stories get many good reviews.  
  
And just in case you cant read between the lines... : - )  
  
PLEASE have a good night, and GIVE your loved ones a hug from ME. May you have LOTS OF sunny days and if your a writer, may your stories good REVIEWS.  
  
Ok, ok, for real, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my tale, I hope it brought some sunshine, smiles, and/or laughter to your day... as corny as that sounds. 


	3. Quickie 3: Gary's Deception

Quickie #3: Gary's Deception  
  
NOW almost 95% Pun free!!!  
  
Explaination/Disclaimer: Alright people, just to make this point clear... You do not have to have read the previous two chapters to enjoy this story. It's a new story. The only reason why I have these all stuck together is because they are all just quick little tales of humor to bring a laugh or two to your day. As long as I have your attention, I'd like to make this clear... one last time... I do not own pokemon... someday i will... the plans are in place... first i take down the hello kitty factory... then we go after the big fish. Today Pokemon... tomorrow Nintendo... the next day, THE WORLD!! Bwha ha haha... ... ... and i guess the day after that i'll just go to the movies or something like... Anyway before i start to ramble, (too late), go on ahead and read this newest Quickie.  
  
Gary's Deception  
  
"Excuse me, Gary" Professor Oak called to his grandson in a very stern tone, "Could you step into my office please."  
  
Gary gulped and walked into his grandfathers lab, "Is something wrong?"  
  
"I'm afraid so." Oak with a very serious face, "I dont appreciate cheating young man."  
  
Gary sweatdropped. "Ch.. Cheating?" Gary stammered, "What... what do you mean?  
  
"You know very well what I mean, young man." The pokemon professor said, "This contest you and the other trainers from pallet are having, who can catch the most pokemon... everyone has about 20 pokemon, and you some how have about 80. I was very proud of you... until i looked more closely."  
  
"Ummm... if your talking about the two hoppits have... I honestly didnt know doubles of pokemon didnt count..." Gary offered as an excuse.  
  
"THAT'S not what I meant Gary," Professor Oak replied, "Tell me Gary... how do you explain this?"  
  
Professor Oak took a pokeball off Gary's shelf and opened it. What came out was a Jigglypuff... sorta. It actually was a large pink balloon with a smiley face drawn on it.  
  
Gary looked at the balloon floating in the air, then at Professor Oak, then back at the balloon. "Ummm..." Gary thought, then lied, "It's a Jigglypuff."  
  
The Professor sighed and said, "Gary... this is NOT a Jigglypuff..."  
  
"SURE it is!" Gary interupted, "Look... its pink and everything."  
  
"Gary... stop." Oak ordered, "It's just a pink balloon."  
  
"Of course it is!" Gary justified, "See look..." Gary took out his pokedex and it said, "Jigglypuff: The pink balloon pokemon" Gary smiled innocently and said, "See?"  
  
Oak started to get annoyed, "Gary... that just means its pink, and its like a balloon because it can float."  
  
"Well whats the problem then?" Gary asked, "Look, my Jigglypuff is JUST like a pink balloon..."  
  
Oak interupted yelling, "THATS CAUSE it IS a pink BALLOON!!!"  
  
Gary: "JUST like the pokedex says..."  
  
Oak: "No... not just like the pokedex says, because its talking about a pokemon, and what we have here is three cents worth of pink plastic with a smiley face drawn on it by a magic marker. Alright then... If its a real Jigglypuff... please make it sing."  
  
Gary sighed and said, "Oh alright, but dont complain when it puts you to sleep." Gary took the balloon and held it up so it blocked his face. "Alright, use SING Jigglypuff."  
  
And a voice came from the balloon... or from behind the balloon, that sang (in a voice very much like Gary's) "Jiggllllllyyyyyypuffffffffff..."  
  
"GARY!" Professor Oak said getting mad, "I KNOW that was you singing... quite badly too!"  
  
Gary faked a takenaback look. "How dare you say that! I caught this pokemon with love and care! One day I hope it will evolve into a Wigglytuff!"  
  
Oak growled slightly, "The ONLY thing that THING will evolve into is a deflated piece of rubber."  
  
"You know, that would be more like a de-evolution..." Gary offered, "But i wish you wouldnt say such things when it can hear you..."  
  
Oak: "It CAN'T hear me... you forgot to draw ears on it..."  
  
"I did???" Gary said suprised, then quickly corrected himself, "I mean... really? It must be a whole new breed of pokemon!"  
  
Oak looked at the label near the tied bottom, and said, "Yeah... it must be a 'Happy happy super family fun time company' Jigglypuff, previously undiscovered by man... except those who have gone into Party City."  
  
Gary took the pokeball out of his grandfather's hand and called the 'pokemon' back. The young boy took another ball off his shelf and called out his Arcanine. "Well, you should at least be impressed by Arcanine." Gary said, "Even if your not impressed by my extremely rare variety of Jigglypuff."  
  
"Oh yeah... your Arcanine." Oak said, still annoyed, "Its very good that you captured an Arcanine, but you havent trained it well at all!"  
  
Gary looked shocked, "Are you crazy? I've taught it a dozen attacks! What do you mean???"  
  
"What do you I mean?" Oak said raising his voice, "You may have taught it to attack, but didnt house train it! That thing has been leaving flaming pieces of shit all over my lab! And thats not just a saying... its crap literally comes out on fire! It nearly burnt down my freaking lab yesterday!"  
  
Gary went silent trying to think of something to say. Meanwhile his Arcanine wandered away. "That's not all, Gary." Professor Oak said grabbing another ball off the shelf, "What do you call this?"  
  
The creature that came out of the pokeball was very wierd to the world of pokemon. It looked a little bit like a pumpkin. Gary beemed and said, "Oh... thats pumpkinmon. Very rare."  
  
"Yes Gary, it's very rare... for a very good reason." Oak yelled, "It's a damned Digimon!"  
  
"So?" Gary asked.  
  
Oak: "SO??? You can't offer a Digimon as a Pokemon! They're not even made by the same company! How did you even get this?"  
  
Gary shrugged, "I got it during the cross-over."  
  
"There's NEVER been a crossover!" Oak yelled getting more fustrated.  
  
Gary faked confusion, "Are you sure?"  
  
Oak: "YES!!!"  
  
"Hmmm." Gary said thinking, "How the hell did I get that thing then?"  
  
Oak made a low growling annoyed sound, and called the Pumpkinmon back and took another ball.  
  
"Uhh... Gramps..." Gary said backing away, "I wouldnt open that one..."  
  
Not listening to his grandson, Professor Oak opened the pokeball, revealing a very large man in red armor and a red dome on his head. "FINALLY," He bellowed, "The Juggernaut is FREE!!!" And with that, the foe of the X-Men, walked throught the wall, completely destroying that half of Oak's lab.  
  
Oak stared at the horror for a minute with his jaw open. Gary shruged and said softly, "I told you not to..."  
  
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???" Oak bellowed.  
  
"Steel-plated Snorlax." Gary said straight faced lying.  
  
"THERE'S NO SUCH THING!!!" Oak yelled.  
  
Gary took out his pokedex and opened it up. Gary held the pokedex up so it hid his lips, and in an... odd... voice, Dexter said, "Steel Plated Snorlax. Rare. Leave Gary alone, its a real pokemon."  
  
"Gary..." Oak said, "I KNOW that was you saying that."  
  
Gary quickly put the pokedex away and said, "No it wasnt."  
  
"YES IT W..." Oak started to yell but forced himself to calm down, then started again, "And what about this one?"  
  
And in this pokeball, out came a very thin, tall bird. It looked at Gary, said, "Beep Beep!" And took off running away at breakneck speeds, leaving only a dust cloud behind.  
  
Gary yelled, "AUGH!!! GRANDPA!!! You let it get away!!! Do you know how many cliffs I went over trying to catch that stupid bird???"  
  
Oak sighed, "I really dont care... the point is... it's not a pokemon... Just how many of these balls are filled with non-pokemons?"  
  
Gary made a mumbling noise. Oak glared at his grandson, "WELLLLL?"  
  
Gary sighed and said, "You might want to open that one right there..."  
  
Oak took the pokeball and opened it, and out stood a young boy of about 17, with long white hair, peircing eyes, and 2 dog like ears on the top of his head. "Ahhhh, that's MUCH better to be free!!!, Time to find Kagome!" And took off.  
  
Oak stared at the half demon as he left, and then back at Gary, and said, "Inu-Yasha... you captured Inu-Yasha? ... ... ... WHY???"  
  
Gary shruged, "I dunno... cause Goku was too hard to catch?"  
  
Oak sighed. "Well, how about it, what about this pokeball, whats in this one?"  
  
Gary's face got very serious, "Gramps DON'T open that one!"  
  
Oak looked at the ball, and asked, "Why... not? What's in... this one?"  
  
Gary made a rye face and said, "Well..." then makes a coughing noise.  
  
"Garyyyy." Oak said sternly and tapping his foot.  
  
Gary rolled his eyes and said, "One of the horsemen of the Apocolypes."  
  
Oak shook his head in disbelief, "Which one?"  
  
"Famine I think..." Gary said, "Look, I caught it on accident... just umm... dont let that one, and those other 3 balls to the right there free... it could be... umm... bad."  
  
Oak shook his head more in disbelief. "Gary, Gary, Gary... WHAT am i going to do with you?", Oak asked.  
  
"Oh come on..." Gary pleaded, "You can't punish me! It's not like anything BAD happened..."  
  
"Son... thats not the point... you see..." Oak started to explain, "In this world we must respect pokemon and people alike, thats how harmony... ... ... *sniff sniff* Do you smell that? Smells like something's burning..." Oak sniffed a few more times and quickly looked at Gary, "GARY! What did you feed Arcanine earlier today?"  
  
"Beans... Chili..." Gary said recalling, "Some Prunes... why do you ask?"  
  
"OH Dear God NO!!!" Oak said recoiling in horror. The professor quickly ran to the wall, yanked the fire extinguisher off the wall and took off to 'put the dog out'. "We'll talk about this LATER, young man!" Gary heard his grandfather yell after him.  
  
Gary stood there for a second and shrugged and looked at the camera and said, "If i was a betting man... I'd say my Gramps luck just... 'crapped' out!"  
  
Iris out on Gary's grinning face.  
  
THE END  
  
Oak walks back into the room, "Alright, thats a wrap. Good job Gary."  
  
"Thanks Gramps, kind of a wierd episode today though, wasnt it?" Gary said.  
  
"Yeah," Professor Oak agreed, "Well they had to throw something together, Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Team Rocket are all on vacation, so it was either, an episode staring just us... or just Tracey."  
  
Gary shuddered at the thought, "All Tracey episode... thats just a sick thought. Hey, all these guest stars we had today, any of them going to stick around for the wrap party?"  
  
Oak shrugged and said, "Not too many, the Juggernaut had to get going, something about making the little people pay, or something like that."  
  
Gary frowned, "Thats too bad, I do know one guest that IS staying... the Pumpkinmon."  
  
"Gary!" Oak said suprised, "I'm surprised you'd have no ill will towards the Digimon."  
  
"Nope," Gary said, "No ill will at all, he's the guest of honor... oh by the way... dessert tonight will be Pumpkinmon Pie... *ahem* I mean... Pumpkin Pie."  
  
Oak made a horrified face, "Thats just wrong..."  
  
Gary cackled and said, "Come on, lets go, HEY, INU-YASHA! You coming or what?"  
  
Inu-Yasha walked back into the room holding out his large sword, the testigua, which was now covered with blood. "Yep, all set" He said sheithing the blade, "I just had to get rid of that fire demon dog."  
  
Oak and Gary looked at each other confused, and Gary mouthed the words, "Fire... Demon... Dog...?" Then it hit him, "ARCANINE!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" And Gary ran out of the room.  
  
Professor Oak laughed loudly, "That was great, you scared the shit out of him!"  
  
The half demon grinned, "Yeah... that was great."  
  
"Yeah" Oak agreed, "You had me fooled too! Thats was a great prank!"  
  
Inu-Yasha looked confused, "Prank?"  
  
Oak: 'o' *Shocked Face*  
  
THE REAL END  
  
And another Quickie done. I hope everyone is enjoying them, because hopefully more will be coming. Please remember... just because you reviewed an OLD chapter doesnt mean you can't review a new one. It's allll part of the great circle of life. Old reviews become the grass that new reviews feed on... or something like that... All joking aside, thank you for taking time out to read my stories, I really do hope they brought a smile to your day. And remember, share your smile with someone that doesnt have one... I bet they return it! 


	4. Quickie 4: Supermarket Sweet

Explaination/Disclaimer: I dont really have anything to say here that haven't been said in the other 3 quickies. But... i do have to fill up this space with something. Hmm... Well... first, thank you for everyone that reviewed my story, and please keep those reviews coming. You know how it is in america, ...FIRST you get the reviews, then you get the money, then you get the women... THEN you get the POWER!" Ok... I think I've filled this space well enough. Please enjoy...  
  
Quickie #4: Supermarket Sweet  
  
Ash groaned slightly. Brock looked over at him, "Whats with you?"  
  
"I hate shopping," Ash complained, "I know we need supplies for the road, but we've been in this supermarket for an hour now."  
  
"We're almost done," Brock said, "Misty is getting ketchup for Pikachu, and... umm.. some... "Personal" items for herself, if you know what i mean."  
  
Ash: "Not a clue."  
  
Brock sighs and shakes his head and says, "Well ask her about it later if you want a broken head... or worse." Brock said, "Anyway, look if your bored, go buy the toothpaste ok?"  
  
"Oh, alright," Ash said walking away, "Hey, what kind?"  
  
Brock shrugged, "I dont care, just get a good kind, ok?"  
  
"Piece of cake!" Ash said walking off.  
  
Ash walked from one end of the store to the other, "Hmm... i wonder where they keep the toothpaste here..." Suddenly something delicious caught his nose, "Hey! FREE SAMPLES!"  
  
Ash took off to the cart offering free goodies. Behind the car stood a man with blue hair and glasses and a woman with red hair and shades. With them stood a 3 foot mascot of a corn dog. "Oh hi there young man," The lady said, "Would you like to try some of our re-fried, triple batter dipped, lightly salted all natural bite sized corn dogs?"  
  
"Sounds good!" Ash said.  
  
"Dey are!" The lil corn dog mascot said.  
  
"AND..." The blue haired man said, "They're low calories!"  
  
"Really?" Ash asked, "They dont sound it..."  
  
"Oh, they are!" He explained, "They're only 20 calories a serving!"  
  
"Wow!" Ash said, "How much is a serving?"  
  
"1/20th of a corn dog!" The woman explained.  
  
"Oh..." Ash said swearing he could hear a rimshot off in the distance, "Oh well, lemme try one..."  
  
After sampling a few, Ash was licking his fingers, "MAN! They are great!"  
  
"Well, we're glad you enjoyed your snack, but we have a nasty surprise for you." The lady said.  
  
"Yeah yeah," Ash said, taking another corn dog, "Your Team Rocket."  
  
Jessie, James and Meowth were taking off thier disguise when they heard Ash drop that bombshell. "Wha...?" They asked togehter. James cried out, "Wait.. you KNEW we were Team Rocket?"  
  
"Duh..." Ash said between bites, "Man, Woman, with hair likes yours, and a mini talking corn dog with an accent... not much of a disguise... but i do like the opposite pun you got going there... a MEWOTH in a corn DOG outfit... cute..."  
  
The trio of villians glared at the young boy, Meowth shook his head, and asked, "Wait... if ya KNEW who we were... why'd ya not say nothing?"  
  
"Cause..." Ash said shrugging his shoulders and taking another corn dog, "I wanted corn dogs..."  
  
Jessie looked at the young boy disgusted, "You... do realize what goes in those things, right?"  
  
"Dont care." Ash said deadpan and chewing.  
  
"Alright," James said, "You know why we're here..."  
  
Meowth chimed in, "And its NOT to give you corn dogs..."  
  
Ash nodded, "I know... but that was a nice extra." and he takes another one.  
  
"Alright twerp," Jessie said taking the plate away, "They're for all the customers. Besides, give us Pikachu, NOW!"  
  
"Dont have him." Ash said taking a napkin and cleaning his hands.  
  
Again, Team Rocket stared and went, "Wha..."  
  
"Where is he???" Jessie demanded.  
  
"I guess he's with Misty right now, she was getting ketchup... and personal items... whatever that means..."  
  
The trio stared. Ash continued, "It was something about napkins... but I dont know why Misty needs such special napkins, the ones you have here are just fine..."  
  
The trio blushed. Jessie yelled, "THAT'S ENOUGH! Look twerp, if you didnt have Pikachu, but you knew who we were... then why..."  
  
Ash interupted, "Corn dogs... remember?"  
  
Jessie growled, "Alright... come on guys... let's go find that red head..."  
  
"Umm... Jessie." James said.  
  
"WHAT?" Jessie asked loudly  
  
Meowth spoke up, blushing, "Jimmy and I cant go walking down no isle with yer womanly napkins."  
  
Jessie growled again, "That's it... I'm we're done here," She turned to face Ash, "Your lucky my cohorts are shy, or you'd be in big trouble... Team Rocket is... what would you call it?"  
  
James offered, "Fuming?"  
  
Jessie nodded, "Team Rocket is fuming off again!" And she stormed off with James and Meowth in tail.  
  
"HEY WAIT!" Ash yelled after them, "Leave the corn dogs at least! ...damnit... they're gone... they're were good tasting too... What was i suppose to be doing? Oh yeah... toothpaste..."  
  
Ash finally found the toothpaste isle. "Alright," he said to himself, "Toothpaste... i'll just grab a tube and go... and... HOLY CRAP!"  
  
Ash stared at the many shelves of toothpaste. "What the hell?" Ash asked himself, "There's got to be a hundred kinds here... What kind do i get?"  
  
Ash picks up a tube... "Cavity protection..." He reads, "Well... thats good... but wait..." He picks up another "Whitens Teeth... thats good too... which one is better?  
  
Ash puts them back. "Well this one is Total Protection... but does that offer as much Cavity protection as this Cavity Protection one? Hmmmm..."  
  
Ash scratches his head starting to feel overwhelmed. "Is Crest better then Aim? Or should i get Colgate? Colgate does have the 24 hour protection... but it doesnt have whitening, and Crest has Total WITH whitening, but how long do you think this lasts?"  
  
  
  
*MEANWHILE... in another part of the store.  
  
Brock and Misty are waiting around near the checkout counter. "What do you think is keeping Ash?" Brock asked, "He's been gone for an hour now."  
  
Misty asked, "Where'd he go?"  
  
Brock said, "Well he was bored so i had him go get toothpaste."  
  
Misty gasped in horror, "NO! You didnt! You know how Ash is when it comes to making decisions! Dont you remember when he told us when he had to choose from 3 pokemon to be his first one? That was only THREE to choose from... there's got to be a thousand different types there!"  
  
"Oh... damn..." Brock said realizing the problem, "We probably should go get him!"  
  
"Yeah! We gotta go right now..." Misty started to say but something caught her attention that caused her to say, "Oh... crap... never mind..."  
  
Brock stared and said, "Let's pretend we dont know him..."  
  
What they saw was Ash being forceablely removed from the store by two baggers. The young trainer was yelling, "Let me go! I HAD to knock the shelf over... it was MOCKING me!!!"  
  
Brock, Misty and Pikachu stared as thier friend was tossed on the curb. They stood there silent for a moment til finally...  
  
AND NOW THE PUNCHLINE....  
  
Brock said, "Well... Good thing i didnt ask him to pick out a shampoo too, huh?"  
  
Iris out on Misty shaking her head in pity and Pikachu doing the "V" symbol with its fingers.  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
Ash came walking back into scene, "Well, that was a pretty good episode..."  
  
"How can you say that?" Misty asked annoyed.  
  
"Yeah!" Brock agreed, "The whole episode was about you! I had like 4 lines in the whole show."  
  
"I had even less," Misty fumed, "Although you talked about my personal hygene products enough!!!"  
  
Ash shrugged, "Hey, is it MY fault that im the only one that sent the writer's a gift basket for Christmas?"  
  
Brock and Misty started coughing, but thier coughs sounded suspiciously like, "Kiss ass". Ash just made a face and said, "Yeah, real funny guys..." Suddenly Ash makes a very sick face.  
  
"Ash? You ok?" Misty asked concerned.  
  
"Ugh... all of a sudden... I feel sick..." Ash groans.  
  
"Oh no..." Brock says, "You didnt REALLY eat those corn dogs did you?"  
  
Ash: "Yeah... why?"  
  
"ASH!" Misty yelled, "You werent suppose to eat those for real!"  
  
"Why?" Ash asked, "We're they styrofoam or something?"  
  
Brock shook his head... "Worse... we got them from surplus from Carnival Cruise Lines!"  
  
  
  
THE REAL END  
  
***This Quickie is dedicated to the all the toothpaste companies out there who decided that the american consumers needed a thousand different varieties of toothpastes to choose from***  
  
  
  
Dunt dunt dunt... and another one bites the dust! Another Quickie comes to a close, but please do not feel sorrowful, because a new one is just around the corner. What to do in the meantime? Well, quite a few things...  
  
1. Review this chapter  
  
2. Read a Book (I suggest anything by Spider Robinson)  
  
3. Review the last chapter if you havnet done so already.  
  
4. Take a walk  
  
5. Review this chapter again.  
  
6. Solve the Riddle of the Sphinx  
  
7. Re-read the first two chapters and review them.  
  
8. Travel to Gothem City because the Penguin is on a rampage and only you can stop him.  
  
9. Drag the Penguin back to your computer, force him to read my story and make him review it.  
  
Ok, ok, time to be serious, thank you for reading my story, and i hope you enjoyed it. The way i look at it, as long as it makes a few people laugh, its worth the time to write them. I'll see you next time, til then... remember, be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you! 


	5. Quickie 5: Sappy Valentine's Day!

Explaination/Diclaimer: THIS SPACE FOR RENT  
(I absolutely LOVE you if you get this follow joke!)  
  
*SOUTH JERSEY SHORE... ASYLUM (???)  
  
"GENTLEMEN... BEHOLD!" The professor said forcefully, then more calmly, "I caught an electrode."  
  
The assistant looks at the giant orb pokemon and says, "Hey, congratulations sir..."  
  
"Now, stick this pole up its ass, just like how it happened to me!!! Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!" The professor ordered.  
  
"Sir, i dont think you should say such things, electrodes explod...."  
  
*KA-BOOOM!!!* (we hear the professor and assistant scream *aughhh*)  
  
And now we are treated to the pokemon theme song, and the title appearing...  
  
(Again, if you got this previous joke... i salute you, and if you didnt... sighs... your missing out!.)  
  
Quickie #5: Valentines Day Episode  
  
Announcer: Its Febuary 14, and our favorite trio is heading into a brand new town. What adventures will be in store for them? Just wait and see!"  
  
The trio are walking into the town having an interesting conversation. "Ash.." Brock says, "Give it up..., your crazy!"  
  
"I'm not crazy!" Ash protested, "I'm just saying it'd be cool to catch one!"  
  
Misty shook her head, "You ARE crazy, you know that?"  
  
"Just because i have big dreams," Ash replies, "Doesnt mean I'm crazy."  
  
"Its not that..." Misty argues, "Its because your talking about catching something that doesnt exhist!"  
  
"Its not PROVEN that they dont exhist." Ash says, "I mean, take a look around, they're images of them EVERYWHERE!"  
  
Brock shook his head, "Ash, i dont care how many pictures you see of them, they're just a mythology."  
  
Ash: "You know... everyone thought that Lugia was just a myth until we saw it."  
  
"Thats not what i meant" Brock says, "I mean they really ARE mythology, Greek, i believe... the point is, Cupids DON'T exhist."  
  
Ash sighed, "I STILL say it'd be cool to catch one. Imagine how powerful it's charm attack must be!"  
  
Misty grinned and asked Ash, "Oh yeah? And just who would you try and charm?"  
  
Ash blushed, and stammered, but tried to think of a good response. But he was saved by having to say anything by Brock yelling "OOOOohhhhhh!"  
  
Ash and Misty spun around quickly, "Whats the matter?" They asked in unison.  
  
"Ohhhhh" Brock answered, "Cupids DO exhist because my heart has been pierced by one of its arrows..." and he quickly rushes over to Officer Jenny who had just stopped on her motorcycle.  
  
Ash sighed, "He's hopeless."  
  
Misty agreed. The two stood their, embaressed for thier friend as they overheard part of Brock's love struck pitch. They overheard something about "Angel Eyes, and he's got the Devil's pitchfork..."  
  
The whole embaressing situation came to a close with a loud SLAP!!! Officer Jenny sped away, leaving Brock lying on his back, his cheek bright red with the imprint of a hand on it. Ash and Misty walked over to their friend and offered him a hand up.  
  
Ash sighed, "Geez Brock, you gotta control yourself... this is EXACTLY why we're not allowed in Disney World..."  
***FLASHBACK...  
  
"Ooooooooh!" Brock cried out, "There's just too many princesses to choose from!" And he rushed off and embraced Jasmine. "Ohhh my desert flower, you've made my love for you bloom."  
  
*SLAP*  
  
Brock staggers over and cries to another one, "Pocohontas, you've raised my tee pee, and i hope i can be the one to conquer your virgin fronteer!"  
  
*PUNCH*  
  
Brock dizzily walks over to yet another one... "Oh Sleep Beauty, your even more wonderful awake, but if you must fall asleep, might you not be more comfortable with me as your Teddy Bear? I'm very squeezable!"  
  
*STONE COLD STUNNER*  
  
Sleepy Beauty yells out, "OH HELL YEAH!" and stands up on a park bench, and someone tosses her a two cans of coke. She cracks them open, slams them together and downs them together and gives everyone watching the bird.  
  
***BACK TO THE MAIN STORY...  
  
"ASH!" Misty cried out, "If your GOING to tell the story... tell it right!"  
  
Ash shrugs, "Sorry... sorry..."  
  
Misty continues, "Besides, HE'S not the only reason why we're not allowed in Disney World anymore... REMEMBER???"  
  
Ash blushes... and Misty continues the...  
  
***FLASHBACK...  
  
"Sir..." A park representative said to Ash, "We hate to cause a fuss, but that wasn't a pokemon you just caught, and you really must release him..."  
  
"No way!" Ash cried out, "Your crazy, how often do you get a chance to catch a flying Phanphy?"  
  
"Ash!" Misty said angrily, "That WANS'T a flying Phanphy, that was Dumbo!"  
  
"HEY!" Ash said defensively, "Dont you insult my pokemon like that!"  
  
Before Misty could say anything in response, they heard Brock shriek loudly, and he stumbles into the scene and falls down. He struggles to get up and we hear a tiny voice yell from off camera, "He's defiled Snow White, get him!!!"  
  
And the seven dwarfs swarm Brock, who struggle to get them off him. "I'm sorry!" Brock wails, throwing Dopey off him, "Leave me alone!"  
  
Grumpy growls, "Because of you, she's OFF White now!"  
  
Doc: "The eyeless one must die!!!"  
  
***Scene change back to the present...  
  
"Those little bastards were evil." Brock said, "I still have a scar where that one bit me... 'Bashful'... yeah right!"  
  
"I should have tried to catch one when i had the chance..." Ash lamented.  
  
Misty sighed, "Yeah, which one would you have caught? The narcaleptic? Or allergenic one? Or the... "special" one?"  
  
"Actually, i was going to go after the enraged one..." Ash explained.  
  
"They were ALL pretty enraged at the time!" Brock exclaimed.  
  
"Well thats YOUR fault..." Misty repremanded, "If only you could control yourself a little better we'd..."  
  
Brock interupted, yelling, "WOOHOO!" and took off after a Nurse Joy who was bending over petting her Chansey.  
  
Misty just made a hmmph'ing noise. "Hey Mist..." Ash whispered, "I'll bet that Nurse Joy maces him."  
  
"No way," Misty said, "She's definately going to kick him in the balls."  
  
"Nah, Office Jenny maybe," Ash disagreed, "But not Nurse Joy, Brock's going to get a face full of mace!"  
  
"Nope." Misty disagreed back, "He'll get it the nuts."  
  
"I'll bet you a dinner tonight that I'm right!" Ash offered, "If im right, you have to take me to dinner!"  
  
"Alright! And if I'm right, YOU have to take ME to dinner!" Misty countered.  
  
The two teens blushed. (Author's note: Yes, i know its a comedy, but what's a valentine's day episode without at least a tiny little bit of romance?)  
  
And while blushing they were muttering...  
  
Ash: "Come onnn Nurse Joy... take out that mace..."  
  
Misty: "Go for the groin... come on... you know you want to!"  
  
Suddenly, after hearing Brock's comment on, "I'm a pokemon breeder... would you like me to show you some tips on human breeding?"Nurse Joy reached into her purse, and pulled out a stun gun and zapped Brock right in the chest. The Rock trainer screamed and fell over onto a nearby couch.  
  
"Augh damnit!" Misty said.  
  
Ash groaned too, "A stun gun? Damn... never saw that coming!"  
  
They walked over to Brock laying there on the couch, half dazed and twitching. "He's going no where soon..." Ash said.  
  
"Nope..." Misty replies.  
  
"Well..." Ash says blushing, "Since neither of us won... How about I just treat to dinner?"  
  
"Ooooo." Misty said blushing, "Asking me out for Valentines day?"  
  
"Ummmm..." Ash said nervously.  
  
Misty let him off the hook, "Come on then, let's go!" And took Ash by the hand and led him out of the Pokemon Center. While walking Misty blushed and though, "How sweet, he really does care! This is so romantic!"  
  
Ash thought, "It's Valentines Day???"  
  
Iris out in the shape of a heart on Pikachu, holding a bottle of ketchup. "Pika!"  
THE END  
  
Brock sits up on the couch, and Misty and Ash walk back into the scene. "Hey, that was a pretty good one." Ash said.  
  
"Yeah," Misty agrees, "No complaints here!"  
  
"Oh yeah, no complaints," Brock said bitterly, "You two get each other, and poor old Brock gets a stun gun!"  
  
"In fairness..." Ash says, "That really was a Tazer, not a Stun gun."  
  
"Oh, well that makes it MUCH better." Brock replies saracastically, but then he gets up and says, "Well, time to get going, you two got any plans for Valentines day?"  
  
Ash and Misty blush, and Misty says, "Well, Ash is going to try and make dinner for me tonight."  
  
Brock laughs and says, "Oh, how sweet Ash..." Then leans in and whispers to Misty, "Make sure you have a fire extinguisher near... if he dies, the show ends!"  
  
"Oh, ha... ha... ha..." Ash says blandly, "You're histerical."  
  
Misty nudges Ash and says, "Cheer up... anyway, you got any plans Brock?"  
  
Brock smiles and says, "Yeah, i have to get going, I got a date with Sailor Moon."  
  
"Isnt she drawn too detailed for you?" Misty asked.  
  
"Misty..." Brock said grinning, "its the little details that really perk my interest!".  
  
THE REAL END  
  
Happy Valentines Day everyone. I hope everyone enjoyed my valentine's day gift to you all. I hope it brought a smile and a laugh to your day. Well this is the fifth quickie... I hope everyone is still enjoying these stories. One way to let me know if your enjoying this series is to place a review... nudge nudge, hint hint, a nod's the same as a wink to a blind bat, you know what i mean, you know what i mean, say no more, say no more!  
  
(I love you if you got THAT joke too!)  
  
Seriously, I hope everyone is enjoying these so far, because im having a ball writing them. So until next time... like one cow said to the other as they headed off to the slaughter house... til next we meat! (Hopefully in about a week) 


	6. Quickie 6: A Midsummer's Nightmare

Quickie #6: A Midsummer's Nightmare  
Explaination/Diclaimer: Be Afraid... Be VERY Afraid.  
70's music starts to play...  
  
Brock sings, "Who's the white private dick that's a sex machine for all the chicaritas?"  
  
Misty sings: "Ash!"  
  
"Your damn right..." Brock sings, "Who's the trainer that wont cop out when there's danger all about?"  
  
Misty: "Ash!"  
  
"Ohhhh yeahhhh..." Brock continues, "You know... I hear that Ash is one bad mother..."  
  
Misty interupts, "SHUT your mouth!!!"  
  
Brock: "I'm just talking about Ash..."  
  
Misty: "I can dig it..."  
  
Brock continues, "No one understands him but his pikachuuuuu..."  
  
And Pikachu struts across the screen wearing a large afro.  
  
THIS NIGHTS EPISODE... ENTER... THE BAT!  
  
"Oh no!" Misty shrieks, "Above you Ash!"  
  
From atop a four-story buidling, a dark-skined man in a cape leaps down on Ash, grabbing him and hissing. Ash grapples with the man, and the man opens his mouth and bares his fangs.  
  
"Oh no!" Brock yells, "It's 70's B-Movie, explotation star, Blacula!"  
  
Blacula hisses and says, "Blahhhhh!!... (then in a deep voice) baby"  
  
***End Dream Sequence...***  
  
Ash sits up, shaking his head... "Damn... I have to stop eating all those cheeseburgers with onions before i go to bed!"  
  
Ash whips the sweat off his forehead, and notices that Misty isnt doing resting well at all. "It looks like Misty is having a nightmare too!"  
***Misty's Nightmare***  
  
Its a sunny day, and our trio is eating lunch beside a beautiful lake. Misty was play with Togepi. Suddenly, Togepi started to glow a bright white color. "Oh my gosh!" Misty said, "ASH!!! Brock! Come here quickly!"  
  
Brock and Ash raced over, "Whats up?"  
  
"I think Togepi is evolving!" Misty said happily.  
  
Sure enough, the young baby pokemon was evolving. All that love and training paid off and it was changing and growing up. But to Misty horror, Togepi started to grow larger in size. She dropped it and it continued to enlarge.  
  
Misty, Ash and Brock backed up as Togepi grew 20 feet tall and started growing extra limbs. When the transformation was complete, Misty was horrified to see that Togepi evolved into a 20 foot tall spider! Complete with 8 hairly legs, multiple eyes, and large pincers.  
  
Togepi reared back its head and let out a large bellow. Misty started to scream, "ASH!!! What the F*@%!!! What happened to Togepi?"  
  
Ash shruged and said, "Misty... Togepi's evolve into Tarantulas."  
  
Brock looks at Ash. Ash realizes what he said and changes it, "Ummm... i mean, Tarantulamon. Yeah... thats more marketable."  
  
Brock asks, "Didnt you know about that?"  
  
Misty shrieks, "NO!!!"  
  
"You know," Brock muses, "I wondered why you were raising Togepi since you hate bugs so much! You just didnt know."  
  
Ash sighed, "I guess you dont know the second half."  
  
"What second half?" Misty asked panically.  
  
"Well, your Tarantulamon's mother, so that mean you have the honor being it's first meal!" Ash explains, "Congrats!"  
  
Misty shrieked again, "WHAT???"  
  
"You're surprised," Brock asked, "Didnt you wonder why you never heard of anyone raising Togepis? They're pretty much a death sentence."  
  
Tarantulamon, (By the way kids, you can buy your very own Tarantulamon plush toy online for only 45 dollars! No need to ask mom and dad, just get thier credit card, they won't miss it!), Tarantulamon was done with all talking. It reared back and lowered its head down and swallowed Misty whole.  
  
***End Misty's Dream Sequence***  
  
Misty wakes up with a start. Ash says in a calming voice, "Easy Misty... you were having a dream. You ok?"  
  
Misty shakes her head, "Man i had a horrible dream... and you were there... and Brock was there. And Pikachu was there. And Togepi was there... that little ungrateful bastard, i swear to god if it ever turns ino a giant spider and tries to kill me..."  
  
Ash shakes his head and asks, "You ok Misty?"  
  
Misty says, "Yeah..."  
  
Ash grinned and asked, "Hey, if i was there, and brock was there, and pikachu was there... was an elderly rapper woman there?"  
  
"What?" Misty asked confused.  
  
"Oh you know," Ash explains, his grin widening, "Auntie Eminem."  
  
Misty growls and reaches for her mallet. But something stops her. Well, someone really. Brock, who also seems to be having a vivid dream, started yelling, "Ohhhhhhh Office Jenny, I dont have a tounge depressor, but i have something else that might work!!!"  
  
Ash and Misty just make a 'feh' noise at Brock.  
  
***Brock's Dream Sequence***  
The trio of trainers are heading down into Pewter City. "Oh," Brock says, "It's so good to be home!"  
  
Misty smiles, "Cant wait to see your family?"  
  
"No," Brock says, "Its not that, its that, no matter how many pokemon centers we go to, the prettiest Nurse Joy can only be found here! Its been so long since i've seen her."  
  
Ash shakes his head, "Brock... they all look alike!"  
  
"Oh, thats only because you dont have the refined tastes that i have," Brock says, charging into the Pokemon Center.  
  
He rushes up to the desk, and starts gushing, "Oh my lovely Joy, how i have dreamt of you every night i've been away, I always... ..." Brock stops and stares with his mouth open, then stammers, "What... Who? Who are...? But..." Then finally sputters out, "You're NOT Nurse Joy!!!"  
  
A young blonde man behind the desk smiled and said, "Nope, im not... I'm Nurse Alex."  
  
"But... but... where's Nurse Joy?" Brock asked.  
  
"Oh," Nurse Alex replied, "All the Nurse Joy's have retired, so me all my cousins and brothers, (who also are named Alex) have taken over being the nurses at these Pokemon Centers... and if you dont mind me saying, your pretty cute!"  
  
Brock wailed in horror and rushed out the door of the Pokemon Center, nearly crushing Ash and Misty. "This is crazy!" Brock said, "They... they cant do this... this is worst then that movie that Disney made!"  
  
*SCENE CHANGE TO THE NEW DISNEY MOVIE TRAILER*  
  
*************  
  
Warning: This preview is not sutible for any viewers, espsecially those that came up with the idea of Cinderella 2, Little Mermaid 2, and Hunchback of Notre Dame 2, becuase you might take this seriously and actually make this for real!!!  
  
*************  
  
Prince Charming lays his bride down on the bed. He slowly strips down her down, planning to enjoy his wedding night. But when he takes off the panties, he's greeted by a horrible surprise!  
  
Next scene we see Prince Charming in the shower bawling and scrubbing himself, the music in the background playing "I know all about the crying game..."  
  
Announcer: "This Summer, come to theaters everywhere, "Cinderfella"... ... Its a classic romance... with a twist that proves the Pen-is mighter then the sword!"  
  
*SCENE CHANGE BACK TO BROCK'S NIGHTMARE*  
  
Brock shudders at the memories. He rushes up to a squad car and bangs on the window. "Officer Jenny! You have to come out, its horrible!!!" Brock yells frantically.  
  
The squad car opens, but Officer Jenny doesnt exit, instead out comes a burly looking man. Brock's face turns ghastly in horror. "Who... who... are you?" Brock stammers.  
  
"I'm Officer Bruce. We're replacing all the Nurse Joys."  
  
Brock drops down to the ground wailing, "Nooooooooo!"  
  
Officer Bruce shrugs and says, "Hey, your lucky, we were almost all replaced by those things... good thing they malfuction..." Bruce points over to a tall mechanical Office Jenny.  
  
RoboJenny: (in a robotic voice): "I am a Robocop prototype rip-off. I am here to serve and protect the innocent." Then her eyes turn red and yells, "DESTROY!!! DESTROY INNOCENT!!!" And then pulls out two large guns and blows Brock away...  
  
***End Brock's Dream Sequence***  
  
Brock leaps out of bed screaming. "WHY JENNY, WHYYYY?"  
  
Ash and Misty glance and Brock. "You ok Brock?" Ash asked.  
  
"Did you have a nightmare too?" Misty asked.  
  
Brock shakes his head no, "No, same old dream i always have."  
  
(We interupt this story in order to tell you that if you are the type of person who are prone to rolling thier eyes, this is the time to do it. That last joke has been rated a 5.7 on the rolling-eye richter scale. This public service announcement was brought to you by the N.A.E.R.B... North American Eye Rollers Board)  
  
Ash glances down at Pikachu, "Hey... looks like Pikachu is having a dream too... How's that for a segway?"  
  
***Pikachu's Dream Sequence***  
  
Pikachu, alone in the world, is running down the street. Sweat dripping from its brow. He held a box of Pokemon Chow in its hand. It ran down yelling, "Pikachu Pi!! Pikachu Pi!"  
  
Which in pokemon means, "Pokemon chow is made of people!"  
  
A horrible discovery that it made when its friends, Ash, Misty, and Brock were captured, and before the yellow pokemon's own eyes, they were skinned, chopped up, dried, and turned into the very box of pokemon food it held in its hand.  
  
Now, frantic, Pikachu had to spread the word. "Pikachu Pi! Pikachu Pi!!!" It cried as it ran down the street, until it ran into a Snubull.  
  
Snubull: "Snub snub, bull... bull, snubbull, snub!" (Oh no!!! Made of people??? What should we do???")  
  
Pikachu: "Pi." (nothing)  
  
Snubull: *shocked* "Snub snubull???" (Nothing? But...?)  
  
Pikachu grins evily and pops a few pokemon pellets from the box into his mouth. "Pikachu, chu, pika chupi pikachupi." (I just wanted to let you know what gives it that awesome taste... heh, heh, heh)  
  
Pikachu continues to chow down as Snubull watches in shock.  
  
***Back in reality***  
  
"Man..." Ash says, "Pikachu seems to be having a great dream. Look at him grin!"  
  
Misty smiles and says, "He's probably thinking about food or something..."  
  
Pikachu's grin grows even wider. Tomorrow, it'll try out a brand new recipe that came to it in a dream.  
  
*Iris out on Pikachu's evil grin*  
  
THE END  
  
"Hey!" Ash said, "That was a pretty good one!"  
  
"Yeah!" Brock agreed, "We sleep, and they film us! Not so bad, to get paid for that!"  
  
Misty looked around.  
  
"Is something wrong Mist?" Ash asked.  
  
"I dont know..." Misty said, "Do you remember my dream sequence?"  
  
"Yeah." Brock said, "Mine was funnier."  
  
"Yeah yeah..." Misty said sarcastically.  
  
"What about it?" Ash asked.  
  
"Well..." MIsty asked, "What happened to the giant mechanical spider we used?"  
  
Ash and Brock glanced at each other. "Ummmm... Didnt props take it?"  
*MEANWHILE IN SOUTH PARK  
  
"So tell me again," Stan asked, "Why do we need to find a large dark chicken?"  
  
Cartman made a 'duh' noise and said, "Because Chef said that the best way to attract girls is a giant black pecker!"  
  
Kenny started to speak up when a giant leg stepped down and crushed him, splatter blood everywhere. Stan, Kyle and Cartman stared open mouth at this giant Tartantulamon that just squished thier friend.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!" Stan cried out, "They killed Kenny!!!"  
  
"YOU BASTARDS!!!" Kyle yelled.  
  
Meanwhile, controling the giant spider... "YES Pinky!" Brain declared, "With this giant pokemon, today we take down South Park... Tomorrow, Seasame Street, and then, the WORLD!!!"  
  
Music: "They're dinky... they're Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain!!!"  
  
Suddenly a giant pokeball catches the spider. Brain: "Drat."  
THE REAL END  
  
Alright, another one is done. The ending went off on a tanget, but a good review would be a Sign that you liked my angle. Of course if you are reading with a friend feel free to cosign. Then after reviewing, go have a nice slice of Pi. And if you go to Hogwarts,, change yourself into a Dutch Elm and say "Geometry" (better to say that pun out loud).  
  
Ok ok, thats enough lollygagging. I hope you enjoyed this one, thank you for reading. I will try and post a new one up soon. 


	7. Quickie 7: More PUNishment

Explanation/Disclaimer: I know I've not done one for a while, just be glad these stories aren't exactly cliffhangers! Truth is, I've been busy with work. You would think that since I haven't done one of these for a while, this story would be pure gold... bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha... *evil grin*  
* Quickie #7: More PUNishment *  
It was a beautiful sunny day in Port St. Claire. The sun was shining, the sky was clear, the smell of the ocean was delicious, and a new pokemon center was opening up today. And as any trainer knows, to be the first trainer to challenge a new gym is incredibly good luck.  
  
Unfortunately, Ash and company weren't anywhere near Port St. Claire, they were in a small town called Englewood, and it was being pelted by rain and hail. The gang managed to find shelter in a pokemon center where they stayed dry, but after 2 days of non-stop rain...  
  
"I'm bored!!!" Ash complained.  
  
Misty made a 'tsk' noise and asked, "Well why don't you read something?"  
  
"Because...." Ash said, "There hasn't been a new pokemon quickie put up for over 2 weeks."  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it," Misty scoffed, "That lazy bastard, I just bet you his next one will have some excuse like he was busy with work or something."  
  
Brock took out some cards, "Come on Ash... wanna play?"  
  
Ash grinned and said, "Sure... i can deal with that!"  
  
Misty winced, because she knew what was going to happen. Some how she had this odd feeling that this was punishment for her earlier comment about the author of the quickies.  
  
Brock smiled and said, "Alright, don't shuffle your feet, get over here so i can beat you."  
  
Ash quickly countered, "Please, I'm ace at cards."  
  
"Yeah right, you don't know Jack about cards!" Brock quickly shot back.  
  
Misty made a coughing noise and said, "Alright, that's enough."  
  
Ash feigned surprise, "You mustn't have a heart to say something like that!"  
  
Brock didn't bat an eye and replied, "Just calling a spade a spade!"  
  
Ash: "I should club you!"  
  
Brock: "Well, its like they say in Jamaica. do it and you'll diamond!"  
  
Misty nearly shrieked at that one, and Ash clearly was shaken, Pikachu took Togepi by the hand walked away, "Pikachu pi pika pipichu pika." (You're too young to hear this... it'll scar you for life)  
  
Ash was shaken but tried not to show it and said, "Please, I'd fold you like a towel if you tried!"  
  
"Ah, not even if you were twenty-one." Brock laughed.  
  
"I'd whip you so badly that your ante and uncle would feel it!" Ash countered.  
  
"Please stop." Misty begged.  
  
"I'd cut you."  
  
"I'd deck you!"  
  
"Please stop." Misty begged a little more severely.  
  
"I'm the king of fighting, you'd go down!" Brock declared.  
  
"More like the queen of fighting" Ash countered.  
  
"GRRRRRR..." Misty started growling in annoyance.  
  
"Sounds like Misty is going to put up her deuce and fight ya." Brock said really straining for that pun.  
  
"Nah, I'd poker!" Ash said with a grin.  
  
Misty was just about to explode in anger when...  
  
"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE" Declared an outside voice  
  
"Yes! And make it double!" The other male voice replied.  
  
Misty sighed in relief, "Oh thank you lord!"  
  
Ash looked at the new guests and said to Brock, "I think this room has just become a full house."  
  
Misty groaned, realizing she spoke too soon.  
  
In a puff of smoke Jessie, James, and Meowth of Team Rocket appear, and finish there motto. Let's skip ahead, shall we?  
  
"Toprotecttheworldfromdevestationtounitallpeoplewithinournationtodenouncethe evilsoftruthandlovetoextendourreachtothestarsabovejessiejamesteamrocketblast soffatthespeedoflightsurrendernoworpreparetofightdonttellmeyouactuallyreadth isjibberish?"  
  
"TEAM ROCKET!" Ash, Misty and Brock yelled at once.  
  
James grinned, "I love how they yell that every time."  
  
Jessie made an ill face, "I don't feel so good... i hate being fast forwarded..."  
  
Meowth pushed on Jessie's legs, "Well if your going to get ill, don't stand right rewind me!"  
  
James made a 'tut' noise, and said, "Meowth, get your pause off her!"  
  
Misty growled and picked up Pikachu, and said, "Look, I'll GIVE you Pikachu if you'll just stop punning!"  
  
Ash grabbed Pikachu back, and snapped, "Misty!"  
  
Misty blushed, "Sorry." she said sheepishly.  
  
"You three can just get out of here, because there's no way I'm going to give you Pikachu." Ash yelled.  
  
"Then we'll just have to take it," Jesse said, "Go ARBOK!"  
  
Ash gritted his teeth, "Alright Pikachu, its time to play fifty two pickup! THUNDERBOLT!!!"  
  
Pikachu released a powerful blast of electricity, driving back the snake pokemon into its trainer, then for some unknown reason, they all blew up, and flew up into the horizon.  
  
***Meanwhile, in mid-flight  
  
Jessie: "Looks like we got a raw deal!"  
  
James: "I see what you mean, cause we're getting raised!"  
  
All: "Looks like team rocket is blasting off againnnnnnnnnnn!!!"  
  
***Meanwhile, back at the center...  
  
"Alright, alright," Brock says, "You win."  
  
"Of course!" Ash says doing the V for victory thing.  
  
"If you ask me, you're BOTH losers!" Misty moaned.  
  
***Meanwhile, Team Rocket having just crash landed...  
  
James moans, "I think I landed on my keys..."  
  
***Meanwhile, at the center...  
  
"Hey look" Ash says, "I think..."  
  
***Meanwhile, Team Rocket...  
  
"...so that's why Chinese people have so many children." Jessie explained  
  
Meowth nodded and said, "Ohh... I thought it was cause..."  
  
*Meanwhile, the center...  
  
"...pickles..."  
  
***Meanwhile, Team Rocket...  
  
"...holes..."  
  
***Meanwhile, The Center...  
  
"...I think..."  
  
***Meanwhile, Team Rocket...  
  
"...there's something..."  
  
***Meanwhile, The Center...  
  
"...wrong with..."  
  
***Meanwhile, Team Rocket...  
  
"...the cameras!"  
)))))))"THE END"(((((((  
  
"CUT!!!" A voice yells.  
  
"What the hell happened there?" Ash yelled out.  
  
A voice from off screen yelled, "Sorry Ash, the circuit board malfunctioned and things went haywire."  
  
"Oh come on!" Brock complained, "We had the funniest joke ever lined up!"  
  
"Yeah!" Misty said, "The priest was about to walk in, and I had the rubber chicken ready!"  
  
"I'm sorry," the off screen voice said, "Nothing we can do about it!"  
  
"Alright fine... but YOU have to go tell the Jamaican Bobsled team why they came all the way here, and now they aren't going to be part of the greatest punchline ever shown on TV, DVD, or Fanfiction.net!" Ash said sternly.  
  
The trio stormed off the set muttering.  
  
"Can you believe that?" Ash said annoyed.  
  
"That's just incredible." Misty complained, "Last week our punchline was ruined by the sprinkler system going off, and this week its camera problems... you think we'd get our act together!"  
  
Brock agreed, "All the technical problems here, you NEVER hear about this stuff happening on the sets of "Inu-Yasha" or "Dragonball"!  
  
***MEANWHILE... on Dragonball Z's set...  
  
"You will be sorry the day that you crossed swords with a TRUE Sayian..." Vagita says loudly, "prepare yourself!"  
  
Suddenly we hear a loud SNAP, a couple of "oh shits!" and a second later, a stage light falls and lands on top of the Dragonball Z character.  
  
"Oh my god!" Pu'arr yells, "You killed Vagita!"  
  
"You BASTARDS!" Oolong yells next.  
))))))"The REAL End"(((((((  
  
Alright, that's it, that's the end. Hope you enjoyed. Now as a little treat, time to play a quick game. Simon says, "Touch your finger to your nose." Good. Now, Simon Says, "Stick your tongue out at the monitor." great! Now... Simon says, "Go give this chapter a review!". Go on... you know the rules of the game. Alright alright, a cheap trick, admittedly. All kidding aside, thanks for reading my story, and i do hope you enjoyed it, there will be another one out, sooner then later, i hope. Have a good day, see ya.  
  
Now, get out of here, show's over...  
  
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...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
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...  
  
...Still here? Very good!!!! *ahem* Simon SAYSSS, "Go on, get out of here, show's over." 


	8. Quickie 8: St Patty's Day Special?

Alright, before we get started... the last quickie was filled with card puns. I really thought I did a pretty good job doing it, but I will admit when I am outclassed.  
  
Dragoness posted this review: "*^.^*; That was a quite a lot of PUNishment...Heheh poor Misty...Poor us...Poor you for writing it...Lol *^.^*; Weels... I'll be looking for the next hand whenever that may be...and whatever little insanities you deal out next time.. *^.^*;; Heheh, now I think I'll go fish around for something else to do instead of sitting here like an old maid waiting for your crazy 8th chapter...*u Alright I'm stopping already. Tat's all! *^_^*;"  
  
*Applaudes Dragoness.* Like I said, I admit when I'm bested, and Dragoness definately had the pun of the day with her old maid and crazy 8th chapter pun. *Tips my hat*  
  
Thanks for the review Dragoness, and thank you to EVERYONE who reviewed my stories, its people like you that definately make writing these quickies even more fun to do!  
  
Alright with out further adu... (Adu is a anicent greek word for sucking up) I present the 8th chapter/quickie  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
Explaination/Disclaimer: Abadon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here...  
  
Quickie 8 St. Patrick's Day Special  
  
"Hey look!" Misty said her eyes twinkling, "Over there! Look at the size of that rainbow!"  
  
"Wow! Cool!" Ash said  
  
"You know," Brock said staring at it, "There's an old legend that says that at the end of a rainbow, you find a huge pot of gold guarded by Leprecauhns."  
  
"That'd be cool to find!" Ash says.  
  
"Yeah, imagine what you could do with all that gold!" Misty said dreaming.  
  
"Gold?" Ash asked, "I meant the Leprechauns, I'd catch one of them!"  
  
"They're NOT pokemon Ash!" Brock replied.  
  
"I know that... but imagine if they were!" Ash grinned, "They'd be so powerful!"  
  
"I guess..." Brock said.  
  
"But what type would they be?" Misty wondered  
  
Ash shrugged and said, "Oh that's easy, they'd probably be a fighting type."  
  
"What makes you say that...?" Misty asked.  
CHOOSE YOUR OWN PUNCHLINE...  
  
a) Ash smiled and replied, "They'd probably be masters of drunken boxing."  
  
or...  
  
b) Ash then said"Havent you ever been near a bar near St. Patty's day... enough said!!!"  
  
or...  
  
c) Ash made a rye face and replied, "Just take a look at Notre Dame's mascot."  
  
THIS ENDS YOUR CHANCE TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN PUNCHLINE...  
  
Misty just rolled her eyes and said, "You'll next tell me they're water types."  
  
Ash looked confused, "Huh?"  
  
"Well, instead of water gun attack, it would have the green beer attack!" Misty joked.  
  
"Yeah..." Brock laughed and asked, "What end does that attack come from? Top or bottom?"  
  
"Eww!" Ash and Misty replied.  
  
"You know..." Misty said thoughtfully, "These jokes would have been funnier if this was done closer to St. Patty's Day."  
  
Ash and Brock nodded.  
  
Brock checked his watch for the calender, "Yeah, this story's just a bit out of date, seeing that its Easter!"  
  
"Hmmm..." Ash said, "We should do an Easter episode then..."  
  
"That's Egg-xactly my thoughts!" Brock said.  
  
"No Yoke!"Ash agreed.  
  
"STOP!!!" Misty yelled, "Your going to turn me into a basket-case!"  
  
Ash and Brock stared at her. "Ohmygod!" Misty gasped turning bright red, "It's catching!!!"  
  
After a moment Misty composed herself and said, "We did a puns episode last week, so we dont have to do another one this year... jeez, im walking on egg-shells here... GASP!!!"  
  
Ash grinned.  
  
"I didnt mean that!" Misty covered her ears with her hands, "La la la la la la la la... its not catching, no no no!"  
  
After Misty stopped, there was a long pause of silence.  
  
Finally Brock broke the silence, "Well... since we're now doing an Easter Episode, it kinda makes you wonder what kind of attacks the Easter Bunny would have..."  
  
"Thats just silly, the Easter Bunny doesnt exist." Ash replied  
  
Togepi started to cry.  
  
"ASH!!!" Misty scolded, then whispered.  
  
"OOPS!" Ash said flushing, then trying to retract his statement, "Ummm... I mean, it USED to exist!"  
  
"ASH!!!!!" Misty yelled louder.  
  
"It still exists today... even if you never see what it looks like..." Ash said stammering trying to fix what he said.  
  
"ASH!!!!!!" Misty screamed as Togepi cried harder.  
  
"Umm... you cant see it... cause its a ghost! Yeah!" Ash finished, thinking he came up with a good explanation.  
  
Togepi cried even harder at that thought.  
  
"Ash!!! SIT!!!" Misty yelled loudly, and Ash crashed hard to the ground. Although that wasnt due to any magic... it was due to a mallet to his head. "God Damnit" Misty yelled furiously, "You dont know when to shut your F- (BLEEP!) -ing mouth!"  
  
Misty comforted Togepi until it stopped crying and went to sleep.  
  
"So... anyway..." Brock continued, "Without causing massive trauma or concussions, what attacks would the Easter Bunny have?"  
  
"Well," Ash said, "It would have to have high jump kick..."  
  
"Yeah... and Present!" Misty agreed and added.  
  
"Egg Bomb would be a good one too!" Ash continued.  
  
Brock meanwhile was laughing his ass off. "Whats so funny?" Ash and Misty asked.  
  
"I wasnt serious! I just wanted to see if I could get you two to talk about pokemon attacks and the Easter Bunny" Brock doubled over laughing, "Damn you two are retards!"  
  
Ash glared at him and said to Misty, "Do your magic."  
  
"Brock..." Misty said sternly, "SIT!!!"  
  
And again, the power of 'Sit' plus the use of a heavy mallet caused it's victim to crash painfully to the ground. "I wonder if anyone is going to get this reference." Misty wondered.  
  
"Somewhere... someone will." Ash said gazing off into the horizon, in a serious kind of way, "And for that lone fan... we do it for them."  
  
"Touching." Misty replied deadpan.  
  
"We should have an easter egg hunt" Ash says changing the subject.  
  
"That would be fun, but where are we going to find one of those?" Misty asked.  
  
Ash points to his left, "Over there."  
  
And sure enough there was a big park where Ash was pointing holding an apparently large easter egg hunting event. Misty looked confused, "That wasnt there before... where did it come from."  
  
Ash shrugged as he started heading towards it, "Jeez Mist... we're in a freaking cartoon, anything can happen in a cartoon!"  
  
***SCENE CHANGE TO THE JUSTICE LEAGUE'S OUTER SPACE FACILITY  
  
Superman addressed the Justice Leauge, "Alright people," he said, "We have a major crisis on our hands. The giant metal monsters of Ramalus IV are attacking France. We have to get down there and save them."  
  
Suddenly, Hawkgirl called over from a TV console, "Wait Superman! We dont have to hurry. The French are fighting back... and winning!"  
***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY  
  
Brock laughed and made a mock coughing noise, "Oooo... ouch Ash, you dont have sugar coat your opinions you know..."  
  
Misty rolls her eyes, "Well, how about we end this before we piss anyone else off?"  
  
Brock nodded, "But, we didnt do any easter egg hunting..."  
  
"I think we're a bit too old to do that anyway," Misty replied.  
  
"Oh well," Brock said, "I guess we can end it, we did have a good holiday episode after all."  
  
"I dunno," Misty replied, "We did alot for Easter, but what about all our Jewish viewers?"  
  
"Hey yeah." Ash said, "We did kinda pass-over them..."  
  
Brock and Misty glared at him silently. Ash sweatdropped. "What?"  
  
Without saying a word Misty and Brock just walked away.  
  
Ash yelled after them, "Hey, guys? What did I say???"  
  
Ash ran off screen after them still asking, "What?"  
  
The screen just stays showing us nothing in particular...  
  
...until, a giant easter egg rolls onto screen.  
  
????: "Prepare for trouble; We're about to crack!"  
  
????: "Make it double, cause damn we're wack!"  
  
The egg cracks open revieling Jessie, James and Meowth wearing chicken costumes. Jessie continued, "To protect the world from devestation."  
  
James: "To unite all people within our nation."  
  
Jessie: "To renounce the evils of truth and..."  
***FADE TO BLACK  
  
***THE END  
  
"HEY!" Jessie yelled, "What the hell is the big idea?"  
  
Meowth looked around, "I tink we ran out of time!"  
  
"THIS is all your fault James!" Jessie cried out, "I wanted to just buy our chicken suits, but nooooooo, mr. all natural here wanted to pluck chickens and make them from scratch!"  
  
James sweatdropped, "Hey... I just wanted high quality costumes for a change! Just cause you dont mind looking like crap..."  
  
Jessie slugs James in the face and storms off angrily.  
  
James touches his broken costume beak and says, "I think she broke my pecker!"  
  
"Yeah," Meowth said, "That Jessie is a real 'cock'-tease!"  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY???" Jessie yelled from off in the distance.  
  
"Oh shit!" James yelled, "She heard you! She's running this way!"  
  
James picks up Meowth and starts running away, "Jimmy!" Meowth yelled, "Hurry up, Jimmy-Cotten Tail, haul ass down the bunny trail, cause she's gonna kill us!"  
THE REAL END  
Alright, thats all he wrote. Happy Easter or Passover or whatever you, the reader celebrate. Just make sure you have/had a good one, happy and healthy! I happen to celebrate Easter... so... if any of you readers are wondering what you can give me for Easter... I like Cadbury Cream Eggs... or you can just give me a review. You know... I'm not sure which one i'd prefer. Well, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my little story, I hope you enjoyed it, because another one will be coming soon enough. You have been warned! 


	9. Quickie 9: I'm Game If You Are or Bore...

**Explanation/Disclaimer: **I am the lizard king. 

  


  


**Quickie #9: I'm Game If You Are or... Bored Game Night**

  


  
Announcer: "Looks like our favorite trio is heading back to a very familiar city, Cerulean City. Why? Oh I'm sure there's a good reason...

  


  
"ASH!" Misty yelled, "We're DEFINATELY lost now..."  
  
Ash looked at Misty innocently, "Now Misty, we're definitely not lost, we're in Cerulean City! You should know that!"  
  
Misty growled, "Yeah, peachy, except we were TRYING to get to Goldenrod City. You didn't just miss by a town... you missed by a whole damned country!"

  
Ash looked carefully at the map, then turned it upside-down, then stared at it a bit, "Nope... I still cant make heads or tails of this thing..." Ash crumpled up the map and tossed it away, "Well that tears it, that's the last time I buy a map from an ENRON yard sale... no direction at all..."  
  
"Grrrrrrr..." Misty growled again, "Damnit Ash, first off, we are NEVER letting you lead the group again, and second, lets try not to use such dated jokes..., right Brock?"  
  
But Brock didn't hear a word, he was too busy singing along with his headphones, "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who Who Who Who? Who let the dogs out? Who? Who Who Who?"  
  
Ash stuck out his tongue in disgust, "...and speaking of dated..."  
  
"Actually its not hard to see WHY he's not dated." Misty replied.

  


"I heard that..." Brock said taking off his headphones, "If you got something to say to me you prissy little bitc..."  
  
Ash quickly stepped in, and interrupted, "Alright guys... We're all a little testy from traveling so long..."

  


The two nodded and sighed, "Your right, your right." Brock admitted, "I think a good night sleep will do us a load of good."  
  
"Great!" Ash said, "There's a pokemon center just a few blocks from here."  
  
"Did you get that from the map?" Misty asked, "Cause if you did we'll be lucky we don't wind up in New Jersey... And I don't want to go THERE again..."

_**  
***SCENE CHANGE TO...**_

  


  


  


Ash Misty and Brock when they visited New Jersey a few years ago.   
  
The three stand there, sniffing in the air. After a minute Ash asks, "Umm, guys? Do you smell that?"  
  
Brock nods and sniff and says, "What the hell is that?" 

  


  


_*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY**_

  


  


"Besides," Misty said as she noticed Ash was getting annoyed, "Why would we stay at a pokemon center? I LIVE here, we can just stay at my house!"

"That's a good idea!" Brock said excitedly.  
  
"Yeah," Misty continued, then looked at Brock and said, "ESPECIALLY since my sisters are out of town, so they wont have to deal with YOU ogling them!"  
  
"What?" Brock said, "That's ridiculous!"  
  
"Ridiculous?" Misty scoffed, "Don't you remember the LAST time we stayed at my house?"

  
**_***FLASHBACK TO THE LAST TIME THEY STAYED AT MISTY'S HOUSE..._**

  


  


  


Daisy, (Misty's sister in case you don't remember) is laying on her bed and Brock walks in completely naked and sopping wet. "I was just taking a shower, and I just noticed there's room enough for two in there."  
  
Daisy just stares in shock, opened mouthed. 

  


Brock grins looking at her face and asks, "Is that an offer?"  
  
Daisy shrieks. 

  


  


_*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...**_

  


  


"Oh sure," Brock complained, "Single me out... like that hasn't happened to everyone else!"  
  
"Umm guys," Ash said, "Maybe we should get going... I think we'll all feel better once we get to sit and relax for the night..."  
  
"Pika!" Pikachu chimed in.

  
"See?" Ash said, "Pikachu agrees!"  
  
"Pikachu pika pika chu pikachu pika!" (Translation: No, I just haven't had a line yet in this freaking episode, and had to say something damnit!)

  


  


_*****TWO HOURS LATER...**_

  


  
Spirits are much better among our trio, and they are lounging around just enjoying a bit of R and R. Brock is laying on the couch reading an article, then he calls out to Misty and Ash who are sitting watching TV, "Hey guys, you read this article in pokemon magazine?"  
  
Ash shakes his head, "What's it about?"  
  
"It seems like they discovered that Hannibal Lecter was a huge pokemon lover..."  
  
"Really?" Misty asked, "He doesn't seem the type."  
  
"Yeah... apparently he loves them over rice..."  
  
There's a moment of silence. Then Misty and Ash turned their heads back to the TV.  
  
"Nothing?" Brock asked looking for laughs. 

  


"Nah." Ash and Misty responded.  
  
"Hmmph." Brock said, going back to the magazine, "Everyone's a critic."  
  
About fifteen minutes later Misty spoke up. "This show kinda sucks." 

  


"Yeah," Ash agreed, "There's nothing good on TV anymore..." 

  


There's a painful pause of silence then Ash and turns and looks at the viewers and continues, "Except, of course, Japanese cartoons... they still rock! AND... they don't contain subliminal messages to prepare for the great conquering..."  
  
Brock nudged Ash in the chest, and made a "shhhh" noise with his finger. Ash nodded.

  


Misty turned off the TV. "Well, since TV sucks..."  
  
"...except, of course, cartoons." Ash added.

  


"Yes, thank you," Misty finished, "We could always play a boardgame, I have a whole closet full of games."

Misty headed out of the living room and upstairs.

  
"That could be fun..." Ash commented.

  
"...or a segway for a string of jokes." Brock replied.  
  
"Either way, its all good." Ash replied. 

  


Misty quickly returned, her arms full of boardgame boxes. "Alright, I didn't know which one we should play, so I just took them all."  
  
"Fair deal," Brock asked, "so which ones do you have?"

  


"Lets see here..." Misty said going through her pile, "Well, we can play Twister!" Misty then looks over at a smiling Brock and amends what she said, "On second thought... never mind."  
  
Misty rummaged a bit more and picked up a box. "How about we play Monopoly?"  
  
Suddenly the front door bursts open. In walks Bill Gates who walks in, grabs the box away from Misty, and leaves.

  


There's stunned silence. Ash finally says, "Well... that was unexpected."  
  
Misty goes back to the boxes, "Well, how about Clue?"  
  
Ash takes the box and looks at it and groans, "Oh no... its one of those 'theme' versions."  
  
"Which theme?" Brock asked.

  
"Clue: 'Who Killed Nicole Simpson?" Ash reads. He then opens the box and asks, "Hey... why is OJ on all these cards?"  
  
"Hm." Misty says, "Must be a misprint."  
  
Brock coughs and says sarcastically, "Yeah... 'misprint'."

  


**ANNOUNCER: **"The opinions of this story do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author and producers.... but come on... if you cant get your opinions from an online spoof of pokemon, where CAN you get your opinions? 

  


  


Misty picked up another box, "How about Trouble?"  
  
"Its FUN getting into Trouble!" Everyone yelled at once.

  


"...that was weird..." Brock said, "But its not ALWAYS fun getting into Trouble..."

  
**_***SCENE CHANGE TO THE OLD DRAGNET ENDING..._**

  


  


**ANNOUNCER:** "Pikachu was arrested in Los Angeles, and will be tried by the State of California for the murder of Togepi. Evidence is still being planted... erm... retrieved, by the local law enforcements."

  


  


_*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...**_

  


  
Misty put the box back down, "On second thought, I don't want to play anything with a 'pop-o-matic' bubble. The sexual innuendo practically writes itself..."  
  
Brock and Ash exchanged a glance confused, and then shrugged.

  


Then a box caught Ash's notice. "Hey! Let's play Operation!"  
  
"Oohhhhhh No." Misty said, "You take that game WAY to seriously! Remember last time?"

  
**_***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE LAST GAME OF OPERATION..._**

  


  


_*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... _  
  
Misty laughed, "Haha, Ash, you touched the sides!"  
  
"Damnit! He's flat-lining!!" Ash yelled, and started pounding on the game's chest. "Breath damnit! Breath!" Ash said nearly frantic, "I've never lost a patient yet! Don't you give up on me!"  
  
Misty and Brock just stared opened mouthed. "Ummm... Ash?" Brock said, "Its just a game..."  
  
"How CALLIOUS can you be???" Ash spit out, "How can you think of saving lives as a GAME? You are not GOD my friend!"  
  
Then Ash started to do mouth to mouth to the boardgame... 

  


_*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!_

  


Ash is sent backwards out cold by the electric shock of the game.

  


Brock shook his head, "He takes this too literally..."  
  
Misty sighed and started packing up the game, "And you wonder why we don't play 'Ants in the Pants'"

  


  


_*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE MAIN STORY...**_

  


  
"Hmmm" Ash says thinking hard, "I don't remember any of that..."  
  
"We could play Blind Date," Misty says opening a box, "Here's the sunglasses, and here's the canes... oh shoot... the seeing eye dogs aren't in the box!"  
  
"Oh that's OK Misty," Ash replied, "I don't think we could afford any more problems with the censors."

  
Misty ignored Ash and opened another box, "What about, 'Don't Wake Daddy'?"   
  
But as Misty opened the box, the little daddy figure opened its eyes and yelled at her, "What the hell you think your doing you little bitch? I gotta get up early tomorrow morning!"   
  
Then the figure leaps out of the box and lands on Misty's face and starts raining down blows. After much screaming, squealing and cursing, Brock and Ash managed to yank the toy figure off Misty and toss it back into the box.   
  
"Fu-BLEEP-ing toys." Misty cursed rubbing her forehead, "Its only like that when it's out all night drinking at 'Tapper'."  
  
"How about we just play Scrabble?" Brock asks, holding up it's box.  
  
"Yeah... that seems safe enough,", Misty agrees.  
  
After getting set up Ash saw a perfect word to play. "Here we go, K W Y G I B O, that's all 7 letters, for 50 points, plus on a triple word score. That's over 150 points! Beat that!"  
  
Brock raised his eyebrow, "Kwygibo?"   
  
"Yes, its a big dumb balding North American Ape." Ash explained. 

  


"Why you little!!!" Brock yelled out.

  


"Aye Caramba!" Ash gasped.

  


Misty just made a "Mmmmmh" noise.

  


Togepi made a "Suck - Suck" noise with its pacifier.

  


Pikachu lets out a loud "BurrrrrRRRRrrrrrpppppPPppp."

  


Gary appears at the window, points in and says "Haw haw!"  
  
Suddenly Professor Oak appears at the door, arches his fingers and says, "Exxxclent"

  


There's a pause after all this. Finally Misty speaks up and says, "Can we end this now?"  
  
Ash nods and says, "Okiely Dokely!"

  


"D'oh!" Brock barked out. 

  


  
*****THE END*****

  


  


"Good one guys!" Ash says.

  
"Yeah, easy for you to say, " Gary says walking off, "I get two words in this whole episode, and THEY were stolen from another show!"  
  
Professor Oak corrected, "Now now, they're "borrowed"... stealing is such an ugly word!"

"Besides..." Ash said, "Your lucky! You weren't even suppose to do that line, that was suppose to be Meowth's... but for some reason they never showed up!"

  


Brock and Misty exchanged a glance and Brock said, "I wonder where they are?"

  


  


  


_*****SCENE CHANGE TO NEW JERSEY...**_

  


  


  


Jessie looks quite aggravated, "James! You dummy! How could you get us so lost?"  
  
James shrugged, "I guess it was easy! We'll just ask for directions, and we'll be back by the next episode!

  
Jessie lets out a deep sigh, "Fine, alright, as long as we're here, who wants to hit Atlantic City and do some gambling?"  
  
"Sounds good!" James agree, "Coming Meowth?"  
  
*sniff sniff* "Hey guys... do any of youse smell dat?" Meowth asks.

  


*sniff sniff* Jessie and James, "Hmmm...." 

...

...

...

  


  


*****THE REAL END*****

  


THIS STORY IS DEDICATED TO MY HOME STATE OF NEW JERSEY. A WONDERFUL PLACE TO LIVE, AND HOME TO THE WONDERFUL LOCAL GAME... "WHATS THAT SMELL?" 

  


  
Alright, my ninth quickie is in the bag! Go me, Go me... It would have bee up sooner, but due to personal reasons, I really wasn't in much of a jovial mood, but that, for the most part, past. Thank you for reading my story, and a VERY special thanks to all of you that have reviewed these quickies. If YOU would like a very special thanks too, you should post a review right away! And if you've already reviewed, but liked the feeling of getting a very special thanks, then feel free to review again. OK, that's it, I'm done... I hope you enjoyed! Thanks again for reading! 

  



	10. Quickie 10: Do you like scary quickies?

WOW!!! My tenth quickie! This calls for some celebration! Now we're so happy, we do the dance of joy! Excuse me while i go find Balki to help me with it...

  


  


**Explanations/Disclaimers: ** _If back in the 1700's people were named after their jobs, like Mike Carpenter was a carpenter, and Harry Smith was a blacksmith, what in the hell did John Handcock do? _

  


  


**Quickie #10: Do you like scary quickies?**

  


  


_ANNOUNCER: "I have nothing to say..." _  
  
Our favorite trio has just crossed the boarder into Lavender Town. "Hmmm..." Misty muttered, looking around the extremely gloomy and creepy town, "Cheery place, isn't it?" she said.

  


"Well, it could always be worse... remember that time we stayed at that hotel?" Ash reminded.

  


_*****SCENE CHANGE TO BATES MOTEL...**_

  


"Ash..." Misty says clinging to the young man's arm, "I REALLY don't think we should stay here... I have a really bad feeling about this place."  
  
Ash scoffed and laughed, "Oh Misty," he said, chuckling and stepping over a body bag and opening the door to the motel room, "You worry way too much."  
  
Misty jumped when she saw a knife sunk deep into the bed, "Ash!" She cried, "I told you somethings weird about this place!"

  
Ash picks the knife up, "Yeah, that is weird... instead of a complementary mint, they gave us a complementary knife... hmmm... good quality... too bad its stained with raspberry jam."  
  
Misty just paled more.  
  
"Awww Misty, relax, why not take a nice hot shower to calm your nerves?" Ash said walking to the door. 

  


Misty paled even more when Ash opened the door and said, "Oops, excuse me ma'am... hey, is that another complementary knife for us?"  
  
**_***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY..._**

  


"Speaking of hotels..." Brock spoke up, "We really should find a place to sleep tonight... seeing that it is Friday the 13th, and it looks like rain, and that 100 years ago today there were those mass murders in this town... plus this is the exact location where they filmed 'Mortal Kombat 2."  
  
Ash and Misty shuddered in disgust and fear. 

  


"Your right Brock," Ash agreed, "So does the guide give any good places to spend the night?"

  


"Well," Brock said reading, "There seems to be two places... there's Camp Painfuldeath; an old camp turned into a hotel that was built on an authentic Indian grave site. Interesting story, it seems that the bones of the dead were actually dug up, ground into powder, mixed with grave soil and used to make a giant monument with a large plaque hung up on it, reading, "Whatcha going to do about it? Curse us? I'd like to see that". It also has free cable, and is close to a Denny's"

  


Misty and Ash just shot each other a silent glance. "Okkkkkkayyyyyy...." Ash said, "And what's our other choice?"  
  
"An Econo-Lodge." Brock read.

  


_*****FIVE MINUTES LATER...**_

  


Our favorite trio enters the lobby of Camp Painfuldeath and Ash says, "Welcome to the lessors of two evils."  
  


The trio examines the small wood paneled room. "You know," Ash says looking at one wall, "Its not every place you visit that has its own ax collection."  
  
"You know..." Misty says, "Something about this place gives me the creeps."  
  
"Really?" Brock asks, "What?"  
  
"I just cant put my finger on it." Misty says looking at a wall filled with the stuffed heads of animals on plagues. Three plaques are headless, and they read "Teenage victim #1, #2 and #3."

  


"Must just be your imagination." Brock says looking at a picture of a man in a hockey mask holding up a large cleaver, underneath it reads, "Camp Painfuldeath's Worker of the Week" 

  


"Hmm... he must be the chef." Brock says examining it.

  


"Yeah, that must be the point!" Ash chimed in.

  
"But it's dull work." Brock retorted.

  


"How sharp of you to notice that." Ash replied.

  


Before they could get off and running, (Sorry, all you pun fans, all 3 of you will have to wait for another episode), Misty rang the bell sitting on the front desk.

  


"Youuuuuuuuuuuuu Rannnnnnnnngggg?" the large clerk asked lurching in from the back. 

  


"He sounds familiar" Brock whispers to Ash.

  
"Yeah... that's Eeyore's voice, isn't it?" Ash replied.

  


Misty bowed slightly to the clerk, "Actually you can help, we were hoping to stay the night."  
  
"Okayyyyyyyyyy." The man replied slowly, and handed Brock a set of keys, "Here you gooooo."   
  
After leaving the main office they started heading towards the cabins. "Hey Brock," Misty asked, "What number did we get?"

  


Brock checked the key and replied, "Cabin #1"

  


"Number one?" Misty asked, "I figured the way our luck was going, our room number would have been 13!"

  


"See Misty?" Ash said, "Its not as bad as it could have been."  
  
The short little road that they were walking on suddenly split in two with a sign in the fork.   
  
***Cabins 2 - 13 Left. Our trio looks down the left fork, the route brightly lit and only about 10 meters long, finally leading to a brightly lit, and very contemporary looking lot with modern cabins. 

  


***Cabins 1 - right Our trio looks down the right fork, which leads into a deep dark scary forest with no end of the road sight. 

  
There's a moment of silence until Misty breaks it saying, "Oh, you've gotta be Fbeeping kidding me."

  
Without any hesitation at all, Ash started walking down the right route. "Come on guys! We've got a cabin all to ourselves! I bet we'll just rest in peace there."  
  
Brock and Misty exchanged a glance, and reluctantly walked and joined up with Ash.

  


After about a quarter of a mile of dark road, our trio made it to the cabin. "Wow!" Ash said cheerfully, "We're really out in the middle of nowhere! I bet we could scream bloody murder out here and no one would hear us!"  
  
Again, Brock and Misty exchanged a reluctant glance.

  


Upon opening the door, Ash let out a great big sigh and plopped down on the bed. "Ahhhh, this feels good" he said, "Man, I am dead tired! I'm so tired I feel like the walking dead."  
  
Again, again, Brock and Misty exchange a reluctant glance.  
  
As they started unpacking Ash got an idea. As long as they were in such a creepy setting, might as well have some fun! Ash said grinning wickedly, "Did you guys hear about the legend of the ghost lumberjack that dwells in these woods?"  
  
Misty just stuck out her tongue, "Nice try Ash. You're just making it up and I'm not falling for it."   
  
Suddenly, a howl echoed from the woods. Ash tried again, "Uh oh... sounds like Werewolves!"  
  
Again Misty just stuck out her tongue, "Nice try Ash, that's just a Houndouer. You know, I'm pretty hard to scare."

  


Ash thought for a moment and then grinned and said, "Hey Mist, did you hear that Shaq is making a new movie?"  
  
Misty let out a loud shriek and yelled at Ash, "Stop it!!!"   
  
Brock stepped in, "Alright Ash," he said, "That's taking it too far, we're all going to have nightmares tonight!"  
  
Ash bowed his head, "I'm sorry, I was just joking Misty, Shaq isn't making a new movie..."  
  
Misty sniffled a little and said, "Well that's not even funny Ash, you shouldn't joke about something like that..."  
  
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Ash said ashamed.

  


Brock sat down on a bed and turned on the TV. The screen was nothing but static, but there was a large ring on the screen. "Hey guys," Brock said, "What do you make of this?"  
  
Misty squinted at the screen, then stood up, and walked over to the screen, took out her handkerchief and wiped the screen... the ring came off. "Poor housekeeping..." Misty replied.

  
Ash laid back on the bed, and said, "You know guys, something about this place really gives me the creeps."

  


"Really?" Misty asked, "What?"  
  
If you look carefully, the headboard on the bed isn't made of wood, its in fact a headstone reading 'here's lies the future victim of a horrific murder'. "I dunno," Ash replied, "I just can't figure out what's bothering me about this place."  
  
"Meh," Brock said, "You're probably just tired."

  


Misty rummaged through a bookcase full of video tapes. "Oh my gosh," She said.  
  
"What is it Misty?" Ash asked.

  
"Take a look at this... I think this is the video that kills you if you watch it..." She said handing it to Ash.  
  
Ash read the label, "I still know what you did last summer." and shuddered, "Yeah, I know about this... my friend watched this and it sucked so bad he died!"   
  
"Yeah," Brock said scoffing, "He got off lucky, he got to leave the movie early."  
  
Ash handed the video back to Misty and she put it back in the bookcase.

  


"Wait a sec." Misty realized, "If he died, how'd he tell you about how bad the movie was?"  
  
"Well..." Ash said thinking, then replied in a British accent, "...he got better..."

  


The door burst open and in walked Jason and Freddy Kruger. Kruger grinned and then said in a British voice, "And now, for something completely different..."  
  
Brock looked at Ash and said, "You know... something about this place really gives me the creeps."  
  
Ash nonchalantly replied, "Really? What?"  
  
Brock didn't get to reply because the two villains took a step towards them, Jason brandishing a cleaver and Freddy waving around his razor claws. 

  


Misty and Brock backed up nervously, but Ash remained confident. "Come on guys," he said, "there's a really good chance that this is just Jessie and James in disguise."

  


Jason threw his clever which imbedded itself in the wooden panel just an inch from Ash's head. Ash sweatdropped and said, "Ok... I'm convinced... RUN!!!!" 

  


The trio dodged past the lethal blows and ran out the door into the woods. "Alright," Ash said optimistically, "I'm sure we'll be safe now, I mean, what bad things have ever happened in the woods?"  
  
Misty and Brock exchanged a reluctant glance. After getting a few yards away Misty tripped and fell.   
  
"Damnit!" Misty cursed, "Its TRUE what they show in horror movies!"  
  
Ash and Brock helped Misty up and continued running. After running for a minute the trio stopped and caught their breath. "Man guys," Brock said, "This is worse then the time we went to the movies!"  
  


_*****SCENE CHANGE TO THE MOVIE THEATHER...**_

  


The movie has just ended and the lights came back on. The Blair Witch Project's credits played on the screen and murmurs in the audience grew about how creative the movie was and how good it was. "That was pretty scary!" Misty said.

  
"Yeah!" Brock agreed, "I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight."  
  
Misty and Brock started to get up and walk away, but Ash just sat there staring at the screen his eyebrows scrunched.   
  
Then very loudly, Ash yelled out, "What the Fubleep was that? Where's the witch????"  
  


Misty grabbed Ash's arm, "Ash!" She scolded, "Don't make a scene, lets go!"  
  
Ash stubbornly shrugged off her arm, "No way! There's no god damned way this movie is over, this has to be a fake ending. Where's the fbleeping witch???"  
**_  
***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY_**

  


"I was so embarrassed." Misty said shaking her head.

  


"But there was no witch!!" Ash insisted.

  


"Ummm guys," Brock said, "Perhaps we can continue this conversation another time?"  
  
Ash and Misty turned to Brock to see that he was being held down on the ground by Michael Myers, a large knife in his free hand.

  
Before Misty and Ash could make a move, Freddy grabbed Ash and Jason grabbed Misty and pinned them up against trees. "Oh man..." Ash said, "This is bad!"  
  
???: "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!" 

  


???: "Yes and make it double!"  
  
In a cloud of smoke, Jessie, James and Meowth appear.

  


"To protect the world from... ... oh mY GOD!!!!!" Jessie screamed when she saw what was going on. 

  
Our favorite villain trio stared at our favorite hero trio and their supernatural antagonists. There's a pause. "Well then..." James said taking a step back, "We see your busy right now, we'll just catch you later."  
  
And our favorite villain trio takes off running into the night. 

  


Meanwhile, our favorite family are off to another wacky adventure... 

  


Homer: "The Simpsons' are going to Cleveland!"  
  
Bart scoffs, "Yeah, that's exciting as all hell..."  
  
"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Homer said as he starts choking his son.

  


But none of that was important to our story in any way shape or form... 

  


"Since your always dreaming about pokemon" Freddy said inching towards Ash, "Maybe you'd like to see my Slash attack!"   
  
With that Freddy leapt forward and slashed at Ash's face. Ash ducked underneath it, and Freddy instead slashed a tree truck, with a soft "clink" noise. Freddy started screaming in a high pitched tone and doing the 'potty dance' yelling, "Oh noooo Oh noooo, i broke a nailllll... oh phooey!"   
  
With that Freddy just sulked off into the night, everyone staring at him in disbelief. "Well that's one..." Ash said, backing away from Jason, "But what do we do with Stabby McGee here?"   
  
Brock then got a bright idea, "Hey Ash!" he called out, "This is a really high pressure situation, i suppose you might say, we're really under the knife!"  
  
Jason and Myers stopped moving forward and let out a groan. Ash saw the plan and replied, "Yeah, but we're going to take a stab at beating this monster!"   
  
Brock quickly added, "And if we fail, what the hell, it was still a real slice!"  
  
Jason dropped his knife and grabbed his ears moaning. Michael Myers just shrieked and ran off into the woods. 

  


"Yeah, and if we fail, we're going to out in a blade of glory!" Ash replied.

  


"Isn't that the point?" Brock asked repeating an earlier joke. 

  


Jason sunk to his knees moaning. Ash grinned and said, "If we win we'll probably be ax'ed to go onto that famous show... Leave it to Cleaver!"  
  
"Wow!" Brock said, "You're really sharp witted!"  
  
Surprisingly Misty yelled out, "Yeah, except you get us stuck in all these sword-ed situations!"  
  
Everyone stared at Misty shocked that Misty punned, Jason fell off his knees, let out a cry, and then blew up spraying goo all over Ash Misty and Brock. 

  


"We won!" Ash cheered, "Hurray!"  
  
"I cant believe i said that" Misty said embarrassed.

  


"Don't fret!" Brock said, "That was a real cutting remark!"  
  
"Oh jeez." Misty replied giving Brock a friendly little push. 

  


Suddenly the camera goes fuzzy and we hear our favorite trio scream. The camera then tips over to the side so we cant see anything and the screaming continues for a second then stops. Then we fade to black...

  


_**THE END**_

  


In the showing room where Ash Misty and Brock were watching the preview of this quickie, the film has just ended. Misty leans to Brock, "That was really good, that was a real surprise ending."  
  
"Yeah!" Brock agrees, "Really makes you think!"  
  
There's a moment pause and then Ash yells out, "What the Fbleep was that??? That sucked! THIS is what happens when you hire non-union immigrants to do the camera work!"  
  
Misty and Brock just shake their heads in disbelief. Suddenly, on the giant screen, the video from the Ring plays. After it ends, Brock Misty and Ash just stare at each other, completely unfazed, "Well, anyway, Wanna go get a burger?" Brock asked.

  
"Sure!" Ash and Misty agreed, and the trio left the studio. Suddenly the phone rings. With no one there to see pick it up, it just keeps ringing. Then the answering machine picks up, we hear a voice say, "Hello? Hello? Come on, pick up. I know you just watched the movie, so pick up. ... ... ... hello? Oh jeez, come on, pick up already, I KNOW your home. Look, i cant curse you if you don't pick up the phone, so just pick up! Fine, look, call me back, my number is 555-Ring, or you can email me at Mymoviesucked@yahell.com. Damn inconsiderate bastards, they can kiss my rosy red ass as far as I'm concerned. Did i hang up? SHIT!!!! *CLICK*

  


_**THE REAL END**_

  


Alright quickie #10 is now done, and I had a lot of fun doing this one, and a little preview for the next one, it will also be based on a horror movie, (based on one of my favs too). AND as far as i can tell, it'll be even funnier then this one! So keep a look out for quickie #11, cause it'll be coming to a computer screen near you soon! Oh, and also, thanks for taking the time to read my story, and feedback is ALWAYS greatly appreciated. Hope I made you laugh, have a good one...,

...oh, and beware of the things that go bump in the night. It COULD be Shaq making a new movie! (insert horror movie scream)

  



	11. Quickie 11: Shine On!

**_Explanation/Disclaimer: _** All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy...

All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy...

All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy...

All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy

All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy

  


  


**Quickie # 11 Shine on! **

  


**Announcer**: _Ash Misty and Bork_...

  


Brock (interrupting): That's BROCK!

  


**Announcer: **_Whatever..., have just left Camp Painfuldeath and are on their way to happier places. How did they escape from that dangerous situation? Well, don't ask questions, or we'll break your legs. We'll do it too! What do you think happened to those two little kids from Cardcaptures? They started sniffing around where they didn't belong and BAM!!! Bodies in a wood chipper..._

  


Ash: (making a clearing of the throat sound) ahem...

  


**Announcer:** _Anyway, here's Ash Misty and Brock... ... and remember what happens to snitches... they found Michigan J. Frog dead in the woods with his genital cut off and stuffed in his mouth... REMEMBER THAT!!!! _

  


Ash Misty and Brock just stare at each other in disbelief. "Meanwhile..." Ash said, "Back at the ranch. It's good to be alive, huh?"  
  
"Yeah!" Misty agreed, "I cant believe how we got away! It was amazing!"  
  
"Yeah, I thought we were goners but then... well you know the rest!" Brock replied.

  


Then Misty smacked Ash on the arm. "And its all your fault!"   
  
"Ow!" Ash yelled, "My fault?"  
  
"Yeah!" Misty complained, "Your fault, it was your idea to go to Lavender Town, WE wanted to go to Mahogany Town!"  
  
Brock nodded his head, "We would have been perfectly safe if we went there!"  
  
*****SCENE CHANGE TO MAHOGONY TOWN...**

  


Jill Valentine backs up against the wall, she could hear the shuffling feet of the undead creeping closer. The moans of the poor souls of the still animated deceased getting closer scared her; she knew she was running low on ammo, and it will be a while before Chris Redfield would be here with STARRS backup. She knew they were close... she could smell them... and she could hear that funky beat.

  


Suddenly a horde of zombies led by Michael Jackson doing the thriller burst around the corner... (I know, old joke... but wait for it...)

  


Jill screamed in fear and started firing, Michael took two in the chest and dropped the zombie baby he was holding out the window. He slumped down to the ground and Jill crept up closer to make sure he was "dead".   
  
SUDDENLY Michael's nose bared its teeth and growled and leapt off his face and started gnawing at her neck! Jill knew she was in danger...

  


(See, I told you to bear with me) 

  


*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...**

  


Ash shrugged, "Come on guys, we're alive, doing fine, so lets just drop it, OK? Besides, its not like that was the worst place we ever stayed... hey, remember that time that we took that job to be caretakers for that hotel for the winter? Now THAT was a sticky situation!"  
  
Misty and Brock shot a glance at one another then Misty asked, "Ash, what are you talking about?"  
  
"You don't remember?" Ash asked surprised, "Come on, it was like 2 years ago..."  
  
***SCENE CHANGE TO THE OVERLOOK HOTEL...**

  


Ash Misty and Brock are walking down the hallway of the old hotel, being shown around by the supervisor. "Things are pretty quiet here in the winter," the man explained, "No outside contact once the snow starts, you cant get to town once the snow starts, not without the snowmobile."  
  
Ash shrugged, "Oh I'm sure we'll be fine... We can always watch TV."  
  
"The TV doesn't get any reception once the snow starts." The man explained.

  


"Oh..." Ash replied, "Well, there's always video tapes..."  
  
"Sorry, but all the VCR's are broken." The man stiffly said.

  


"Oh, well there's always radio." Ash said taking another guess.

  


"The only station that comes in clear is the all Polka station; WSUCK."

  


Ash made a rye face, and said, "Well, I'm sure we'll find something to keep us busy."  
  
"Yes, well just make sure to do all your duties." The man continued, "Every room is to be vacuumed and dusted once a week, the elevator is to be oiled once a month, the ax collection must be shined every single day, the knives must be sharpened daily, the chainsaw must be started and swung around wildly every 2 days, to keep it from rusting up."  
  
Our favorite trio exchange a nervous glance. The man pauses for a moment, "Am I forgetting anything? 

  


"Oh, I don't know," Brock says sarcastically, "Maybe there's a large acid collection that we will have to test."  
  
The man stared icily at Brock. Brock sweatdropped, "I was just kidding sir."  
  
"Yes well," The man replied, "I will say this only once. You are to leave the acid collection alone."  
  
The trio exchanged a troubled glance again. "Well," The man said picking up his suitcase, "I must get going now, I'm sure you'll have a pleasant winter. Oh, I don't want to have to say this, but I really should. If you feel the need to go insane and kill yourselves like the last 4 keepers have, please do it in the kitchen, its much easier to clean the blood up there. Good day..."  
  
And with that the man left, and our trio shared one more worried glance. 

  


*****SIX MONTHS LATER...**

  


They are all dead...

...

... ...

... ... ...

... ... ... ...perhaps we should back up a little bit...

  


*****FOUR MONTHS BEFORE THOSE SIX MONTHS (Two months from the start for those of you keeping score)...**

  


"Hey look!" Ash said pointing out of a window, "Its starting to snow..."  
  
"Cool!" Brock said.

  


"Yeah, its a good day to just chill." Ash replied.

  


"Yeah, that's always ice to do." Brock returned.  
  
"Only if you have snowhere to go." Ash came back.

  
Brock was stuck, until Misty walked into the room, Brock quickly jumped on it, "Oh, Hail-o there Misty."  
  
Ash didn't bat an eye and explained to Misty, "Don't mind Brock, we're in the middle of a pun war, and he's losing under my flurry of wit."  
  


Misty sighed and said, "You two are a couple of flakes, you know that?"  
  
That surprise pun actually stopped the war. "Well, the rooms are all cleaned." Misty said, "Brock, what's for dinner tonight?"  
  
Brock surprisingly shouted out, "I'LL KILL YOU AND COOK YOU FOR DINNER!!!!"  
  
Ash and Misty stepped back shocked.

  


Brock shook his head gently, "I mean... ... ... chicken nuggets tonight."  
  
"Oh..." Ash said quietly, "Can you make your famous honey mustard sauce?"  
  


Brock leaned in and quietly whispered, "I'll kill you slowly and show you your own guts."

  


Ash blinked once... then twice... then a third time, and then said, "So... does that mean that you WONT be making your famous honey mustard sauce?"  
  
Brock wiped his mouth a few times, and then silently walked out of the room.

  


There was a moment of silence between Ash and Misty, till Misty said, "Hey Ash, Is it me, or is Brock acting a bit unusual?"  
  
"How so?" Ash asked.

  
"Well, I haven't seen Togepi since Brock took it to see the sledgehammer collection." Misty explained, "And then we had those funny scrambled eggs later that day..." 

  
"Yeah," Ash said remembering, "Now that you mentioned it, I haven't seen Cyndaquill, since Brock took him to see the lethal hypodermic needle collection... and THAT day we had that strange Mexican meal called Cyndachungas..."

  


"Yeah..." Misty said quietly, "...those were spicy."  
  
There was a moment of silence, then Ash shook his head, "Nah, come on Mist, we're just being silly, paranoid even... I mean there's nothing weird going around this place at all, its just the cabin fever getting to us..."  
  
Misty smiled, "Yeah, your probably right..., hey, you wanna come upstairs with me, and help me clean the mirrors on the third floor?"  
  


"Sure!" Ash said taking off, "Race ya to the elevator!"   
  
The two teens raced down the hallway, and Misty got there a half second before Ash, "HA!" She said, "I win!" And then pressed the button.

  


The doors open, and surprisingly a wave of red gloopy liquid came gushing out and flooded past Ash and Misty, up to their knees. "Oh my god." Misty breathed.

  


Ash shivered, "I don't believe it..."  
  
Misty started to shake, and asked quietly, "What is it Ash? It's... its not what i think it is... is it?"  
  
"Misty..." Ash said seriously, "I... I think its blood! Maybe human blood..."  
  
Ash then dipped his finger in the liquid and then tasted it. Misty looked at him shocked, and Ash tasted it for a second and said, "Yep... definitely human... Jamaican I think..."  
  
Ash dipped his finger in again and took another taste, "... ... ..., yep... Jamaican.," Then stuck his finger to Misty, and asked, "Want some?"  
  
"NO!" Misty shouted and slapped his hand away, "There's something really wrong here... the blood here... Brock's slowly creeping madness, the voices in the middle of the night, the.. the... Ash... what are you doing?"  
  
Ash started giggling and stared at his wiggling fingers through glazed over eyes, "You know Misty?" Ash said giggling, "I think whoever's blood this was, was doing some gooooooood shit!"  
  


"ASH!!!" Misty said grabbing his shoulders, "Snap out of it!"  
  
"Oh mannnn," Ash said stoned, "You always snap out of stuff... why cant you ever snap INTO stuff?"  
  
"Ugh, Come on Ash!" Misty said dragging Ash off.

  


"Dudeeeeee, now i know how RVD feels all the time..." Ash said spaced out.

  


*****MEANWHILE, BROCK IS ON FLOOR TWO...**

Brock heads down the strangely eerie corridor muttering to himself. "It's been way to long since I've had a pretty girl to hit on..., why couldn't Ash have gotten a job taking care of a tropical paradise, maybe on an island not owned by a TV network. That way we couldn't get voted off. I BET Ash would try and kick me off... well, there's only one thing to do... kill him... kill them all! hehehehe, kill them all, Ash, Pikachu, Misty, Simon from that rigged TV show... they'll all pay..."

  


Brock stopped his rambling, when he saw room 666 was opened a crack. Brock thought it was weird... "Wait a minute..." Brock said, "Who could have left this room open... hey! Wait a minute! I'm on floor 2, someone must have switched signs from the 6th floor... HEY! Wait a minute... there IS no sixth floor."   
  
Brock shook his head staring at the door, then opened it muttering, "Damn that Ash, creating rooms out of thin air to make more work for me to do..."  
  
The hotel room seemed a bit steamy, and Brock could hear the water running. Curiously Brock walked into the bathroom, and he couldn't believe his eyes. There was a breathtakingly beautiful woman, lying naked in the half filled tub.   
  
Brock looked at her, stared for a moment then yelled, "Woohoo!!!" and started to sing, "When you wish upon a star... doesn't matter who you are..."  
  


Brock then lifted his head... it was weird, but somewhere... somehow, he could SWEAR he heard Disney Chairpeople laughing, and making "Ka-Ching!" sounds. "Damn royalties," Brock swore.

  


But as the woman stood up from the tub and took a few steps towards him, Brock forgot allllll about that.

  


The woman wrapped her arms around Brock, and the two kissed deeply. Brock shut his eyes. As she pulled away, Brock opened his eyes, and was surprised to see that this young woman was now an animated, decaying, wrinkling corpse. The grizzly woman just bared her teeth at him in a disgusting grin. Brock looked at her... paused a moment, then shrugged and said, "Meh, A piece of ass, is a piece of ass..." Then went back to kissing the phantom.  
  
*****LATER...**

  


Misty walked into Ash's room. Ash wasn't around, but his laptop was running. She peered down at the screen and gasped at what she saw. Written on the screen was "All work and no play makes Ash a dull boy", over and over.

  


Misty backed away, her hand covering her mouth, "Oh my god... Ash has gone crazy too!" She whispered.

  


"No I haven't!" Ash said walking into the room startling Misty.   
  
Ash picked up his laptop and tried Ctrl, Alt, Delete, but nothing happened, Ash explained, "My stupid Windows NT has locked up and just keeps copying that line... I think it has some type of online casino virus..." Ash fiddled with it a bit more, and with a "BAH" of frustration, he closed it up.   
  
Mockingly and annoyed he said, "Dudeeee, I got a Dell!... ...piece of crap..."  
  


Suddenly, the walls started to bleed. The blood spread around and spelled, "RED RUM" 

  


Ash looked at the wall and sighed, "You know, those walls are NOT scotch guarded, that's going to be a bitch to get out...  
  


"Wait a minute," Misty said, "Red Rum? That's MURDER spelled backwards! Do you know what that means?"  
  
"We have dyslexic ghosts?" Ash guessed. That earned him a slap upside his head.

  


"NO! It means that we're in real danger!" Misty warned, "And probably from Brock, I think he's snapped! I saw him sharpening an ax before!"  
  
"Well, that's one of his jobs..." Ash started to say...

  


...but Misty interrupted saying, "He was sharpening it on his Onix!"

  


Ash face fell... "Oh..., but that doesn't mean that we can't cant sit down, and rationally talk to him about this..."  
  
As if on cue, Brock sunk an ax through the door. He stuck his head into the hole and said crazily, "Herreeeeeee's Johnny!!!"   
  
Everyone paused for a second, because they all thought, that somewhere, somehow, they heard Ed MacMahon laughing and going "Ka-Ching!"

  


The reality of the situation then sunk in and Ash and Misty sprinted out the other door. They could hear Brock swear and break down the rest of the door. 

  
Brock clenched the ax closer to his body and grinned and said, "Wait til they get a load of me... hahahahaha!!!"

  


"Where DOES he get all those toys?" Ash wondered.

  


"Never mind that Ash," Misty said, "Its Chinatown..."  
  
And somewhere... somehow, they could all hear Jack Nicolson laughing and going "Ka-fbleeping-Ching!"

  


Ash and Misty ran as fast as they could, right into the main hall, and were shocked at what they saw. In the room, there were all sorts of specters, ghouls, ghosts, and skeletons... (skeletons or super models... who can tell the different these days?)

  


"Oh my god!" Misty screamed, "It's a party of the undead!"

  


Ash studied the room, and said, "Nah, cant be, Dick Clark's not here..."  
  
"Yea, tell me about it," Misty said, "What's the deal with him, why doesn't he age?"  
  
"Pact with Satan" Ash explained, "Eternal life in exchange for Bloopers... that's why he's always saying that he'll do ANYTHING for those little gems..."  
  


"Oh." Misty said, "Makes sense..."  
  


Suddenly the room's door burst open and in strode Brock, the dangerous ax slung on his shoulder. 

"Come take your medicine children," he said wiping his lips.

  


"Alright then," Ash said reaching for a pokeball, "I didn't want to hurt you Brock, but you leave me little choice," 

  


In a flash, Ash called out his Bayleaf, who was joined by Pikachu. "Alright," Ash commanded, "Bayleaf, try to restrain Brock with vine whip!"  
  
"BAY!" The pokemon cried out as it whipped out two long vines, which were then quickly chopped by Brock, who then leaped forward and buried the ax deep in the skull of the pokemon. Ash, Misty and Pikachu stared at the bloody mess.

  


Pikachu shook its head and said, "Oh fbleepk, this!" and left. 

  


Misty and Ash looked at each other. Misty said, "I suggest we keep running..."  
  
"Good plan!" Ash agreed and took off, Brock's ax missing him by inches. 

  


*****THREE JOKES THAT YOU MISSED OUT ON AND TEN MINUTES LATER...**

  


Ash and Misty had made it back to the main room, both were out of breath, "Oh man," Ash said breathing hard, "I think we lost him..."  
  
"Wonderful!" Misty said sarcastically, "We just have to avoid him for 2 more months... should be easy to hide in this hell's party" Misty spread her arm out, pointing out that the undead party was still going on.

  


"You think they have chips?" Ash said looking. That earned Ash a slap upside his head. 

  


"Well," Ash said trying to be cheerful, "It cant possibly get any worse!"  
  
ON CUE... ????: "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"

  


????: "YES! and make it double!"  
  
"To protect the world from... what the HELL is THAT???" she shrieked as Jessie just noticed the evil party of hell going on in the room.

  


The evil trio stared at the party, then looked at the dead Bayleaf, then at the disheveled twerps. There's a moment of silence between them.

  


Then James said backing away, "Well... we can see your busy... we'll just come back another time..."   
  
"Good luck with... well... surviving." Meowth said, backing away.

  


They didn't get far, since Brock appeared from behind a corner and sunk the ax deep in James's back. Then gave Jessie's a taste, then proved that there is more then one way to skin a Meowth, but the effect is pretty much the same.

  


The dying trio laid there, and moaned out, "Looks like Team Rocket is dying off again..."  
  
Ash looked at the dead villains and said to Misty, "You know... I don't know HOW I'm suppose to feel about this..."  
  
Brock crept in closer to Ash and Misty. "Come here children... its time to take your medicine..."

  


Ash stopped backing away and said, "You know... this seems awfully familiar..."  
  
Misty looked at Ash curiously.

  


"No really," Ash said, "I could swear I've seen this before!" Ash thought deeply for a second, then snapped his finger, "Hey! I know, this is just like that book by Stephen King! Oh but look at this, its all messed up..."  
  
Brock stopped in his tracks, "What do mean? Messed up?"  
  
"Well for one..." Ash said pointed at Brock's Ax, "YOU'RE suppose to have a large mallet, NOT an ax..."   
  
Brock just looked at his weapon. "And..., there's the matter of me not having psychic powers...", Ash said, "I really should have been given psychic powers... oh man..., that would have been sweet!"

  


Brock tapped his foot, "Alright Mr. picky, is there anything else that is wrong?"  
  
"Well," Ash said trying to remember, "There's something about a furnace..."  
  
"A furnace?" Brock and Misty asked together.

  


We then pan to the outside of the hotel, just in time to see the entire building burst into a huge fire ball with a loud "BOOOOOOOOM!!!!"

  
  
*****************

  


Ash quickly sat up from bed, "Oh my gosh!" he gasp, "What a horrible dream i had..."   
  
"Easy there, Ash" Misty said, sitting up from her own bed, "It was just a dream... we're all safe... Hey... by the way, did you check the furnace?"  
  
"The furnace?" Ash asked.

  


_******BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!********_

  


Ash snapped up from the couch, his forehead dripping, "Oh my gosh!!!!" Ash screamed, "That was intense... what a dream!"  
  
"Hey," Misty said, "Look who's awake!"   
  
"Good to see ya Ash!" Brock said, putting in a video tape in, "Your just in time to watch this movie we rented.

  


"Cool!" Ash said, "Whatcha rent?"

  


"Oh..." Brock said grinning evilly, "Just the newest Shaq movie... its a buddy picture where he teams up with Andy Dick as homosexual rent-a-cops in Harvard."   
  
Brock pressed the PLAY button. Ash screamed, "Noooooooooo!"  
**_*******BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!******** _** (Don't ask me why that blew up...)

  


  


*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...**

  


"...and that's how we all died." Ash said proudly finishing his recollection.

  


Misty and Brock just stared at Ash open mouthed. "That was the..., I mean, the stupidest..., i mean, not a lick of sense." Brock said, trying to talk, even though he'd be stricken speechless.

  


"Augh" Misty said annoyed, "Not ONLY did that not make sense... BUT you wasted the whole episode on it..."  
  
"Well," Ash said, "Well, I guess i didn't just know Jack!"  
  
Ash grinned and we...

**  
IRIS OUT...**

  


"Wait a sec..." Misty says from the darkness...  
  
**IRIS BACK IN...**

  


"I don't get the close out joke." Misty says.

  


"Jack was the name of the character from the Shining." Ash explained.

  


"Oh." Misty said.

  


**IRIS BACK OUT...**

  


_**THE END**_

  


"I cant believe you wasted the whole episode on that stupid story!" Misty complained, "We had such a good plot lined up!"  
  
"Yeah!" Brock said, "We were going to teach them the ancient Japanese secret of eternal happiness!"  
  
"Meh," Ash said, "Maybe next time, hey, wanna get a bite to eat?"  
  
"Sure!" Misty and Brock replied, Brock then said, "Hey, should we ask if Jessie, James and Meowth want to come too?"  
  
Misty looked over at the corpses of Team Rocket, "Umm... Brock..." She asked, "You DID use a prop ax, right?"  
  
"A prop what-now?" Brock asked confused.

  


  


"Uh oh..." 

  
**_THE REAL END_**  
  
Whew! That was a long one! I hope everyone enjoyed, cause I really enjoyed writing it! Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I reallllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy would appreciate it if you would review it. Well, i guess its time to wrap this up... guess I should save this fanfic to Windows... uh oh... error... oh no!!!


	12. Quickie 12: What'd I miss? OR It's Ch...

**Explanation/Disclaimer:** Whatcha gonna do, _Brother? _Whatcha gonna do... when Quickiemania runs wild... on youuuuu?

  


_**Quickie #12: Hey, what'd I miss? OR... They're Cheaper by the Dozen  
**_  


**Announcer: ** "_Good morning, afternoon, and evening to all our viewers. You may not realize this, but a lot of work goes into making a five page quickie. One of the hardest parts, other then finding enough toads to lick to give the writers enough hallucinations so they can write at least a full five pages of non-sense, is the editing. Sometimes, we regretfully have to remove parts of the stories, either because that part didn't fit in well, it was too offensive, it was too obscure, or we were just too sick and fbleeping tired of writing, so we stopped it as fast as we could. Well, you're all in for a treat. Since our cast was waiting all night for the newest Harry Potter book to come out; no one showed up for work today, we decided to give you all a glimpse at what you all missed out on. Enjoy!" _

  


**Announcer:** (quietly whispering offstage): _ Ugh, I feel dirty; peddling this cheap crap..._

  


  


And now... in stereo and SAP where available, we present to you the DELETED SCENES!!! (Three exclamation points... you KNOW it must be good now.)

  


Quickie #2: WWE PUNishment 

  


**(Insert this scene as an alternative beginning)**  
  


_/Start Scene/_

  
Brock and Ash sat reading the newest WWE Magazine, with its very up to date articles about pay per views that took place 5 months ago. Misty sighed and asked, "How can you read that dreck?"  
  
"Its not dreck!" Ash defended, "Its cool television! Its a shame that more shows aren't like wrestling!"  
  
_***SCENE CHANGE TO THE SET OF FRIENDS...***_

  


Joey stood next to Ross in the coffee shop Central Perk, and sighed heavily. This wasn't going to be easy to say, but he knew he had to get it off his chest. "Ross..." Joey said, "I have something I have to tell you... but I don't want it to ruin our friendship..."  
  
Ross knew this was heavy, "OK man... what's up?"  
  
"I know you have feelings to Rachel... but last night... she came over to my apartment," Joey confessed, "And... well one thing led to another, and, we did it..."  
  
*insert canned audience going 'woooooooooooooooooo'

  


Ross looked taken aback. He stood there for a minute, and nodded his head slowly. "I understand man..." Ross said calmly, "I know how these things can happen, and I don't blame..."  
  
Ross stopped mid sentence and kicked Joey in the stomach and gave him a Stone Cold Stunner, sending Joey flying backwards, up and over a table.

  


*insert canned audience cheering loudly and chanting "ECW ECW..."

  


Ross hops up on the couch and calls to the counter for some hot ones. The clerk tosses two mocha latte's. Ross smashes them together and dump them on him... not very wise since the coffee was very very hot. Ross screamed like a little girl as the hot beverage seared his skin, and he fell off the couch squealing.

  


We pan over to Chandler, whom we are all waiting for a witty zing. Chandler turns to the camera... and looks... then shrugs and says, "Nope... I got nothing... that's what I get for letting Vince Russo be my creative writer..."  
  


_***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY***_

  


_\End Scene\_

  


  


**(This scene is another alternative opening)**

  


_/Start Scene/_

  
Brock and Ash sat reading the newest WWE Magazine, with its very up to date articles about pay per views that took place 5 months ago. Misty sighed and asked, "How can you read that dreck?"  
  
"Its not dreck!" Ash defended, "Its cool television! Its a shame that more shows aren't like wrestling!"  
  


_***SCENE CHANGE TO THE SET OF THE WEST WING...***_

  


The President of the United States stood on the podium giving the speech of his life. "My fellow Americans, I am proud to serve this nation, and even though there were tough times this year I know that I can count on you to..."  
  
The President is interrupted by loud playing middle eastern music. In walks So-Damn Insane and his posse. "Blah Blah Blah" He says in a thick accent, "Maybe we should see how strong the iron will of the US Constitution is?"  
  
And with that So-Damn Insane takes off running onto stage, and the President and his adversary trade blows. A fierce low blow by So-Damn Insane stuns the Prez, and sets him up for the dangerous finishing move, the "Tala-Bomb". 

  


But!!! The Prez flips out of it, gets an arm around So-Damn Insane, and drives him through the podium with a massive Rock Bottom.   
  


The TV Prez, aka Martin Sheen, takes off his tie, kicks over his downed opponents arm, and throws his neckwear to the cheering crowd. And now its all set up for... THE... MOST... ELECTRIFYING MOVE in alllllll of American Politics, the Democratic Elbow!!!  
  


_***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...***_

  


_\End Scene\ (I think its obvious why this was left out)_

  


  


_**Quickie # 6: A Midsummer's Nightmare**_

  


**(This is the never before scene showing Team Rocket's Nightmare)**

  


_/Start Scene/_

  


_***Begins Team Rockets Dream Sequence***_

  


"We did it!" Jesse exclaimed breathlessly, "We finally did it!" 

  


"We finally got away with it!" James cheered, "Countless episodes we've tried, and failed, but not any more!"  
  
"The only ting we failed at today wuz failing!" Meowth said grinning.

  


Indeed, Team Rocket had reason to celebrate, for Pikachu sat on the table, trapped in a shock-proof cage. It glared at them menacingly. 

  


"Awwww..." Jessie said laughing, "Is itty bitty Pikachu made that we beat up your owner and got you once and for all?"  
  
Pikachu sent out an electric blast, but the shock fizzled out. James laughed loudly, "No luck," He said, "That's a shock proof cage. Face it, we've won this time, you're alllllll ours, hehehehe"

  


Pikachu glared at them, and said, "Pikachu chu pika chu pika."  
  
Meowth doubled over laughing, "Oh give me a break! Get dis guys, it says, 'you're making me angry!'" Meowth harder, and said to Pikachu, "That's kinda the point buddy,"   
  


Pikachu's face grew dark, "Pikachu chu chu chupika."  
  
Meowth's face grew confused, "What do you mean, 'you wont like me when angry?' "

  


The cage exploded as Pikachu grew ten times it normal size, and green. It bellowed loudly, and Team Rocket huddled together in fear. The "Hulking" Pikachu moved in on them, evil intents on its mind... and...

  


and...

  


*SCENE CHANGE TO A LAWYERS OFFICE...

  


"And..." The lawyer finished, "We are stopping this scene right now. Marvel Comics has hired me on their behalf to put a stop to this unlawful, and quite frankly, rather stupid spoofing of their popular character. Its quite obvious that you were mocking our very unique character, "Shadowcat". 

  


_(THAT should make some "fan-boys" insane")_

  


_\End Scene\ _

  


  


_**Quickie #10: Do you Like Scary Quickies?**_

  


**(This scene takes place as an alternate ending)**

  


_/Start Scene/_

  


Ash ran as fast as he could through the woods. He didn't want to flee, but he had to. Everything was so painful. Misty was dead, Brock was dead, Pikachu was dead, and Disco was coming back to life. He had to escape. Ash ran as hard as he could and for as long as he could, he had lost complete track of time and location.

  


Ash burst through the woods, and ran through a desert plain. There was no one in sight. It was like he was the last human on the planet. Ash just kept running.   
  
Ash ran until he saw something so horrible, it dropped him to his knees. He started sobbing, "Those fools..." he cried in anger, "They finally did it... They finally did it!!!!!!" Ash lowered his head and let grief over take him.   
  
We pan out to see what Ash saw... it was a large billboard reading, "Coming to a theater in Summer 2003, Shaq stars in: Kazaam!!! 2"

  


_\End Scene\ (And I wonder if anyone gets the movie reference...)_

  


  


_**Quickie #11: Shine On!!!**_

  


**(This Scene is in place of the normal elevator dialogue)**

  


_/Start Scene/_

  


As the doors open, a red goopy liquid comes gushing out of them and spills out all over the floor over Ash's sneakers. "Oh my god!" Ash gasped, "Look at all this blood!"   
  
Misty and Ash stare at the blood for a minute and Misty whispers in a scared voice, "Ash... where did all this come from?"  
  
Ash shrugged, and asked, "I dunno Misty... you're not on the rag are you?"  
  


This earned Ash another slap upside the head...

  


_\End Scene\_

  


**(This scene takes place as Ash and Misty flee Brock)**

  


_/Start Scene/_

  


Ash raced down the hallway, he couldn't hear Brock's footsteps anymore. Ash figured he was safe, but he would feel safer if he could get upstairs. Ash ran up to the elevator and pressed the button rapidly. "Come on... come on..." Ash muttered.

  


The doors opened with a 'ping!', and out came another rush of blood, this time covering Ash from head to toe. "Oh my god...", Ash moaned, "I don't believe it... ghost blood!"

  


"No, no..." Misty called from inside the elevator, "That was me that time..."

  


Ash just stares opened mouth in disgust and horror.   


_\End Scene\ (I had this idea when i first wrote number 11, but I had a feeling that i might be too offensive to some ladies... but not too offensive to put it here, I guess)_

  


  


**Announcer: ** "_Alright, and on that classy note, I think we'll end it. Actually, that's all we could show you for now. There was the noodle incident... but we don't think you're ready for it. (I know I've said this before... but I love ya if you get that joke)"_

  


**THE END **_  
  
(Sorry, no joke here today folks, the cast is still sleeping it off... ummm... i mean, still sleeping because they were out all night getting a wholesome Harry Potter book.)   
  
_**THE REAL END**

  
I know this one was a bit different then the other ones, but i hope you found it funny none-the-less. Thank you for reading it, I hope you enjoyed it. If you have a moment please leave a review. Reviewing is good for the soul you know. (Isn't that how that saying goes?) At any rate, thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you've read all my quickies so far, I really thank you for your loyalty. *Bows* Thank you very much. 

  



	13. Quickie 13: The SeventySixers

**Explanation/Disclaimer:** _If pro is the opposite of con, does that mean Congress is the opposite of Progress?_

  


**Quickie #13: INDEPENDANCE DAY SPECIAL (Not a sale) **

  


The Time: 1775 AD

  


The Place: Philadelphia, PA

  


The Reason: An obscure setting for an even more obscure comedy

  


What's The Point: N/A

  


  


We open up through a long tunnel, finally ending in a burst of light. We'd like to thank ACME detective agency for use of the Chronoskimmer. We'd also like to thank everyone that gets that reference.

  


Ash, in typical 1700's attire including those funky hats, is hammering out something in his blacksmith shop. Ash looks at his creation. A very old fashion looking pokeball. The young man dips it in cold water, and a burst of steam shoots out. "Well," He says, "That should do it..."  
  
Ash takes the pokeball, winds up and throws it at a rattata, "Alright Rattata, I got you!!!"   
  
The pokeball looks great as it flies through the air, until that is, it fails to open, and cracks the small mouse pokemon in the head, killing it instantly. Ash gasps at what he's done and runs over to his pokeball and examines it. "I don't know what I could be doing wrong!" he moans. 

  


Brock walks over, (also in 1700's attire, though he doesn't have the queer hat on), and looks at the ball. "Well, HERE'S your problem Ash..." he explains, "Most pokeballs, they have a hinge to open up right here... and here... and then there's the energy recall chip, and all sorts of microchips. What you have here is a large hunk of metal, shaped into a ball with the words "Pokebal" written on it in ink. Plus, you misspelt pokeball."  
  
Ash looks at the object for a moment deep in thought. "So..." Ash concludes, "You're saying I should add another 'L' to it?"

  


Brock sighs and shakes his head and walks away silently.  
  
"Are you saying I'm never going to catch anything with this?" Ash asks.

  


"Ash... how long have you been working on this?" Brock asks.

  


"Six months." Ash answers.

  
"And how many pokemon have you killed by now?" Brock asks. 

  


"Twenty-Seven." Ash replies.

  


"I thought it was Twenty-Eight." Brock asked.

  


"No, the ditto I tried to catch is only brain damaged." Ash explains.

  


"Ah," Brock replied, "Well at any rate, I think you should give up on that for now, and help me work on this Liberty Bell, the Continental Congress wants it done by the 4th, and you know..."  
  
Ash interrupts, "Alright, stop... stop..."  
  
Brock looks at Ash confused, "What?"  
  
"This is just stupid," Ash complains.

  


"What is?" Brock says even more confused.

  


"This whole episode!" Ash complains, "Why the hell are we in 1776? And why am I dressed like this? And what are we doing in Philadelphia?"  
  
"Well... Independence Day is coming up in a few days." Brock explains.

  
"So?" Ash asks, "Why is a Japanese Anime, celebrating Independence Day? It just doesn't make sense!"   
  
"Ash!" Brock says, "Calm down, its no big deal..."  
  
Ash in a fit of rage takes his 'pokeball' and hurls it as hard as he can. The ball slams into the bell and flies off through the window. The bell rings loudly then cracks. 

  


Ash and Brock stares at the broken bell for a minute, and Ash says, "You know... I would have never guessed that that's how the Liberty Bell got its crack."  
  
There's a knock at the door, and in walks the last member of your trio, Misty... who oddly is NOT in 1700's duds, but in her typical shorts and t-shirt outfit. 

  


"Hey!" Ash says, "How come you're not in trousers?"  
  
"Why would I be in trousers?" Misty asks.  
  
"Well... then we could call it, "In -De-Pants Day" Ash says grinning broadly.

  


Brock shakes his head and says, "Well that one line just made this whole episode worthwhile now..."

  


Misty just rolls her eyes, and holds out Ash's 'pokeball'. "Did you lose your Pokeball of Death again Ash?"  
  


Ash takes it away from her and says, "Thanks! I think it's almost ready to work." With that Ash hurls it at an unlucky Caterpie that had wiggled its way into the dark shop. With a loud "SQUISH" noise the ball split the bug pokemon in two. "Aw... damnit" Ash says crestfallenly, "I don't know what's wrong with it... I even wrote the extra L on it now... Maybe I need to make it heavier..."  
  
Misty and Brock watch Ash in disbelief for a minute, and then Brock asks the young lady, "So what brings you here?" 

  


"Well," Misty says, "Ben Franklin says he has a job for us. Tonight there's a shipment of tea coming in from England."  
  
"Oh," Brock says, "So we're going to get the Sons of Liberty, dress like Indians, and dump the entire cargo of tea into the bay?"  
  
Misty looks at Brock for a minute with an impressed look on her face. "Actually, no..." She finally replies, "We were just going to go and try to buy the tea, and then pay with nothing but pennies... and try to shortchange them... but... I like you're idea better! Let's do it!"  
  
"Pokeball GO!!!" Ash cries out suddenly interrupting the older teens, and Misty and Brock yelp in terror and duck and cover as Ash hurls his lethal object at an unsuspecting Hoothoot. 

  


*****LATER THAT NIGHT...**

  


After having fried hoothoot for dinner, our trio head off into the night. "Alright," Ash says, "I think it's tea time."   
  
"This little sneak attack is in the bag." Brock replies

  
Misty made a groaning noise.  
  
"Come on Misty," Ash said, "Don't give us any of your lip-ton."  
  
"Yeah, you're you'll be in hot water!"   
  
Misty groaned loudly and walked ahead of them with her fingers in her ears going, "La-lalalalala, I can't here you..."  
  
Brock and Ash look at each other for a minute, until finally Ash says, "Looks like Misty needs to brewed for a little."  
  
"Nice one..."  
  
"Thanks" Ash says proudly and the two jog to catch up to the redhead.

  


  


*****ON THE SHIP...**  
  


The trio sneak quietly onto the British cargo ship and hide behind some boxes. Misty pokes her head over the top of a crate and checks around, and then sits back down. "Alright guys," Misty explains, "It seems like the British are occupied elsewhere..."  
  
"I wonder where all the guards could be?" Ash asked.

  


  
*****MEANWHILE, AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL...**

  


  


We see the outside of the house of ill gains, and from within we hear someone with a cockney accent cry out, "Oh, the British are coming... the BRITISH are COMING!!!!" 

  


  


*****BACK TO THE SHIP...**

  


"The only problem I see," Misty explains, "Is there's a wild Jigglypuff on the bow of the ship... If it sees us, it'll want to sing, and we'll fall asleep... and when the guards return... well... it wont be good."  
  
Ash stands up, "Don't worry guys, I'll handle this."   
  
Ash pulls out his homemade 'pokeball' and yells, "Jigglypuff, you're mine!!!" And hurls it at the pink pokemon. The lead ball careens off the skull of the pokemon, knocking it clean off the boat and into the waters below. 

  


"Would you STOP with the pokemon killing?" Misty hissed angrily at Ash, "What is WRONG with you?"

  


Ash just shrugs sheepishly, while Brock just shakes his head and gets up and heads over to the cargo. "Well, at any rate," he says, "The coast is clear."  
  
Ash stands up and looks around, and asks, "Are you crazy?" Ash walks off screen and comes back with a TV screen showing the weather radar of Philadelphia, "Just take a look at the fog that's rolling in, I'd say the coast wont be clear for a few days, but soon a low pressure front should come in and push out this nasty weather, and we should clear up just in time for the big holiday weekend."  
  
"Are you done?" Misty asked.

  


Ash ponders this for a moment then says, "Yep... I'm done." And tosses the monitor overboard finishing off the Jigglypuff that was struggling in the water.

  


Brock quietly sung, "Gotta kill them alllllll..."  
  
"Alright," Ash says picking up a box filled with tea, "Let's do this thing..."

  


"Wait!" Brock says, "I'll stand guard and I'll let you know if I see any guards coming. I'll use lanterns to warn you. One if by land... Two if By Sea... Three if by Time Machine."  
  
"Time Machine?!?!" Misty and Ash asks together.

  


"Oh yeah...." Brock explains, "This critical part of history, there's time travelers all around this place... take a look at over there."  
  
Brock points over to a young red haired kid and a white dog in glasses. "And here Sherman," Peabody explains, "We have one of the first blows landed by the US before the war."  
  
"Golly, Mr. Peabody!" Sherman says.

  


"Damn straight," Says the dog.

  


"Alright..." Ash says, "NOW can we do this thing?"

  
  
The trio nods and starts flinging the cargo overboard. After a little while, Ash comes up to Misty with a necklace... "Hey check out what I found! Its a Indiana Jones' necklace!"  
  
"So?" Misty asks.

  


"Its the perfect day to find this!" Ash exclaims.  
  
"Ok... I'll bite, I'll be sorry I did... why is the perfect day to find that?" Misty asks.

  


"Because, today is 'Indy Pendent Day"  
  


Misty just glares at Ash in disbelief and then goes back to throwing crates overboard. "Now see..." Ash says sullenly, "BROCK would have found that funny..."  
  
The two go back to work, but after a while Misty says, "You know, not that I want to complain, but I think this story is slightly historically inaccurate..."  
  
"How so?" Ash says tossing in a Mr. Coffee Iced Tea maker. 

  


"I dunno," Misty says, looking out at the Monitor and the Merrimack battling in the bay. "It's the little things..."   
  
"Such as..." Ash asks.

  


While Ash asks, the two young teens watch as Godzilla stomps into the harbor, and levels the Merrimack with a powerful sonic wave it shoots out of its mouth, blowing the boat to pieces. 

  


"See what I mean?" Misty asks.  
  
"Yeah!!!" Ash says indignantly, "That's ridiculous!!! Godzilla breaths FIRE, not sonic waves!"  
  
Misty sighs.   
  
"Well," Ash says, "It's not that bad... I mean, just a few little mistakes."  
  
*****Meanwhile...**

  


Teddy Roosevelt begins the American Revolutionary War against the French by charging up Normandy Beach yelling "Remember the Texaco!"  
  
_(Feel free to use this fanfic as a study aid kids)_  
  


*****BACK TO THE SHIP...**

  


"You know..." Ash says throwing another crate into the water, "This is kinda fun."  
  
"Yeah!" Misty agrees, "Kinda a good stress reliever, and you know... UH OH!!! Ash... we're in trouble, LOOK!"  
  
Off in the distance some digletts are digging through the soil with lanterns on their heads, two of them, two lights. "Two if by sea!" Ash says.

  
Off to the side, Peabody points down at the whole scene and explains, with a chuckle, "And here we see... this is the first time that Gopher were interested in Tea Time!"   
  
"Golly Mr. Peabody," Sherman says, "That's a good line, but Digletts are Mole Pokemon, not Gophers Pokemon."  
  
Mr. Peabody glares at the boy and dips its ears back and growls, "How DARE you ruin my pun!!!" and lunges on the small child and sinks his teeth in his throat.   
  
Back on the boat, Brock races up the plank and joins with his friends, "We gotta get going, I just saw some redcoats coming this way..."  
  


Before Brock could finish the hull explodes in sound and light, leaving a thick fog. In the fog we hear...

  
????: "Prepare for trouble, we're having a blast.  
  
????: "Make it double where in the past!

  


As the fog clears we see Jessie, James and Meowth in traditional Red Coat uniform. "To Protect England From Devastation."  
  
James: "To unite all countries into our nation!"  
  
Jessie: "To denounce the evils of rebellion,"  
  
James: "To extend our reach to... umm... shit... how do you rhyme rebellion?"  
  
Jessie growls, "Never mind.... JESSIE!!!"  
  
James: "James!"  
  
Jessie: "Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light..."  
  
James: "Surrender now or prepare to fight!"  
  
"That's right!" Meowth cries out.

  


"A talking Meowth!!!" Ash exclaims, "That's awesome, I'm going to catch it!!!"  
  
But before he could throw his lethal pokeball, Brock takes it away from him, "Alright, that's enough of that running gag," He says.

  


"Aww..." Ash pouts.  
  
"We're red coats in this episode" Jessie explains, "And that means we'll make you black and blue..."  
  
James continues, "Our aresnal will make you green with envy!"  
  
"Orange you glad we told ya that?" Meowth asks.

  


"Oh come on..." Misty says exasperated, "First off... bad puns... secondly... you guys face us so many times, what makes this time so different?"  
  
"Dis time we're packing heat!" Meowth says as the Team Rocket Trio aims their guns at the twerps.

  


"Oh..." Misty says sweatdropping, "Good reason..."

  


Suddenly, a red blur swings down and knocks away the guns. "What the...?" James asks, and then looks up and gasps, "Oh no!! It's... It's..." But before he can finish his mouth is covered with a sticky white goo.   
  
"Oh," Say the figure as he swings down, "It's just you're friendly neighborhood Spiderman!"

  


Ash, Misty, and Brock: "HURRAY!!!"  
  


In a flash Spiderman webs up Team Rocket, then rushes into the bowels of the ship, and comes back with the leader of the British Army, Adolf Hitler, all webbed up. "Ach!!!" he cries out. 

  


*****SCENE CHANGE TO ASH IN FRONT OF A CLASSROOM...**

  


Ash reads from a paper, "...And that's how Spiderman single-handedly managed to defeat the British Army and conquered the world for America. The End."  
  
Everyone in the class just stares at him with open mouthed shocked expressions. Finally the teacher speaks up, "Umm..." she says, "Interested report Mr. Ketchum, but you do realize that I will have to administer a severe beating after class, right?"

  


Ash smiles and says cheerfully, "And with good reason!"  
  
"Take your seat..." The teacher says sternly, "Alright, Mr. Tracy, please come and give you're report on Independence Day."  
  
"Alright," Tracy says, "First, we open to Will Smith flying in a jet plane..."  
  
The teacher just puts her head on the desk and sobs...

  


"Looks like the teacher is experiencing "In De Pains Day!" Ash says with a broad grin.

  


_***IRIS OUT ON ASH'S V is for Victory Hand Gesture... _

  


**THE END**  
  
"That was a great episode!" Ash says proudly, "Puns, weird jokes, and even a guest star! You were great Peabody!"  
  
Misty agrees, "Yeah, but... you killed you're partner Sherman! How will you two do your act?"  
  
"Oh, that's simple," Mr. Peabody explains, "I'll just go back in time to before I killed him and save him..."  
  
"That'll work?" Ash asked.

  


"Oh sure, I've killed that little bastard so many times I've lost count!" Mr. Peabody explains.  
  
"Yeah..." Misty says, glancing over at Tracy, "I can how that's a hard urge to resist."  
  
"Well, it's just like how I told Sherman when I showed him how we won the war because we took control of the spice market..." Peabody waits a moment, then finishes, "Thyme is on our side."  
  


Misty and Brock groans, and Ash goes, "Golly!"  
  
**THE REAL END**

  


  


Wow! I got it done on time! In fact, if you live on the West Coast, I got it up BEFORE Independence Day. I hope everyone enjoyed this episode as much as I did writing it. Now... you may have noticed that there were quite a few historical inaccuracies in this chapter... now here's what I want you to do... I want you to reread the story... find all the historical mistakes there are, write them down, and then... keep them to yourself because nobody likes a smartass...   
  


As always, reviews would be very appreciated, and in fact, there seems to be 99 reviews right now... come on people work with me here!!! One away from breaking one hundred! And one hundred and one away from 200! And nine hundred and one away from a thousand! The point is... ... I kind have forgotten the point... 

...

... ...

... ... ..., well anyway, keep off the damned grass... 

  


(By the way, I hope you enjoyed my little holiday special and I hope it made you laugh and made you;re holiday even better. If you are reading this on the fourth, happy independence day!!! stay safe and have a fun time!)   
Ohhhhhh, by the way... Here's a little question for you, "How many countries other then the US have a Fourth of July?" The answer will be in the next fanfic. If you just can't wait that long... feel free to E-mail me at "Edifolco25@aol.com" (Subject heading: 'Answer', or some crap like that) 

  


  



	14. Quickie 14: Its time to take your punish...

  


**Explanations/Disclaimers:** The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs

  


**Ash: ** "Yeah, speaking of explanations, maybe you ought to explain why you haven't written a new quickie in over a month?"  
  
**Misty: ** "Yeah!" 

  


**Author: ** "Sorry, things have come up... I was attacked by a covert ops group trying to keep my stories offline."  
  
**Ash _(surprised_):** "Really? What happened?"  
  
**Author (me): **"It was terrible, they broke into my house, threw me into a van and drove me to this secret location. They threw me into this big room, and locked me in there. There was no windows, and the whole thing was made of metal, i couldn't escape!"  
  
**Misty**: "That's awful!"  
  
**Ash: ** "How did you get free?"  
**  
Author: ** "Ah, well you see, they made a mistake, they left a saw in the room with me."  
  
**Ash:** "A saw?"  
  
**Misty:** "But the room was made of metal, how did that help?"  
**  
Author:** "Simple. I used the saw to cut this table in half. I took the two half's, and as we all know, two half's make a hole, so i just climbed through the hole to safety."  
  
**Ash/Misty: **(sweatdropping) "ugh..., thank you Mr. know-it-all..."  
  
Brock then appears on screen, wearing a blue hat and goggles and says, "And now... here's something we hope you'll really like..."  
  


(We appreciate it if you got that joke)

  


  
**_QUICKIE # 14: It's time to take your punishment!_**

  


Announcer: Our favorite trio are currently heading along route 13. Look at that weather, 70 degrees and clear skies. Meanwhile, good old Mr. announcer is stuck in a sound studio. We can only wonder what adventures wait those lucky bastards today... meanwhile, I'm stuck staring at these same four walls. I'm trapped in here you know... ohhhh... but i cant complain... they don't let me... stupid sub-clause to my contract..."  
  
We join Ash Misty and Brock in the midst of a riveting conversation. "So really guys," Ash asked, "Would you put your brain in a robot's body?"  
  
"Why would I want to do that?" Brock asked.

  
"Because," Ash explained, "You'd have the strength of five gorillas... but you'd only be five feet tall."  
  
"Cool," Brock replied, "But why only five feet tall?"  
  
"Because that's as big as they come, duh..." Ash explained.

  


"Alright." Misty interrupted, "That's enough of that, no one is going to get that reference anyway..."

  


"Well they might, you never know..." Ash justified.

  
Misty sighed and rolled her eyes, "Ash... you're tripping if you think anyone will get that joke."  
  
Ash opened his mouth to reply, but true to Misty's words, the ground gave out underneath him and he fell into a deep hole and landed with a loud crash.

  


"Damn..." Misty said, "I punned and didn't even know i was going to."  
  
"Maybe you have ESP... extra sensory punning?" Brock suggested.

  
"Seriously Brock, this pitfall here... you know what that means, right?" Misty asked.

  


Brock nodded, "We'll have to keep our eyes out for white scorpions and ropes to swing over alligators on."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about" Misty asked annoyed.

  
The elder boy shook his head and said, "Never mind." 

  


"HEY GUYS!" Ash yelled up from the deep pit.

  
"What is it Ash?" Misty yelled down.

  


"WATCH OUT FOR THAT FIRST STEP... ITS A LU LU!!!" Ash cried back up.

  


"Thanks for the warning!" Brock yelled back down, then turned to Misty, "Alright, we've got to hurry, we've probably only got a few minutes before Team Rocket gets here."  
  


????: "You're time is up, your out of luck!"  
  
????: "I'd say you're all pretty f..."  
  
Meowth interrupting, "STOP DAT!, Are ya trying to get us censored again?"  
  
"Again?" James asked annoyed, "What do you mean again?"  
  
"You know exactly what I mean! You and you're blow up boobies bathing suit!" Meowth yelled annoyed. 

  


James blushed, "I was going through an awkward time..."  
  
"Can we discuss this later?" Jessie interrupted, "We have the twerp trapped and it now it should be easy pickings to get pikachu!"  
  
"GUESS AGAIN, Team Rocket," Ash yelled out, coming out of the hole, being carried by Noctowl. The bird pokemon put the boy on his feet, and Ash petted it, "You did great Noctowl, you probably saved my life! So i guess this is another Thanksgiving that we wont be eating you!"  
  
Noctowl hooted appreciatively and then went back into its pokeball. 

  


Ash turned his gaze to the villainous trio, and said darkly, "Alright... now its time for you to pay..."  
  
"He looks more pissed then usual!" James fretted!  
  
Ash gritted his teeth and said annoyed, "I... landed... on... my... keys..."  
  


"Jeeze... He looks howling mad!" Meowth replied.

  
"Howling?" Ash asked, then grinned, "Maybe you should just you're big _meow_th!"  
  


James looked shock, then said, "You're trying to match puns with us? You're barking up the wrong tree!"  
  
"Why do you three have to act so baaaaaad? " Brock jumped in and asked.

  


"Because, our nature moooooooves us to do so!" Jessie quickly replied.  
  
"Well, you better leave now or I'll bleat the living crap out of you!" Ash came back.

  


"Try it kid," James answered, "And you'll be left roar and bloody"  
  
"Are you kidding," Brock said raising an eyebrow, "We'll lay the quack down on all your candy asses!"  
  
"Big talk, but we'll make you croak!" Meowth argued. 

  


"Neigh, you'd be the one losing laddy," Ash replied with an accent.

  


"Not while my peeps are backing me up," Jessie said doing the west side finger thing.

  


"We'll still beat you after your cheep shots!" Brock declared.

  
Meanwhile, Misty just stood there, opened jawed, muttering, "Oh... my... god... this is my personal hell..."  
Pikachu lept up into her arms, "Pika pika chu..." (i feel your pain.)

  


Meanwhile, the fight continued, "Caw us whatever you want, but we'll be the winners and we'll take pikachu!"  
  
Ash grinned, "Howl you do that? You guys are a bunch of pathetic wimps!"   
  
"Ah, go cluck yourself!" Meowth growled.

  


"Well... ummm... hmmm..." Ash said thinking, while Team Rocket smirked triumphantly.

  


"Geez, they're tough!" Brock said, "I'm stuck."  
  
"Yeah, me too..." Ash agreed.

  


"Woohooo!!!" Jessie cried out and the three villains started hopping up and down in a group hug, "We won, we won! We finally beat the twerps!!!"  
  
"Yep... congrats!" Ash said smiling, "That was a lot of fun... well... time to end this I guess, Pikachu, THUNDER!!!"  
  
"Wha...!" Jessie, James and Meowth said shocked and stopped jumping and celebrating.

  
Pikachu, glad to end the puns, leapt out of Misty's arms and releases a powerful electric shock blasting the villains over the horizon.   
  
While flying off, we hear, 

  
Jessie: "All that work and we left with cock-a-doodlely squat!"  
  
James: "Growl we face the boss now?"  
  
Meowth: "That's what happens when you're all squawk, and no action!"

  


"We're blasting off again!!!"

  


. . . *

  


Ash shook his head, "Damn, they really ARE good at this!"  
  
Brock nodded. 

  


"Can we end this now?" Misty asked holding her head.

  
"Jeez, Mist," Ash said, "You look terrible, what's wrong?"  
  
"Lets just say I have a headache..." Misty replied.

  


"Now see..." Ash explained, "If you had you're brain in a robot's body, you'd never have a headache again, cause you could just program them away..."  
  
"But why only five feet tall?"  
  
"Cause that's as big as they come!" Ash said exasperated.

  


We slowly fade to black ending this conversation before we get sued by Cartoon Network.

  


THE END

  


Misty shook her head, "Over a month's wait for that?"

  


"Come on..." Ash said, "It wasn't that bad..."

  


"I had like two lines in this whole episode! And they were almost all complaints." Misty said, then muttered, "Sounded like I had PMS..."

  
"Well," Brock explained, "That's because you didn't send the author a birthday gift back in May..."  
  
"Stupid backstage politics." Misty complained.

  


"Well, look at the bright side..." Ash said.

  
Misty looked at Ash, "What bright side?"  
  
"Well, maybe after this episode you'll get a part in a Midol commercial. you can be the "Before" girl..."  
  
Misty turned red, and Ash laughed and took off running, Misty right on his heels. "You little smartass, if I catch you..."   
  
Brock just watched the two run out of the studio. Then walked off signing, "Thatsssss Amoreeeee'"

  


THE REAL END

  


  
Thank you for reading this, I know its been a while, i kinda took a little summer break. But thank you all for coming to read it and I hope everyone enjoyed it. I'm going to try something different soon, either the next one, or the following one... I hope you will tune in for it when it comes.   
  


  


  


  


  



	15. Quickie 15: Do you believe in magic?

**Explanations/Disclaimer:** _Welcome to Moonside. Wel come to moo nsi ns dem oons ide_

  


  


  


**Quickie #15: Do you believe in magic? **

  


Announcer: Today we join our friends taking a rest in a pokemon center just outside Cyanide City. But call it announcer's intuition that we wont be staying here very long!"  
  
"Come on already!" Misty complained, "Lets just wait for Nurse Joy, ok?"  
  
"Yeah Ash!" Brock agreed, "You're going to break it and get us all in trouble!"  
  
"Geez," Ash said, "You two are such babies! I'm pretty sure i can do this!"  
  
Ash put his head into the pokeball transport system, (The system that will teleport a pokeball from one pokemon center to another in an instant), and continued playing around. Suddenly there was a sharp ZAP and a quick snap.   
  
"...oops."  
  
"ASH!" Misty yelled, "What do you mean, oops???"  
  
"Nothing... nothing at all..." Ash said, "I got it, no big deal. I think this is the connector wire that will, OUCH!!!!"  
  
Brock sighed, "Ash... before you break the machine and kill yourself in the process, why don't you just pull your head out from there, and wait for Nurse Joy to come and take a look at the machine. I'm sure Professor Oak can wait a little longer for you to send him the Magikarp you caught."  
  
"Jeez!" Ash complained, still fiddling with wires, "What's with you two? Why do you naturally assume that I cant fix this thing?"  
  
"Well..." Misty said, "Remember the time..."

  
** ***SCENE CHANGE TO ASH'S HOME...**

  


"OK guys!" Ash called out, "It took me a little time but I think I fixed the toaster."  
  
Misty, Brock, and Mrs. Ketchum walked into the kitchen. Ash proudly plugged the toaster into the wall, and said, "Ready for some of the best toast you've ever had?"  
  
"Alright," Misty said, "Let's see how good a job you did on this."  
  
"Don't worry Mist," Ash said pushing down the toast button, "I followed the fix it book to the letter!"   
  
The toaster glowed bright green, and made a stranger humming noise. Everyone stared at it, then backed up a few steps. Ash's mom said worriedly, "Ash... dear... what's it doing?" 

  


"Ummm..." Ash stammered, but before he could say anything, the toaster let out a loud crack of green lightning and disappeared. Ash grabbed a towel and put out the small fire that the toaster left behind.   
  
There's an awkward pause, broken finally by Brock asking, "Ash! What the F*** was that all about???"  
  
Ash shook his head, "I... I don't get it... I followed the book word for word! I don't know what could have gone wrong."  
  
Misty walked over and picked up Ash's repair book. "ASH!" She cried out, "This isn't a fix-it book, its "A Time Machine" by H.G. Wells!"  
  
"Oh..." Ash said sheepishly, "Well... that certainly explains why we're infested with morlocks."  
  
*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...**

  


"Well, that was just that one time..." Ash said embarrassed."  
  
"ONE TIME?" Brock retorted, "Do i need to remind you about the time you tried to fix the VCR? Remember what happened when you tried to record that program afterwards?"

  


***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO ASH'S HOME...**  
  
"Alright," Ash said, "Now lets see how good a job I did. We'll set it to record Saturday Night Live, alright, I set the time, the day... now to press enter."  
  
As Ash tried to press the button, he received an electrical shock. "OW!" 

  


The VCR's red light glowed a much brighter red, and then in a monotone voice, the machine asked, "What do you think you're doing Ash?"  
  


The trio stared at the machine, and Ash stunned said, "I'm... I'm trying to record SNL."  
  
VCR: "I'm afraid I cannot allow that, Dave... I mean Ash." 

  
Suddenly all the oxygen in the room was sucked into the VCR, leaving the trio without air to breathe. All three collapsed to the floor gasping. "I'm sorry Ash," The VCR said, "But that show sucks, I cannot allow you to taint one of my tapes with that drek."  
  
*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...**

  


Brock finished the story saying, "Thank god you got that VCR at K-Mart, the thing broke just in time, before we all suffocated!"  
  
"Well, that was then, and this is now!" Ash said, "I think its fixed."  
  
"Well," Misty said, "Let me just prepare before you turn it on." She put her baby pokemon Togepi behind her, and held up her backpack for protection, "Alright, let 'er rip."  
  
"Ha Ha." Ash said dryly, "Here we go," Ash pulled the switch and in a flash... not only was the pokeball gone... but so was everyone else in the room!!!

  


... 

  


...

  


...

  


And in a flash three teenagers in dark robes took their place, looking very confused.

  


  


*****AND SO, WE FOLLOW ASH AND COMPANY TO THIER DESTINATION...**

  


*Poof!* Ash Misty and Brock appear out of thin air. Hmm... poof? I dunno about that sound effect. What about *ZAP!*? Nah... too futuristic. 

*WOOSH!*? Nah... 

*KAZAAM!!!* Oh god help us, no!

Oh, the hell with it, lets just leave it with *POP!* ok?   
  
Ash Misty and Brock looked around, they were in a large room with stone walls, and weird bottles of all sorts on shelves. "Where are we?" Brock asked.

  
"Apparently, in the middle ages," Ash says looking at a torch on the wall.  
  
"You know," Brock points out, "Back in the olden days, it was quite the honor to take a died flame off the wall."  
  
"Really?" Misty and Ash asked.

  
"Yeah, It was every young child's dream to perform a torchdown." Brock explained

  
A loud "ahem" prevented Ash from retaliating. Standing at the door of the classroom stood a tall dark man with greasy hair. He was obviously the professor of this classroom.

  


Ash took one look at the man, and pointed at him and exclaimed, "JAFAR!!" 

  


"I beg you're pardon." The man said icily, "But who are you, and why are you in my classroom."

  


"Classroom!" Misty exclaimed, "What kind of classroom is this?"   
  


"Mad scientist 101?" Brock replied.

  


Ash then stood over one of the desks and yelled, "Give my creation... the breath... of LIFE!!!"   
  
Professor Snape rushed in and yelled, "Enough! All of you come with me! And... we're all out of the breath of life, we're ordering some from Staples later today."  
  


"Staples?" Ash asked confused while the trio was being led someplace by Snape.

  


Snape replied coldly, "Of course, you know their slogan "Staples, yeah we got that" What do you think they're referring to?"  
  
"Hmmm... never really gave it any thought." Misty replied.  
  
Snape brought the three teens in front of a large statue and said, "Atomic Fireballs"   
  
"Wow... a secret passage that opens when you say a secret phrase!" Misty marveled.

  


Snape looked at Misty with utter disgust, and said, "No, you silly cow, I was ordering some atomic fireballs as an after lunch sweet."  
  
After taking the balls from the statue, Snape walked down 3 steps to another statue and said, "Lemon Drops."  
  
Brock raised an eye, "So that statue serves out lemon drops?"  
  
Snape huffed loudly and muttered, "Muggles." then aloud he said, "No, THIS is a secret passage that is opened up by reciting a magical password."   
  
The trio stared at the professor, and finally Ash spoke up, "You're not getting enough fiber in your diet, are you?"   
  


"He's not getting something alright... but that's what lotion is for." Brock muttered.  
  


Snape all but shoved the kids up the stairs and into a large office, and left shutting the door behind them. The office was like nothing any of them have ever seen before. It was a clutter of fascination objects like shrunken heads, and pictures that moved, and strangely enough, a large supply of KY Jelly. 

  


But most impressive of all was the ancient but wizen man that sat behind the desk. Ash took one look at him, and his jaw dropped, he gasped, "Oh my god... GANDALF!!!"  
  
"Stop that." Dumbledore said annoyed, "Why are you three here?"  
  
"I'm afraid we don't know sir." Misty said quietly, "Ash was playing with a pokeball transfer system, and then..."  
  
Dumbledore shook his head and clarified, "No, I mean, why are you here in my office. Professor Snape left without telling me."  
  
"Oh..." Brock said.

  
"Snape." Ash said dryly, "Fitting name... he's a very pleasant man."  
  
"PROFESSOR Snape." Dumbledore gently corrected, "So please, have a seat and tell me what brings you to my school."  
  
Brock looked around and asked, "Sit where?"  
  
Dumbledore took out his wand and in a flourish of a wave three very comfy seats appeared. The trio was taken aback. "Woah!" Misty gasped.

  
Ash exclaimed, "COOL! Can you make them dance like in Mary Poppins?"  
  
"Yes." Dumbledore answered.

  
"Will you?" Ash asked.

  


"No."  
  
"Oh."   
  
"Now please," Dumbledore gestured to the seats, "Have a seat, and pray, let me hear the whole story."  
  
"Alright." The trio said taking a seat.

  
"Ooo... comfy!" Ash said, "That's a high quality seat... Swedish?"  
  
"Actually, I'm English." Dumbledore answered.

  
Ash grinned and said to Misty, "I like this guy!"  
  
***AFTER ONE VERY LONG SET OF EXPOSTION...

  


"Well..." Dumbledore says after a moment of thought, "It seems we have a problem here."  
  
"So, why are we here?" Misty asked.  
  
"The way I see it," Dumbledore explains, "Because of some freak's idea... I mean... some freak occurrence, three of our students were whisked away to you're world... and you three are here in our world. A... _crossover_, if you will." 

  


"Well, duh." Misty said blandly, holding up a book, "It's all here in the script."

  


Ash and Misty made the "shhhh." noise to her, and she put the script away. Dumbledore continued, "Anyway, I believe I know a spell that can undo these events but it will take 2 days to prepare."

  


"Two days?" Brock asked, "Why so long?"  
  
"Because if it only took two minutes, this fanfic would be over." Dumbledore explained.

  
"But ummmm..." Ash said looking at his watch, "This fanfic IS over! We're out of time!"  
  
"Oh no!" Misty exclaimed, "We ARE out of time! You and your stupid flashbacks in the beginning. What are we going to do now?"  
  
Dumbledore put him his hands, "Calm yourselves please, allow me to take care of it."  
  
The kids watched the master wizard with awe as he pulled out his wand and with a long swish he said, "Pissingoff Thereadersous!"   
  


Magic spun from the tip of the wand, swirled and around and formed letters near the bottom of the office... ....

  


"TO BE CONTINUED..."

  
Everyone stared at the glowing words for a minute, and Ash shrugged and said, "Ok... that works..."  


  
  
Alright alright, I KNOW it goes against the law of the quickie to have a continuation, but let's make an exception for in this case... pleaseeeee?   
Oh, and by the way, I told you this one would be special... and it is! Maybe you're all wondering, "If Ash Misty and Brock are here in Hogswarts... Where are Harry, Hermione and Ron? Well, go to my ID page, by clicking my author name up top, and go to the Pokemon Quickie on the road. 

  


  


Alright, that wraps this one up for now, don't worry, I promise I'll have the second and final half up soon. Cross my heart. 3 + anyway... while your waiting for the second half, you could go and give me a review. Just one idea. You could also play Pong. Both are good choices. Seriously, thanks for reading my story, and I hope you enjoyed! Have a good one, bye! 

  



	16. Quickie 16: dont bother to choose

**Explanation/Disclaimers: ** Pound for pound, puns are you're best comedic value.

  


  


**Announcer:** "Last time... on pokemon quickies"   
  


_***SCENE CHANGE TO FIRST FLASHBACK REMINDER...**_

  
Misty: "How will we know who shot Mr. burns... everyone in town is a suspect!"  
  
Ash_: *chuckling*_ "Well I couldn't possibly figure out this mystery... can youuuu?" *points to the screen*

  
We back the camera up to see he's pointing to Officer Jenny.

  


Jenny_: *sweatdropping*_ "Well... I'll give it a shot..., its my job... you know..."  
  
**_*SCENE CHANGE TO SECOND FLASHBACK REMINDER..._**

  


We last left young Pikachu charging up his Kamehameha, to fire at the evil Meowth-And-Boo. Will he finally be able to fire off this powerful attack before the end of this episode, or will Meowth-And-Boo dodge it during the 30 minutes that it takes? Find out, right now...

  
**_*SCENE CHANGE TO THIRD REMINDER..._**

  


When we last left Brock, and his sidekick, Geodude, the boy rock wonder, he was in the clutches of the evil villain Catwoman, about to buried alive under the world's largest sandbox.  
  
Geodude: "Geo... Geodude, dude, geodude." (Holy Sands of time Brockman!)  
  


Brock: "Indeed, talk about your loads of shBleep, we have to find a way out of this evil trap old chum so I can go get myself some pussy. A pussy with a sweet tail." (We are pushing the PG-13 rating as far as it will go)

  


_***SCENE CHANGE TO FOURTH REMINDER...**_

  


Good Old JR: "If you want to know why this match is going down tonight, just look what happened last week!"  
  
***A Lugz boot of the week replay***

  


Just as Kane lifted Misty into the air about to chokeslam her through a table, Ash quickly slides into the ring. Kane drops Misty, and turned to face just in time for Ash to kick Kane in the gut and follow it up with a STUNNER!!! The crowd goes wild.   
  
But as Ash turned away to leave the ring, he walked right into a steel chair, swung by Gary, along with his henchmen men, Tracy and Todd, the new and 200th members of the NWO.

  


  


_***SCENE CHANGE TO THE FIFTH REMINDER...**_

  


Misty: "Oh my gosh! We're trapped in another dimension? Filled with wizards and magic? Seemingly based on an extremely popular series of books and movies?"  
  
Dumbledore nods gravely. The trio look horrified, and the dramatic music plays... stopping suddenly when Ash says, "Aw, _snap_..."  
  
**_*END SCENE REMINDERS..._**

  


And now... the exciting continuation...   
**_Quickie # 16: ..dont bother to choose. _**

  


"Woohoo!" Ash cheered, "That has to be the best opening ever!"   
  
"Yeah!" Brock says, "I got to meet Catwoman! I even got to touch her!"   
  
"Yeah..., So when's the lawsuit?" Misty asked.

  


"Next Wednesday," Brock replied, "But I think if I we give her royalties for this quickies, we can settle out of court."  
  
"Sweet."  
  
The wise elder wizard Dumbledore cleared his throat, "Ahem."  
  
The trio turned to him, and the wizard continued, "It seems that you three are stuck here, while three of my students are in your world."  
  
"No offense sir..." Ash said, "But... well... _duh_!"

  


Brock nodded, "Yeah... I think most of our readers have figure that out by now..."  
  
Dumbledore smiled and said, "Agreed... but do your readers have any idea how to correct the situation?"  
  
"Knowing our readers... I'm sure they've got a few suggestions..." Misty replied.  
  
"Anyway..." Dumbledore went on, "I think I might know a way to get you back to your own time..."  
  
"World." Ash corrected.  
  
"Huh?" Dumbledore asked.

  
"Our own world... you said, 'our own time'." Ash explained, "We have to go back to our own world."

  


"Ah... yes, I see..." Dumbledore said, "At any rate, I think I know a way to get you back to your own... WORLD, better?"  
  
"Much, thank you."  
  
"No problem," Dumbledore continued, "But, the spell to send you back will take 24 hours to complete."  
  
"Twenty four hours?" Misty asked.

  
"Twenty four hours or three or four pages... which ever comes first." Dumbledore explained.

  
Ash stood up, "Wait... I think I know what's going on here..."

  


"Really!" Brock asked, "What?"  
  
Ash stepped into the center of the room and yelled out, "Q!!!! We know your behind this! We're tired of your games!"  
  
Everyone else just glances at each other uncomfortably. Misty rested her head in her hands and muttered, "Oh jeez, not this again again."  
  
After a long pause of Ash staring upwards waiting for an answer, Dumbledore finally spoke. "Well... Since you are our here for a day... I'd like to invite you three to be our guests."  
  
Hearing these words, the candlestick sitting on Dumbledore's mantle hops off and starts singing, "...be our guest, put our service to the test, its been..." *ZAP!!!*

  


Dumbledore blasted the candlestick halfway across the room with a flick of his wand, knocking the candlestick into the fireplace. It screamed and cursed in french, "_Je verrai vos âmes brûler dans les puits de l'enfer encore_"  
  


Ignoring the look of shock on his visitors, Dumbledore picked up his wand and talked into it like a walkie talkie, and said, "Hagrid, the poltergeists are back. Please take care of them at your earliest connivence before we wind up with another sequel."  
  


"Where were we?" Dumbledore asked when he sat back down.  
  
"In the seventh circle of hell..." Misty muttered.  
  
"Actually, that's located on the basement." Dumbledore replied.  
  
Misty shook her head in disbelief, "Why would you keep something like that on school property?"  
  
"Well, when we were building the school, it was either an indoor pool or a portal to the netherworld, and it seemed like every other magical school had a pool... so in an attempt to be different..." Dumbledore trails off... then spoke up again, "Anyway, you're welcome to anywhere on school grounds..."  
  
"Even the basement?" Ash asked.

  
"Sorry, seventh years only down there." Dumbledore replied.  
  
"Damn..." Ash muttered.

  
"Actually, we made that rule to prevent that." Dumbledore responded, "Alright then, why don't you go visit Hagrid, our groundskeeper and Care of Magical Creature professor. I bet he'd be very interested in these... "packy...men?, of yours."   
  
"Pokemon." Brock corrected.

  


"Look..." Dumbledore said sternly, "I'm like 200 years old, ok? Any glimmer of knowledge I have to anything remotely popular by kids today should be considered a miracle., agreed?"  
  
"Fair deal." Brock agreed.

  


"Now, you can find Hagrid in the small cabin just outside the castle. I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding it, but if you have any..."  
  
Ash interrupted, "Q!!!! We've grown tired of this game, and we're not going to play for your amusement anymore!"  
  
"Oh lord..." Misty moaned in fustration.

  


  


_******ONE HOUR LATER...**_

  


Our trio have finally made it outside the castle, looking a little frayed. "A bloody funhouse..." Brock complained, "Trap doors, moving stairs, a flamboyantly gay poltergeist. I didn't think we'd ever find a way out."  
  
"Well, we may be in another world," Ash said, "But, I can think of worse places to be stuck for a day."  
  
"Yeah!" Misty agreed, "Nice weather, beautiful grounds, charming accents... not so bad at all. Hey Ash... I meant to ask you... where's Pikachu?"  
  
"Hmm..." Ash said just realizing for the first time that his best friend wasn't with him, "I guess he didn't get transported with us... oh well, I'm sure he'll turn up somewhere..."  
  
*****SCENE CHANGE TO...**

  


The blue guy from TRON racing down the cyber track leaving a blue wall of energy behind him. Just as it looked like he was going to escape, the red car swerved out of nowhere in front of him. In the last seconds of the blue guy's life he saw a little yellow mouse inside the red car grinning like a devil and flipping him the bird.   
  
*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...**

  


"In 24 hours everything will be switched back to normal, so there's no sense in worrying about him, I'm sure with his kind nature he's making all sorts of friends where ever he is." Ash continued.   
  


"Well, this must be the place." Brock said as they came up to the door of Hagrid's cabin. He knocks a few times. The man that answered the door took all three kids by surprise. The man was massive in height and size, bigger then any man they had ever seen before. Hagrid looked down at the kids and said in a gutteral accent, , "Well, 'ello, and who might you be?"

  
Ash opened his mouth to answer but Hagrid quickly interrupted, "'oy, never mind, I know who you must be! You must be those kids from another world, right? Dumbledore told me to be expecting you... well come on in then..."  
  
After everyone entered the small hut, (which seemed smaller due to the large built man sitting in the room with them), there was a long pause of silence. After a few minutes of silence, Ash spoke up, "Excuse me...?"

  
Hagrid blinked a few times, and said,, "Oh sorry der, I didn't formally introduce myself. I forget things sometimes. My name is 'agrid."  
  
"Agrid?" Misty asked.   
  
"No, what are you daff? Not Agrid, it's 'Agrid."  
  
"A-grid?" Misty asked again.

  
"Ah, cant you understand English... 'Agrid, with an H!" Hagrid said frustrated.

  


Brock leaned over to Misty and whispered, "Oh why cant the English teach their children how to speak."   
  
Misty elbowed him in the ribs.

  


Ash went for diplomacy, "We're sorry, but we're not from around here, I'm Ash, this is Misty, and that's Brock."  
  
"Nice to meet ya." Hargrid said offering his hand, "Now then, Dumbledore tells me ya got some beasties that I might be interested in?"

  


"Beasties?" Ash asked.

  
"Sounds like some kind of breakfast cereal." Misty chimed in, "Beasties are a part of a complete breakfast."

  


"OH!" Brock said realizing, "You want to see our Pokemon."  
  
"Yes, I'm very interested, its kind of an 'obby of mine taking care 'o magical creatures." Hagrid explained.

  


"A what of yours?" Brock asked.  
  
"Lets not go there again, ok?" Misty pleaded.  
  
"Fair deal." Brock agreed.  
  


"Well if you want to see our pokemon," Ash said proudly, "Lets step outside so we can show you what they can really do!"  
  


_*****Outside*****_

  


"FLAMETHROWER!!!" Ash cried out.   
  
Ash's Cyndaquill leaped back, cried out, and sent out a powerful blast of fire into the air. The fire came a little too close to Hagrid, who's beard caught on fire. He screamed loudly and rolled on the ground until the fire was out.

  
"Jeez!" Ash apologized, "Sorry, sorry! I thought you were out of range."  
  
Hagrid got up and brushed himself off, "Well... its ok... its still not as bad as that bubblebeam to my testicles from before."  
  
"Yeah... sorry about that." Misty said once again.

  


"Well..." Hargid said looking up, "It looks like its starting to get dark, so you three should head back to the castle and have a bite to eat." 

  


"Food!?!" Ash exclaimed, "Hot damn! See you later Hagrid, nice meeting you!" Ash took off running.  
  
"He gets excited." Misty said, and her and Brock too off after Ash yelling at him to slow down.

  


_*****Inside Hogswarts*****_

  


Ash should have listened to his friends about slowing down, because no sooner had he entered the school before he crashed into someone. Both kids were knocked on their backsides. "Ash!" Misty yelled, running up to him, "Are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah... fine," Ash muttered, "Sorry about that... I guess I should have looked where I was going."  
  
The blond kid just sneered at Ash, as he was helped up by two very large kids. "Muggles?" the boy said, "Here on Hogwarts property? Just when we got rid of that rotter potter, we end up with garbage like you." (any guesses on who this is?)

  


Ash glared at the boy while getting up, "Hey look, I'm sorry I ran into you..." 

  
"I am Draco Malfoy!" Draco declared, "A name that would impress you if you weren't a filthy mudblood." 

  


"You don't happen to know a kid from pallet town named Gary... would you?" Ash asked.

  


Draco just sneered.

  
Ash looked at Draco's face and asked, "You're not getting enough fiber in your diet, are you?"  
  
Draco wasn't amused, he pulled out his wand and cried out, "Levioso lifta upa to the ceilinga." 

  


Ash was zapped right off his feet and twirled through the air before crashing to the ground in a painful heap. "HEY!" Brock and Misty yelled helping Ash up.

  
Draco laughed and said, "Welcome to the world of magic muggles."  
  
"The world of Magic?" Brock asked, "I didn't bring my cards with me."  
  


Ash gritted his teeth and reached for one of his pokeballs, "I didn't bring any cards, but I did bring something else..."  
  
Misty grabbed his hand, "Ash! No!" Then leaned in and whispered, "Ash, we're only going to be stuck here for 12 more hours, don't start fighting or we might get in trouble."   
  
"Yeah..., Ash was it?" Draco said to him, "Listen to that skinny ugly little muggle of yours. Just walk on away before I zap off all her hair... not that anything could make her look worse."  
  
Misty leered at Draco and then said, "Alright Ash, kick his ass."  
  
Ash grinned and pulled out a pokeball, "Bayleaf... VINE WHIP!"  
  
The green leaf pokemon leapt out and fired a fierce vine whip and Draco knocking him clean off his feet. 

  


Draco gritted his teeth and pulled out his wand...

  


***15 minutes later***

  


"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???" Professor McGonnigal cried out. The headmaster of Gryffindor looked at the scene splayed out before her.

  


Draco was hung upside down by Bayleaf's vinewhip, Ash was hanging upside due to Draco's spell, Crabb was soaking wet and laying through a broken table thanks to Misty's Staryu watergun, however Misty's hair was bright green now, Brock was stiff as a rock (insert own dirty joke here) and Goyle was being wrapped up by an Onix. Oh... and somehow during all this, Jerry Mathers as the Beave was killed. 

  


"ALL OF YOU" the professor yelled out, "Will report INSTANTLY to the nurse to be treated, and then you will IMMEDIATELY come here for detention, in all my years here I haven't seen such carnage, and just look what you did to the beaver!"   
  


"He had it coming..." Ash said.  
  
"Yeah!" Misty said, "Draco started it!"  
  
"Oh, not him, Jerry Mathers... it was a little revenge from Dennis the Menace... he had it coming..."  
  
"I don't care!" The professor yelled out, "Detention for ALL of you! AND YOU!!! (turning to the camera) You just stood there and WATCHED all this! I'm VERY disappointed in ALL of you readers... Just for that, you're in a time out..."  
  
With a flick of her wand, the words,   
**_  
TO BE CONTINUED..._**

  


appeared on the screen. "I hope this will teach you a lesson." She said sternly.

  


Ash looked at the words and dropped down to his knees, and cried out, "Q!!!!! Why have you foresaken me????"

  


_***FADE to Black...**_

  


  


**OBLIGITORY TEASER:** Announcer: "Oh no! Detention! In Hogwarts! This cant be good for our young heroes! Will they be able to survive long enough to get home? And will there be nudity? I hope so! I cant get enough of the naughty! McGonnigal is the flames that light my loins afire. Don't judge me. Just tune in next time for the exciting conclusion!" 

  


  
(Alright, I know i said this was going to be a two parter, but there's a bit more i want to do with this, so bear with me, the last chapter will be the last then it'll be back to normal quickies... or as normal as they ever get! I just hope everyone is enjoying this. Thank you all for reading, and I hope you'll keep reading, and keep reviewing, I appreciate it. Oh, and those of you that are following the other part of this quickie miniseries, will be interested in knowing that the last part of Harry Potter's adventure will be coming to an end. Don't miss it, it'll be up soon in the Harry Potter section!)   
  
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(...knick nack patty wack, give a dog a bone...)

  


  


  


  


  


  



	17. Quickie 17: If it's just band music or r...

**Explanation/Disclaimer:** "I I love love double double chex chex, better better then then the the rest rest..." 

  


**Pokemon Quickie #17: If its jug band music or rhythm and blues...**

  


We open to a large screen, the kind you do a slide show on. Ash, Misty and Brock walk in front of it...

  


Ash: "Last time... on pokemon quickies..."

  


(Freeze image of Ash Brock and Misty in Dumbledore's office appear on the screen behind them)  
  
Misty: "After Ash tried fixing a pokemon transport system, it malfunctioned and sent up all here to another world, inside a wizard school called Hogwarts."  
  
(Freeze image of Draco Malfoy appears)

  


Ash: Pleasant looking fellow, isn't he? To be honest, the kid's a dick..."  
  
Misty: "ASH!"  
  
Ash: "...tator... dictator..."  
  
Misty: "Nice try..."  
  
Ash: "I do what I can... anyway, after picking a fight with us, which we were winning, we got caught. Apparently fighting on school property is a felony worthy of detention. And something tells me detention in a wizard school isn't going to be writing lines."  
  
(Freeze image of Ash and Misty hugging appears)  
  
Brock: "And if you look here, you see what someone can catch behind the scenes if that someone had a spy camera."  
  
Ash/Misty: "BROCK!!!"  
  


Ash: "Oh, you want to start huh, ok... its on..."  
  
(Freeze Image of Brock getting slapped by Nurse Joy appears)  
  
Ash: "A very common image around here."  
  
Brock: "Oh yeah?"   
  
(Freeze Image of Ash wearing a tutu and strangling a fish appears)  
  
Brock: "Nice look Ash..."  
  
Ash: "HEY!!! You're taking that out of context!!"  
  
Misty: "Alright guys, lets get on with the show before this gets out of control..."  
  
(Freeze Image of Misty buying a training bra)

  


Misty: "WHAT THE HELL???"  
  
Ash and Brock laugh uncontrollably, "You're DEAD!" Misty yelled as she chases the boys off screen.

  
The image stays on screen for a few moments longer before Ash comes running back, and says, "And now, the exciting conclusion..."  
  
*****BACK AT HOGWARTS*****

  


We join our favorite trio walking down a corridor, coming back from the nurse's office, "Detention!" Misty complained, "I cant believe we got detention! I've never had detention before!"  
  
"How could you have detention, we never go to school..." Ash asks.  
  
"Yeah, what's up with that?" Misty asked, "We're raising a civilization of morons..."  
  
"Actually," Brock says, "I blame reality TV for the whole civilization of morons..."  
  
"I just wish I knew what detention at a wizard school entails..." Misty said. 

  
"Hey, its not so bad!" Ash said, "At least we're allowed to eat dinner first!" 

  


"I wonder what wizards eat?" Misty asked as the three of them headed into the dinning hall.

  
"Woah!" Brock cried out after seeing the vast tables filled with students, and over flowing with all kinds of foods imaginable, "Apparently wizards eat everything!"  
  
"YES!" Ash declared, "Look at all this food!!! This is MY kind of school!" 

  


"Let me guess..." Brock said, "That would be the school of hard knockwurts."  
  
Ash grinned and replied, "Yeah, I'd definitely want to ketchup on my studies here!"  
  
"But could you cut the mustard?" Brock asked.

  


"I just don't think I have the bread to afford this place." Ash said.

  


"Well, don't squash your hopes of going here, maybe you could get a loan," Brock said, "You know the kind that you get to buy a crappy car... you know, lemon-aide."

  


"Yeah, I'd relish that!" Ash laughed.

  


"Ok... that's enough." Misty said in a pleading voice.

  
"Ok ok..." Ash agreed, "Lettuce go find a place to sit."  
  
Misty: "Grrrr...."

  


"Hey!" Someone cried over, "Why don't you sit over here?" 

  


Ash, Misty and Brock headed over to the voice, who happened to be sitting at the Gryffindor table. "Hi!" the boy said, "You must be the special kids, my name's Neville."  
  
"You know..." Ash said, "I think I'd prefer being called the visiting kids, instead of the special kids... save that title for Duddits, ok?"  
  
Misty elbowed Ash in the ribs.

  


"Well, please," Neville said, "Take a seat."   
  


Ash didn't need to be asked again before he sat down and started helping himself to some food. "Here, try this!" Neville said pointing to a dish.  
  
Ash took a taste, "Mmmm... pretty good... what is it?"  
  
"Oh, typical wizard cuisine, Bat Wing pudding with newt eye gravy." A larger boy who was sitting across the table said.

  


"BLEH!!!" Ash cried spitting out the food.  
  
The boy doubled over laughing and said, "Sorry mate, just a little wizard school humor! My name's George, and this here is Fred."  
  
Brock looked across the table, and shook both their hands said, "Nice to meet you two... I guess you two are twins?"  
  
Fred and George shot a look at one another, "Of course not, it was a spell that went horribly wrong... and by shaking my hand, you've contracted the disease."  
  
"What?" Brock said startled. 

  


George: "Don't be afraid... its fun... be one of us..."   
  
Fred: "Yes... one of us."

  


Then the two broke off into a fit of laughter, Neville said, "Ok, come on, stop teasing the muggles."  
  
Ash still poking at the food from before took another bite, "No really? What is this stuff?"   
  
"Relax" Neville said, "Its a normal English dish, nothing gross or weird ok?"  
  
"Whew." Ash said

  
"In fact, its my favorite, its good here, but no body makes brain and kidney pie with blood pudding like my grandma!" Neville said proudly.

  


Ash looked at the dish disgusted for a moment, then shrugged and said, "Fbleep it..." And started eating it again.

  


"Hey!" said a voice coming up from behind them, the trio turned around to see another Gryffindor boy, "You three must be the new kids from another world."  
  
"That's us!" Ash said getting used to this, "Where no wizard has gone before."  
  
"Cool!, my name is Cedric Diggory, its very nice to meet you," he said putting out his hand.

  
Ash looked at his hand, then looked at the grim reaper that was standing behind him, it whispered, "tick... tock..."  
  
"Ummm..." Ash said, "You know what? I think I'd rather not get attached, ok?"  
  
Diggory frowned and said, "My doctor says its nothing..."  
  
"Sure..." Ash said. 

  


Misty looked around, "Well, since we seem to be meeting the entire cast, is there anyone else we should meet?"  
  


"Well," Neville said, "There's Dobby..."   
  
And in walked the small creature that disproves the anime theory of, "if it has big eyes, its cute.". "Hi.." Dobby started to say before Ash hurled a pokeball at it catching the house elf. "Got you!" Ash declared, and made the V for victory finger gesture. 

  


"Ash... did that look like a pokemon to you?" Misty asked sternly.  
  
"Yes..." Ash answered.  
  
Misty thought about that for a minute and said, "Alright, fair enough, but they obviously don't have pokemon here, so let it out."  
  
"Fine..." Ash pouted and let out Dobby who ran from the room screaming.

  


"Anyone else to meet?" Ash asked.

  


"Well, there's Cho..." Neville said.  
  
And to meet them next came in a very pretty young lady. "Konichawa." Ash said mispronouncing it, bowing slightly.

  
"Ummm..." She said a little nervous, "...super..."

  


Brock immediately rose. Then he quickly got up on his feet. "Hello there!" he gushed, "My name is Brock, and let me say that you really are a witch because you've bewitched my heart!"  
  
Cho backed away slightly, Brock continued, "And, from what i can see you, you're developing rather nicely! (Brock thumb gestures to Misty) not like Flatty McGee over here..."  
  
Misty's face turns red with anger as she clasps the spoon she was holding in rage.  
  


*****SCENE CHANGE TO THE NURSES OFFICE...**

  


The nurse made a tsk'ing noise and said, "Well, I can heal you, but i don't know how you got a spoon lodged up there to begin with..."  
  
Brock gritted his teeth and said, "Just... remove... it..." Then turned to the camera and said, "GET OUT OF HERE!!!"  
  
*****SCENE CHANGE AHEAD TO THE DETENTION...**

  


"So, all healed up?" Ash asked Brock as he joined them outside the greenhouse.  
  
"Jeez, we have to get Misty some anger management." Brock said annoyed.

  


"Or you some tact." Ash said in a sotto voice.

  


"What are you talking about?" Brock said annoyed, "I have tons of tact!"  
  
Madam Sprout came out of the greenhouse and said, "Hello, Ash... Misty and Brock? I believe those are your names..., I'll be..."  
  
"THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" Brock said rushing over to her, "Its no surprise that your a gardener because you've made the love in my heart bloom! Also you've made my little weed grow into a stiff branch!"  
  
*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE HOSPITAL WING...**

  


Well, you get the joke, don't you? Let;s move on, shall we?

  


*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE GREENHOUSE...**

  


"Well, it looks like Mr. Brock wont be joining you two for detention..." Sprout said.

  


"That hardly seems fair," Ash said, "And what about those jerks we fought with? How come they're not here?"  
  
"Professor Snape will be dealing with their detention." Professor Sprout explained.  
  
"Oh... him..." Ash said.  
  
"Do you have a problem with the professor?" Sprout asked.

  
"I feel the same way about him as I do about Steve Urkel." Ash explained.  
  
"Let's not say stuff that we cant take back, ok?" Sprout suggested, "Well, I'm guessing that you three didn't start the fight, so I decided to be lenient on you. See this flower?" 

  


Sprout showed them a picture of a flower that was a lot like a red tulip with teeth. "This is known as the popped cherry blossom." Sprout explained.

  


"Oh... that's classy." Misty said sarcastically.

  


"Good thing Brock's in the hospital, or he'd have something to say..." Ash said.

  
"I'm sure Brock doesn't think its such a good thing, did you know those things could swell like that?"

  


"No, thank god..." Ash said.

  


"Anyway," Sprout said, "Your detention is this... just go find this plant growing on the grounds, and pick it, and bring it back to me."  
  
"That's it?" Ash asked.

  
"Yep," Sprout said, "And an added bonus, that flower is the final ingredient to the potion to send you back! So the sooner as you find it, the sooner you go home."

  


"WOOHOO!" Ash said a'la homer simpson.

  
"But its dark out and we might have trouble finding it." Misty said.  
  
"Well, it wouldn't be detention if it wasn't difficult." Sprout explained.

  


"D'oh!" Ash exclaimed, then said, "No, wait! I have an idea! Noctowl!"  
  
Ash called out his owl pokemon, and said, "Hey Noctowl, I have a favor to ask you. Do you see that flower? Can you find it?"  
  
The pokemon nodded and took off in flight. "Come Misty!" Ash said, "The game's a foot!"  
  
Ash took off running, and Misty ran after him saying, "Why would the game be about feet?"  
  
"I guess its horseshoes?" Ash said.

  
"Why do I ask?" Misty said

  


"Hey look!" Ash said, "Noctowl found something!"  
  
The duo ran up the pokemon, sitting right next to the flower. "Hey!" Ash said, "We found the popped cherry blossom!"  
  
"Don't call it that..." Misty said, "That's just wrong."  
  
"But that's its name."  
  
"Just... stop, ok?" Misty said, "And lets wrap this story up ok?"  
  
"Oh ok..." Ash said picking the flower, "Lets head back..."  
  
"Sssssssssss..." came a soft noise from around their feet.

  
"Ash? Did you hear that?" Misty asked.

  
"Yeah, sounds like a gas leak?" Ash says.

  
"No... sounds more like radiator." Misty said

  
"Hmm, could be a balloon losing air." Ash said

  


"Or a cat hissing?" Misty suggested

  
Suddenly a giant snake appeared before them, "Excuse me... but it was a snake... hissing."  
  
"Woah, cool!" Ash said, "An Arbok!"  
  
"I am NOT an Arbok," The snake said, "I am the ultimate evil!"  
  
"Hamtaro?" Ash asked.

  
"Ok, ok... maybe not the ULTIMATE evil... but I am pretty bad... I am lord Voldemort!" it explained.

  


The snake 'stood' proudly in front of them. Ash and Misty exchanged a glance and finally Misty said, "well... its very nice to meet you."  
  
And two teens started to walk away, "So, who do you think that was?" Ash asked.

  
Misty shrugged and said, "I dunno, he must be the gardener or something."  
  
Voldemort quickly slithered ahead of them blocking their path, "Excuse me, but I don't think you know who I am."  
  
"Sure we do," Ash said, "You're the gardener, and your doing a good job..."  
  
"I AM NOT THE GARDENER!" Voldemort yelled, "I am a POWERFUL Dark wizard!"  
  
"Like guy with the funky eye on Jackie Chan Adventures?" Ash asked.

  
"Well... for all sakes and purposes, yes... but much more powerful!" Voldemort said. 

  
"That was a silly mistake," Misty said, "You couldn't be the gardener, you don't have any hands..."   
  
"Well," Ash said, "At any rate, it was nice meeting you, but we really have to get going, see ya!"   
  
And the two teens start walking away again, but once again, Voldemort cut them off. "Is there a problem here?" Ash asked.  
  
"Yeah see..." Voldemort said, "You see, I'm a dark wizard."  
  
"We know that." Misty said

  
Voldemort: "A bad guy."  
  
Misty: "Yep..."  
  
Voldemort: "I have to kill you two."  
  
"Ohhhhhhh..." Misty said, "In that case..."  
  
Misty quickly pulled out her pokeball containing her Poliwhirl, and had it open fire with its water gun. The powerful attack slammed into the snake's face, but didn't drive it back one bit.   
  
But Voldemort howled in pain and collapsed to the ground, it cried in pain, "Auuuuugghhhh, how... how did you know that water was my only weakness?"   
  
Misty looked surprised, "It is?"   
  
Voldemort then stopped yelling and slithered back up in an upright position completely unfazed and said, "Nope. Duh."  
  
Ash laughed and pointed at Misty, "Ooh! Burned!"

  


"Ash!" Misty scolded, "This is very serious!"   
  
"Yeah..." Ash said, "We're out of "to be continued"'s. So we either have to think of something to do, or die!"  
  
The snake lunged at Ash and knocked him to the ground. Ash put his hands up trying to keep the mouth away from him.   
  
"Hmm... looks like we're going to die... now see, I wouldn't have thought it would have ended this way..." Ash said.

  


Suddenly Voldemort got blasted off him by something long and hard. (dirty dirty minds.) "Nice job Onix!" Brock said to his giant rock snake. "Now, send it flying with a tail whip!"  
  
With a quick swipe of its tail the pokemon sent Voldemort flying off into the forest. "Nice job!" Misty said, "I'm sorry I spooned you before!"  
  
"Really?" Brock asked.

  
Misty thought about it, "No... no... you had it coming."  
  
"Man Brock!" Ash said getting up, "I thought we were goners! Who would have thought to beat a magician you had to use brute force?"  
  
"Well most magicians are weak wimps... look at David Copperfield." Brock said, "Actually I was going to say, look at Sigfreid and Roy, seeing that, well, you know... they're poofters..., but seeing as what happened during that accident, it seemed bad taste."  
  
"Speaking of bad taste..." Ash started to joke, but Misty slapped him before he could finish.

  


"Don't!" she warned, "Let's just head to the castle and end this on a high note."  
  
*****BACK IN THE CASTLE...**

  


"ASH!!!" Misty yelled, "What are you doing?"  
  
Ash was straddled on top of Draco, Draco's face completely bruised and beaten, Ash's fists all bruised and bloody, "What? You said end this on a high note... I'm kicking his ass! Isn't that what the fans want to see?"  
  
"Well... yes..." Misty said, "That just doesn't seem right..."  
  
"Well... come on!" Ash said, "When are we going to be back here? What does it matter?"  
  
Misty thought about that for a moment, then rushed up and drop kicked Professor Snape who happened to be coming around the corner.   
  
She then starts dropping elbows on the professor. Misty then rushes over and grabs an ax from a piece of armor and lifted it up over her head. Brock took the ax from her. Misty looked at the older teen and asked, "Too far?"  
  
Brock nodded, "Too far."  
  
"Ok," Ash said after stripping Draco and hanging from the chandelier by his underwear, "I'm done here."  
  
Misty looked up, "You do good work... how'd you get him up there?"  
  
"Trade secret." Ash said, "Lets get out of here before they press charges."  
  
*****SCENE CHANGE TO DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE**

  


  


"Excellent!" Dumbledore said, motioning to a large bubbling smoking cauldron, "Drop that flower in the pot."   
  


"Hey," Brock asked, "Pretty flower, kinda an odd smell though, what kind is it?"  
  
"Its a..."   
  
"STOP." Misty scolded, "No more... just put the fbleeping flower in the fbleeping pot, and lets get out of here.   
  


"Jesus Misty, just because you raise water pokemon doesn't mean you have to talk like a sailor," Ash said and dropped the flower in... and POOF!!!  
  


...

  


...

  


nothing happened.

  


"Hey!" Ash said, "We're still here!"  
  
"Well of course!" Dumbledore said, "First, I have to pour this potion on each of you."  
  
And with that he dumped the entire pot on top of the trio's head. "AUGHHH," Ash screams while rolling on the floor, "It burnsss it burnsss!!!"  
  
"Ash..." Misty said, "It's ice cold, the steam was just for show."  
  
Ash stopped rolling then realized she was right, "oh..."   
  
"Now..." Dumbledore said, "I have to chant the magic spell..."  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat and in a loud voice he chanted...   
  
"Nah nah nah nahhhh...

nah nah nah nahhhhhh

hey hey hey...

goodbyeeeee...."

  


Ash Misty and Brock start disappearing. Ash's parting words to this world was, "_The stink bombs I stuffed into Draco should be bursting now_..."   
  
"Well..." Dumbledore said, "This ending stinks..."  
**  
***IRIS OUT ON DUMBLEDORE'S WINKING FACE....**

  


**THE END**

  
"WOOHOO!" Ash declared, "That's a WRAP!!!"   
  
"The longest quickie ever!" Misty said, "Three parts! I cant believe we did this!"  
  
"Neither can I!" Brock said, "I cant believe we did the "spoon" joke..."   
  
"I cant believe we did the "flower" joke." Ash said.

  


"I cant believe BROCK got the save on us over Lord Voldemort!" Misty said.

  
"Hey!" Brock said, "Why shouldn't I get the save? I'm the oldest!"  
  
"Yeah yeah..." Ash said, "Come on, lets get out of here, Chug-a-Freezes on me, ok?"  
  
"Woohoo!" Misty said, with Brock agreeing, "Sounds good!"

  


"Alright!" Dumbledore said.

  
"Hey," Ash said, "Who invited you?"  
  
"Come on..." Dumbledore said, "I'll teach you how to levitate things."  
  
"Sweet," Brock said, "Come on then, it's miniskirt seasons coming soon!"  
  
Misty rolled her eyes, "Hey Ash... whatever happened to Pikachu?"   
  
"Hmmm..." Ash said, "That's a very good question, we never did explain that did we? Oh well..."  
  
And everyone left... 

  
***MEANWHILE...

  


Pikachu is trapped on a giant spider web as a spider inches closer, its fangs leaking poison. Pikachu squeaked, "Pikaaaa, pikaaa" (help meeee, help meeeeeeeee!!!) "Pikachu pika chu... (Ah... fbleep it...)  
  
And pikachu blasts the spider off the web with a large thuderbolt and screamed, "Pikachu pika pika!!!" (You like that bitch? This is MY house!!!)

  


And on that note... that leads us to...

  


**THE REAL END!!!**

  


  


Alright, as Ash put it so perfectly, that's a wrap! I hope everyone enjoyed this little trip to Hogswarts, I had no idea when I started this that the story would go on this long, initially I had it planned to about 7 pages, a little longer then a normal quickie, but it just kept growing. I hope everyone liked it, and I hope everyone checked out the sister story, "Pokemon Quickies on the Road" in the Harry Potter section, where Harry Ron and Hermione visited Kanto. Pretty good stuff, and its done. 

  
Thank you for reading this! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Now, I have a wedding this weekend, so I will be gone from home all weekend. A big congratulations to my cousin Teresa, may the years to come be very happy, healthy, and prosperous! *Throws rice* So, it'd be really cool if I came back on Sunday, and had a bunch of new reviews to read.... (hint hint hint) hehe, ok, I'm done hinting... for now... Again, thank you for reading this, and take care and have a great weekend! 

  


  



	18. Quickie 18: Riddle me this Riddle me th...

**Explanation/Disclaimer: **When is a raven like a writing desk? 

  


  


_**Quickie 18: Riddle me this... Riddle me that...  
**_  


"Cool," Brock said reading the script, "Today it looks like we're going to do a few riddles."  
  
"Neat!" Misty said, "I love riddles, does that mean we'll be skipping the immature humor?"   
  
"WOOHOO!" Ash cries out, as he slides past on his stomach, calling out, "They forgot to hide the Vaseline this time!!!"   
  
Brock shakes his head, "I keep telling him, that's not what it means to use Vaseline for pleasure..."  
  
Misty sighed, "I guess we'll be keeping the humor... but at least the riddles are real."  
  
"Yep!" Brock said, "Let's get started," And then took a step, slipped on the slippery trail left by Ash and did a pratfall onto his back. 

  


"Weeeee!" Ash cries out as he slides past another time.

  
"Oh geez..." Misty sighs, "Can we just get this started?"  
  


  
**_***RIDDLE #1_**

  


Team Rocket drags Ash forcefully into the dungeon and throws him into a cell. Ash grunts and quickly gets to his feet, and races to the door, but the henchmen are able to shut the door before he can get there. Ash pounds on the door, "Let me out!!! Let me OUT!!!"   
  
"Take it easy kid," one of the TR grunts said, "We'll let you out as soon as Professor Oak pays the ransom."  
  
And with that the guards walk away leaving Ash all alone. "Damnit." Ash cursed, "I'm the hero of this story, how the hell did I lose?" 

  
Ash thinks back to the battle, where he made his tragic flaw. But he learned a hard lesson of life. Don't moon your opponent before the match, wait until after the match to drop those trousers.   
  
"I cant believe Team Rocket caught me with my pants down..." Ash complained.  
  
Ash looked around, "And if Brock was here I'm sure he'd say something like I made an Ass of myself... BUTT, he's not here right now, so this isn't time time for jokes... I should see if there's a rear exit here..."  
  
Ash checked the entire 10 foot by 10 foot cell. The door was stainless steel, and locked tight. Ash looked up. About 8 feet up there was a small window, and it was opened. "I'm glad they gave me a room with a view..." Ash muttered, "If these walls weren't so smooth I might be able to get out through there."

  


"I wish I had my pokemon with me..., ,"Ash said, that was when Ash realized the second mistake he made during his fight, "Next time I take on Team Rocket, I'll have to remember whether or not I have my pokemon with me."

  
Ash knelt down and felt the ground. It wasn't metal like the rest of the room, it was a damp soil. "Hey!" Ash said, "I bet I could dig out of here!"  
  
Ash started digging, but only got about one foot deep before he came across a metal floor. "Shbleep!" Ash swore, "I thought I had something there..."  
  
Ash backed up and thought for a moment, "There HAS to be a way out of here... I mean... what would Aquaman do in a situation like this?"  
  
**_***Ash imagines Aquaman in his position..._  
**  
Aquaman looks around the room, looks up at the window, tries to leap to it to no avail. He goes over and tries the door, but cant get it open. "I shall use my power of telethapy over sea creatures to help me..." Aquaman closes his eyes and calls his fishy friends... but nothing happens because they aren't anywhere near water. "Well... this is a useful power..." Aquaman complains.  
  
Aquaman walks around the room surveying his situation, then says, "Well, I'm fbleeped" then pops a cyanide capsule and dies.  
**  
_***BACK TO RIDDLE..._**

  


"NOOOOOOO!" Ash screams and sinks to his knees, "He had so much to live for!!! He left behind a wife and two tons of caviar that he had to fertilize!"  
  
Ash got up and said, "Well that's not going to happen to me! I'm getting out of here! I'm going to live! I'm going to fertilize that caviar! ...but how do I get out of here?"  
  
Suddenly Ash got a brilliant idea. "EUREKA!!!" Ash declared.

  


  


_**ASH KNOWS HOW TO ESCAPE... DO YOU???**_

  


_**(think about the problem for a minute, despite all the jokes, this is a solvable riddle... then scroll down to get the answer and to continue the Quickie...)**_

  


_**...**_

  


_**...**_

  


**_...  
_**  
**...**

  


**...**

  


**...**

  


**...**

  


**...**

  


**...**

  


**...**

  


_**THE ANSWER:**_

  


Ash drops down to his knees and starts digging as fast as he can. He piles up all the dirt he digs into a large pile near the window. After digging up enough dirt, Ash uses to dirt pile to climb up to the window, which he goes through to safety...

  


Ash calls up Professor Oak, "Professor!" Ash says, "I escaped! Don't go through with the ransom!"   
  
"Oh thank goodness your safe!" Professor Oak said, "I was just about to transport them this ratatta in exchange for you're release."  
  
"A ratatta?" Ash said annoyed, "A RATATTA??? You've got to be kidding me, all they wanted was the weakest and most readily available pokemon in the world?"  
  
"That's all they figured they could get for you..." Oak explained.

  
"Ouch..." Ash said, rubbing his arm, "Right in the feel bads..., before I take any more ego damage, let's move on to the next riddle, ok?"  
  


  
  
*****RIDDLE #2**

  


Misty walked around the woods, "Psyduck?" she called out, "Psyduck? Where are you?" Misty leaned against the tree, and groaned, "That daffy duck... where has it gotten to now?" 

  


Misty shook her said and said, "If Ash was around he'd probably make a joke about Daffy Duck..., he's so despicable at times..." Then she giggled at her own joke.

  


"Hey!" Misty said, "There's a campfire over there, maybe whoever is there will have seen Psyduck."

  


Misty went down the hill to where the fire was, and to her surprise, there was Psyduck! Just sitting there on a rock by the fire. "Oh Psyduck!" Misty gushed, "Thank goodness I found you! Now lets get you back into your pokeball..."  
  
"JUST A MINUTE YOUNG LADY!!!" Cried out a voice.

  
Misty startled dropped her ball. "Who said that?" Misty asked.

  
"I did!" said an elderly man as he came out from the bushes, "And that there is my pokemon... you cant take it."  
  
"Excuse me" Misty said, "But that Psyduck belongs to me." 

  


"How do you know that is your Psyduck?" The man said.

  


Misty picked up the duck and showed the man it's butt, "See? I wrote my name on it!"  
  
Sure enough, "Misty" was written on the duck's behind. "Well... how do I know that YOU'RE Misty?"  
  
Misty reached into her backpack and took out her ID, "See?"  
  
The man reads the ID and said, "That could be fake..."  
  
"Its NOT fake!" Misty said, "Now give me my duck."  
  


"I will not," The man protested, "Because its not yours."  
  
Misty: "Then why is my name on it?"  
  
Man: "Because I wrote it there."  
  
Misty: (getting annoyed) "Well why would you write my name on it?"  
  
"Because its happens to be my name too!" The man protested.

  
Misty: "You're name is a Misty?"  
  
Man: "Yes."   
  
"Why would you have a female's name?" Misty asked  
  
"Because I AM a female." the obviously male man said.

  


Misty sweatdropped, "If you're female then please explain why you have a long white mustache."  
  
"Its a milk mustache." The man explained.  
  
"It is NOT!!!" Misty screamed, "Its thick as a bush and over a foot long!!"  
  
"I like my milk." the man explained.

  


Misty shook her head in frustration, this is getting me no where..., "Listen..." Misty said, "Are you acting stupid just so you wont have to give me my pokemon back... or are you just senile?"  
  
"You know..." The man said, "I'm really not sure anymore."  
  
Misty just stared at the man, and reached for her mallet. The man saw this and said, "Wait wait wait..., maybe we can settle this in a less violent fashion... if you can guess my name, you can have your pokemon back..."  
  
"Your name?" Misty said, "And how would I guess that?"  
  
"Well, you're the owner of a psychic pokemon, you should have above average intelligence... I'll give you a clue, and if you guess correctly, the pokemon is yours."  
  
Misty rolled her eyes, and thought to herself, "It cant hurt... even if I get it wrong, he's old, I could beat him up and still take Psyduck back..." Then she said out loud, "Alright, let me hear your hint."  
  
The man cleared his throat and said...

  


"I am a trainer,

That has earned great fame

Everyone knows there isn't

A pokemon I cant tame.

Allen is my first name,

What is my last name."  
  
The man looked into Misty's blue eyes and said, "My name is hidden in that little poem... so please... tell me my full name."  
  
Misty stared at the man for a second, then a light bulb went off. But that light bulb went off like a block away, in a little house owned by the Jones..., and don't worry, they had a replacement... but more importantly, Misty figured out what the man's name was!

  


  


_**MISTY KNOWS THE MAN'S FULL NAME... DO YOU??? (scroll down to get the answer...)**_

  


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_**THE ANSWER:**_

  


Misty pointed at the man and said, "You're name is Allen What. The last line of your poem ended with a period, not a question mark! It was a statement, not a question."   
  
The man smiled, nodded, and said, "Correct."  
  
"Yee-Ha!" Misty said, "Go me... Go me..., now I'll be taking my Psyduck if you don't mind..."  
  
Allen pouted, "Oh fine... take it."  
  
"Thanks." Misty said calling back Psyduck into it's ball, "I'm surprised you gave up so easily."  
  
"Well," The Man said, "A deal's a deal..." And in a puff a smoke he disappeared.

  
"Wow..." Misty said, "Cool trick..., I'm just glad he gave me back Psyduck without a fight."  
  
The man's voice echoed seemingly from nowhere and everywhere at once, "Like I said, I had to... a deal's a deal, and you showed great wisdom in figuring out my name, that pokemon is in great hands..."  
  
Misty smiled happily, and thought to herself, "I guess he was a wise old sensi... truly honorable." Then the Man continued, "Plus... I took your wallet while you weren't looking... I'm going to get Liquored up tonight!"  
  
"WHAT???" Misty yelled, checking for her wallet, "Damnit! This sucks... let's just move on to the next one... ok?"  
  


  
**RIDDLE #3  
**  
Brock comes racing across the landscape at top speed, he mutters to himself, "I can't believe I'm late for this pokemon battle!!! Why, oh why, did they have to play an all night Striperella marathon last night?"

  


Brock raced as fast as he could, and just barely came to a screeching halt as he came up to a rickety bridge. Brock took out his handbook, "According to this, all I have to do is cross this bridge and I'll be at the tournament, with just about 5 minutes to spare before I get disqualified from my match."  
  


Brock was about to take a step onto a bridge when he heard a loud voice yell, "WAIT!"  
  
Brock stopped dead and turned on his heels, to see an old man standing there. In a rickety voice he said, "What do you think you're doing lad?"  
  
"Lad?" Brock questioned, then shook his head and said, "I'm going to cross this bridge so I can get to the tournament. Now if you'll excuse me..." 

  


"STOP!" The old man commanded.  
  
Brock sighed, "I'm in a hurry, what do you want?"   
  
"How much do you weigh?" The man asked.

  
"148 pounds." Brock explained.  
  
"And I see you have three pokeballs with you." The man said, "And if I recall correctly, each pokeball weighs one pound."  
  
"Hey, wait a second..." Brock said, "You're the guy from the last riddle aren't you? Allen, right?"  
  
"That's not important now..." Allen said, "You're in grave danger..."  
  
"You took my friend's wallet, didn't you?" Brock asked.

  
"Excuse me, this isn't about me..." Allen said, "This is about you, and the tournament."  
  
Brock rolled his eyes, "Well then, let me go..., then I'll come back, and beat you up and get my friend's wallet back."  
  
Brock started to walk away, and Allen yelled, "Would you STOP ALREADY?"  
  
Brock turned back to the old man and Allen continued, "See... you weigh 148 pounds, your three pokeballs weigh one pound each. However... that bridge will not support any more then exactly 150 pounds, or it will collapse and you'll fall to you're death in the pit of endless flames."  
  
Brock looked at the bridge and said, "You think there'd be a warning up or something."  
  
"Or you'd think they'd pick a safer area to hold this tournament." Allen said.

  
"Well," Brock said looking at his watch, "I don't have time to make two trips..."  
  
"What if you let your pokemon out?" Allen asked.

  
"I only brought three Onix with me..." Brock explained, "And they weigh over 200 pounds each."  
  
"Well, that sucks." Allen said.  
  
"Thanks for the help." Brock said, gazing across the bridge, "Too far to throw them... and too risky anyway... and much to far to try to call the pokemon back into the ball from the other side... damn, I'm screwed."  
  
"Oh...," Allen said, "There IS a way to do this... and I know the way."  
  
"Really!" Brock said happily, "What is it?"  
  
Allen stuck out his palm and made a coughing noise.  
  
Brock sighed and handed him his wallet. "Alright then, what's the answer."  
  
"The answer is very simple, all you have to do is..." Allen started to say then finished it off with a "BLAH!!!" And threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared. Brock stared in shock then yelled, "You old son of a bitch! If I get my hands on you I'll stuff dog food down your throat and stick starving pitbulls up your butt!!!" (Thank you Moe Sizlack)

  


"Oh man" Brock said, "I need to figure this out right away! Hey wait a sec! I think I got it!!!"

  


_**BROCK KNOWS THE WAY TO CROSS... DO YOU? (Scroll down for the answer)**_

  


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_**THE ANSWER:**_

  


Brock looked at his three balls, (no jokes please) and said, "I could JUGGLE! That way there'd always be one ball in the air and I'd only weight 150 pound! That's terrific... but... I don't know how to juggle..."  
  
Brock looked across the bridge and swore, "Well... this certainly sucks... I figured out the riddle, and I still get screwed, well, lets just move to the next one... ok?"  
  


  


**RIDDLE #4**  
  
"Alright you three," Officer Jenny said, "You three have finally been caught." 

  


"Oh no!" James said as the handcuffs got clipped to his wrists, "Jessie! What are we going to do?"  
  
"Oh stop crying," Jessie said also being cuffed.  
  
"Yeah!" Meowth said, "Its not a big deal, we'll..." Meowth was cut off as the officers put a muffle on him.  
  
"Thanks..." Jessie said, "When we get free, could we borrow that?"  
  
"You wont be getting free!" Officer Jenny scolded, "We're putting you away for good!"  
  
James wailed, and Jessie snapped, "Oh stop it James, they don't have anything concrete on us, what's the WORST they could do to us?"  
  
***10 minutes later...

  


"Umm... Jessie..." James said worried.

  


The reason why he was worried was because he had a noose tied around his neck. In fact all three of them had nooses around their necks. Also, next to each of them was a big executioner, each holding a large ax.  
  
"Well," Meowth said, (now ungagged), "This is what I'd call over kill..."  
  
"Dead right..." James agreed.

  


"HEY!!!" Jessie yelled to Officer Jenny, "What's the big deal, we haven't had a trial yet!!!"  
  


Officer Jenny... sorry, make that JUDGE Jenny said, "This IS your trial. I am your judge jury and executioner..."

  


"Like that Sylvester Stallone movie?" Meowth asked.

  


"Yes, but with better acting..." Judge Jenny said, "Now then... let me explain..., you've committed horrible crimes on the pokemon community, and just being overall nasty villains. Because of your many crimes, there seems to be some dispute about how to deal with you three. Most of the people want you hanged. Hence the ropes."  
  
"Are these ropes 100% cotton?" James asked

  
"Why yes, they are." Judge Jenny answered

  


"Comfy..." James said.

  
"We aim to please." Judge Jenny continued, "Another group of people want you beheaded."  
  
Meowth looked at the sharp blade and said, "I think we get the point."  
  
"Oh... you very well might..." Jenny said grinning, "However, due to corruption in the government, and the fact that your boss bought us a very nice pool table, we have to give you a chance at freedom."  
  
"WOOHOO!!!" Jessie cried out, "Thank god for the revolving door!"   
  
"So how do we get our freedom?" Meowth asked.

  


"Very simple." Judge Jenny said, "One of you will say a statement. If I think that the statement is true, then you will be hanged. If I think the statement is false, then you will be beheaded."  
  
"Sounds fair." Jessie said sarcastically.

  


James complained, "You cant be serious!"  
  
Jenny pointed over to the side and said, "We're quite serious about the law here... look."  
  
Off to the side we see Allen in the stocks while Misty and Brock took turns kicking him. And giggling their asses off while doing so. "Woohoo!" Brock yells, "Closure!"

  


"Yipes." Meowth said.  
  
"However," Judge Jenny continued ignoring the Team Rocket member, "If I cannot decide whether the statement is true OR false... then I will be forced to let you free."  
  
Jessie said to the Judge, "Excuse us for just one second..." And the trio huddled together. The trio whispered amongst each other, Jessie whispered, "Alright, lets say, "The Loch Ness Monster is real..." no one knows if that's true or not!'

  
"Wait..." James said, "She might just say its not a true statement... and then... and then..." James started to bawl.  
  
"Come on Jimmy" Meowth said, "Don't lose your head."  
  
"But THATS what would happen!" James cried.

  


"Wait a minute..." Meowth said, "I think I know a way out of this predicament."  
  
**_MEOWTH KNOWS THE PHRASE THAT WILL GET THEM SET FREE... DO YOU KNOW IT???  
(come on people, if you don't know to scroll down by now... you're probably not smart enough to solve this riddle anyway!)_**

  


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_**THE ANSWER:**_

  


Meowth grins at Judge Jenny and says, "Alright then... our phrase is, 'you will cut of our heads."  
  
Jessie and James scream, "WHAT??? Don't give them that suggestion!!!"  
  
Jenny scowls and says, "Alright... release the prisoners."  
  
Meowth grins as he and his teammates are released. "But... but..." James said, "I'm confused."  
  
Meowth sighed, "Nitwits... alright, I'll explain, I said, "You'll cut off our heads." If Jenny says its a true statement, that means she'll have to hang us, making it a false statement, which means then they'd have to cut off our head... and so on... If she said it was a false statement, that means then she'd have to cut off our heads which made it a true statement... I think you see where I'm going. So there's no way she could decide what our statement was."   
  
Jessie and James eyes swirl with confusion, Meowth waved his paw in front of the their eyes, "Uh oh... I think I fried their brains... I think this would be a good place to end this."  
  
**THE END**

  


Meowth placed his team members in a wheel barrow and started to wheel them out, "Good one guys" it called over to Ash Misty and Brock.  
  
"Yeah," Misty said, "I enjoyed it"  
  
Brock looked at the dizzied Team Rocket, "Are those two going to be alright?"  
  
Meowth sighed, "Yeah, they just did a bit too much thinking, so I'm going to take them to a place where brains and thinking has no place."  
  
"The new Jim Carrey Movie?" Ash asked.  
  
"Bingo!" Meowth said leading them out.

  
"Ha... i knew it!" Ash said.

  
"No," Meowth corrected, "you're wrong, I'm taking them to playing Bingo... what are you, deaf?"  
  
Ash Misty and Brock all shared a glance. Then Misty asked, "Can we come too?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" Meowth said, "We could all use some dead brain time."  
  
As they were walking out, "We could always just watch Fighting Foodons." Ash suggested.  
  
"Jeez," Misty said, "We just want to slow down our brains, not kill them all together."  
**  
THE REAL END**  
  


And that is another quickie under the belt. I hope you all enjoyed this one because I especially enjoyed writing this one! (I love riddles) I wasn't sure how it the combination of humor and riddles would go, but, I managed to write it, and you managed to read to this point... and well, there you are. Thank you for reading this story, I hope you enjoyed it! By the way, all these riddles are classic riddles that have been around for a long time, and not written by me. I changed them to make them more entertaining, but I cant take credit for thinking up the base puzzle, they've been around since before I was born. (Of course if you believe in reincarnation, there is a good chance that I DID create those riddles myself...) I've rambled here enough. Take care, thanks for reading. Bye bye!

  


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Shoot! I forgot to ask for reviews... ah, never mind, I'm sure they'll remember to review... (_please_)

  


;-)

  


  


  



	19. Quickie 19: They Came From The Pumpkin P...

**Explanation/Disclaimer**: The story you are about to see is a fib... but its short. The names are fake, but the problems are real. 

  


**Quickie #19: They Came From The Pumpkin Patch or... Halloweenies**

  


**Announcer: (talking like Dracula)** "_Good Evening, my children of the night, tonight is Halloween night, and our favorite trio has made a pit stop at the local pokemon center. What adventure awaits our heroes on this most unholy of nights? _

  


We open on a dark and stormy night... thunder claps, lighting up the sign "Arkham Asylum"

  


**Announcer: (interrupting the scene)** _"Alright, can I take these fangs out now? God damn, they're uncomfortable, what do you mean I left the microphone on? Oh Shi... zzzzzz..."_  
  


Ash is dragged kicking and screaming by two guards. "LET ME GO!!!" Ash screams loudly, "You FOOLS!!! You have it all wrong!!!"  
  
After much struggling, the two guards manage to throw Ash into a padded room and lock the door. "Tough kid," The one guard muttered, "So young..."  
  
"Yeah well," the second guard said, "Don't take too much pity, this kid is dangerous."

  


"Jeez..." the first guard said, "Such evil in the world... what would make someone nuts like this."

  
The second guard shook his head, "Well, I contribute all this to El Nino, the changing of the WWF to the WWE and, of course, Pepsi One."  
  
"Oh, not this one again... I simply can't believe that Michael and Latoya Jackson is the head of the Illuminati." The first guard said.  
  
"Hey, you laugh," The second guard replied, "But just wait till the great awakening happens, we'll all lose our noses."  
  


The two guards leave, and Ash continues to yell and pound his fist on the clear glass door, "LISTEN TO ME!!! WE ARE ALL IN GRAVE DANGER!!! THE INVADERS ARE HERE!!!"  
  
From another cell, another guy yells out, "He's right, To Serve Man, its a cookbook!!! It's a COOKBOOK!!!"  
  
Ash: "What?"  
  
From the cell next to him, another guy yells, "It's made from people!!! Pokemon Chow is made of people!!!"  
  
Ash: "Hey, we did that joke already! Besides, you're just crazy..."  
  
From the cell across from him, "We're all living in a matrix, this isn't the real world!"  
  
Ash: "Hey guys, stop it! You're making me look crazy too!"  
  
From down the hallway a guy wailed, "I can't believe its not butter!!!"  
  
Ash: "Oh jeez..., everyone in this asylum is crazy..."  
  
Suddenly a guy runs up and starts pounding on his door, and glares at him and asks in a dark voice, "Do you read Sutter Kane?"  
  
The man is tackled by a guard and dragged back to his cell. Ash complain, "From the mouth of babes... comes from the mouth of madness..." Then he shook his head, "I can't deal with this right now..." 

  


Ash walks over and sits on his bunk and puts his head in his hands. "I can't believe this is happening... All my friends are gone. My pokemon are either missing... or worse. And the world is going to come to an end, and only I know what's going on, and everyone thinks I'm crazy. Now I know how Bush feels... except in my case there really IS something going on and I'm really not insane... but its a close analogy. Of course... If I'm really sane, why am I talking to myself? I really should stop..."  
  
A door opens from the far end of the hallway. A guard says, "His cell is down the hallway and to the left. Don't make eye contact with any of the inmates, no flash photography, and please remember, objects in you're mirror are closer then they appear."  
  
She walks down the hallway, Ash can't see her, but he can hear her footsteps. They stop. She says, "Hey... what is that you got there? Is that hair gel? Can I borrow some, thanks! I just ran out."  
  
She continues walking and stops in front of Ash's cell door. "Mr. Ketchum I assume?"  
  
"And you would be Mary?" Ash asked.  
  
She looked shocked, "How did you know my name?"  
  
Ash shrugged, "There's just something about you..."  
  
"Well, its actually Dr. Mary Shelly." She explained, "I was visiting another patient here, but when I heard of your case, they asked if I would stop and talk with you."  
  
"Another patient, Dr. Shelly... let me guess his name," Ash said, "Would that be a Mr. Frank N. Stein?"  
  
Mary's face fell, "How did you know... are you psychic?"  
  
"No... I can just see a bad joke coming from a mile away." Ash explained. 

  


"A bad joke..." Dr. Shelly asked, "I'm afraid I don't follow you." She then started to jot down some notes.

  


"Never mind..." Ash said, "And Misty used to joke that I belonged in an asylum cause of my puns... at least I think she was joking..."  
  
"Misty?" Dr. Shelly asked.

  
"She is... was... a friend of mine." Ash explained, "Until tonight..."  
  
"Yes..." Dr. Shelly said constantly writing down notes, "Tell me about tonight... and about this... 'Misty'."   
  
Ash raised an eyebrow, and said, "I'm not sure if I like those quotes around her name... but ok... here's my story, but I think the only decent way to tell it is in flashback..."  
  
The doctor nodded, "Go ahead."  
  
Ash reached into his pocket took about a white packet that read, "INSTANT FLASHBACK: Just add water."  
  
Ash opened the packet, and poured in a glass of water, glossy steam rose out of the bag, and everything goes blurry... "Ok..." Ash said, as things got blurrier, "It happened like this..."  
  
*blurry...

  


*blurrier...

  


*blurriest...

  


_*****Ash's Flashback...**_

  


_"It all started earlier today, I had just stopped in Sudowood City... I checked my pokemon in so they could be healed. With me, was Misty and Brock."_

_  
_"Well," Ash said, "Tonight is Halloween night! And you know what that means?"  
  
"Yeah!" Misty said, "Trick or Treating, Ghost Stories..., I love Halloween!"  
  
"Except for Christmas, Halloween is my favorite holiday," Ash agreed, "And from what I saw, there's some great houses around here for Trick or Treating!"  
  


"Just one problem guys..." Brock said, "Today is Halloween, the sun is setting, and we need a costume."  
  
"That's no problem..." Ash said, "You just have to be creative... look..."  
  
Ash takes a pillow from the couch and stuffs it down his pants, "Look... I'm a porn star."  
  
"You wish." Brock said.  
  
"Yeah, me too." Misty muttered.

  
Ash and Brock: "Huh?"  
  
Misty: "Nothing, nevermind, actually, why don't we just go to that costume shop across the street?"  
  
Ash and Brock look out the door, and sure enough, there's a Halloween shop still open at this hour. "Huh..." Ash said, "That's convenient."  
  
_"So how lucky could we be? We needed a costume, and there across the street was a costume shop. It couldn't have been more convenient if it was written by a writer who didn't know a better way to set up a string of jokes."_  
  


Brock comes out of the dressing room like a cowboy. "What do you think?" he asked.

  


Ash shrugged, "Its not you..."  
  
"Yeah, looks kinda like 'home on the deranged." Misty commented.  
  
Ash comes out wearing a zombie costume.  
  
"Nah, that one is dead wrong." Brock commented.

  


Ash looks around and slips on a red jacket. "How about now?"   
  
"Thrilling!" Brock said.

  
Misty then comes out wearing a pirate's outfit. "How do I look guys?"  
  
"Nice booty!" Ash grinned.

  
"Augh," Misty groaned, "I couldn't listen to THAT joke all night..."  
  
Brock comes out dressed like Goku, "Tell me this costume doesn't rock!"  
  
"Yeah!" Ash agrees, "I'm super saying that's a great costume!"  
  
Ash comes out wearing a ghost costume. "Honestly Ash..." Misty says, "That costume really is just a piece of sheet."  
  
**_A SHORT TIME LATER..._**

  


"Great costume guys!" Misty said, who happened to be wearing a mermaid costume. No... not that copyrighted character who I cannot mention or I will be sued. A totally original mermaid, who just happens to be little... and have red hair. On an unrelated note, when Tony Hawk does that flying around on his skateboard, have you noticed how aerial he gets? 

  


"I love this costume!" Ash says, dressed as captain of the enterprise, Jean Luc Picard.   
  
"Aye aye captain!" Brock said saluting, dressed in purple garb... posing as a certain lecherous of a monk. Brock grabs Misty's hands, "Won't you bare me a child."  
  
Misty smacks his hands away, "Stop that! We've wasted enough time! Let's start trick or treating!"

  


_"So then, we started trick or treating... and wouldn't you know, first house is where things went to hell... when we arrived at the door we were having a very intelligent discussion."  
_  


"Alright," Brock said, "What do you call a donkey?"  
  
Ash: "An ass."  
  
Brock: "Ok., what if that donkey was really big?"  
  
Ash: "A big-ass ass."  
  
Misty: "What if we were talking about that large donkey's posterior?"

  


Ash: "That would be a big-ass ass's ass."  
  
Brock: "And if his posterior was big?"  
  
Ash: "That'd be a big-ass ass's big-ass ass."  
  
Misty: "What if the person who owned said donkey's posterior was a jerk?"  
  
Ash: "That would be an ass's big-ass ass's big-ass ass."

  


Brock: "And if that jerk was really fat?"

  


Ash: "That would be a Big-ass'ed ass's big-ass ass's big-ass ass."

  


"Wow..." Misty said, "That was truly a waste of time, energy and space..."  
  
"Yeah, this is written down, and it was still a waste of breath!" Brock said.

  
"But it killed enough time, look, here's the first house, let's ring the bell!"  
_  
***DING DONG!!!* **_

  


Misty, Ash and Brock: "Trick or Treat!"  
  
The door opened and out came,

  
"GARY?!?!" Ash asked surprised, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Visiting my aunt!" Gary explained, "What are you guys... oh, hahaha, you've got to be kidding me, you losers are still trick or treating! You'd NEVER see me acting so immature... what losers!"  
  
Ash stared at Gary in disbelief for a moment then said, "Dude... free candy..."  
  
Gary stared at Ash for a second then said, "Umm... can I come?"  
  
"Sure... but you need a costume..." Ash said.

  


"Alright, I think I have something..." Gary said, "wait for me downstairs, ok? I'll only be a minute."  
  
_"We waited for him, but after 20 minutes, we began to grow a bit restless."_  
  
"Where the Fbleep is he???" Misty swore.  
  
"Damn, Misty, take it easy!" Ash said.  
  
Misty scowled, "He's keeping me from chocolate!"  
  
"Alright, alright" Ash said, "I'll go up and see if I cant find him..."  
  
Ash walked up the stairs and knocked on Gary's door, "Gary... you in there?"  
  
No answer.  
  
"Hello?" Ash said, "I'm going to open the door..."  
  
No answer.

  
Ash opened the door, but Gary wasn't in there. But he heard a strange noise coming from the closet. Ash slow inched to the door. One step at a time. His hands trembled. He opened the door and...

  
Darkness there... and nothing more...

  
"So Gary will be trick or treating with us...?" Ash started to ask.

  
Nevermore.

  


Ash grinned, "Very nice..., gotta love the classics." Ash turned around and   
  
***DRAMATIC MUSIC!!!  
  
Comes face to face with Gary, but his head isn't his head. Its a pumpkin. With evil glowing eyes. "Woah!" Ash screamed, "Bitching costume! You ready?"  
  
Sudo-Gary just stood there. Ash looked closely, "That really is a great costume! I mean, you're eyes are even lit up... I mean, it looks like that mask is hollow, like its a real... pumpkin... thats... kinda freaky... Gary...?  
  
Sudo-Gary just stared then lifted up a knife. "Ok... well... I think that's enough of that..."  
  
Ash backed away, and Sudo-Gary lunged with his knife. Ash swung open the door, and pumpkin head smashed into the door shattering to a thousand pieces, and the body of Gary laid lifeless on the ground. 

  


"Oh my god..." Ash said, "This is freaky, its like a Mrs. Smith pies commercial from hell!"  
  


Ash raced down the stairs just in time to see Brock and Misty being dragged out of the house by pumpkin shaped aliens. "Ash!!!! HELP!!!" Misty cried as the door closed.

  


Ash ran out the door as fast as he could, but it was no use, they were gone! But up in the sky, there was a bright glowing UFO, orange in shape and round. "What's that???" Ash said in horror.

  
A round headed alien boy holding a blue blanket standing next to Ash said, "Why, its the great pumpkin, Ash!"   
  
"Oh my god..." Ash said, "Its an invasion... you're taking over Earth!!!"   
  
"Well... duh."  
  
Ash took off running, "I'll tell the people! I'll tell them how evil pumpkins from outer space are taking over the earth!"  
  
The alien nodded, and said, "You do that, I'm sure no one will think you're crazy."  
  
*****END OF FLASHBACK**

  


Ash paced frantically, "So there's the story! That's why we have to hurry! There isn't much time, Gary's dead, but no one likes him anyway. There might be a way to save Misty and Brock!"  
  
Dr. Shelly nodded and said, "Well... that's a very interesting story mister ass... I mean... Ash... but there's a problem."  
  
"What?" Ash asked.  
  
"Well," Dr. Shelly said, "Here's the problem, I've checked the records, there is no Ms. Oak living anywhere near here. Plus the address you gave us doesn't exist."  
  
"But... but that's crazy!" Ash said.  
  
"Even worse," Dr. Shelly said, "There's no record of any gyms run by a Misty or a Brock. Those people do not exist."  
  
"That's... that's... you're lying!" Ash cried out.

  


"Even more." Dr. Shelly said, "There's never been anyone named Ash Ketchum ever being born or living in Pallet Town."  
  
"What... but... but..." Ash started crying, "What's... what's going on..."  
  
"In fact..." Dr. Shelly said, "None of this is real... this is just a movie..."  
  
"What...?" Ash said still crying, "You're talking crazy..."  
  
Dr. Shelly pointed, "Look... they're watching you right now..."  
  
Ash stared and screamed, "Oh my god... this can't be happening."  
  
*****WE PAN OUT TO SEE WHO'S WATCHING ASH...**

  


Crow: "This movie sucks..."  
  
Mike: "Yeah, this is even worse then blood island of doctor Z."  
  
Tom: "Yeah, but they used the word 'ass' alot, so it could have been worse."  
  
Crow: "But what kind of sick Twilight Zone ending was this? It just fell flat."  
  
Mike: "Let's just get out of here... before we have to start watching it again."  
  
And the three space captives leave the viewing room, Ash still up on the screen screaming in horror. 

  


**THE END **_insert evil laugh_

  


"Well..." Ash said, "That one was different."  
  
"But we got it up in time for Halloween!" Misty said, "And we had some great references!"  
  
"I just wonder whether this one was a trick or a treat?" Brock said.

  
"You were just dying to use that line, weren't you?" Ash asked.

  
"Oh yeah!" Brock agreed, "Been trying to think of a way of using that one since we started!"  
  
"Let's get out of here, we have a Halloween party to go to," Ash said, "Hey, Mike! You guys want to do your thing for the final comments?"  
  
Mike: "You got it!"  
  
*****THE REAL END*****

  


**Alright guys... and girls. **

  


_Crow: Damned Political correctness."_

  


** Thanks for reading, and I hope you all have a happy and safe Halloween, **

  


_Tom: "That means no stuffing jack o lanterns with fireworks."  
_  
_Crow: "Awww...."  
_  
**filled with tricks,**

  


_Mike: "When trick or treating in the red light district."_

  


** treats, and a few scares. **

  


_Crow: "You want scares? Watch that movie Barber Shop and then realize that they're making a sequel!"_

  


**If I say "trick or treat" instead of candy would you give reviews? **

  


_Mike: "Well that's begging for reviews couldn't get more pathetic..."_  
  
**Well then... "trick or treat!" **

  


_Mike: "I stand corrected."  
_  
_Crow: "It's like Mike on a date."  
  
Mike: "Hey!"  
_  


** if not... I like snickers. **

  


_Tom: "Believe me, you're getting plenty of them... mostly behind your back."  
_  
** Seriously, thanks for reading, I appreciate it.**

  


_All: *makes kissing up noises*_

  


**and again, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! **

  


_All: "Happy Halloween... beware the pumpkin people!!"_

  


...

  


...

  


...

  


...

  


...

  


Parting scene (fans of the show will know what I mean): 

  


"So Gary will be trick or treating with us...?" Ash started to ask.

  
Nevermore.

  


Ash grinned, "Very nice..., gotta love the classics."  


  


  



	20. Quickie 20: Mockumentary

**Disclaimer/Explanation: **The time has come the walrus said to talk of many things... Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings.

  


**Author's note:** _And here we are... Quickie #20! Hurray! For such a milestone as this, I figured an extra special quickie was in order. So I super-sized this one. I've been working on this one for a while now, so I hope you all enjoy, and I hope you'll all review to let me know what you think. If you're a fan of those old Looney Tunes "documentary" cartoons, (I used to love those) then I think you'll like this. If you weren't... meh, what the hell, you'll probably still like this. :-D Well, go and read this, and we'll talk again at the end. Enjoy!_

  


**Quickie 20: Mockumentary **

  


Professor Oak walks onto the screen and clears his throat. "Many of you have clicked on this chapter in hopes that you were going to read another zany episode of pokemon quickies. Well, tonight, Pokemon Quickies have been preempted in order to present a documentary on the ins and outs of the parental ratings system and genre selection on fanfiction.net. I am sorry to disappoint you, but there will be no wackiness, lewdness, or other cartoon references one usually associates with Pokemon Quickies. This will be a serious, on the level discussion."  
  
Ash walks onto the screen wearing nothing but Kim Possible underoos. Professor Oak just stares at him for second, before he asks, "Ash! What in the hell are you wearing?"  
  


"Brand new KP underoos, that show rocks!" Ash explained, "Wanna see my grappling hook?"  
  
Professor Oak winced and yelled, "NO! Get out of here, get to the back and get dressed, we're about to start!"  
  
Suddenly Misty ran by half naked screaming, "Brock brought bug pokemon in the back!!! Get them out of there!!!"  
  
Ash watches the half naked Misty run by, then after a moment, we hear the Kimmuticator Beeping noise, "Beep beep beep beep..."  
  
Professor Oak looked at Ash for a second and asked, "Do I want to know what caused that noise to go off?"  
  
Ash shook his head, "Probably not..."  
  
"Good, cause I didn't want to ask..." The pokemon professor said trying to be patient, "now, would you please get Misty and would you two please get ready... we are about to start!!!"  
  
Ash ran off camera and Professor Oak looks back at the screen. "Alright, so there is no confusion, we are going to set up situations as aids for you see the difference in genres and ratings. Lets begin, shall we? ...is everyone ready?"   
  
Voices from off screen: "YES!"

  


Oak nodded and said, "Alright then, lets begin... lets start with a normal 'general' theme for pokemon..."  
  


**Oak: ***START SCENE*****  
  


Ash pointed to his long time rival Gary and cried out, "You've insulted me for the last time, Gary, it's time once and for all for us to see who's the better pokemon trainer!"  
  
Gary scoffed at Ash, "Please Ash... you're as weak a trainer as your pokemon are... well, pokemon... weak that is... weak pokemon."  
  


**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE*****

  


Oak talks as everything else remains motionless, "Alright, as you see, so far this is a 

  


_*ding!* G rating, _

  


"...and will pretty much remain that way. Also, please note that with fanfictions, long time story lines will come to a head. Lead Villains vanquished, teased romances surfacing, or rivalries finally coming to an end. A lot of times, authors will take explain exposition from the show to help aid the understanding of the situation.  
  
**Oak: ***CONTINUE SCENE*****

  


Ash pointed to Gary and said, "Alright Gary, lets end this long time rivalry we've had going since the day we left Pallet Town, the town where we each were born and raised, to go onto our separate pokemon journeys." 

  
Gary nodded, and threw out his Arcinine, took a deep breath and said, "Go Arcinine! Ash you don't stand a chance against my well bread fire dog pokemon which i raised from a Growleth until it evolved into the Arcinine you're looking at right now with your eyes filled with optic nerves sending electrical impulses to the brain allowing you to see the person who will defeat you in this pokemon battle."  
  
Ash nodded back, took a long deep breath and said, "Alright, my long time rival Gary, I acknowledge how powerful a fire type pokemon you have there, and normally i would use a water type pokemon against it because water types have the advantage in these kinds of battles, but Pikachu has been with me from the beginning when I woke up late the morning we left on our adventure so I didn't get any of the three normal starting pokemon from Professor Oak so I had to take a misbehaving electrical mouse type which is called Pikachu who grew to be very powerful and is my best friend and... *ERK!***  
  
Ash passes out from talking so long.   
  
**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE***  
**  


"As you can see, this tactic of sneaking exposition into your story is a great idea to give readers with little information about the subject your fanfiction is based on some insight to the show, book, game, etc..." Oak lectured, "However... as you can see... it can be overdone... from general, its very easy to take this into an 'action' fanfic."  
  
**Oak: ***CONTINUE SCENE*****

  


"Pikachu, THUDERBOLT!!!" Ash cried out. The yellow pokemon leapt up in the air, screamed loudly as it let out a huge burst of electric which tore up the ground as it raced to the Arcinine. The air howled with power as the attack grew nearer.   
  
"Arcinine! Flame Thrower!!" Gary called out.

  


The fire pokemon opened its mouth and let out a huge blast of fire. Gary could feel the burning heat even as far away as he was. The two powerful attacked met each other and exploded in a blinding bright light. The air crackled with energy, and one could swear they could smell burning hotdogs. As the light dims we see both pokemon are bruised, but not beaten yet. 

  


**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE*****

  


Oak walks to the pokemon as he says, "Did you notice how graphic the violence was? Couldn't you feel the sheer power of the attacks? This is what we call, action... of course, there are different levels of action and violence... lets kick this scene up a notch."  
  
**Oak: ***BAM!!!*****

  


The two pokemon stare at each other, then out of nowhere they pull out long staffs with a blade on each end. The two charge at each other, Arcinine now standing on its hind legs, and start swinging the weapons at one another. As they start, music starts to play... Star Trek Music to be exact. "Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dundundun..."

  


Arcinine swings the blade downward and slashes the yellow pokemon, blood starts pouring from its wound. "PIKA!" it cried out as it rolled from the next attack.   
  


**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE*****

  


"Much more violent that time, right?" Oak asked, "Now we have blades and blood. That's what causes this fanfic to now get the parental rating of...

  


_*ding!* PG_

  


"We have now moved out of the realm of cartoonish violence to bad sci fi violence. Of course, there we can always increase the violence even more... so lets kick it up one more notch..."  
  
**Oak: ***BAM!!!*****

  


Pikachu rolls out of the way from the swinging blade, which impales itself in the ground. Pikachu, still bleeding rolls to its feet, and strangely in an accent says, "Pika a chu, pika pika chu!!!* (Say hello to my little friend!) and pulls out a machine gun, and opens fire.

  
The bullets spray all over, drilling Arcinine. into the air where it spirals as the bullets riddle it. It howls in pain.   
  
**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE***  
**  
"Alright then, we have pretty much achieved maximum violence... now before this becomes messy or we have a dead dog on our hands, lets lower the violence back to the set cartoon level. So lets kick it down a notch..."  
  
**Oak: *MAB!!!*****

  


Arcinine lands on the ground, with spirals in its eyes signaling that the bullets didn't really kill him, but knocked him out with no serious injuries.   
  
Brock declares, "Arcinine is no longer able to battle, the match goes to Ash!"  
  
Gary calls Arcinine back and says, "You did great Arcinine, you deserve a long rest that will surely heal you from the multiple bullet wounds you received. Great job Ash, you raised your Pikachu very well."  
  
Ash smiled and said, "Thanks Gary, you too!"  
  
Gary looked confused, "But I didn't raise your Pikachu."  
  
"I meant you raised your pokemon well too." Ash explained.   
  
"Oh..."  
  
**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE*****

  
Oak takes a sip of water and clears his throat. "Alright then, from the genre action, we can move into the genre of romance. A very typical form of romance fanfic is called the "fluffy romance". As depicted here..."  
  
**Oak: ***CONTIUNE SCENE*****

  


"Oh ASH!" Misty cried out, "You won! I cant believe it!"  
  
Misty rushed up to Ash and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so happy for you."  
  
Ash hugged Misty back, his heart starting to beat rapidly. would now be a good time to tell her the way he's always felt about her?  
  
Misty looked up into Ash's brown eyes and stared deeply, her own eyes starting to water. "Oh Ash..."   
  
Ash replied, "Oh Misty..."  
  
"I've always wanted to tell you..." Misty said, "I've always loved you!"  
  
"Oh, Misty! I've always loved you too!"  
  
Ash and Misty together: "Oh! We love each other!" and they kiss.

  


Brock comes running up with tears in his eyes, "Oh guys! I love you two too!"  
  
"We love you too Brock!" Ash and Misty cried together, and all three group hugged.   
  
"PIKA PIKA!" Pikachu cried out with tears in its eyes as it leapt up onto its masters head and hugged.

  
"Togeprrriiii!" Togepi cried out with tears in its eyes as it ran up and hugged Misty's leg.

  


Tracey comes running out of no where. "I love you guys too!"  
  
"Get the Fbleep out of here... no one loves you." Ash said curtly

  


"Awww..." Tracey frowns and walks away dejected.

  


All three teens and the two pokemon hug going "awwwwww...."  
  
Ash looks over to Gary, "Come on Gary, get in on this hug you son of a bitch!"  
  
Gary rolls his eyes but walks over and joins the group hug.

  


**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE*****

  


"Alright then." Oak says walking over to the now frozen group hug, "Cute... sweet... close to nauseating. You will notice though, this is a clean scene, so the rating has not changed from PG."  
  
**Oak: ***CONTINUE SCENE*****

  


While everyone is in close hugging one another, we hear the kimmunicator noise... beep beep beep beep!  
  
**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE***  
**  
"And with that little noise coming from Ash's pants, the rating of this scene has now changed to...

  


_*ding!* PG-13_

  


"...that pretty much concludes the genre of Romance, so lets quickly move to the dark side, the genre of 'angst'."  
  
**Oak: ***CONTINUE SCENE*****

  


And just as they were all hugging, a Dragonite flying high above them had a fatal bout of tonsillitis while trying to get home to feed its new born dragon... cub... child... whatever sounds more tragic. The dragon dropped dead immediately, falling to the ground and crushing Ash, Gary, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Togepi. Never again will they smell the fresh air of a spring meadow, or the cheap thrill of watching a WWE women's title match. They died 24 hours before the start of the K-Mart half off all towels sale, so they would never know the soft comfort of drying themselves with a towel endorsed by Eddie Munster. It really breaks the heart. At least they wouldn't have to suffer the agony of playing the newest Tomb Raider sequel. 

  


**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE*****

  
"Tragic, no?" Oak asked, "Really tugs at the hearts strings, I haven't been this choked up since the very special episode of Family Circus, the one where little Jeffy's G.I. Joe comes out of the closet. But instead of dwelling on sadness, lets continue on to the next genre, 'Supernatural'." 

  


**Oak: **CONTIUNE SCENE*****

  


The spirits of the teens and their pokemon rise from their dead bodies and hover slightly in the air. "Aw crap... we're dead!" Ash complained. 

  


"This sucks!" Misty agrees.

  


**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE*****

  


"Ok, that's enough of the supernatural genre, no one ever uses that one." Oak says, "Let's move onto Fantasy..."  
  
**Oak: ***CONTINUE SCENE*****

  


"Alright... Alright..." Gary said putting up his hands, "We're dead... but all is not lost... are you aware of the lost chalice of the ancient tribe of fooly cooly?"

  


Ash: "You know, something doesn't sound right when you say that..."  
  
Gary sighs, "Alright, alright..." Gary leaves the screen.

  
After a minute he comes back on screen, but now he is wearing a long flowing black cloak. He pulls out a flashlight and holds it under his face, so it casts a spooky shadow. Gary then speaks, but not in his normal voice but an ultra deep, out of this world tone, "Mortals, here the prophecy. A long time ago, before the war of the Kikyo's and the Sango's, while the world was still in it's Trigun phase. In the valley of Vegeta, the warring tribes of Lupin and Zenigata had their final battle under the cliffs of Legato. The two tribes almost killed each other. The remaining tribes members made peace and the god Optimus Prime, lord of the Autobots gave them the chalice of Fooly Cooly, a magical chalice that can bestow life on all who drinks it, as a sign of the two tribes new peaceful existence. It is that chalice that we must find."  
  
**Oak: ***Pause scene*****

  


"Alright then," Oak explains, "We see here a classic example of fantasy. Did any of you follow that, because I sure as hell didn't. I mean such crazy nonsense words. If you're reading something, and you don't know if its fantasy or not, check for Hobbits. If there are Hobbits, then its probably fantasy. But be careful that they are really hobbits and not just really short people. Remember, hobbits are hairy. So if you see a hairy short person, that means they're probably a hobbit, or European. But I digress..."  
  
**Oak: ***Continue Scene*****

  


Gary takes off the robe and tosses it off screen. "Was that better?"  
  
Ash smiles, "Yep, thanks."  
  
"No prob."  
  
"Uh guys," Misty said, "That was all fine and good, but we're ghosts. How are we suppose to drink from a chalice?"  
  
Ash and Gary each opened their mouths to speak then stopped. After a moment Gary said, "Crap... she's got a point."  
  
"Good one Gary, next time we're in a crisis, remind me to call on you to waste time." Ash scoffed.  
  
"Hey!" Gary yelled, "At least I KNEW about all that stuff... If it doesn't come out of a comic book you're clueless about it!"  
  
"HEY!" Ash yelled, "Take that back!" 

  


"Like hell I will!" Gary yelled back.

  


And the two ghost teens sprint at each other about to clash, and then through each other. Since they are ghosts.

  


Ash and Gary just stare at each other. "Eww..." Ash said, "I think I've been violated!"

  


Gary made a worried face, "I hope that's not how ghosts do _'it'_."

  


"Come on guys," Brock scolded, "That's enough fighting..."  
  
"...and wasting time." Misty added.  
  
"Oh, seriously, like you're one to talk little Missy, how many times have you..." Gary stopped what he was saying, then said "What the hell is that?"  
  
Gary was pointing up to the sky where a large flying saucer comes down out of the clouds and lands in front of them.  
  
**Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE*****

  


"Alright" Oak says, "A UFO has now entered into our story. This can only mean on thing. The genre has now changed to Sci-Fi. Many would like to say that Sci-Fi is the younger brother to the Fantasy genre, but I prefer to think of it as the distant cousin that likes to borrow it's cousin's shoes. 'What's the point I'm trying to make?' you ask, well, to be honest there is none. It's just that I get paid per word I speak... ... ...

purple monkey dishwasher."  
  
**Oak: ***CONTINUE SCENE*****

  


"Whoa" Brock says pointing to the large saucer that has just landed next to them, "What do you suppose it is?"  
  
"I don't know..." Ash says, "But I'm going to catch it!!!"  
  
Ash goes to take out a pokeball, then realizes his body is crushed under the dead Dragonite. Everyone just glares at the young trainer. Ash blushes, shrugs and says, "Hey, I get easily excited... so sue me."  
  
Suddenly the door of the saucer opened, out came two large green aliens. Each had one large bug eye, and walked on long tentacles. In a deep voice the one alien said, "Greeting Earthlings, I am Kang... and this is my sister Kodos."  
  
In an as equally deep voice, Kodos answered, "Hello."  
  
Ash leaned over and whispered to Brock, "Two Simpson's references on the same page... pretty cool."  
  
"Yeah, that show rocks." Brock answers, "Best cartoon on TV."  
  
Then realizing what he said, he turned to the camera and with a large fake grin, "I mean... FOURTH best cartoon on the air. The first three being the many different times a day you catch pokemon, the best show ever! Nothing even comes close!"  
  
**OAK: ***Pause Scene***  
**  
"Alright, we are still in the genre of sci-fi, but Brock's comments take us into a little known genre called sucking up. It's used mostly in advertising, and to do it properly you have to lose your spine, and put glue on your lips so they stay nicely on the bodily surface of the boss you chose to cling to. Very well, lets..."  
  
**OAK: ***Continue Scene***  
**  
Brock was still pursuing this little known genre, "I mean, the shows are consistently good, and television today wouldn't be the same if not for..."  
  
"SILENCE EARTHLING" Kang cries out, "We have come to restore your lives."  
  
The quartet exchanged a glance and Misty asked, "Why?"  
  
"Because," Kodos explained, "When we take over the earth, we could use tiny little people like you as slaves."  
  
"You'd fit right inside our drains to clean out any and all clogs." Kang continued.

  
"Ummm..." Ash said, "Why don't you just call a plumber?"  
  
"WHAT?" Kang yelled, "Do you have any idea how expensive it is to hire a professional to clean the pipes of a intergalactic spaceship?"  
  
Kodos whispered to Ash, "When they see you have a sweet ride like ours, they will really gouge you."   
  
"Well," Brock said, "It may be evil of me to ask, but why don't you just eat the plumber after he fixes you're plumbing?"  
  
"We can't," Kang explained, "They're part of a union."   
  
"I see..." Brock replied blandly.  
  
"Plus, they give me heartburn..." Kang continued, "...and hairballs."  
  
"Kang was gagging of bags of thick hair after the last plumber he ate... what was his name...?" Kodos asked, "Was it... Mario???"  
  
Kodos yells, "You're old reference amuses me! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"  
  
Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Ash grins and start laughing with them. Gary gives him a nasty look, and Ash stops and blushes, "Sorry, its a very contagious laugh."  
  
Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


_***Professor Oak checks his watch, then rolls her eyes.***_

  


Kang & Kodos: "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

  


Kang then clears his throat and says, "Well, anyway, here's your bodies back..." The big green alien then pulls out a ray gun and shoots the teens with it, and in a flash, they're all flesh and blood again.

  


"Wow...," Ash says, "That was painless..."  
  
"Oh, you will feel a mild burning sensation in about 100 glicknocks." Kang explains.  
  
Gary raised an eyebrow, "How long is a glicknock? Is it..." Gary stopped talking then dropped down and started to scream, "It burns!!! It burns!!!" As does Ash, Misty, and Brock.

  


"About 1/10th of a human second." Kodos explains, then without saying another word the two aliens head back inside their ship. But before they take off we here Kodos repeat, "...'Mario'... AH HA HA HA HA!!!"  
  
The disappear off into the horizon the laughing slowly getting quieter, but getting no less irritating. However, they should have watched where they were flying because they crashed into the Planet Express Delivery ship as they left lower orbit, the two ships exploded into a huge fireball of color and sound, and one could swear they heard someone yell, "Bite my shiny metal ass.", But maybe we were imagining that.

  


"Well," Misty said sweatdropping, "You don't see that everyday."

  


"At least we got our bodies back," Brock said, "That's a plus!"

  


"OH NO!!!" Ash yelled, "I'm not in the right body!!! I'm stuck in Ash's body!!!"  
  
Misty and Brock gasped, and Gary looked confused, then Ash started to laugh, "Ah, I'm just screwing with ya, the whole "switched bodies" angle's been beat to death, don't you think?"  
  
"Grrrrr," Misty said balling up her fists, "You want to see something being beat to death..."  
  
Ash backed away slowly, but the tense moment was broken up when we hear "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!" 

  


"Whew." Ash said, "Saved by the dumbbells."  
  
James: "And make it double!"  
  
Jessie: "To protect the world from devastation."  
  
James: "To unite all people within our nation." 

  
Jessie: "To denounce the evils of truth and love."  
  
James: "To extend our reach to the stars above."  
  
Jessie: "Jessie"  
  
James: "James"  
  
Jessie: "Team Rockets blasts off at the speed of light"  
  
James: "Surrender now or prepare to fight!"  
  
Meowth: "That's right!"  
  
Oak: ***PAUSE SCENE***

  


"Alright, that's as close to the poetry genre' as we're going to get. So there you are... poetry. What? You want more? Oh alright..."  
  
Oak clears his throat...

"There once was a man from Nantucket....

Whose... ... ...

...you know what? Let's not go there... back to the story then, shall we?"

  
**Oak: ***CONTINUE SCENE*****

  


"TEAM ROCKET!!!" Ash Misty and Brock yelled together.  
  
"Well, duh!" Gary muttered.

  


"Give us Pikachu!" Jessie ordered.

  


"Never!" Ash declared

  
"Well in dat case..." Meowth said pulling out a small remote and presses a button on it, "You leave us no choice."

  
The ground under Misty gives way and she falls into a pit. A moment later a large cage, with Misty inside it, rises out of the cage.  
  
"ASH!!!" Misty cried out.

  
"MISTY!!!" Ash yelled back

  
"PIKA!!!" Pikachu yells.

  
"PIKACHU!!!" Misty yells back.

  


"MISTY!!!" Brock yells

  


"BROCK!!!" Misty yells back.

  


Gary rolled his eyes and mutters, "Good night 'tomboy'."  
  


"No one's going to get that you know," Jessie snapped.

  


"They might!" Gary argued, "TV-Land is a very popular channel."  
  
"Look," Meowth says, "Never mind all dat. What's important is that we got the girl, and if you want her back, you better give us Pikachu!"  
  
Ash started to sweat... what could he do???  
  
**Oak: ***Pause Scene***  
**  
"And now we move into the genre of suspense. Suspense is a heart pounding genre which leaves you at the edge of your seat wondering what will happen next. And because of the serious nature of Ash's decision, the rating is now increased to...

  
_*DING!* R Rated  
_  
**Oak: ***Continue Scene***  
**  


Ash clenched his fists together. Everyone was staring at him, waiting for him to make his move. What could he do? If he tried to call out a pokemon, they might hurt Misty. He couldn't let anything happen to her! But he couldn't just give them Pikachu either... could he?  
  
...

  


...

  


What will Ash do???  
  
Ash *thinking out loud quietly* "What will I do???"  
  
...

  


...

  


Misty: *quietly* "Oh Ash..."  
  
...

  


...

  


Gary: *thinking* "_What is Ash going to do?"_  
  
...

  


...

  


...

  


...

  


Brock: "..." *quietly snoring*

  


...

  


...

  


...

  


...

  


...

  


...

  


**Oak: ***Pause Scene***  
**  
"Umm guys," Oak explains, "There's a thin line between suspenseful and boring.... and you crossed that line 2 miles back."  
  
**Oak: ***Continue Scene*****

  


Suddenly a light bulb went off in Ash's head. "Oh ok." Ash said, "You guys win, just don't hurt Misty. Pikachu, go with Team Rocket."  
  
"Pika?" Pikachu asked.

  
"Its ok..." Ash explained, "Just go, ok?" 

  


Pikachu looked sad but did as it was told, and leapt into Jessie's arms. "YES!!!" Jessie cheered, "We finally got Pikachu!!!"   
  
"Now release Misty." Ash demanded.

  
"Oh alright," Jessie said mockingly, "Here's your _girlfriend_ back"

  


The cage opened, and Misty ran to Ash. "Well," James said, "Nice doing business with you."  
  


"Oh..." Ash said, "Before you go... PIKACHU, THUNDER!!!"  
  
Pikachu grinned and let loose a powerful Thuder attack, while still in Jessie's arms. In a large explosion Jessie, James, and Meowth flew off into the distance.   
  
Meowth: "That's not fair, he can't do that! We had a deal!"  
  
James: "What an Indian giver!"  
  
Jessie: "I think I got an Indian burn!   
  
Meowth: "I think we'll all land in Indiana!!!"  
  
All: "We're blasting off againnnnnnnn"  
  
Ash hugged Misty, "I'm glad your safe, you too Pikachu."  
  
"Thanks for helping me, Ash." Misty said smiling and hugging back.  
  
**Oak: ***End Scene*****

  


"And that brings us back to the general genre." Oak explained, "That's pretty much all the genre's expect mysteries and humor/parody. But we did a whole quickie dedicated to riddles a few quickies back, so that's taken care of, and most of all the others are humor and parody. So that concludes this episode of..."  
  
"Hey... wait!" Ash called out.

  


"What is it Ash?" Oak asked, "I was just about to end this episode."  
  
"But you left out some genre's." Ash explained.  
  
"I did?" Oak asked, "I already explained about mysteries or humor."  
  
"No, not those" Ash explained, "What about genres not on Fanfiction.net?"

  


"Genre's NOT on Fanfiction.net? Like what?" Oak asked.

  
Ash reaches into this pocket and pulls out a remote control. He points it at the background and said, "Well, let's see..."  
  
*****CLICK***  
**  
Gary is now wearing safari clothes, Misty has a blonde wig on, and Brock has overalls on. "You have the 'How to" genre." Ash explains. 

  


"Today on this old pokemon," Gary explains, "Today I will teach you the many different ways to evolve your Eevee."  
  
Misty, talking in a monotonous and annoying calming voice, says, "And we'll be using evolutionary stones that I made fresh this morning out of chicory and thyme. It's a good thing."  
  
"And then we'll be making a pokeball from scratch to store your newly evolved pokemon in. Just make sure that you have the multi-thousand dollar tools I have, and wood imported from the small patch of land in Antarctica that trees will grown in."  
  
"That's where I get the ice for my home made lemonade." Misty explains, "...its a good thing."  
  
*****CLICK***  
**  
Gary now has green hair and red eyes. Misty is bald and dressed all in black, and Brock is 2 feet tall, bug eyed, and has claws. And the entire world around them is a psychedelic nightmare.

  


"What in the world?" Oak asked shocked.

  


"This is the genre 'surrealism'." Ash explained.

  


Misty stares at Gary and asks, "Coo Coo Cachoo?"  
  
Gary nods and says, "Hick a bick a boo?"  
  
"Boo sha." Brock grunts, then opens his mouth as a fish flies in.  
  
"Ohhhhhh Fishy fishy fishy fish... where is the fish?" Ash asks. 

  


"Ash," Oak complains, "I'm getting a headache."  
  
"Oh fine." Ash says.

  


*****CLICK*****

  


Oak shook his head trying to clear it, "Damn, I haven't seen anything like that since the 60's." Oak looked around, but everyone seemed back to normal.   
  
Gary, Misty and Brock glanced a look at one another. Gary yelled over, "Hey Ash, what genre is this? Everything seems pretty norm..."  
  
Gary was cut off as he got kicked in the face, laying him out cold. It was HBK, Shawn Micheals, the Heart Break kid who did the kicking, sweet chin music. Misty and Brock kneeled to see if Gary was ok, and Micheals started talking, to no one in particular, "Tonight, I have my title shot against Gary Oak for the world title, and I swear that I will pull out all the stops..."   
  
HBK continued to talk but as he did, Oak whispered to Ash, "What in the hell is this genre?"  
  
"The genre of wrestling promos." Ash explained.

  
"I really don't think that's a real genre." Oak replied.

  
"Really? Philistine." Ash hurrumphed.   
  
*****CLICK***  
**  
HBK was gone, and so was all of Gary's Misty's and Brock's clothes. Misty's chest size also increased by a ridiculously amount, causing her to lose balance, "WOAH!" She slips and falls face first knocking herself out.   
  
*beep beep beep beep*   
  
Oak eyed Ash, and Ash shrugged, "Hey, in fairness, pornography IS a genre!"  
  
Oak rolled his eyes. "Well, congratulations Ash, you got us up to an NC-17 rating. I hope your happy with yourself."   
  
Ash nodded and said, "I though the kimmunicator noise indicated that..."  
  
Oak threw his notes up in the air and walked off screen. 

  


We iris out on Ash just shrugging.

  


_*****THE END*****_

  


"Well, there we have it!" Brock says, now wearing a robe, "The twentieth quickie! A real milestone."  
  
"Yeah, but this one was way longer then usual," Ash said, "Do we get paid more?"  
  
"Hey," Misty, also wearing a robe, and back to her normal size, "I hope so... I hate doing nude scenes."  
  
"Why?" Ash asked, "No big deal..."  
  
"Easy for you to say," Brock says, "You got to stay clothed."  
  
"Hey, we all came into the world naked." Ash said, "Don't be so uptight."  
  
"Yeah well," Misty said, "I just know in 20 minutes my naked picture will be up on a thousand fan-boy webpages, the same thing happened when Sailor Moon slipped out of her outfit."  
  
Brock starts humming "Glory Days"  
  
Misty rolls her eyes.

  
"Well, lets wrap this up, let's thank everyone for reading all our quickies. Without them reading and reviewing, we'd be out of a job." Ash said.

  


Ash, Misty and Brock: "Thank you for reading! And please keep reviewing!" 

  


All of them bow. Then stand back up and wave.   
  
***beep beep beep beep***

  


Misty and Brock stare at Ash. Ash blushes and shrugs, "It's the cold breeze... really."  
  
**THE REAL END**

  


Woah, this one took me a while to write, but its more then twice the size of a normal quickie. But I figured, its a special number, they do it. You readers are the best! Really! You've read twenty of my stories, and posted over 180 reviews. You guys rock, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this one. I guess there's nothing left to say. Although it'd be pretty cool if everyone reviewed and pushed my over 180 reviews up past 200. Nudge nudge wink wink. Hehe, ok ok, I'm joking... well half joking. Thank you again, and take care.   
  
Oh by the way... remember, for questions or comments, feel free to write me at Edifolco25@aol.com Just make the subject of the email "Quickies" or something like that, so I don't think its spam and delete it. :-D   
  


OH, AND, one more thing... (a la' uncle)

  


I have this idea in my head. I watched this show the other night, "Inside the Actor's Classroom" or something like that, where people asked the actor and their character questions. I thought it might be fun to do a spoof of that, have Ash, Misty, Brock and whoever else answering questions. Thing is, should I make up the questions from scratch... or would people like to send in their own questions/comments. The questions would be about the characters, and about the quickies. The questions would be answered, but done in a comedic fashion. It's just a thought, and wouldn't be done till January, giving everyone time to write in. E-mail me and let me know what you think, ok?   
  
Alright that's it for now. Bye, take care, thanks again for reading!   


  


  


  


  



	21. Quickie 21: Thanksgiving Day Massacre

**Explanation/Disclaimer:** "It takes an idiot to do cool things..., that's what makes it cool"

  


**Authors Note:** _Just a quick little note before I start this Thanksgiving quickie, I just want to say to all my readers, you guys ROCK!!! You really do. The day after I posted number 20, I had a pretty bad day. By the time I got home from work around 10:30pm, I got online, checked my mail, and I had a bunch of reviews, and went past my goal of 200! That made my day! So thank you all so much! Well, enough mushy stuff, let's get this quickie rolling!   
_  
**Quickie 21: ** **The Thanksgiving Day Massacre.**

  


**Announcer: **"_It's Wednesday, November 26th, and the holiday feeling is in the air. Just what are our favorite heroes up to today?" _

  


"Hey wait" Ash says, "What did you say today's date was?"  
  
Announcer**:** _"November 26th."  
_  
"SHOOT!!!" Ash cried out, then ran up to his friends, "Hey guys! Do you realize that Thanksgiving is tomorrow!!!"

  
Misty looked surprised then went into her backpack and checked a calendar. "Wow! You're right! Where did the time go???" 

  
"We're not going to be able to get home in time for Thanksgiving!!!" Ash cried out.

  


"Don't panic Ash," Gary said, "Geez, its not that big a deal."  
  
"OF COURSE it's a big deal Gary, don't you realize that..." Ash started to say then stopped and said, "Hey Gary, what are you doing here?"  
  
Gary shrugged, "I dunno. Grandpa forgot to take me home after we helped him with his documentary in the last quickie."  
  
"That sucks." Misty said.

  
"Nah," Gary said, "I don't mind the trip home, it'll give me a chance to see a bunch of new pokemon."  
  
"No...," Misty corrected, "I meant it sucks that you have to travel with us."  
  
Gary sweatdropped and growled quietly, "Yeah, thanks alot, what makes you think I'll be traveling with you guys anyway?"  
  
"Because we're going to the same place you are." Ash explained, "We're all trying to get home for the holidays..."  
  
Brock pondered that and said, "There's a song in there somewhere..."  
  
"Well this is all very amusing," Misty said, "But how are we suppose to get home in time?"  
  
Brock checked his book and said, "I don't think there's any chance we could get home in any time less then one week... this sucks. Too bad none of us has a pokemon that knows teleport."  
  
"Yeah," Gary said, "We'd all be able to go to our individual homes in a flash."  
  
"That's a not a bad idea," Brock said, "But I had actually meant to use it to teleport you away."  
  
Gary made a rye face again and said, "You know, I'm not feeling the love here..."  
  
"Look, as much fun as making fun of Gary is," Ash said, "This isn't helping our little holiday problem! I'm going to miss my mom's moist succulent turkey, and those stuffings! Mmm.. my mouth is watering just thinking about it."  
  


"Yeah," Brock said, "Just thinking about your mom makes my mouth water too!"  
  
"She really is a good cook!" Misty agreed.  
  
"Umm... yeah...," Brock said trying to look innocent, "That's what I was talking about."   
  
"DUDE!!!" Ash yelled at Brock, "She's my MOM, don't talk about her like that!"  
  
"Hey!" Brock said, "Really! I was just commenting on her cooking skills, just the other night I was dreaming about getting my hands on her yams."  
  
"DUDE!!!" Ash yelled again, "STOP THAT!"  
  


Brock tried to look innocent, "What? She's makes good sweet potatoes!"  
  
Ash eyed his friend suspiciously, then shook his head, and put up his hands, "Alright, let's just drop it, ok?"  
  
The quartet started heading off to the nearest pokemon center, and Misty said, "I have an idea, why don't we just make our own Thanksgiving? We'll get a room in the pokemon center, and pick up so groceries at a local store, and cook ourselves a feast! I'm sure we'll be allowed to use the center's kitchen, since its a holiday and should be empty!"  
  
"That's a great idea!" Ash said, "Then we can start heading home for Christmas!" 

  


"Yeah!" Brock said, "And I can show your mom my Yule Log."  
  
Ash spun on his heels, "Brock I swear if you don't stop..."  
  
Brock put his hands up innocently grinning and said, "What what??? A Yule Log is a Christmas tradition! We' have one in my family for generations, you have to see it!"  
  
Ash eyed Brock suspiciously then started walking again.

  
Gary whispered to Misty, "This isn't going to end well, is it?"  
  
Misty silently shook her head no.

  


After a few more steps Gary whispered, "Are they just fooling around, crazy, or just stupid?"  
  
Misty thought about that for a minute then just shrugged.

  
  


_*****IN THE POKEMON CENTER*****_

  


"Hi mom!" Ash said on the phone, "Just wanted to call to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!"  
  
"Oh," Ash's mom said, "I'm so sorry you won't be home for Thanksgiving, but try and have some turkey."  
  
"Yeah, we will," Ash explained, "Misty and Gary are trying to talk nurse Joy into letting us use the kitchen so we can cook dinner here."  
  
"Well, I have to go take the pies out of the oven now Ash," Ash's Mom said, "Call me before you leave the center and start heading home, ok."  
  
"Ok Mom!" Ash said, "I'll see you soon, take care!"  
  
After he hung up, Brock said, "Man, I'd love to have a piece of your mom's pie! That'd be sweet!"  
  
"Oh Jesus Christ bananas!" Ash cursed, "That does it, Pikachu! Thunderbolt!"  
  
Pikachu who thinks that Brock has made too many jokes follows Ash's orders and lets out a strong electric attack, Brock dodged to left and said, "haha, you missed!"   
  
But unfortunately for Brock, as he dodged he stepped on the foot of a Gloom, who unleashed a powerful sleep powder attack. Brock took one whiff and fell to the floor out like a light.  
  
"Oops." Ash said.

  


**_***A FEW MINUTES LATER...***_**  
  
"You're friend will be just fine," Nurse Joy explained, "He just got a whiff of sleep powder, I just gave him the antidote and he'll wake up in about two days."  
  
"Two days?" Misty exclaimed, "Isn't that a long time?"  
  
"Well," Nurse Joy said, "I gave him a watered down version of the real antidote."  
  
"Why?" Misty asked.  
  
"Because earlier today he grabbed my ass when I was bending over rearranging the files. And I told him he'd pay. I was just going to pee in his coffee, but this worked out much better!" Joy explained cheerfully, "Now no more worries about your friends. Can I get you guys anything, maybe something to drink?"  
  
The remaining trio exchanged glances and Gary said, "Anything but coffee..."  
  
After the nurse left, Misty slapped Ash in the back of the head, "Well that's just great, good job Ash, the one person who knows how to make a thanksgiving dinner you knocked him out. That's just great."  
  
"Hey!" Ash said, then in an accent, "I didn't mean it! But that fool wouldn't stop cracking wise about my mama!"   
  
"Don't do that." Gary said.  
  
"Sorry," Ash said, "Anyway, things aren't that bad, we can cook it ourselves! How hard could it be?"  
  
"Well..." Misty said reluctantly, "I don't know..."  
  
Gary shrugged, "Well, why not? Can't fail for trying, right?"  
  
"Yeah!" Ash said, "That's the spirit, let's hit the store!"  
  
**_***SCENE CHANGE TO THE SUPERMARKET... _**

  


"Alright," Misty says reading the list, "We need to get a turkey, stuffings, cranberry sauce, and veggies."  
  
"Ok," Gary says, "It will be faster if we split up, I'll get the stuffings and the Cranberry sauce, Misty, you get the veggies, and Ash, why don't you get a turkey?"  
  
Misty/Ash: "Ok!"  
  


Gary heads over to the canned food isle. "Oh man," Gary said shocked to see the state that the isle was in, "They look like they are out of stuffings... and cranberry sauce. Who would have thought it wasn't wise to wait until the last minute to do thanksgiving food shopping?"

  


Gary checked through the isle, and mutters, thinking out loud, "All sold out, can you believe it? Ok... think Gary... what can I do... Hey! That might work!"   
  
Gary walks over to the frozen food isle and gets a bag of frozen cranberries, "All I have to do is put these in the blender... and that'll be basically cranberry sauce! Now... for stuffings..."  
  
Gary picks up a few cans of gravy, and goes gets a loaf of bread. "Gravy is nothing but bread and gravy, so we'll put this in the blender too... Gary, you're a genius!"  
  


Meanwhile, Misty seems to be having a very similar problem. "Wow," Misty says to herself, "This place was hit hard! Where's all the vegetables?"  
  


Misty walked over to the bin that was suppose to have sweet potatoes but it was completely empty. Misty looked at the empty bin and said, "Shoot! You have to have sweet potatoes for thanksgiving!" She thinks for a minute, "Well, what if I buy regular potatoes, then add sugar?" Misty smiled, "That's brilliant, I should be on Food TV!"  
  
Unfortunately for Misty, the corn bin was also empty. "No corn on the cob either?!?!" Misty exclaimed, "We have to have corn," Misty then looked over and in the front of the store was Indian corn decorations. A lightbulb went off in Misty's head and she grinned walking towards them thinking, "Food TV, here I come..."  
  
Luck was not on our trio's side, for Ash found something horrible over at the meats section. "Hey!!!" Ash cried out, "There's no more turkeys??? It's Thanksgiving, how can there be no turkeys!"  
  
"What are we going to do Pikachu?" Ash asked Pikachu. Pikachu just shrugged, "Pikachu pika pika chu pikapi." (As long as I have my pokemon food, you think I care?)

  


"Way to get into the spirit Pikachu" Ash said sarcastically.

  


"Well," Ash said, "Let's see..." Ash walked around a bit thinking about what to do. Ash looked at down the canned isle. "Hey! Check it out Pikachu! They have canned turkey! If I shaped it into the form of a turkey, we could..."  
  
Pikachu stopped Ash right there by slapping him in the back of the head. "pikachu pikapi!"   
  
"Bad idea?" Ash asked.  
  
"Pi" Pikachu nodded.  
  
"Well..." Ash said, "What if I bought a chicken?" 

  


Pikachu nodded.  
  
"But," Ash said, "The guys want Turkey, not chicken!"  
  
Pikachu thought for a minute then ran down the isle and came back with a box of powdered turkey stock. "Hey!" Ash said, "That's a great idea, I'll sprinkle this on the chicken and it'll taste like turkey! Great thinking Pikachu"  
  
"Pika!" Pikachu said proudly.

  


_*****THE NEXT DAY...**_

  


Misty and Gary were pulling out the stuff they got yesterday onto the kitchen table. "Hey," Gary asked, "Where's Ash? He's suppose to help us cook!"  
  
"He said he had to wash up before he started to cook," Misty said, "He said not to start without him."  
  
As if on cue, Ash comes into the kitchen wearing a full white apron and white chef's hat. Even more surprisingly, Pikachu is wearing a red apron. "Are we ready to cook?" Ash asked seriously.

  
Gary and Misty stared at Ash for a moment and finally Gary asked Ash, "Where'd you get the hat?"  
  
Ash shrugged, and said, "Found it somewhere, alright, lets begin!"  
  
Gary walked over to the blender and added his cranberries, and read the settings. "Hey Ash," Gary asked, "What the hell is Frappy?"   
  
Ash looks and says, "That's Frappe', its French... for crap I think."  
  
"Why would crap be on my blender?" Gary asked.  
  
"Probably cause the last person who used it didn't clean it right!" Ash said delivering the punchline.  
  
Gary rolled his eyes, as Ash laughed, after he finished laughing, Ash said, "So, in summary, I have no idea what it means."  
  
"Thanks." Gary said dryly.

  
"No prob." Ash responded.

  


As Gary was heading back to the blender he saw Misty washing something, "What are you doing?"  
  
"Well, the recipe for candied sweet potatoes yesterday said the potatoes have to be cleaned before we mash them." Misty explained pulling the spud covered with soap out of the sink.  
  
"Oh," Gary said, "Good work then," And kept walking away.  
  
Misty examined her spud and said, "I dunno, it still doesn't seem clean... hey, maybe I could use a brillo pad!!!"  
  
Misty took the brillo pad and started scrubbing the spuds so hard she ripped the skin off alot of them, leaving shards of metal inside the potato.  
  
Ash took out the chicken and dropped it on the table. KLUNK!!! It made a loud solid noise. "Uh oh," Ash said, "I think its still frozen! I can't cook it while it's frozen, can I? What can I do? Maybe if unwrap it, it'll defrost...?" 

  


Ash used a knife to tear open the plastic around the bird, so badly in fact that he sliced off a leg in the process, "Oh damn!" Ash cursed. Ash looked at the leg sitting on the table, picked it up, and started shoving it up the chicken's opening. But the leg wouldn't go all the way in. 

  


Ash looked into the bird, "What is all the junk in there?"  
  
Pikachu hopped on the table and pointed to the chicken's label. Ash read it, "Gizzards and neck inside bird... oh, well we have to leave them in there, adds flavor."  
  
Pikachu looked skeptical, but Ash ignored the pokemon and took out the leg and looked around. "Hey!" Ash said, "I have an idea," Ash then proceeded to jam the chicken leg into the chicken's neck. "There we go! Perfect!" Ash said grinning proudly. The chicken now looked like a one legged freaky bird monster with a tiny head sticking out its neck.

  


Ash tapped on the bird's breast, "Still frozen though..." Ash looked around for inspiration.  
  
Meanwhile, Gary was having problems with his cranberries. "Alright," Gary said, "I blended the frappe' out of them, but my sauce is more like cranberry juice, not sauce. Hey Misty, hand me that sugar you're working with."  
  
Misty stopped sprinkling the sugar on her potatoes and handed the bag of sugar to Gary, "Here you go."  
  
Gary added more sugar then was needed and hit the blender again. "How long do I have to beat this until it forms?" Gary wondered.   
  
*THUD!

  


*THUD!

  


*THUD!

  


"Misty, what are you doing?" Ash asked, pulling out a frying pan.

  


"Mashing the potatoes," she explained.

  
"With a hammer?" Ash asked.

  


"Yeah, why not? I couldn't find the potato masher, so I found this hammer under the sink, it works."  
  
"Well, whatever works..." Ash says.

  


Misty hits the potatoes a few more times, although they really are more smashed and flattened then mashed. "Alright, now I need marshmallows... MARSHMALLOWS!!! We didn't get them!" Misty thought, "Oh no, what am I going to do?"  
  
Misty checked through the cabinets looking for marshmallows, "YES!" She cried out, "A jar of Marshmallow fluff! This will work!"  
  
Misty emptied the jar of marshmallow goo onto the smashed spuds and hit it with a hammer a few more times until everything was a mess. "Alright" Misty said, "Now, into the oven!"  
  
Misty put her candied sweet potatoes in the oven and read her recipe, "Well, it says an hour at 300 degrees..., hey Ash, how long before the turkey is done?"  
  
Ash looked at his frozen bird and said, "I don't think much longer then 30 minutes," Ash responded.

  
"Well," Misty said, "I'll just put it on 550 degrees for about a half an hour, that should work." And does so.

  


Meanwhile, Ash fills up the frying pan to the brim with oil, and turns the burner up high. Ash dumps the entire package of powdered turkey stock into the oil, smoke starts to form. 

  


"Ash?" Misty asked, "Is it suppose to do that?"  
  
"I think so," Ash says, "That's how you get that Smokey flavor!"  
  


"Oh!" Misty says, "Duh!"  
  
Gary then had a brilliant idea, he pulled out a pokeball, "Nidoqueen come on out!" Out came a large blue pokemon, "Hey, Nidoqueen, use ice beam on this cranberry mixture, that'll make it solidify up!"  
  
The pokemon does as its told, and a few seconds later, the mixture is frozen solid, "Thanks Nidoqueen, you can go back to resting now!" And he calls the pokemon back.

  
Gary looked at the frozen mixture in the blender and said, "Well its no good like this, good thing its in a blender, it'll chop it up!" Gary hit the "Chop" setting, but nothing happens because its frozen solid. "Hmmm, well I'll just keep it running, it'll break apart with time!"  
  
As Gary walked over to see if he could help Ash, the blender started making a strange noise... 

  
"Ash," Gary asked, "What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm going to drop the 'turkey' in this frying pan." Ash said.

  
"Why?" Gary asked, "Aren't you suppose to bake a turkey?"  
  
"Oh," Ash said, "You've never heard of fried turkey?"

  
"Oh yeah!" Gary said, "That's suppose to be good."  
  
Ash and Gary lifted the frozen chicken and dropped it into the filled frying pan. All hell then breaks loose. The frozen chicken sizzles loudly and large globs of grease fly out of the pan, the bird bursts into the flames. To make matters worse, Misty's sweet potatoes also have also caught on fire, as the marshmallows dripped off the potatoes and onto the fire grill on the bottom of the oven. The glass on the door of the oven cracks cause and black smoke billows out. "Jeez!" Ash cried out, "Gary, call out any water pokemon you have, you too Misty!"  
  
Just as they were going to go for their pokeballs, Gary's blender shoots sparks out of it, the motor giving out and causing a power outage so the entire pokemon center goes dark, except that is the kitchen, because half of one wall is now in flames. The surprise outage shocked the trio, who crashed into each other and they all dropped their pokeballs.

  


They started crawling around the floor in the dark, trying to find them, using the growing fire as the only light source to help them find the balls. "Well, this couldn't get worse..." Ash muttered.

  
????: "Prepare for trouble!"   
  
"You HAD to say it, didn't you Ash," Misty muttered angrily at him.

  


????: "Yes and make it... oh my god what the hell is going on in here???"   
  


Jessie James and Meowth stare at the carnage that is going on in the room. "Maybe this is a bad time," Meowth says.

  
To drive that point home, the pressure in the turkey had reached critical and the entire bird bird open spraying the flaming carcass around the room, and driving the leg out of its neck at bullet speed which catches James right between the eyes, knocking out the Team Rocket member. "Yipes!" Meowth says, "They's flinging flaming poultry at us! Let's get out of here!!!"  
  
And with that, Jessie picked up her teammate and took off in a hurry. "Hey!" Ash said, "I found Totodile's ball!" Ash called out the pokemon and yelled, "Totodile! Use watergun!"  
  
"Hey Ash!" Misty said as Ash was commanding his pokemon, "Isn't water the worst thing to use on a grease fire?"  
  
"Uh-oh..." Ash said realizing too late. Totodile's squirt gun hit the frying pan dead on, spraying flaming oil to the ceiling which also starts to burn. "Totodile, return!!!"  
  
"WHAT THE Fbleep IS GOING ON IN HERE????" Nurse Joy yelled, bursting into the room with a fire extinguisher. A few moments later, Nurse Joy had skillfully put the fire out.

  


The trio stands there in stunned silence but before anyone could say anything, the power kicked back on, and with one final power surge to the burned out motor, the blender kicked on high, blasting out its entire contents of frozen slushed cranberries splattering on everyone and everything in the room. 

  


Everyone stood there in shock, slightly singed but also freezing cause of the sticky cranberry glop dripping off them. Finally Ash spoke up, "Pizza anyone?"  
  
Everyone falls over in shock...

  
Iris out on Ash shrugging.

  


**THE END**

  


"Well, that was fun!" Ash tasting the glop on him, "Mmm... not bad Gary..."  
  
"Thanks." Gary said using a towel to clean himself off.

  
"Anytime you can make a mess," Misty said, "It's sounds good to me."  
  
Brock walked up to them and said, "Sure, easy for you guys to say, I was almost out of this episode completely..."  
  
"Hey!" Ash said, "You're the one that wanted time off, for 'personal' reasons."  
  
"How did the try outs for the Visine ads go?" Misty asked.

  
Brock furrowed his brow, "Don't ask..."   
  
"Well, better luck next time right?" Ash said, "Well, Happy Thanksgiving guys!" 

  
All: "Happy Thanksgiving!!!"  
  
...

  


...

  


...

  


...  
  
"Hey, Ash" Misty asked, "Did you remember to turn off the oven with the burning potatoes?"  
  
On cue, the oven door opened on its own, flames shooting out, "Umm," Ash said, "I say we leave this for the morlocks to clean up..." and took off running. 

  
A woman with a patch over her eye, followed closely by a little lizard child, muttered "Yeah yeah, we got it..."  
  
(Its wonderful if you get that joke..., if you don't, you're not missing much. :-D )

  


**THE REAL END**

  


  
Ok ok, I know its a day late, but I was busy thanksgiving day, it's still funny, right? Thank you for reading, and I know what I'm thankful for! Family, Friends, Health, and readers like you. Yeah I know that's super corny, but hey, I appreciate you reading them, wouldn't be any fun to write if no one read them, and you guys rock. I hope you all had a happy healthy thanksgiving day (for those of you that celebrate thanksgiving), take care all!   


  


  


  


  



	22. Quickie 23: I do I do!

****

Explanation/Disclaimer: How do you type with boxing gloves on?

****

Pokemon Quickies #23 "I do, I do!"  


Authors Note: "Sorry its been so long since I've posted a new quickie, I tried to get a Christmas one up, but I just didn't have time to finish what with work and everything. Then, I got a new computer a few weeks ago, and what was written OF the Christmas one. So when I get that computer up and running I'll take it off it and finish it. Well, I have a new computer buzzing around, I'm back so lets get to business."  
  
**Ash: **"Yeah… right, we all know the real reason there hasn't been a new quickie. You've become addicted to Neopets.com."  
  
**Author's Note: **"Damn dirty lies!!!"

****

Misty: "A better question would be why is this one numbered the 23, when it's only the 22nd one?"

****

Author's note: "Good question Misty, I knew there was a reason why I have replaced you with May yet. The Christmas one is the 22nd one, and when it goes up, it'll eventually go into it's proper place, so I don't want to rename all these, so I'm just going to call this one number 23. Alright, enough all this, get to work guys, its about to start!"  


**__**

START EPISODE…

Ash and Misty walked down the isle together, all dressed up this glorious wedding day. The bells were ringing, the birds were singing. Then halfway up the isle, they turned and took a seat. Brock also took his seat.   


Oh sorry! Did you think it was those two getting married? Oops. I don't know why you got that idea.

  
"Maybe because that's what you wrote as a teaser to get people to read this story." Ash said.

That was a typo, now shush!  
  
"Thanks guys" Misty whispered, "I appreciate you guys coming to my cousin's wedding, I'd have hated to come alone."  
  
Ash pouted and said, "I don't mind coming, but why did you ask Brock to come as your date and not me?"  
  
"It's nothing personal Ash," Misty said, "But this is my cousins wedding, I want to make a good impression, and well… how can I put this…"  
  
Ash however wasn't listening, he was holding up the Hymn book and asked, "So if this is a Hymn book… what kind would a female use?"  
  
Misty whispered to Brock, "So how can you put that into an adjective."  
  
"Shmuck." Brock replied.  
  
"Yep, that's the word." Misty agreed.

"Hey!" Ash said, "I can't help it if I come from a long line of shmucks… all the way back to my great great great great great great great great grandfather, King Osirash Ketchum.

****

***SCENE CHANGE TO ASH'S ANCESTOR SITTING ON A THRONE…

  
King Ketchum was reading a scroll and asked the bishop, "So if this is a hymn… then what does a female read?"  
  
"This is the middle ages," The bishop replied, "they don't read anything."  
  
"Excellent!" King Ketchum replied, then yelled, "Bring me Jell-o!"  
  
"It hasn't been invented yet sir." the bishop replied.

"It hasn't?" King Ketchum yelled, "I need a time machine! Bring me H.G. Wells!!!"  
  
"He hasn't been born yet sir." the bishop replied.

  
"Stupid past." the king muttered.

  
"It's the present sir." the bishop corrected.

King Ketchum glared and snapped his fingers, and two guards dragged the bishop away. 

****

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE MAIN STORY…

After Ash finished his flashback, Misty glared at him for a minute then said, "And you wonder why I asked Brock here instead of you?"  
  
"Shuddup." Ash muttered and folded his arms.

Misty continued, "You should just be glad I invited you and Pikachu here at all…, hey.. Where's Pikachu?"  
  
"He heard they had an open bar at the reception, so he headed over there already." Ash explained.

"He's not old enough to drink…" Brock said.

"Actually," Professor Oak replied, "Much like dogs, Pikachus age seven years for everyone of human year, so that would make Pikachu older then all of you.." 

"Fascinating," Ash said stroking his chin then asked, "What are you doing her Professor?"

"Oh, I'm just passing through…" Professor Oak explained, and he continued to shuffle down the pew, down the isle and out the door.

Ash and Brock just shake their heads. "What really should be pointed out," Misty says, "Is that the reception doesn't start for another 2 hours…"  


****

  
***SCENE CHANGE TO THE RECEPTION HALL…

"Pikachu pika pika chu." Pikachu told the bartender.

  
"And which wedding party are you with?" The bartender asked.

  
"Pikachu pika pika." Pikachu explained.

"Oh," The bartender says, "The Waterblossom wedding isn't until 2pm."  
  
"Pika? Pika, pika chu pika pika chu." Pikachu said pointing to a gentleman in the corner.  
  
"You're with that guy's wedding?" The bartender asked, eyeing him suspiciously, "Oh yeah? What's that guy's name."  
  
After a moments pause, Pikachu replied, "…pika?"

The bartender stared at the pokemon for a moment then said cheerfully, "Alrighty then, you're drinking scotch?"  


"Pika!" Pikachu nodded.

  
*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE MAIN STORY…**

"Oh," Ash said, "I don't know where he is then, but I'm sure he's staying out of trouble. He'll probably only drink some ketchup at the bar anyway."  
  
Misty made a shushing noise, because just at that moment, the music started to play, and the bridesmaids started to head up towards the altar. Ash watched them head up, and whispered, "Why do they call them bridesmaids when they don't really clean up?"  


Misty made another shush noise, then whispered.

Ash made an "I'm sorry" face and quietly sat and the wedding. All the way up to the point where the priest asked, "If anyone has any reason to object to this wedding, let them speak now, or forever hold thy peace."  
  
Misty immediately shock a nasty look to Ash, and said, "Don't you dare!"  
  
Ash flushed a bit and whispered, "Misty! I'd never…"  
  
"I've never known you to pass up a straight line…" Misty accused.

  
"Jeez," Ash said, "It's a wedding, I wouldn't ever interrupt it with a joke…"  


Misty made a shushing noise and said, "Ash, jeez, be quiet, I mean, we haven't heard a peep out of Brock, look at how intently he's watching the wedding."  
  
Brock stairs at the altar intently…

****

***SCENE CHANGE TO THE THOUGHTS GOING ON INSIDE BROCK'S HEAD…

Brock sits in a chair blushing and drooling over Gary's cheerleaders, who are dancing and singing, to up tempo 80's beat, "Oh Brocky your so fine, your so fine you blow my mind, hey Brocky! Hey Brocky!"  
  
"oh Brocky, such a pity you don't understand, would you take me by the heart, would you take me by the hand"   
  
"Oh Brocky your so fine, your so fine you blow my mind, hey Brocky! Hey Brocky!"  
  
*****SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE MAIN STORY…**

Brock grins absently . "See?" Misty whispered, "Perfectly behaving,"  
  
"Umm," Ash said, "He's drooling."  
  
Misty looked and swore under her breath and punched her date in the arm.   
  
"Ow!" Brock whispered, "What was that for?"  
  
"You were having that stupid day dream again, weren't you? The one with Gary's cheerleaders and "December of 1963"

"Mickey was playing this time," Brock said.

"You mean that song by Taco?" Ash asked.

  
"No, Toni Basil did Mickey, Taco did Putting on the Ritz" Brock corrected. 

"Hmmm." Ash thought, "I could go for some Ritz crackers… how much longer until the reception?", Ash asked Misty.

Misty just glared at Ash, "Why are you glaring at me like that? I didn't do anything! Besides, what about Brock and his fantasies?"  
  
"At least he's being quiet!" Misty scolded.

Ash started to open his mouth to protest, then thought better of out of it, pouted and folded his arms and looked up at the altar.

"I do."   
  
"I do."  
  
"I now pronounce you man and wife," The priest said, "You may now kiss the bride."  
  
"Brock…" Misty asked, "Are you crying?"  
  
Brock (sniffling): "I am no good at weddings"   
  
"That's very sweet." Misty said.

  
Inside Brock's head we hear a voice say, "There goes another woman I have no chance with." Brock bursts into flowing tears.

****

***A LITTLE WHILE LATER… (At the reception)

Ash Misty and Brock headed into the large reception hall. "Wow!" Misty said, "This is beautiful!"   
  
Ash, even though still a bit grumpy from the wedding incident, had to admit the place was decorated really elegantly, "How many people are here for this wedding?: Ash asked, looking at all the tables.

  
"Over 150, I think," Misty said.

"Closer to 188" Professor Oak said coming up behind them, "Just count all the chairs, then you have to adjust for the people that didn't show up and…"  
  
Ash interrupted, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Professor Oak shrugged and said, "I like answering questions." Then walked off. 

  
The trio sighed and shook their heads. "Well," Brock said, "let's get our seats."  
  
After finding their seats, Ash wasn't happy. "Hey," Ash said, "How come you and Brock sit next to each other at table 5... And I'm by myself over at table 8?"  
  
"Uh oh," Misty said, "I guess cause Brock and I are here together, they stuck us together… and you got lost in the shuffle."  
  
"Nice…" Ash muttered, "I'm going to go find Pikachu, ok?" 

****

***AT THE BAR…

Pikachu, slightly slurring its words, "Pikashhhhu, Shu… pika!"  
  
The bartender said, "Look, I think you've had enough, why don't you?"  
  
"Pi." Pikachu replied.

  
The bartender replied, "Oh, you don't? My mistake, Whiskey or Scotch this time?"  
  
"Pika." Pikachu answered.

"One mixture of both, coming right up." The bartender replied cheerfully.

"Oh!" Ash said, "There you are. Have you been behaving?"  
  
"PIKACHUUUUU!" Pikachu stood up and yelled loudly.

  
"Yes yes," Ash said, "I missed you too, you missed a nice wedding."  
  
Pikachu spun around on it chair trying to catch its tail every time it went around it would go "Pi, pi, pi"  
  
Ash, not paying attention, "except of course Misty read me the riot act. I don't know what I did wrong this time!"  
  
Pikachu caught its tail then fell off the barstool giggling uncontrollably. "Maybe I really oblivious at times," Ash pondered out loud. Suddenly a large smoke bomb went off filling the room up with smoke.

???: "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE, I KNOW YOU'RE DREADING…"

  
???: "AND MAKE IT DOUBLE CAUSE WE'RE AT A WEDDING!"  
  
Pikachu stopped giggling and lifted its head up and said, "Pi?"  
  
Ash continued to think out loud, "But then, if I was oblivious, wouldn't I be oblivious to being oblivious?"  
  
Jessie: "to protect the world from devastation."

James: "to unite all peoples within our nation."  


Jessie: "To denounce the evils of truth and love"

James: "To extend our reach to the stars above."  
  
Jessie: "Jessie!"   
  
James: "James!"  
  
Jessie: "Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light…"  
  
James: "…surrender now or prepare to fight!"  
  
Meowth (leaping from off screen): "That's right!"  
  
Wobufett, "WOBBOFETT!!!"  
  
"QUIET YOU!!!" Jessie yells kicking the blue pokemon off screen, "You cheap Grimace rip off."  
  
"Now hand over pikachu, or we'll have to get rough with you too!" James commanded.

  
Ash put his head in his hand at the bar and said, "But then, if I really was oblivious, I really would be oblivious to being oblivious but I wouldn't realize I was oblivious about being oblivious and think I wasn't being oblivious about being oblivious… hey… do you realize when you say a word like oblivious enough times it starts to sound weird."  
  
"What the hell is that oblivious twerp going on about now?" Jessie asked.  
  
"I dunno," Meowth said, "But Pikachu is soused, lets grab it!"  
  
Pikachu stood and said "PIKA" menacingly, but when it tried to do a thunderbolt it just tipped over on its side and started to giggle again.

  
"Oh yeah," Jessie said, "I've been there before, let's grab him before…"  
  
Pikachu suddenly stopped laughing and its eyes got wide, "Pika… pika! PIKA!!!!"   
  
And then in a loud noise it released a large involuntary blast of electricity, more then enough to send Team Rocket flying away. 

In the air, "Oh no! I forgot about uncontrollable discharge!" Jessie complained.

"We were so close its shocking we didn't win this time!" James said.

"But at least the reception was a blast!" Meowth said.

Suddenly Ash snapped his head up, "TEAM ROCKET!!!… uh team rocket?"  
  
Ash looked around, "I could have sworn I heard something, oh well…, come on Pikachu, let's go check out what's going on at the reception."  
  
Just as Ash stood up he was greeted by a familiar voice, "Hey! I didn't know you were here too!"  


  
*****BACK IN THE RECEPTION…**

"Hmmm…" Misty said her head in her hand, she asked Brock, "Where do you think Ash is?"   
  
Brock didn't respond, he was just staring off into space.

  
"Brock?" Misty asked.

Suddenly Brock started to hum , Misty sighed and punched him in the arm again. 

"What? Huh?" Brock said snapping back to reality, then he looked at Misty and said, "Oh… its you."  
  
"You were back in you're oldies place, weren't you?" Misty asked.

  
"This time it was La Bamba and Ash's mom." Brock confessed.

"I don't think I have to tell you how disturbing that is, do I?" Misty asked.

"No…" Brock responded, "No, I think I have some idea…"  
  
"So can you believe that Ash is annoyed at me?" Misty asked, "After what he did?"  
  
Brock looked confused, "What did he do?"  
  
"When the priest said, speak now or forever hold your peace, Ash was going to say something." Misty explained.  
  
"That's pretty bad," Brock said, "What did he say?"  
  
"Well, its not that he said anything its that he might have said something, uh oh." Misty said realizing, "and oh my god, he really didn't do anything did he and I'm a bitch, aren't I?" 

Brock took a sip from his glass and said, "Not really my place to say anything."  


"I guess I really should apologize to Ash… I mean I really cant get mad at something he MIGHT do… especially if he didn't do it." Misty said looking around for Ash. 

"Not until your married at least…" Brock muttered.

  
"What was that?" Misty asked still looking around to see if she could find Ash.

  
"Nothing never mind… uh oh…" Brock said noticing something, "This… might not be the best time to go apologize to Ash."  
  
"Why?" Misty said, "Did you spot him?

Brock pointed to the dance floor. "The dance floor?" Misty said, "It's a slow song, why would Ash be out there during a slow song?"  
  
Misty looked out to the dance floor and was horrified to what she saw, Ash out on the dancing floor, dancing with MAY!!! "What the hell is going on there?" Misty asked furiously.

Professor Oak walked up behind Misty and said, "Well, they're doing a quarter-time waltz to the 1978 love song classic…"  
  
"WOUL D YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?" Misty snapped to the roaming professor.

Misty stormed out to the dance floor and said, "What are you doing here?" Misty asked May.

  
"Oh hi Misty!" May said not stopping her dance with Ash, "You're cousin married my second cousin, isn't that a pretty cool coincidence?"  
  
"Well," Misty said, "Maybe you should go congratulate your second cousin, and I'll finish this dance with Ash."  
  
"What are you? Jealous or something?" May asked, "I mean, if what Ash told me is correct, you took Brock to the wedding, not Ash."  


Misty made a small low growling noise, "Alright May, fine, I'm jealous ok? NOW may I cut in?"  
  
May thought about it for a second and then said, "You know what? I'd still rather not, besides Ash is having more fun dancing with me, right?"  
  
Ash stammered looking for the right words. Fortunately for Ash, the right words came when Misty tackled May. Everyone watched the two wrestle on the dance floor and everyone backed away. The fight spilt over onto a table spilling soup on the two fighters. 

Meanwhile, now that the dance floor is now cleared, out runs pikachu, three sheets to the wind and a lamp shade on its head. It slides across the floor, and starts to break dance. It goes into a spin, goes out of control and takes out the table with the wedding cake on it, falling on top of the drunken pokemon.

Soaking wet in soup, the two girls then proceed to roll around on the floor each trying to get into the dominate position. All the while Ash stood next to Brock watching this. "Um… Brock…" Ash asked.

  
"What Ash?" Brock replied.

  
"Is it wrong that this is turning me on slightly?" Ash asked.

  
"Ash, my friend," Brock said, "If that's wrong… then I don't want to be right."   
  
Ash nodded, "Truly a moral for our viewers…"

****

***A LITTLE WHILE LATER…

Ash Brock Misty and May stood of the corner of the room while everyone filed out of the reception hall. The fight had gotten a little out of control. That and Pikachu had another drunken 'discharge' setting fire to the best man. 

"I cant believe we nearly killed the best man." May said embarrassed.

Ash shrugged, "At least they have a 10,000 dollar winner for America's funniest home videos."

"True." Misty agreed, "May… I'm sorry, I made a complete ass of myself. I just got overwhelmed by jealousy." 

  
"Yeah…" May agreed, "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have pushed your buttons."

"And I'm sorry for being oblivious," Ash said, "oblivious… oblivious… he he, funny word."  
  
"Are you done?" Misty asked.

  
"Yep, think so." Ash replied.

  
"And I'm most sorry of all." Brock said.  
  
"Really?" Misty said, "What are you sorry for?"  
  
Brock started to cry, "I'm sorry Ash had two girls fighting for him and I cant even get one! Well… if you will all excuse me."

  
Brock stared off into space…

***INSIDE BROCK'S HEAD

__

Music plays: "WHO YOU GONNA CALL??? 

GHOSTBUSTERS!!!"

Brock comes on screen in full Ghostbusters attire, accompanied by Sailor Moon, Kagome, and Ash's Mom, dressed in less then Ghostbusters's attire. The four romp together as the hit 80's theme song plays, and we slowly fade to black.

****

THE END

"Happy Valentines Day, guys," Ash said, "Good quickie guys."   
  
"Yeah, not a bad one," May said, "So… am I going to be a regular now?"  
  
The regular trio shrugged, "I dunno." Brock said, "Depends on fan reaction I guess."  


"And what about my brother Max?" May asked.

  
"Nobody likes him." Ash explained.

"Fair enough." May replied.

"So?" Misty asked Brock, "Any plans for Valentines day?" 

"I have a date with April O' Neil." Brock answered, "We're going out for pizza."  
  
"Classic April, or new April?" Ash asked.

"Classic."  
  
"Nice, man." Ash answered, and gave Brock a high five.

Misty elbowed him, gently, "Hey now…"  
  
"So…" Ash asked, "How should we end this one?"

  
"There can only be one way." Brock said.

Everyone nodded, then spun around and sang, "Hey Mickey your so fine, your so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey!!!"  


Pikachu, apparently drunk for real, staggers on stage and has another involuntary discharge taking out all four bad singers. 

Ash sat up singed and said, "Man, since this is valentines day… does that this a heartburn?" 

*everyone else just rolls their eyes*

  
**THE REAL END**

Alright, the sabbatical is over and the quickies of 2004 have begun. I know this is belated but I hope everyone had a merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate), and a very Happy New Year. (And a happy January too.) I will get the Christmas quickie up as soon as I can, promise. And hopefully the next quickie will be up soon. Thanks for everyone that read this after such a long break! I really do appreciate it. Happy Valentines Day! 


	23. Quickie 24: Hey, what’d I miss? II

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Explanation/Disclaimer: Oblivious

****

Quickie #24: Hey, what'd I miss? II 

****

Announcer: "_This week on pokemon quickies we thought we'd do things a little different. And by different I mean we're going to do something we've done before. Twelve episodes ago (play along), quickie # 12, we cleaned out my vault of deleted scenes from the past quickies. Now, the vault is filled, so its time to do some spring cleaning again. What will follow will be deleted scenes from older quickies that didn't make the cut for some reason… either that or they will be scenes that I've just made up to fill up an entire quickie. Either or it's all good, I promise. So you might want to have read the last ones before you read this one… or whatever… see if I care. This is not just a throw away episode because all the main characters just up and left to Las Vegas, leaving only Max and Tracey behind… and as we all know, an all "Max and Tracey" episode is the 2nd sign of the apocalypse. Enjoy!_

** __**

Quickie #15: Do you believe in magic?

(in the first deleted scene we seen an alternate scene of Ash's handyman ineptitude.)  
  
"Jeez" Ash complained, still fiddling with the wires, "What's with you two? Why do you naturally assume that I can't fix this thing?"

"Well…" Misty said, "Remember the time…"  
  
****SCENE CHANGE TO…

Ash pulled himself from under the car and wiped the grease from his face. He grinned at his mom, along with Misty, Brock and Tracey. "Whew," He said, "That about does it mom, the new battery is installed, so she should be running fine."  
  
Ash's mom gave her a son a kiss on his forehead and said, "Oh thank you hunny"

Ash beamed and said, "I told you, no sweat… and you wanted to pay a mechanic to do it."  
  
"Well," Misty said, "Should we start her up?"  
  
At those words, the lights of the car turned on, even though no one was even in the car. Everyone looked at the car in shock, and Ash sweatdropped. "Ash…" Misty asked, "Why did the lights come on by itself?"  
  
"Oh…" Ash said rubbing the back of his head, "I wouldn't worry about that… I'm sure its nothing a little power surge… nothing to worry about."  
  
Suddenly the car's engine started, and it made an unholy roar. Everyone now looked at the car with wide eyed horror. "Ummm." Ash's Mom said, "Why did the car start?"  
  
"Come on guys," Ash said, "You worry too much, this all very normal."  
  
"Ash…" Brock said, "The car is bleeding."  
  
Sure enough, blood started dripping from the headlights, causing them to cast an evil red glow. Ash looked at it and said, "Power surge… happens all the time."  
  
The car accelerated with no warning, driving forward, running over Tracey. Misty shrieked and leapt into Ash's arms. "ASH!" She cried out as the car drove out of the driveway top speed, apparently not caring what it just did to Tracey, and took off down the street. 

Misty cried panic stricken, "Ash!!! What did you do to the car?"  
  
"Nothing!" Ash replied, "I swear, all I did was put in a replacement battery I got down at the dump from an old car."  
  
"What car?" Misty asked.  
  
"I dunno," Ash answered, "An old fashion one, red… had a vanity plate on it… what was its name… Carol? Carrie?"  
  
Brock looked at Ash in disbelief and guessed, "Christine?"  
  
Ash snapped his fingers, "THAT'S IT! How'd you know? Ummm… why are you all looking at me like that?"  
  
Everyone walked away from Ash, muttering stuff like, "Dumbass" "Shmuck"

Ash dejected said, "This is the thanks I get for saving Mom 20 bucks." And walked away.

  
After a minute, we hear Tracey moan, "Hello? Why isn't anyone helping me? Or calling an ambulance? Helloooooo?  
  
****Alternate ending to that joke…***

The car accelerated with no warning, driving forward, running over Tracey. Misty shrieked and leapt into Ash's arms. "ASH!" She cried out as the car drove out of the driveway top speed, apparently not caring what it just did to Tracey, and took off down the street

Brock watched the car drive off and asked Ash, "Ash…, when you put the battery in, that little switch on it, did you make sure to switch the setting from "EVIL" to "GOOD"… right?"  
  
Ash stared vacantly at Brock for a second, then chuckled rubbing the back of his head sweatdropping and said, "Ummm… of course I did… why would you ask such a silly question?"  
  
Suddenly Professor Oak runs like hell past Ash's home, the evil Neo-Prism on his heels, he screams, "Someone get this freaking car away from me!"  
  
Brock watches this happen and replies to Ash, "I dunno… call it a gut feeling."  
  
*****END SCENE**  


__

A/N: I didn't use the first version because it was either use the Space Odyssey 2001 joke or the Stephen King's Christine joke… so I went with the lesser of two evils. I didn't use the second version because I didn't know if anyone would get the very subtle reference to an old Treehouse of Horror episode of the Simpson's. And without it… the 'evil/good' switch didn't make too much sense. Even worse… I couldn't find a way to tack on the added pun of Professor Oak's fleeing from the car saying that he'll eventually get "Exhausted". A shame… it would have been a real gas. Ok… no time to take a brake, lets accelerate on to the next deleted scene.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**__**

Quickie #16: Don't Bother To Choose.

(this one fits right in at beginning of the episode, as Dumbledore is explaining how he can send our favorite trio back home)  


Dumbledore smiles warmly at his guests and said, "You have the power to go home right now… you always did… just click your heels together three times and say 'there's no place like home.'"  


The trio stared at the professor for a minute then Brock asked, "You're just screwing with us, aren't you?"  
  
Dumbledore smiled and said, "Oh yes…"

****

***END SCENE***

A/N: "Too short… not that sweet… it got cut."  


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quickie # 16: Don't Bother To Choose.

__

(this is an addendum to the ending of this quickie)

With a flick of her wand, the words, 

**__**

TO BE CONTINUED...

appeared on the screen. "I hope this will teach you a lesson." She said sternly.

Ash looked at the words and dropped down to his knees, and cried out, "Q!!!!! Why have you forsaken me????"

In a bright flash of light Q appeared before Ash and said, "Augh! You keep calling me! What in the seven hells of Tiptock do you want?!"  
  
Ash looked that the alien being for a minute then asked, "In that episode, 'Encounter at Far Point', if you were really omnipotent, how come you got the style of dress for the crew of the Enterprise off by like 4 centuries? I mean… really."  
  
Q shook his head in disgust and said, "Look… why don't you bother someone else? Stop calling me or I'm going to get a restraining order." And in a flash the alien was gone… and Ash could have sworn he heard the being mutter, 'nerd' as he was disappearing. 

Ash looked stunned, Brock came up to him and said, "If you can't bother Q anymore… it looks like you're all out of super beings that you can pester."  
  
Ash made a sad face, dropped to his knees and cried "Mr. Mxyzptlk… I need you now!!!"  


****

***END SCENE***  


__

A/N: "I honestly didn't think of this extra ending until it was too late… although I think the story ended fine the way it was and this would have just been tacked on. But it does make a good joke in and of it self I hope."

Ash: "Why do you keep talking after the quotes?"  
  
A/N: "Its kind of like directors commentary… isn't it cool?"  
  
Misty: "Not really, its kind of annoying… please stop."  


A/N: Really?"   
  
Brock: "Yeah… you're making an ass of yourself."  
  
A/N: *pouting* "Fine… if it's that bad… I'm out of here then…"  
  
…

…

…

…

Misty: "Is he gone?"  
  
Ash: "Yeah!"  
  
Ash, Misty and Brock: "WOOHOO, *singing* 'we're in charge, we're in charge!!!'"  


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

****

Quickie # 17: If its jug band music or rhythm and blues…

Suddenly a giant snake appeared before them, "Excuse me... but it was a snake... hissing."  
  
"Woah, cool!" Ash said, "An Arbok!"  
  
"I am NOT an Arbok," The snake said, "I am the ultimate evil!"  
  
"Hamtaro?" Ash asked.

****

(Alternate responses by Ash that were considered…)**  
**

1. "Naraku?" Ash asked. 

__

Ash: (commenting from off stage a'la directors commentary) "Not as funny as Hamtaro." 

2. "Michael Jackson?" Ash asked.

__

Misty: "Too creepy" 

3. "Barney" Ash asked. 

**__**

  
Brock: "Been there… done that… WAY too 1995."

4. "Bill Gates?" Ash asked.

****

Misty: "Didn't want to get sued."

5. "Misty?" Ash asked. 

__

Ash: "That response got me a lump on the head."

6. "Pepsi one?" Ash asked.

__

Brock: "Now see… that one didn't even make sense."  
  
7. "Anything that has roasted sun-dried tomatoes on it?" Ash asked.

__

Misty: "Neither did that one…"  
Ash: "It did too! I hate sun dried tomatoes… bleh…"

Misty: "Is that why you said Pepsi one? Because you don't like it?"  
Ash: "Oh no… its because it really IS evil."  
Misty: *sweatdropping* "I see… lets move on, shall we?"  
  


****

***END SCENE***

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Quickie #19: They Came From The Pumpkin Patch or... Halloweenies**

(here are some alternate costumes the gang tried on for the Halloween special)

__

"So how lucky could we be? We needed a costume, and there across the street was a costume shop. It couldn't have been more convenient if it was written by a writer who didn't know a better way to set up a string of jokes."  


Brock comes out dressed like WWE Superstar HHH. He flexes and growls, "I am the game!!!"  
  
Ash comes out dressed like the guy from Operation, "Me too!"

Next, Misty came out in a light pink dress with white gloves, and a blonde wig. "What do you think Ash?" Misty asked.

  
"I'm sorry… but our Princess is in another castle." Ash responded.

Next, Ash came out wearing a wearing a fake plastic muscular chest and a plastic sword, "BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!!!"  
  
Brock called out, "You have the… worst costume of the day."  
  
"Harsh…" Ash replied.

It's Brock's turn as he comes out dressed like Batman. "Up up and AWAY!" Brock called out.

"That's SUPERMAN!" Ash corrected.

  
"Hey," Brock said, "Thanks! It's that good?"  
  
Misty's up next, dressed in a yellow dress with a brown wig, along with a talking clock and candlestick. "So what do you think?" Misty asked.

  
"I dunno," Ash said, "I'd have to say the costume rings a Belle."  


Ash took one last crack at a costume, and came out wearing a suit and tie complete with Bill Gates mask.

  
Misty quickly pulled the mask off Ash and asked, "Geez Ash, you wanna get sued?"  


  
*****END SCENE**

__

Misty: "So why did we cut those out?"   
  
_Ash: "Because they weren't thought of until this quickie."_

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

****

Quickie 20: Mockumentary 

__

(The one genre that wasn't touched upon…)  


  
Professor Oak, "I'd like to pause the action for just one moment, so our characters can break into a very popular genre… song."  
  
Brock picks up the remote and starts to sing,

"Ash went down to Georgia,

He was looking for some pokemon to catch

He was way behind, cause Gary was fine, 

Our hero was in a mess.

When he came upon a young Pikachu 

Sitting down on top of a stump

He rushed in and tried to grab it

Cause he really was a chump."

Professor Oak, "Alright that's enough… that's just horrible."  


  
*****END SCENE**

__

Brock: "Aww man, I cant believe we showed that."

__

Ash: "Yeah, that's pretty embarrassing."  
_  
Brock: "Don't worry, I know how to handle this. Ash, glasses."  
  
Ash and Brock stick on glasses and Brock pulls out a neutralizer, and in a bright flash, we jump to…_

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

****

Quickie 21: **The Thanksgiving Day Massacre.**

__

(What was Pikachu doing in the supermarket?)

Pikachu ran down the condiment isle and was in heaven. "PIKA!" Pikachu cried happily seeing all the bottles of ketchup. It leapt up to the shelf and opened a bottle and started drinking happily. A clerk saw the pokemon feasting and walked up to it and said, "Hey, put that down!"  
  
"Pika!" The pokemon said bristling its fur clutching the bottle tighter.

"Hey!" the clerk said, "Unless you can pay for that, put it down."  
  
"CHU!!!" Pikachu said clutching tighter still, sending out angry sparks.

  
The clerk grabbed the bottle from the pokemon in anger. Pikachu looked the man in shock, reached over, grabbed another bottle of ketchup, and smashed it down on the shelf breaking it. It then took its make-shift shive and leapt on top of the man trying to slash him.

****

***END SCENE

__

Ash: "We couldn't legally show that one because Pikachu is still in court over it How's that going anyway Pikachu."  
  
Pikachu gave a thumbs up and pointed over to his lawyer, who also gave a thumbs up and said, "If the ketchup ain't free, then innocent he must be!"  
  
Misty rolled her eyes and said, "And on that note, I think we'll call this one a wrap."  
  
"Did you say wrap?" Ash asked.

"Yes." Misty replied.

  
"Oh good… thought you said something else." Ash said.

  
  
**THE END**

"Hey," Ash said, "Did we clean out the video vault?"   
  
"Yep" Brock said, "Plenty of room for the Inu-Yasha videos now."  
  
"THAT'S what this was all about?" Misty asked.

"Yeah well…" Ash said, "We just got a boat load of them off E-bay."  
  
"Shouldn't we keep Pokemon videos in the vault?" Misty asked.

  
"Feh." Brock and Ash said at the same time.

Misty looked at the two for a minute, then shrugged and said, "Whatever… I get paid anyway."  


  
**THE REAL END**

So, that's two dozen (the Christmas one will be up soon, I think, so two dozen is sorta correct… in an incorrect way.) I really do appreciate all the people that read my stories, you really make all the writing worth while. Nothing better then making people laugh, I really mean that. A close second would be getting reviews… hint hint. Seriously guys and gals, thanks for reading the last 2 dozen stories, and I really hope you'll stick around for the next dozen (or more). Thanks, and take care!  
  



	24. Quickie 25: St Patties Day Special OR S...

****

Explanation/Disclaimer: If jimmy cracks corn, and nobody cares… why is there a song about him?

**__**

Quickie 25: St. Patties Day Special, OR… Sweet Memories

****

Announcer: "_Well, what do we have here? Our favorite heroes trading sexual favors for money? No, of course not, that would be just plain "stupid" wouldn't it? Every other stupid half-ass concept is accepted for this series, but when the announcer makes a suggestion, all I hear, "That's just perverted." or, "Why would Ash want a live Gerbil in his pants." Well I ask you, why WOULDN'T HE? Augh… hey, who are you guys? Where are you dragging meeeeeeee??? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"_  
  
…

…

…

…

Ash: "We really have to start using union-contracted announcers."  
  
"Yeah," Brock said, "But do you realize how much extra we'd have to pay them?"

"Never mind," Misty said, "Let's just get this thing started." 

"We can't!" Brock said, "Not until we are properly announced."  
  
"Oh, for the love of…" May said frustrated, "Hang on."   
  
The newest female pokemon trainer walked off screen and comes back with a large bullhorn. She puts it to her lips and announces, "Today we join Ash, May, Brock and Misty..."  
  
Misty glared at May.

May continues, "…on a glorious St. Patrick's Day. What adventures will our favorite quartet have today?"  
  
May tosses the bullhorn off screen and asks Brock, "Better?"  
  
"Much." Brock agrees. 

"Wait a second," Ash says, "Something's wrong here."

"Yeah, there's four of us," Misty mutters.

"No, its not that." Ash says, ignoring Misty and May sticking their respective tongues out at one another, "We're doing a St. Patrick's Day episode… and just like last year, we're late."  
  
"When aren't we late?" Brock asked, "We cant be on time for anything. Remember when…?"  


  
**_***SCENE CHANGE TO THE FOREST…_**

In a large flash of light, Brock, Misty and Ash appear out of thin air. "Did we make it?" Misty asked.

  
Ash checked the Chronoskimmer and said, "Yeah, we came back exactly one hour before Bambi's mom was shot. If we hurry we'll be able to make sure this time there will be a happy ending."  
  
A loud gunshot echoes throughout the meadow, and we hear a deer cry, (along with an entire studio audience). Brock and Misty give Ash a nasty look. Ash looked at the Chronoskimmer confused, and then said, "Ohhhh…, Spring forward, Fall BACK… my bad…" Ash looked up at Misty and Brock, still looking annoyed at Ash. 

Ash shrugged and put on a BBQ apron, "Well then, waste not, want not, who's up for some venison?"  


  
**_***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY…_**

"Oh yeah…" Misty said remembering, "I had forgotten all about that. I love that marinade you made Ash."  
  
May looked horrified, "You actually ate Bambi's Mom?"  
  
"Yeah," Brock said, "You know for such a tender scene… Bambi's Mom really was tough and kinda gamy."  
  
May shook her head, "That's incredible… what else have you guys done?"  
  
Ash scratched his chin, "What about the time we saved Pallet Town from Deadites??"  
  
  
**_***SCENE CHANGE TO…_**

Ash stumbling out of his house, landing on his back. Out of the door, an evil version of Ash comes racing out. Ash looked up at his evil doppelganger and simply said, "Groovy." (in an oddly deep voice) And aimed up his shotgun. 

Ash fired 22 rounds into his evil prey without ever having to reload. After the Evil Ash had fallen, Ash stood up looked down at his evil double and said, "Hail to the King baby."

**__**

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY…

"That was you?" May asked impressed, "I thought that was a different Ash?"  
  
"Nah," Ash said, "That's me in that movie, but test markets said they wanted an older looking hero, so they changed my looks electronically. Its really not all that unusual, did you know that Eddie Murphey played every single character in the Lord of the Rings?"  
  
"Did you know that every time you speak, odd things come out of your mouth?" Brock asked.

"Hey," Misty said, "As long as we're talking about the stuff we've been through, let's tell May about the time we met the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Corwin?"  


  
**_***SCENE CHANGE TO THE SAFARI ZONE…_**

Ash Misty and Brock stood behind Steve Corwin who leaned into a bush and spread apart the branches looking in. "Oy," Steve Corwin said, "Would you take a look at that! That's a Seviper! A dangerously poisonous pokemon not usually found in this region. Aw, what a beaut!."  
  
The trio try to crane their necks over to see the wild pokemon. "Oy there kids," Steve Corwin said, "Don't get too close to this beauty, no matter how sexy it is, its very dangerous."  
  
Ash looked at Misty with a curious glance and mouthed the word, "Sexy?"  
  
Misty shrugged.   
  
Steve Corwin continued, "Now I need complete silence, the slightest noise might make this beauty attack. And we wouldn't want to upset this sexy little lady all wrapped up in skin tight snakeskin. (growling noise)"  
  
Misty coughed the word, "FREAK" 

Unfortunately for Steve, that was enough to scare the Seviper enough to leap forward and sink its poisonous fangs into crocodile hunter's face. "AUGHHHHH" Steve Screams, "Oy its biting into my brain!!! Crikey!"  
  
"Misty!" Ash yelled, "What did you do?"  
  
Misty stammered, "I… I…, I didn't mean it, I was just making a joke."  
  
Brock leaned over and watched the squirming Crocodile Hunter, and said, "Well the poison in his system now, he's done for…"  
  
The trio stood there for a second longer, then each took off running.  


Steve Corwin leaned up a bit and said, "Tell my wife… my last words… were… didgeridoo." Then he collapsed.   


  
**_***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY…_**

Ash chuckled a little bit, and said, "Yeah… good times… good times…"  
  
May spoke up, "As much fun as all this is, what does any of this have to do with St. Patrick's Day?"  
  
"Nothing." Brock replied honestly and then said, "Who cares? Anyway, this one time…"  
  
  
**_***SCENE CHANGE TO A WRESTLING RING…_**

"ROCK BOTTOM!!!" JR cries out, "This one is over!"   
  
Sure enough, the WWF champion the Rock had just hit his finishing maneuver on the young pokemon trainer. Brock lay limp on the mat as the charismatic champ walked in front of the lain trainer's head.   
  
"Here it comes!" The king says, "The most electrifying move in sports entertainment today!!! THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW!!! PUPPIES!!! The Rock's implants are like man PUPPIES!!!"  
  
"Well put!" JR agreed holding up an "Okalahoma Sooners" sign.  


But just before he could hit the elbow, the Rock got a huge surprise! Brock lept up and grabbed the Rock by the neck and hit the diamond cutter, drilling Rock face first into the mat.   
  
The ref knelt down and counted, "1, 2, 3!!!"   
  
JR: "Oh my god! We have a new champ! Brock is the new champ!!!"  


**__**

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY…

"Oh come on!" Ash said interrupting Brock's story, "that's ridiculous, you never won the WWF title."  
  
"Oh really." Brock said, "Then why do I have this?" Brock reached into his backpack and pulled out the WWF title.  
  
"Because," Ash explained, "After the last WWF house show we caught, we stalked the Rock to his car and then hit him in the back of the head with a crowbar and stole his title."  
  
"And THAT'S not the same as winning it?" Brock asked incredulously.  
  
"Do you realize" May said, "That in all your stories, someone has died! That's horrible."  
  
"Oh yeah," Ash said chuckling, "You'll get used to death around here quickly, hey Misty remember that time when…"  


  
**_***SCENE CHANGE TO A SMALL TOWN SETTING…_**

"Alright Psyduck," Misty commanded, "Use Psybeam attack!"  
  
The dumb duck pokemon just looked vacantly at its master.   
  
The four pre-teen boys that she was trying to impress started laughing loudly at her. "Oh man!" Cartman said, "That was the fbleeping lamest piece of shbleep I've ever seen in my whole life!"  
  
"Yeah man!" Stan said laughing, "That stupid bbleep couldn't fbleeping bleep BLEEP BleEp"  


Kyle continued, "bleep bleep bleep bleep Beep"  
  
"Beep?" Stan asked.

  
"Oh…" Kyle said, "I meant Bleep"

"You stupid Jew" Cartman yelled, "You bleep the bleep and bleep bleep bleep bleep"

Sadly, all that bleeping caused Psyduck to get a headache, and its eyes started to glow.  
  
"Uh, guys," Misty said, "I think you should stop that…"  
"Oh go fbleeping fbleep yourself you bleep bleep bleep" Cartman swore at Misty.

Psyduck eyes grew bluer, and so did Kenny's. 

  
Psyduck started to shake, and so did Kenny.  
  
Psyduck yelled, and so did Kenny.  
  
And finally, Kenny's crotch exploded, draining out all his organs, including his brain.

"OH MY GOD!!!" Stan cried out, "YOU KILLED KENNY!!!"  
  
"You bastard!!!" Kyle yelled.

  
After a moment, Cartman said, "No but seriously, that was a cool one!"  
  
  
**_***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY…_**

May looked horrified, "And that's funny?"   
  
"I guess you had to be there," Misty admitted.  
  
"Yeah, but that's why we call Misty our little ball buster." Ash said grinning.

"Yeah, she goes nuts." Brock agreed.  
  
Misty picked up her mallet to dish out a little 'pun'ishment, but May interrupted, "All this violence… actually its kinda intriguing. Any more tales?"  
  
"Well," Ash said, "I'll have you know, Brock's not the only one with a championship…"  
  
"Are you going to tell her about the time you hit Nancy Kerrigan?" Brock asked.

  
"Nahhhh…" Ash said, "This is about the one I actually won."  
  
  
**_***SCENE CHANGE TO A KARATE RING…_**

Ash was just knocked down again by a spinning back fist, blood started to drip from his nose onto his Gi. (karate uniform)   
  
Gary dressed in a black Gi grins at his fallen foe, meanwhile, Tracey cries out to Gary, "Put him in a body bag Johnny!!! Umm… I mean Gary!!!"  
  
Ash looks over and see his master Mr. Mime-agi looking at him, and then he sees Misty cheering him on to get up, tears in her eyes. Ash shakes the cobwebs out of his head, stands up and goes into the crane position.  
  
"GO!" The ref cries, and just as Gary charges in, Ash kicks Gary square in the jaw, drilling his long time foe.  
  
The ref steps in, and declares Ash the winner. Misty leaps up in joy, and Mr Mime-Agi… hasn't been paying attention, its been pretending its trapped in an invisible box.

  
Professor Oak's voice bleeds over the scene, as he sings in a higher pitched voice, "_I am a man who will fight for your honnnnnnorrrrrrr…"  
_

Misty runs into the ring and leaps into Ash's arms…

__

"Something something something, about a shining knight from a long time ago…"  
  
Ash picks her up and the two twirl around embracing…

__

"Ralph Machio is a man who fights with honnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnorrrrrrrrrrrr…"  
  
  
**_***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY…_**

"Well…" May said, "That's quite a rip-off… I mean story."   
  
"Damn straight!" Ash said, then checked his watch, "Well, that about does it for this one."  
  
"But…" May said concerned, "We called this one our St. Patties Day special, and we didn't do anything even remotely Irish! Won't people be upset?"  
  
"Nah," Brock said, "We got it covered…"  
  
And in comes Pikachu dressed in complete Leprechaun's garb, green jacket, green hat, little pointy boots, an orange beard and a pipe sticking out of its mouth. It nods, an upbeat Irish tune starts and the little yellow pokemon starts to do an Irish Jig. "Woo!" Ash said dancing a bit to the Irish tune, "You've kissed the Blarney Pikachu."  
  
"Pikachu Pika O' Pikachu." Pikachu said. Translation: "I'm so Fbleeping embarrassed."

Ash, Misty, Brock and May grinned and said to the camera, "Happy St. Patties Day, see you next time!"  
  
The camera Irishes… I mean… Irises out on Pikachu who looks up at Ash and says, "Pikachu, Pika O' Chu." Translation: "I'm thunder bolting you the next time you're in the shower."  
  
  
**THE END!!!**  


  
"So, how does it feel to get your first quickie under your belt?" Misty asked May.  
  
"Pretty good!" May said, "But… is it usually as crazy as this?"  
  
"Nah," Brock said, "It's usually much worse."  
  
"Oh… wonderful." May said.  
  
"Don't worry…" Ash said, "It'll grow on you… like a fungus…, but not just an fungus… one that will become poisonous after time."  
  
"That doesn't sound that good…" May said.  
  
"No?" Ash said surprised, "I hope your not, that's our newest advertising campaign."  
  
  
**THE REAL END…?  
**  
  
"Actually," Ash said, "It's not! To do something different we're going to end quickies with fan mail and questions."  
  
"Neat." Misty said, "Do we get paid overtime."  
  
Ash looked shocked, "Misty! This is something extra we're doing to make the fans happy. OF COURSE we get paid overtime, duh!"  
  
Ash reached into the big burlap sack and read the note, "Mewtwo of the Darkness wrote, 'Question: Ash and Misty, did you ever do a threesome?'"  
  
Ash put the note down and said, "Mewtwo…, of course we have done a threesome."  
  
Misty snapped her head up blushing, "ASH!!!"  
  
"What Misty?" Ash asked.

  
"What the hell are you talking about???" Misty yelled.

  
"What?" Ash said, "We've done threesomes before with Brock, quite often too!"  
  
Brock yelled over, "Woah dude, what?"  
  
"What's the big deal?" Ash asked confused, "I hope to have a foursome with May joining us sometime."  
  
May ran out of the studio.  


Ash shook his head, quite confused at the annoyed looks he was getting from his friends, "What??? Just the other day, me and misty were playing scrabble, Brock asked if he could play two, so we made our game a threesome."  
  
Brock and Misty looked at Ash. "You're a dipshit, you know that, right?" Brock said annoyed.

  
"What?"  
  
Brock and Misty walked out of the studio muttered to themselves.

  
"What???" Ash yelled after them, "Jeez, and they act like I'M the crazy one. Ok, so thanks for your question 'Mewtwo of the Darkness, I hope you didn't mind me using your name. If so, lemme know, and I'll remove it. As for the rest of you, if you want to ask a question or have a comment, send them to "Edifolco25@aol.com" with the Subject heading "Pokemon Quickies." and maybe your email will make it to the quickie! Thanks, take care!"

  
**THE REALLY REAL END**

Alright, another quickie done, sorry this one took so long, and I'm really sorry no Christmas one yet, but it'll come… it'll come. Someday. Soon, maybe. But I figured lets keep moving forward until I get it done. Thanks for reading my twenty-fifth quickie, this one is special to me, because twenty five is my lucky number, so I hope I get lots of reviews and lots of questions in my email. Thanks again for reading my story, take care and see you soon!

  
_This story is dedicated to Ralph Machio, the Karate Kid, who taught a whole generation of kids that if you pretend to know karate you will get your ass kicked. _


	25. Quickie X: How now brown cow?

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Explanation/Disclaimer: _Lather, Rinse, Repeat. _

Quickie X: How now brown cow?

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"Alright Ash." Brock said, "I don't get it… what am I looking at here above us?"  
  
"I drew a picture of a beautiful grassy field, and a very cute cow, drawn in a classic realism style." Ash explained, "What do you think?"  
  
"I don't see a field," Brock said.  
  
" Well, it was a hungry cow, he ate all the grass." Ash explained.

"Well then," Brock asked, "Where's the cow?"  
  
"You don't think he'd hang around a field with no grass do you?" Ash responded.

CAREFUL WITH THIS JOKE… IT'S AN ANTIQUE!!!

THE END

  
_A/N: This waste of time was brought to you by a grant from the Fanficton Foundation… and by readers like you._

PS: April Fools! 


	26. Quickie X2: Bottoms up! Or Aprils Fool...

****

Explanation/Disclaimer: _What are you looking at? _

****

Quickie X2: Bottoms Up! Or… April Fools :-D

good one… see you real soon.

for reading, and I hope my little stunts were the worst things pulled on you on April Fools Day. Have a 

or something so the characters know who wrote it. Also… I wouldn't mind a review or two. But thanks 

Don't forget to send your email questions to Edifolco25@aol.com (And don't forget to give me a name 

another one (a real one) that I'm working on that should be up shortly, so keep your eyes peeled for it. 

Thank you all for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this short little quickie. Don't worry though, I have 

****

THE REAL END

craving for pineapple upside down cake…"  
"Let's get out of here," May said, "We'll go to the diner… my treat. For some reason I have this strange   


"This is what happens when you get Frank L. Wright to design a quickie for you." Misty said.

"Yeah, the blood is rushing to my head." Brock said swaying a bit.

is making me very dizzy."  
"Alright," Ash said, "We got through an April Fools Day special… now lets get out of here… this format   


****

THE END

Ash, Misty and Brock all sweat drop and we fade out on May's confused face.

May looked confused…, "Got what?"  


"There ya go May," Ash said, "NOW you got it!"  


"Hey!" Brock said.

"Aw come on!" May said, "Throw me a freaking bone!"  


"I just don't think you have the hang of it May," Ash said sadly.

"Hey!" May said annoyed, "What the problem with my pun?"  


"That IS consistent with the current category of puns." Brock responded.

"You're such a dog." Misty said to Brock.

Brock grinned widely and said, "Maybe you SHOULD draw me a picture."

"Dog puns… Style…" May explained, "Doggy, styles…" 

Ash scratched the back of his head, and said, "Maybe you do…"  


"The word style!" May said, "Duh, do I have to paint you a picture?"  


Brock and Ash looked at each other, "I don't get it." Brock says, "Whats the pun?"  


"What?" May asked, "That was the pun."  


"And…?" Ash asked waiting.

…

…

…

…

"Wait wait!" May said, "I got one now… and I'm going to do it with style." 

"Just remember to buy… not leash." Brock explained.

"What about hot dogs?" Ash asked.

Brock chuckled and said, "Good one…, anyway, while you're online, see if you can get me a pup tent."  


"Yeah," Ash continued, "If you take a picture of her, Alpo-st it online."  


"Nice tail on her though." Brock said.

"Sure did," Ash responded, "Yeah, she should shut her yap."  


"That caused us to paws, didn't it Ash?" Brock said.  


"Oh…" May said embarrassed.  


"May…" Ash explained gently, "We're doing dog puns."  


…

…

…

"Lemme try!" May said, "Brock, leave Ash alone…, he's the cat's meow."  


the dog house."   
The battle continued as Ash retorted, "You keep using language like that and you're going to wind up in 

"Oh god…" Misty said putting her head in her hands."

"Kinda looks like fun!" May said.  


"They're punning…" Misty said, "Horrible isn't it?"  


"What are they doing?" May asked bewildered.  


"Don't act like a bitch." Brock quickly responded.

"Take my friend… fleas." Ash said grinning.

"Oh god…" Misty said, looking at May annoyed, "Do you see what you started?" 

"If you're looking for sympathy, you're barking up the wrong tree." Brock responded.  


"That was a ruff comment, don't you think?" Ash said.  


Brock grinned, "Really? I thought you were looking a little dog-eared."  


"I know…" May said, "I'm dog-tired…"  


"Ah man…" Ash said, "I cant believe how hard we've been working lately."   


We join our heroes in the midst of some downtime. What awaits our unsuspecting readers today?

  
**THE REAL BEGINNING **

__

Happy April Fools Day!


	27. Quickie 26: Mallratattas

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Explanation/Disclaimer: If at first you don't succeed… QUIT!!! No sense being a damned fool about it.

****

Quickie 26: Mallratattas

We open on Ash Ketchum standing in front of a wall, in which a few of the pokemon cast is standing against. "Alright," Ash says, "I was told I had to pick a few of you for today's pokemon quickie. So, I figured let's do this like how you pick teams for kickball. So lets see… Brock, you're on the team."  
  
"Yes!" Brock says and walks over and stands behind Ash.  
  
"Misty," Ash says, "You're in it too."  
  
"Neat!" Misty says happily and goes and stands next to Brock.

"Tracey…" Ash says.  
  
"Yeah?!" Tracey says hopefully.

"What the fbleep are you doing here? Nobody likes you, get the hell out of here." Ash replies.  
  
"Ok, you guys are assholes!" Tracey says annoyed and stalks off.

Ash yells after him, "And with an attitude like that you wonder why you're less liked then Simon on American Idol."  
  
After a moment Ash turned his attention back to the wall, "Alright, May, you're part of this one too!"  
  
"Yippee!" May said happily and raced over to join the team.   
  
"Now lets see…" Ash said reading his clipboard, "According to this… I need one more male… Gary…?  
  
Ash was surprised to see that Gary wasn't around, in fact, the only one left standing at the wall was Max.

  
"_Yes_!" Max thought to himself, "_I'm the only guy here, I'm finally going to be part of a quickie_!"  
  
Ash looked back and forth and said, "Well… looks like there's only one choice left…"  
  
Max started to walk forward when Ash said, "I didn't want to do it, but there's no other choice left. Alright Naraku, you're with us."  
  
"WHAT???" Max exclaimed.

Naraku, a tall young dark-haired, sinister looking man dressed in the fur of a white baboon, and a dark purple and black kimono walked to the group, seemingly out of nowhere, "Excellent," he said darkly.

"Wait a god-damned minute!" Max yelled stalking up to Ash, "You chose NARAKU over me? InuYasha's most hated enemy, THAT Narkau? The powerful manipulating half-demon, THAT Narkau? EVIL INCARNATE… THAT NARAKU??? You chose HIM over me???"  
  
"Ummm…" Ash said, "Yeah… why?"  
  
"WHY?" Max exclaimed, "Why would you choose him, someone not even a part of our show, over me?!"  
  
"Well…" Ash responded, "How can I put this, and still spare your feelings. Well Max, its just that, no one really likes you. In fact, according to our studies, viewers see you sorta like the 'Scrappy Doo' of pokemon."  
  
"What?" Max exclaimed.

"Yep," Ash said, "Scrappy Doo… the Yoko Ono of Saturday morning cartoons."  
  
Max ran out of the room crying. "That was a little harsh," May said, "Wasn't it"  
  
"No." Naraku grinning evilly said, "You must savor the sweet tears of the young and innocent."  
  
Misty and May took a step away from Naraku. "Ash," Misty whispered, "are you sure its ok to bring this guy along with us?"  
  
"Sure," Ash said, "What could go wrong?"  
  
Misty raised her eyebrow at Ash, "Remember the last time you said that?"  
  
"Yeah yeah," Ash said, "Superman died… but hey, he came back didn't he? A hearty thank you to the makers of Phoenix Down."  
  
"So what's with this big setup anyway?" Brock asked, "What do we have to do?"  
  
"Something incredibly important." Ash responded.

  
"Saving some rare pokemon?" May asked.

"Travel to far away lands of magic and wonder?" Misty asked.

  
"Find the Jade Monkey?" Brock asked.

"Devouring babies?" Naraku asked.

  
Again, Misty and May took a further step away from the evil demon.

  
"Nah…" Ash said, "Something even more important, we're going to the mall!"

After a long pause Brock asked, "What's so important about going to the mall?"

"Nothing really," Ash said, "You said we needed supplies, and I figured it'd be fun to take a day and do some shopping."  
  
"Awesome!" May said, "I can buy a new swimsuit for the summer!"  
  
"And I can check out the newest fall fashions." Misty said.

  
"And there are a few new pokemon guides I've been meaning to look through," Brock said, "Sounds like a trip to the mall is a great idea, but Ash, why did you say that this was so important."  
  
"Oh," Ash said, "You know how viewers are today, if everything isn't a major crisis or adventure, they tune right out… so we have to make everything seem exciting and dangerous. So anyway… WE HAVE TO CATCH THE BUS TO THE MALL, OR WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!!"

** __**

***SCENES AT A MALL (oops, I meant "SCENE CHANGE TO THE MALL)

  
As our group of heroes (and one villain) entered the mall, they were all in high spirits. 

  
Ash *singing*: "You're the red white and blue, oh, the funny things you do, America, America, now this is you!"  
  
"ASH!" Misty yelled, "Would you please stop singing that song?"  
  
Ash frowned. Brock spoke up, "Alright gang, what should we do first?"  
  
"Well," Misty said, "May and I have a little shopping to do."  
  
"Ok," Ash said, "We'll do your shopping first, then we'll…"  
  
May interrupted Ash, "Actualy Ash, it's kind of personal… the shopping, so me and Misty are just going to go alone, ok?"  
  
"Personal?" Ash asked.  
  
Misty sighed, "If you must know, we're going to go look for new bras."  
  
Brock grinned widely, "Can I come?"  
  
Ash opened his mouth to make a smart ass remark, but Misty snapped her hand over Ash's mouth and said, "Don't you dare!"  
  
Ash tried to look innocent, "What? You don't know what I was going to say."

"Actually," Misty said, "I knew exactly what you were going to say… so don't say it!"  
  
"So…" Brock said sadly, "I cant come along?"  
  
"Only if you want to be maced." May warned.

  
"Oh, I've been maced before… its not so bad…" Brock bragged.  
  
May reached into her back pack and pulled out a medieval mace. (You know, the ball with a spike on it, attached to handle by a chain) Brock face fell, and he looked at Ash and said, "So… its just us guys, huh?"

"Yep," Ash said, "Just you, me, and Naraku… hey… where's Naraku?"  
  
The group turned to see Naraku reach into another person's shopping bag, remove an expensive watch, and put it into another man's bag. Naraku then tapped the original guy's shoulder and said, "Excuse me, but I noticed that that guy over there stop something from you."  
  
When the man went to confront the 'thief', a nasty verbal spat started, which quickly came to blows. Naraku watched this enjoying every bloody blow, as he arched his fingers together and said, "Excellent."  
  
"I think we're going to have to keep a closer eye on him," Ash whispered to Brock.

"Unless of course," Brock said, "The girls want to take our esteemed guest along with… hey… where'd the girls go?"  
  
Our male heroes watched Misty and May quickly make their escape into the crowd. Meanwhile, Naraku kept watching the fight he caused with glee. At this point, the 'theif' was on top of the other guy, raining down punches. "Here, my friend" Naraku said in an almost hypnotic voice, "Use this broken bottle… finish the job…"  
  
Ash and Brock rush up and take the broken bottle away from Naraku and drag him away, Ash saying, "Alright, that's enough of that."  
  
Ash and Brock walked pushing Naraku along gently. "Look," Brock said, "I know you're… well… evil… and that was a legitimate lifestyle choice back in your day…"  


"Just try to behave, alright?" Ash asked.

"I make no promises." Naraku said firmly. 

"Look," Ash pointed, "There's that shop that is devoted to nothing but travel games."  
  
Brock looked up at the store's name which read, 'Pair of Dice by the Dashboard Light.'. "You know," Brock said, "I've read about this place, its got some great stuff. Let's check it out."   
  
"Yeah," Ash agreed, then leaned in and whispered, while pointing over to Naraku, "And it should be a safe place to bring in Mr. Grim over there."   


Naraku leaned over taking a child's balloon away, then using the balloon's string, he leaned over more, about to wrap it an old man's throat. Ash quickly ran in and took the balloon away from him and gave it back to the child, "Come on…" Ash said, pushing an unhappy Naraku away from the fleeing child, "Let's go into here…" Then he muttered to himself, "It's like babysitting, Chucky… I wonder how Misty and May are doing?"  


  
*****SCENE CHANGE TO MISTY AND MAY…**

"I love the mall!" May cheered, "Don't' you?"  
  
"Yeah," Misty said, "Who doesn't? So should we head over to Victoria's Secret?"   
  
"Meh…" May said to her shopping buddy, "What's the rush? We never get to do stuff like this when we're with the guys, why not do a little browsing around first?"  
  
"Alright," Misty said, "Sounds like fun, where to then?"  
  
"Hey," May said pointing, "Isn't that the rap store opened up by Disney? "It's a Biggie Small World."?"  
  
"Yeah," Misty said, walking to the store's entrance with May, "I think so… but there's something about that seems unsettling…"  
  
As Misty and May poked their head through the door, they were greeted with a dancing Minnie Mouse, shaking her rump to the beat of "I Like Big Butts."  
  
After watching that disturbing image for only a moment, both Misty and May said in unison, "I'm outta here." and left quickly.

****

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE GUYS…

Ash Brock and Naraku quickly ran out of "Pair of Dice By the Dashboard Life" barely avoiding the frenzied mob fighting in the shop.   
  
"Well…" Brock said glaring angrily at Naraku and Ash, "THAT went well…"  
  
Ash looked up at Naraku incredulously, and asked, "How on EARTH did you manage to cause a riot using nothing but a travel version of 'Perfection'?"  
  
Naraku grinned evilly and replied, "We all must use the gifts we were given."  
  
Ash shook his head annoyed, "Geez, this isn't going well at all… at this rate it would have been better if we DID take Max instead of this guy…"  
  
Max came running up out of nowhere, "Do you guys really mean it!?!?" He asked excitedly.

"NO!" Brock and Ash yelled sternly.

Crestfallen, Max frowned and walked away. "Seriously though," Brock asked, "What are we going to do with this guy?"  
  
"What?" Naraku asked annoyed, "You knew what I was when you invited me."  
  
"I know, I know…" Ash said, "Evil incarnate, but do you think you could tone it down for sake of this episode?"   
  
Naraku said nothing but walked silently with Ash and Brock, deeper into the mall. "Oh man!!!" Ash cried out, "CHECK IT OUT!"   
  
Ash took off running. "What is it Ash?" Brock asked, walking after Ash, making sure that the villain was following them.   
  
When Brock caught up with Ash just the young trainer ran into 'Byte Me" the video game store. "Mortal Kombat: Devastation has finally come out!" Ash cheered, "Check it out man! Twenty-Five characters, over 50 fatalities, including the infamous, and nearly banned, "Chainsaw Enema"."  


"Interesting." Naraku said raising an eyebrow, "What's this marvelous device?"  
  
"It's a Playstation." Ash explained, "It lets you play video games, and this is one of the best there are, its Mortal Kombat."  
  
Ash picked up a game controller and after a brief and bloody battle he managed to rip the kidneys out of his opponent, then forced his foe to eat them.

"That rules!!!" Ash cheered.

Naraku chuckled, "Oh… been there… done that… but that really is something else."  
  
Naraku stared at the violent screen almost seductively, picked up the other controller, and the two players managed to perform horrible acts of violence against one another that cannot be mentioned here. Naraku seemed to be in a trance.   
  
"A little." Ash admitted.

  
Brock looked shocked at Ash. Ash sweatdropped, "Oh… you were talking to him, right?"  


****

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE GIRLS…

The two girls had just walked out of the antiques shop, "Pattywack's KnickKnacks." when Misty's stomach let out a loud rumble.  


After she blushed she asked May, "Wanna get something to eat?"   
  
"Sure why not?" May said.

Minutes later May and Misty were sitting at a booth, and were handed menus by a waitress. "Thanks," Misty said after getting the menu, "But I think I know what I want already… do you serve any fish?"  
  
The waitress gave Misty a nasty glare and said, "If you bothered you READ the menu, you'd know that we don't serve fish here."  
  
Misty gave the waitress a rye face and said, "Uh… sorry, well we'll just be a minute."  
  
The waitress sighed loudly and rather loudly and walked away. Misty leaned over the table to May and asked, "Was it me, or was she really rude?"  
  
"Well," May said trying to be the pacifist, "It did look that way a little bit, but maybe she's just tired?"  
  
Misty rolled her eyes, "Whatever…, well I guess I'll just have the Italian Chicken Wrap, how about you?"   
  
"I think I'll have the Caesar Salad." May said, "Now we just have wait for the waitress…"  


  
***Five minutes later…**

Misty whispered to May again, "Where's our waitress?"  
  
"Ummm," May said, "I think that's her over there flirting with the chef."  
  
"What?" Misty said annoyed, "I'm going to go over there and…"  
  
"No… no!" May said getting embarrassed, "Don't make a scene, its no big deal, I'm sure she'll be over here any second now…"  
  


****

***SCENE CHANGE TO BACK TO THE BOYS…

"Well, that was fun." Ash said as they left the video game store, and passed by "Pick a Flick" the Mall's movie theater. "Hey," Ash said, "You mind if I go in there real fast?"  
  
Brock looked at Ash and said, "What for? We don't have time for a movie…"  
  
"Yeah," Ash said, "But I wanted to get some popcorn…"  
  
"Well… ok…" Brock said.

Minute later it was Ash's turn to order. Narkau eyed the popcorn popper, "What is this thing?"   
  
"It's popcorn, you'll love it…" Brock said.

"Would you like artifical butter flavoring on that?" The concession stand worker asked.

"Why not?" Ash said, and the worker pumped out a thick yellowy ooze on top of the popcorn, Narkau looked horrified.

  
"What in the seven hells are you putting on your popped corn?" Naraku asked.

"It's artifical butter flavoring…, no one's quite sure what it's made of…" Brock explained.

Naraku eyed the ooze closely and said, "I'm comprised of literally thousands of demons, I've feasted upon the still beating hearts of swamp dragons, and washed that down with the bile from the liver of the walking dead… and yet, THAT is the most vile substance I've laid eyes on…"  
  
Ash looked at his bag of popcorn and Brock asked, "Whats the matter…"  
  
"All of a sudden, I'm not as hungry as I once was…" Ash said sticking out his tounge. 

Ash tossed the popcorn in the trashcan and walked away, Naraku looked a little confused, "Was it something I said?"  


****

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE LADIES…

Ten minutes have passed and May to an increasingly annoyed Misty, "Relax, I'm sure… they're just busy."  
  
"There's only 5 other people in here!" Misty hissed annoyed.

  
"Calm down, come on, we had some fun didn't we? What about that odd bookstore we went into?" May asked.

"You mean Waldenbooks?" Misty asked.

"Yeah, that was really weird, the only books they had were written by Henry David Thoreau." May said.

  
"You know…" Misty said, "NO one is going to get that joke…"  
  
"They might…" May defended.

****

***BACK TO THE BOYS…

"Well," Ash said walking past 'Go Cluck Yourself' the fried chicken place, "I think things are going a bit better, don't you think?"   
  
Brock nodded, "Yeah, Naraku seems to have mellowed out a bit, maybe he got his fill of violence from Mortal Kombat?"  
  
"YES!!!" Naraku cried out and took off in a run.  
  
"I don't suppose that was him agreeing with you," Ash asked, "Do you?"  
  
Brock and Ash raced after Naraku who ran into "420", a shop that's known for selling incenses, astrology stuff, fun t-shirts, *cough* bongs *cough* and…, unfortunately for our heroes, traditional Asian weapons.   
  
Ash and Brock looked at the rack of cool looking weapons and Ash muttered, "Well this is fbleeping great…"  
  
Naraku was eyeing a very ornate looking sword with a dragon carved into its ivory handle. "Who would want stuff like this?" Brock asked.  
  
"Hey," the shop owner said, "a lot of people, in fact, I just sold a set of sais, a set of kitana blades, a set of nunchucks AND a bo staff!"  
  
"To who?" Ash asked suspiciously.

  
"Those guys over there." The owner pointed to.

  
Ash turned just in time to see 4 slightly green looking men in trench coats leaving, "See ya later dude," the one called to the owner.

  
Ash watched them leave, thought about it for a second, then said, "Nah… couldn't be…"  
  
Naraku took the blade into his hands and swung it around like a true master. "Excuse me sir," The owner said, "But please don't handle the merchandise."  
  
"Well," Ash said watching this, "_THIS _will probably end well…"  
  
"Relax" Brock said, "The weapons here can't have been sharpened yet, so there's no problem…"  
  
Naraku looked at his dull blade, then took his hand, wrapped it tightly around the blade and ran it along the length of the weapon. A loud screeching noise escaped Naraku's grasp as he ran it up and down the blade, faster and faster. _*dirty dirty thoughts* _After a few seconds of this, the sword was a sharp as a razor. To test this Naraku took one swing slicing the counter in half.

"Alright now see…" Brock said, "THAT could be a problem…"  
  
"Wait!" Ash said, "I have an idea!" And with that Ash took off running out of the store.

  
After a moment Brock looked at the store clerk and asked, "You think escaping was his plan?"  
  
The clerk nodded sadly.

****

***GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN… (or lunch anyway…)

Misty drummed her fingers annoyed at the table. "Well, May" Misty said, "It's be twenty-five minutes, should I complain now?"  
  
Just as annoyed, May said, "Yeah, go nuts."  
  
But before Misty could follow through on this, the waitress finally came back. "Alright, are you ready?"  
  
"Umm.. YEAH!" Misty said annoyed, "I'll have the Italian Chicken Wrap."  
  
"I'll have the Caesar Salad." May said.

"You want fries with your fish?" the waitress asked not really listening her costumers.   
  
"What?" Misty asked, "You said you didn't have fish!"  
  
"Then why did you just order it?" the waitress asked annoyed.

"I didn't!" Misty said equally annoyed, "I ordered the Italian Chicken Wrap!"  
  
"And I had the Caesar Salad." May restated.  
  
"We don't serve that." the waitress commented.  
  
"What do you mean?" May exclaimed, "That woman over there is eating one!"  
  
The waitress walked over to that woman took her salad and threw it in the garbage, then walked back to the girl's table, "See? No Caesar!" 

"Ok…" May said, "I'm out of here."   
  
Misty and May walked out steaming mad, "I can't believe this!" May said.

"Seriously" Misty said, then yelled into the place, "I'm coming back here with NARAKU!!!!"   
  
The two girls head out and after a moment May said, "Uh, Misty… I think I found out what the problem was…"  
  
The two girls looked up at the name of the restaurant which of course was "unFreindly's" .

Misty and May both said at the same time, "Ohhhhhhhhh…"  
  
"This mall's crazy," Misty said, "Let's get out of here…"  
  
"What about our bras?" May asked

"Screw it," Misty said, "We can do better without them, I mean, look how well Fujiko Mine did without them."  


****

***LET'S HERE IT FOR THE BOYS… (lets give the boys a hand-and-and…)

  
Naraku raised his blade over the clerk's head, and was about to perform a "Fatality" of his own when Ash came running in, "WAIT!" Ash said, "Naraku, here… I got something for you…"  
  
Ash thrust a cup into Naraku's hands. "Here…" Ash said, "Drink this."  
  
Naraku looked at Ash for a second, then took a swig from the cup. A warm smile spread across the villain's face and he put the sword down. The clerk took off running. "What did you give him?" Brock asked, "Sedatives?"  
  
"Even better…" Ash said, "Frappuccino."  
  
"Good thinking." Brock said, "But do you think the caffeine will have an adverse side effect on him?"

****

*** MOMENTS LATER…

Up tempo music plays. Naraku grabs the mic and sings, "woah-woah woah woah-o…"

Naraku sings: "This is what I want to do…"  
  
Ash: "Let's have some fun…"  
  
Naraku: *singing* "One on one just me and you…"  


*drums roll…*  
  
Ash/Brock: *singing* "Boom Boom Boom Boom…"  
  
Naraku: *singing* "I want you in my room, and spend the night together, from now until forever…"  


Ash/Brock: *singing* "Boom Boom Boom Boom…"  


Naraku then leaps into the air, hit's the floor right into the dance move, the worm.   
  
Ash laughs and whispers to Brock, "Damn, he's high as a kite! I guess caffeine DOES have a side effect on demons!"

Narkau passes by them hopping on one food doing an air guitar riff. "See…" Ash said, "Its like I always say… most of life problems can be solved by Starbucks…"  
  
"When the hell do you ever say that?" Brock asked.

  
"All the time you're just not paying attention." Ash said dismissively.

"Hey guys!" May called from outside the store.

  
Misty and May joined up with their friends and Misty looked in shock as Naraku started doing some weird things with his hands. "What is he doing?" she asked.

Brock eyed Naraku and said, "I think its called the hand jive, a popular dance move in the 80s…"  
  
"I KNOW what he's doing, but I mean, why?" Misty said annoyed.

  
Ash held up the Frappuccino, "It's good for what ails ya…"  
  
"Well, this was fun," Brock said, "But I think its about time we wrap it up and head home, don't you think?"  
  
"Yeah," Ash said, "I think if we hurry we can catch the next bus back to…"  
  
Ash was interrupted as someone cried out, "NARAKU!!!" 

Everyone turned around and saw InuYasha tearing ass through the mall. "I've finally got you, and you're going to pay!"

  
Naraku, still stoned off his ass by the caffeine, tilted his head towards the half demon InuYasha and giggled, then reached out and grabbed InuYasha's noise, "honk…"  


InuYasha smacked Naraku's hand away, "What the hell do you think your doing?" he cried.

  
"We have to do something," Brock said, "InuYasha is going to kill Naraku's buzz, and then they'll fight, and lots of people here are going to get hurt."  
  
"Relax Brock," Ash said, handing InuYasha the Frappuccino cup, and said, "Here, take a hit of this…"  
  
InuYasha sniffed the cup suspiciously then took a long swig of the liquid inside.   
  
  
*****MINUTES LATER…**

InuYasha, arm in arm with Narku were leaving off into the sunset singing…

  
Naraku: "We ain't got a barrel of money…"  
  
InuYasha: "Our clothes are ragged and funny…"  
  
Naraku: "But we'll travel along…"  
  
InuYasha: "Singing our song…"  
  
Naraku/InuYasha: "Side… by… Side!!!"  
  
The gang watched as the two hated but stoned enemies wandered off into the distance, "That's kind of sweet, isn't it?" May asked.

  
"It sure is May…" Ash agreed, "It sure is…"  
  
Brock spoke up, "At least until the side effects of the caffeine wears off and their huge fight destroys the town they happen to be in."  


Ash sweatdropped and said, "Oops…"  


"Yeah… oops." Brock repeated sarcastically.

"Way to go Ash." May said equally sarcastic.

  
"Congrats." Misty told Ash continuing the stream of sarcasm.

"Oh leave me alone guys," Ash said getting on the bus, "Like none of you have ever been responsible for the collapse of a major city."  
  
Iris out on the bus as it drives away, as we still hear our heroes bickering with each other.

****

THE END

Still on the bus, Ash said, "Well that was a fun, on location episode."  
  
"Yeah, but much longer then usual, we should have made it a two-parter." Misty said.  
  
"Yeah, we'd get paid more." Brock noted.

"Oh come on," Ash said, "It wasn't that bad, we had special guests…"  
  
"That got paid more then I did!" May complained.  
  
"Well," Ash said, "I know what will cheer you up."

"What?" May asked.  
  
"It's time to answer an email question!" Ash said pulling out a letter, "And this one looks to be directed to you May!"  
  
Misty stuck out her tounge, "She's been in two episodes and she already has mail."  
  
"Hey," May said, "I can't help it if I'm just so loveable."  
  
"Well anyway," Ash said reading, "Its from Cynott, and it reads,

"^___^ Hmmm... If you had the chance, May, would you push Max in front of a stampeding herd of angry Snorlaxes so afterwards he would go flying into a Sharpedo/Carvahna pit? If not, I CALL DIBS! ^____________^ Myoo hoo hoo…"

  
"Did you know about this email at the beginning of the episode?" Brock asked.

"Yeah," Ash said, "I didn't have the heart to tell Max about it, so, May, how about an answer is that how'd you'd put Scrappy out of his misery?"  
  
May looked wide eyed in horror, "He's my brother! That's just horrible!"

Ash looked a little sorry for asking the question until May added, "It'd either be the Sharpedo pit, or the angry Snorlaxes… never both! I just wouldn't have the heart to do both."  
  
"Now see me," Misty said, "With my sisters, I'd probably rig something with electricity in the bathtub, that'll teach them to hog the bathroom when I need to comb my hair."  
  
"'Accident' poisoning is the way I'd go." Brock said.  
  
"You're all sick people," Ash said, "You know that right? Thanks for the email Cynott, it's sure to get us in trouble with the FCC. And I hope we'll receive more email questions from all our readers. Send them to Edifolco25@aol.com (And remember to make the subject of the email 'Pokemon Quickies'."   


****

THE REAL END

Well, this was a long one, and took me longer then I thought it would to write! I just had a lot of ideas for the mall. I'm glad I managed to get it done now because after the events of this week, I needed to spread some laughter. I hope everyone enjoyed it and thanks for making it all the way through. I hope everyone that enjoyed it will leave a review, nudge nudge hint hint wink wink, a nods the same as a wink to a blind bat. Anyway, thanks again for reading and take care until next time! Same quickie time, Same quickie channel. 

BTW… an apology to all the Max lovers out there… "I'm sorry you like Max." :-D 


	28. Quickie 27: Drink the Kool Aid, Join the

****

Explanation/Disclaimer: Let's do the time warp again!!!

**Quickie #27: Drink the Kool Aid, Join the Cult Classics**

"THE END" appeared on the TV set and Ash let out a long yawn. "I did it guys!" Ash said proudly, "I watched the entire Cult Classic marathon on cable!"  
  
Misty shook her head and said sarcastically, "Congrats."

Ash sensing Misty's tone of voice asked, "What?"  
  
"Don't you think that was a bit excessive?" Misty asked.  
  
"Seriously," May chimed in, "I know we're taking the summer off from our Pokemon travels and are just enjoying Summer like normal people, but that marathon was on for what? Five days?"  
  
"It wasn't five days!" Ash said annoyed, then said, "It was more like 129 hours." (everyone but Ash falls over in typical anime shock) Ash grins and says, "I love making them do that!"  
  
"The point is," Misty scolded, "You haven't slept in days, that's not healthy."

"Well," Ash said, "I was kind of tired 2 days ago, but then I drank a case of Jolt cola."

"That's not really healthy either," Brock replied.

"Come on, its not that bad…" Ash tried to defend, but Misty interrupted him, "Not that bad???" She asked, "I heard this horrible pounding downstairs I thought someone was banging on the door, it turned out to just be your heart racing."  
  
"Well," Ash said, "I could either stand here and be criticized for my idiosyncrasies, or I could go get some sleep… so… goodnight!"  
  
"Think it might be unwise to watch that many movies, then sleep, think of the dreams you might have!" Brock warned.  
  
"Nah," Ash said, "I'm so tired I'm sure I wont have any dreams at all." Then headed upstairs into his bedroom.  
  
A moment after Ash left, Brock turned his head to May and explained, "And that is what we in the biz call a segway."****

UPSTAIRS…

  
  
Ash just finished brushing his teeth, and put on his PJ's. He hung his hat on the edge of the bed and scoffed, "I can't believe how critical they were… and then Brock warning me about the dreams I might have… ppffff… as if watching a bunch of cult classic movies on TV for 5 days straight will play on my mind… as if… I'm tougher then that… I'm… I'm… zzzzzzzzzzzzz…"  
  
**ASH DREAMS…**

Ash "wakes" up walking down a dirt road, apparently galloping on an invisible horse… or maybe its not a horse at all, as there's a guy walking behind him smacking two coconuts shells to simulate the sound of horse hoof beats. Ash looked back at the guy and thinks to himself, "I wonder where he got those coconuts from…" Then he thought, "This seems very familiar."

Suddenly from off in the distance Ash heard a rabble. "What's that?" He thought, and he "galloped" over to the angry mob, and as he got closer he heard what the crowd was yelling. "A witch! A witch!!!"   
  
Ash got in close to the crowd and in his surprise it was a very familiar looking red headed girl who was being accused of being a witch. "Misty!" Ash exclaimed in surprised.

"Ash!" Misty cried out in relief, "You've got to help me, these nut cases think I'm a witch! You've got to do something."  
  
Ash looked at the large crowd of peasants and asked Misty, "What should I do?"   
  
"Well you've got a sword with you, don't ya?" Misty snapped, "Why don't you use that?"

Ash pulled out his sword and said, "Won't do any good… it's just a prop… see?" Ash pulled out the sword and showed it to Misty. It was in fact a Gummi Sword.

"Why would you have a candy sword?" Misty asked.  
  
"It was suppose to slay the largest appetite." Ash explained.

"Well do SOMETHING!" Misty begged.

"Ok… ok…" Ash said then thought to himself, "I wish we were later in the movie, I certainly could use the Holy Hand Grenade right about now…"  
  
Ash put up his hands and said, "Ok ok… I got it… let's handle this scientifically, shall we folks?"  
  
The crowd turned and stared at Ash, and the young trainer continued, "First… why do you think she's a witch?"  
  
A man from the back of the crowed yelled out, "She turned me into a Magikarp!"   
  
Everyone stared at the man who shrugged and said, "I got better…, but that still makes her a witch…"  
  
"A WITCH, A WITCH!!!"

Ash shook his head, and said, "Well, there really should be a test for this sort of thing…"  
  
"There is…" A peasant cried out, "We burn them… and if they burn… they're a witch!"  
  
"A WITCH, A WITCH!!!"

"Well… that's not really a good test, now is it?" Ash said, "Well lets see… Witch's burn… right? So what else burns?"  
  
"Wood?" Another peasant suggest.  
  
"Exactly!" Ash said, "So… what does that tell us?"  
  
A peasant tried to figure it out, "If… she's made of wood… then…she's a… witch?"  
  
Ash nodded.  
  
"A WITCH, A WITCH!!!"  
  
"So, how can we tell if she's made a wood…," Ash said, "Well, wood floats doesn't it? What else floats?"  
  
"Small pebbles?"

"Tiny bugs?"  
  
"Leaves?"  
  
Suddenly from the back, Brock dressed head to toe in a black suit, with a black tie, black shoes and a black hat, with shades on yells out, "A TOTODILE!"  
  
Ash beamed and said, "Right! A Totodile… so what can we learn from this…?"  
  
A peasant figured it out and said, "If… she weighs the same as a Totodile… then she's… a witch?"  
  
"A WITCH, A WITCH!!!"

So, they loaded Misty in one end of a scale, and Ash put his Totodile on the other end. But to Ash's surprise when the blocks were removed it was revealed that Misty DID in fact weigh the same as Ash's Totodile.   
  
"Well… I'll be damned," Ash said, "That certainly backfired…"  
  
Misty shrieked, and Ash said, "Ah the hell with this, Totodile, WATER GUN!" In a blaze of water, the peasants were sent running by the powerful pokemon. Ash started to head towards Misty, but he was headed off by Brock. "Hey Brock, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Will you stop joking around Ash?" Brock said, handing Ash a pair of shades, "We have to get this money back to the penguin before 8am, remember?"  
  
Ash put on the sunglasses and he suddenly realized that he was also wearing a full black suit. He had completely forgotten, they had to get this five thousand dollars back to the nun or they'd lose the orphanage they grew up in.   
  
Ash and Brock walked over to the classic police car, but before he got in, he said to Brock, "Hey Brock, you know the difference between you and me?"   
  
Ash adjusted his fedora and grinned, "I make this look good."  
  
The two teens got into the car, and Brock started it up, he looked at Ash and said, "Alright… its 9pm, we have a full tank of gas, 400 miles to drive, its dark… and we're wearing shades."  
  
Ash nodded and said, "Let's roll…"  
  
"Roll?" May asked, "How can we roll, the car is broke…"  
  
Ash shook his head and looked over and now May was sitting where Brock had just been sitting. Then Ash remembered, May and Ash were on the way to visit the Professor, but their car broke down. "So…" Ash said, "What do we now?"  
  
"Well…," May said then something caught her eye, "Look, over there… there's a light…"  
  
Ash squinted and sure enough just a few yards away on this lonely back road was a light coming from a house, "Yeah… but that house looks like it should be called the Frankenstein's place."  
  
"Yeah… but there's our light…" May said pointing.

"Over at the Frankenstein's place." Ash retorted."Oh shut up, let's just go…" May said pulling Ash out of the car.

Minutes later Ash and May entered the large mansion and they were promptly greeted by James, dressed in head to toe in women's black lingerie. "Hello strangers" he said and then made that 'ooooh'ing noise that he does.

"Lemme guess…" Ash said, "You're dressed up like that because you're playing the role of a certain 'sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania."

James eyes darted back and forth nervously and then replied, "Umm… yeah… that's the reason…"

Ash ignored James and said, "I'm glad we caught you at home… can we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry."  
  
May agreed, "Right."  
  
Ash continued, "We'll just say where we are… then go back to the car… we don't want to be any worry."  
  
James looked at Ash and said, "Well, you got caught with a flat, well… how bout that. Well babies, don't you panic. By the light of the night, it'll all seem alright, I'll get you satanic mechanic."  
  
"Oh no…" Ash said, "A regular one will do you just fine, last time I used a Satanic Mechanic they changed my air freshener from a little pine tree to pig entrails."

James made the 'ooooh'ing' noise again.

"Hmm…" Ash replied trying to ignore James and asked "So anyway… have you got a phone?"  
  
"Of course… we have one up on the second floor." James said, then in a seductive tone, "Would you like to come upstairs with me?"

"Listen buddy…" Ash said, "You and I wont be doing any coming, I promise you that!"

May nudged Ash in the side, and Ash rolled his eyes, "Alright… fine… let's go use the phone."

James took Ash through the Dining Room and Ash asked, "Smells good, what was for dinner tonight?"   
  
"Meatloaf, of course." James replied.

"Of course…," then Ash turned to May and said, "You know, I'd really like to get out of here like a bat out of hell."  
  
May smiled, "That was two jokes in three lines… I guess its true, two out of three ain't bad!"

James took Ash upstairs and opened a door for Ash, and said, "Through here…"  
  
Ash shrugged and walked through the door and…

…and May and James were gone, and now Ash stood in a very high class looking library/sitting room. In this room sat Professor Oak, but instead of his normal white lab coat he wore a long black leather jacket, and had dark shades on.

Ash took one look around the scene, shrugged and walked into the room. "Welcome." Professor Oak said, "Please come and sit down."  
  
Ash looked around one last time, then sat down in the easy chair facing the Professor. Professor Oak reached into his pocket and pulled out two pills.

"Woah," Ash said, "Professor… not here… later… we'll work out a deal, ok?"  
  
The Professor ignored him and said, "Ash, here are your choices… if you take the red pill, you wake up, and you can pretend none of this ever happened. If you take the blue pill, you'll get to see how deep the rabbit hole goes…"  
  
Ash looked at the Professor for a second and asked, "I've always wondered… what happens if you take BOTH pills?"

"Oh," Professor answered, "You get a really sweet buzz…"  
  
Suddenly Ash and Professor turn to the camera and say in unison, "Kids, drugs are wrong!"

Then they go back into character. Ash looked at the pills shrugged and said, "Ah, what the hell," took the blue pill, and gulped it down.

Everything got all blurry, and within seconds Ash was no longer in that room, no longer with professor Oak, and for some odd reason he was dressed in an old fashion baseball uniform. And standing with him was Gary, dressed the same.

Ash shook his head, all this jumping around was making him dizzy, "How the hell did that guy from Quantum Leap handle it?" he thought to himself.   
  
"Well Ash," Gary said, "I've finally put together the perfect Pokemon Team.."  
  
"Cool!" Ash said, "Do you have a preset order for when you use the pokemon?"  
  
"Yep, I have a whole lineup." Gary said.

"Now see," Ash said, "Me, I've named my pokemon by the species they are… for example, my pikachu is named Pikachu. But a lot of trainers give their pokemon odd names, weird odd names… like calling a Charmander zippy, like the lighter…"  
  
"Yeah, my pokemon have some wild names!" Gary admitted.

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but in this new kind of tournement your in, you have to have a real lineup, and your pokemon HAS to come out in that order… you all set?" Ash asked.  
  
"Yep," Gary said, "Who comes out first, What comes out second, I Don't Know comes out third…"  
  
Ash stared blankly at his friend and asked, "I beg your pardon."  
  
"I said, Who comes out first, What comes out second, and I Don't Know comes out third." Gary explained.  
  
"Wait…" Ash said, "I thought you had the lineup set."  
  
"I do." Gary replied.  
  
"Alright…" Ash said, "Then who comes out first?"  
  
"Yep, he does." Gary answered.  
  
Ash: "Wait… who comes out first?"  
  
Gary: "Yes."  
  
Ash shakes his head in confusion, "Alright then, who comes out second?"

Gary: "Nooo!! Who comes out first."  
  
Ash: "I don't know…"  
  
Gary: "No he comes out third, we're not talking about him…"  
  
Ash: "Let's try this again… did you give your pokemon names…"  
  
Gary: "Yes."  
  
Ash: "So tell me who comes out first."  
  
Gary: "Who."  
  
Ash: "The first pokemon you use."  
  
Gary: "Who."  
  
Ash: getting annoyed "Who's the first pokemon you use???"

Gary: "Who is the first pokemon I use!!"

Ash: "I don't know!!!"

Gary: "I told you he comes out third."

Ash lowered his head in annoyance, "Let's try this again… you've named your pokemon, right?"  
  
Gary said, "Yes."  
  
Ash: "Will you tell me the name of your first pokemon?"  
  
Gary: "Yes."  
  
Ash grinned, "Ok then, what's the name of your first pokemon?"  
  
Gary: "Who."  
  
Ash: "The first pokemon"  
  
Gary: "Who."  
  
Ash "THE FIRST ONE YOU USE!!!"  
  
Gary: "WHO!!!"

Ash: Exasperated "All I want to know is who's your first pokemon."  
  
Gary: "Yes."  
  
Ash: "Wait a minute… you've named your first pokemon Yes?"  
  
Gary: "No, who's my first pokemon."  
  
Ash: "Yes?"  
  
Gary: "No! My first pokemon is Who?"

Ash: "I don't know!!!"  
  
Gary/Ash: "He's the third one!"

Ash shook his head in annoyance, "Yeah, yeah… saw that coming…"  
  
There's a pause of silence while Ash just glares at Gary.

Ash: "Alright, let's take a different approach. Let's say the match is about to start, you reach for your pokeball, you throw it out and say, "I choose… who?"  
  
Gary: "Finally! I think you've got it."  
  
Ash looked completely crestfallen, "What?"  
  
Gary: "No, he comes out second."  
  
Ash: "Who comes out second."  
  
Gary: "NO! Who comes out first!"  
  
Ash: "I don't know!!!"  
  
Ash/Gary: "He comes out third."  
  
Ash muttered under his breath, "Alright then… lets say the match is over, your first pokemon is defeated, when you call him back, you put him in who's pokeball?

Gary: "Of course I do, where else would I put him? Of course sometimes I let him play in his own private room."  
  
Ash: "Who's room?"  
  
Gary: "Exactly."  
  
Ash stared at Gary in utter disbelief. Then Ash massaged his own temples for a moment then continued…

Ash: "Ok…, lets try it this way… what KIND OF POKEMON comes out first?"  
  
Gary: "I'm using my newly caught Zubat first."  
  
Ash: "Ok, now… what's the name of your Zubat?"  
  
Gary: "Who."  
  
Ash: "Your Zubat!!!"

Gary: "Who."  
  
Ash: "Your first freaking pokemon, zubat!!!"  
  
Gary: "Who!"  
  
Ash glares at Gary again.   
  
Ash: "Never mind, What kind of pokemon do you use for your second choice?"  
  
Gary: "A Scyther."  
  
Ash: "What's the name of your Scyther?"  
  
Gary: "What."

Ash: "Whats the name of your Scyther?"  
  
Gary: "What."  
  
Ash: "The big green bug pokemon, what is his name."  
  
Gary: "Yes, you have that correct."

Ash: dizzy "I don't even know what I'm even TALKING about anymore!!!"

Gary: "What's the problem?"  
  
Ash: "You're screwing around with me, all I want to know what's the name of your first pokemon!!!"  
  
Gary: "And I keep reminding you, Who's my first pokemon"  
  
Ash: "I don't know!!!"

Ash/Gary: "He comes out third…"  
  
Ash: "And here we are again!!! You know what… I really don't care anymore!"  
  
Gary: "What did you say?"

Ash: "I said I don't care!!!"

Gary: "Ohhh… he's my alternative 4th pokemon…."  
  
Ash screamed in frustration, grabbed a nearby baseball bat, turned and was shocked to see that Gary was gone, and Ash was no longer with Gary, but instead…

Ash was standing in a large metallic room and the bat he was holding had turned into a light saber. Ash looked at his futurist weapon, and swung it around a few times, each time making that familiar, "fwwwing" noise. Ash grinned broadly, "Cool!!! I'm just like the Jedi kid!"

"Mr. Ketchum." said a voice off from the other side of the room. Ash looked over and saw Duplica standing there, dressed in a fine Italian suit, wearing dark shades, "Prepare to be deleted."

Suddenly copies of Duplica poured into the room. Ash grinned and said, "Looks like we're having an Attack of the Clones here."   
  
The horde of Duplicas rushed towards Ash. Ash skillfully dodged in between the encroaching enemies and sliced his light saber through each other them making horrible one liners like, "Everybody loves a clone, so why don't I?" and "Send in the Clones."

Just when it seemed that Ash would be overwhelmed by sheer number of his foes, Ash got an idea. He pulled out his cell phone and made a call. Through out the room, the rings of 100 cell phones filled the air. All the Duplicas stopped and pulled out their phones and asked in unison. "Hello?"  
  
"Hello, this is Domino's Pizza, I just wanted to tell you that your order is running late but should be there any second now…"  
  
"Order?" the Duplicas asked in unison, "But I didn't order anything."  
  
"Really?" Ash said, "I could have sword you ordered a slice!!!"   
  
With that, Ash races forward, yelled, "KAZA NO KIZU!!" and in one mighty swipe, all the Duplicas were destroyed. Ash grinned and said, "That's called a very effective prank clone call! Hehe… damn I wish there was someone here for me share that pun with…"  
  
Ash retracted his saber and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Suddenly, in walked Pikachu, except he was green. He looked up at Ash said "Fight well you did Pika. But Pika, beaten them you should not have."  
  
Ash looked down at Pikachu and asked, "But they were my enemy, why shouldn't I have destroyed them."  
  
Pikachu pointed over to a new threat that was approaching, "Because, they were the only thing holding back the Killer Klowns from Outer Space."  
  
Ash looked up and saw a horrific horde of evil Clowns (that looked an awful lot like Mr. Mimes) coming his way. "Oh you've got to be kidding me…" Ash said, and then started rifling through his pockets, "Damnit, where did I put that red pill?" Ash found what he was looking for and popped the pill and then…

Then…

…he was in his own bed. And around the bed, Misty, Brock and May were all gathered around. "Ash," Misty said, "You were having such nightmares, are you ok?"  
  
"Oh," Ash said, "They weren't really nightmares… just odd dreams… and…. points to Brock you were there… and… points to Misty you were there.. And points to May YOU were there… and points to Pikachu you were there… and you…"  
  
Ash points to Max, then says, "You weren't in my dream… and what are you doing out of your cage???"  
  
Max said annoyed and held up a dog's dish., "I ran out of water for my dish! Jeez, I'll get it myself" and he left the room annoyed.

"See…" Ash said, "This is what we get for not locking his cage…"

"Hey." Misty said, "If YOU want to clean out the newspaper on the bottom of his cage, then by all means, we'll keep it locked."  
  
Ash groaned, "Never mind, we'll keep it unlocked, I can only imagine what dreams THAT would cause me to have!"  
  
Misty folded her arms and said, "Well I guess this will teach you not to watch days worth of movies without rest, wont it?"  
  
Ash nodded, "It sure did, now if you'll excuse me, I'm late." Ash got up out of bed.

"Late?" May asked, "Late for what?"  
  
"The Twilight Zone marathon!" Ash explained, "I've missed the first hour of it! Only 71 hours left!!!"  
  
With that everyone fell over exasperated in that anime style way. Ash grinned widely and said, "I really DO love to make them do that!"  
  
Iris out on Ash's grinning face and we go to…**THE END**

"Wow!" Ash said, offering Misty and May a hand up, "That was a long one!!!"

"Yeah," May said, "But it really shifted around there, didn't it?"   
  
"Just like a dream!" Misty explained, "Plus the author just watched Pump Fiction the other night.'  
  
"Ahhh…" Ash said, "That explains it."  
  
Brock spoke up, "Hey guys, its letter time. Remember, you can send in your questions and comments to Edifolco25aol.com It might even get answered in a quickie. Anyway, this one comes to us from "Icanttellifimblackorwhite" in NY. He… or she… asks, "I've always thought pokemon quickies were a satirical poke at the decline of esoteric writings among popular 21 centaury authors, and I admire your use of ironic symbolisms to make those references. What are your feelings on my comparing your work to my theory?"

Brock put down the letter and looked at Ash, who shrugged and looked at Misty, who shrugged and looked at May, who shrugged and looked at Brock who shrugged and looked back to Ash. After a long moment of silence Ash spoke up.

"Umm…" Ash said, "Sure, that's it exactly, we're chock full of sybotic estrogen… sure, why not? Thank you for letter Icanttellifimblackorwhite, I'm sure everyone thinks your smarter then you really are now."

"Well…" Brock said, "Keep your letters coming… and we'll answer them as best as we can."  
  
**THE REAL END**

Alright, number 27 is now done, sorry for the long wait, but it WAS longer then usual… plus half way through it the computer crashed so I had to redo it. I hate when that happens. Well, it was just the start of summer here in my hemisphere, so I hope everyone stays cool and has a fun summer. Thank you for reading this chapter, and I hope to have a new one up faster then the last one. A HUGE thank you for pushing my reviews up to over 300! You guys rock! See you all soon, take care!

BTW: To those of you who requested the Who's on First bit… I hope you enjoyed it!

The following story was complete fiction. Any comparisons made to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. Any comparisons to popular movies… well that's also coincidental… really… don't sue, I don't have any money. 


	29. Quickie 28: Absolute Confusion

Explanation/Disclaimer: _Won't you take me to funky town?_

Quickie 28: Absolute Confusion

"I'm home!" Misty called into Ash's house as she walked through the door. Her arms were full of bags, as she had just gotten back from shopping. Since they were staying at Ash's home for the summer, Ash, Misty, Brock, May and even Max agreed that they should each take turns shopping so Ash's mom would have any easier time. Today was Misty's turn.   
  
Misty walked into the living room, about to brag about how much she saved with coupons when her eyes met an absolutely insane scene.

Max cackled towards Team Rocket, "There's no escape, so you might as well hand over Arbok!"

"But…" Jessie (who happened to be dressed like May) whined, "You can't! He's not yours!"  
  
"That's the point… DUH!" May said viciously, then continued, "You can kiss your Weezing goodbye as well!"  
  
"I won't let you take him!" James who happened to be dressed like Max) said trying to make himself sound braver then he actually felt. 

Misty walked over to Brock and asked exasperated, "Brock! What in the WORLD is going on here???"  
  
Brock looked at Misty for a moment, tilted his head slightly and asked, "Pika?"  
  
Misty sweat dropped, then said, "Come again…?"  
  
Brock eyes flashed as he said, "Pikapi! Pika, pikachu!"  
  
Misty was just about to scream when Pikachu leapt from nowhere and landed on her leg… and then began to hump her limb like a drunken frat boy… if that boy was a drunken frat hound dog."

Misty stared in horror down at her leg and yelled, "PIKACHU! STOP THAT!!!" but the electric mouse just continued to go to town.

"OH MAN!!!" Todd yelled racing into the room, "A Pikachu making it with a human, I have to sketch this!" And Todd pulled out a large doodle pad and started to draw on it.

Tracey walked into the room and scoffed, "You have got to be kidding me… CAMERAS are the wave of the future!"  
  
"Yeah," Todd said sarcastically, "Because any moron couldn't just click a shutter… REAL skill is shown in artwork."  
  
"You take that back!" Tracey shot back angrily, "My photo of Misty getting it on with a Pikachu will be THREE TIMES more erotic then anything you can draw!"  
  
"No way!" Todd yelled back, "Sketches can just come from imagination, a photo is PROOF that Misty was boinking a pokemon!"  
  
POW!!! POW!!!

Misty pulled off Pikachu and used it to bash both young men over the heads. Misty took a long around the madness surrounding her and screamed, "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???"  
  
Suddenly Ash walked into the room, a can of soda in one hand and a bag of microwave popcorn in the other. He looked at the young girl, smiled and said, "Hey Mist." Then he went over and sat down on the sofa and started to munch on the popcorn.

Misty stared at Ash just sitting there placidly while this madness was going on. In fact, at that very moment Max had thrown himself upon Jessie, yanking on her hair, trying to yank the pokeball that contained Arbok out of her hand… and getting himself thrown into the bookcase for his aggression.

If this action shocked Misty, Ash's reaction to this left her absolutely flabbergasted! Ash was doubled over laughing his head off, cracked a line about "Max being put on the shelf" and after a moment he calmed down, then took a handful of popcorn, still trying not to chuckle.

Then Misty noticed that Ash had put his soda on the coffee table, and he was using his free hand to pet Psyduck. Misty shook her head. "Has EVERYONE lost their minds?" Misty moaned.

"Jeez," Ash said, "Relax Misty… it's only temporary insanity."  
  
"Ash…" Misty said eyeing the young pokemon trainer, "Is this somehow your fault?"  
  
"Yep." Ash said cheerfully.

"Ash…" Misty said sternly, "Tell me what is going on… why is Tracey interested in photography all of a sudden? And why in return, is Todd a sketcher now?"  
  
"He's a Sketcher cause he's an S…" Ash answered with a big grin.

"ASH!" Misty snapped, "And Max and May are acting like how Team Rocket acts… its like you switched everyone's personality."  
  
"Yeah…" Ash said trying to sound innocent, "Looks that way, doesn't it?"  
  
Misty stared at Ash in disbelief, "But you couldn't have… that's impossible… I mean…" Then she looked at Psyduck, its eyes were glowing bright blue. "ASH!!! Are you making Psyduck use Confusion???"  
  
"Brilliant Misty!" Ash said impressed, "One Truth Prevails, huh??? But I think it used a bit of Hypnosis too…"

"But… why?" Misty asked exasperated.

Ash answered this plainly by saying, "It's summer… there's nothing on TV."  
  
"So your messing with your friends psyche for your own personal entertainment?" Misty said shocked.

"How is that any different from Joe Shmoe" Ash asked. 

Misty thought about this for a second then replied, "That's NOT the point, besides, if you were so bored why didn't you just go play on the computer?"

"Internet connection's down." Ash explained, laughing again because Max just dropped a flying elbow on Jessie from the top of the bookcase."  
  
"Oh." Misty said, "Well… what about the radio?"  
  
"Storm's coming, can't get a thing on the radio." Ash explained.  
  
"Oh…" Misty said, then she looked at the carnage going on in the room, Tracey just smacked Todd over the head with the camera. "Well then…" Misty said sitting next to Ash, "Hand me the popcorn."  
  
Ash handed over the bag of popcorn to Misty and she took a handful, and she asked between bites, "So what's do you have going on here?"  
  
"Well," Ash said, "It all started with Team Rocket attacking, you know how they do that on days that end in a Y, right?"  
  
Misty nodded, and Ash continued, "So this time, they burst in, and they're dressed like May and Max.. don't ask me why… something about 'prepare for us to give you to the facts, cause we're here dressed like May and Max…" or something stupid like that…"  
  
Brock interrupted Ash by screaming "PIKA!!!" and smashed open a bottle of ketchup by throwing it against the wall. He then started licking the walls desperately. Ash and Misty watched this for a second, then Misty said, "Go on…"  
  
Ash nodded and continued, "Anyway, they actually got the best of me on this exchange."  
  
"That's amazing," Misty said, "How did that happen."  
  
"If you MUST know," Ash said, "I was in the bathroom and they stole the toilet paper…"  
  
Misty stifled a giggle, then looked at Ash, shrugged and said, "Sorry, so what happened?"  
  
"You laugh… but to get myself out of that situation… let's just say I owe you a new copy of 'Care of Water Pokemon'" Ash said a bit annoyed. "Eww." Misty said a bit annoyed as well, "We'll discuss that later… but anyway, go on…"  
  
"So anyway," Ash explained, "So I break out of the bathroom and they have Max and May tied to chairs…" Ash explained.  
  
"Well," Misty said, "In fairness, when I left, you had Max tied up already."  
  
"True…" Ash said, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have left the rope out… made it way to easy for them to tie up May… So I come racing downstairs, mind you, I have no clue what I'm going to do, all my pokemon are at Nurse Joy's. So here I am racing into a dangerous situation with no plan at all… I really can be dumb sometimes…"  
  
"Yeah… sometimes…" Misty said rolling her eyes. At that very moment Todd stuck his pencil up Tracey's nose who staggered back, and knocked James into May, who in turn yelled something about "Crushed Oysters" and leapt on James wailing on him. James making those "ooh'ing" noises he makes. 

Misty watched this for a moment then turned to Ash, "Ok… so what happened then?"

"Well," Ash said, "I got lucky. As I ran down the stairs, I tripped, tumbled down the stairs and nearly broke my neck."  
  
"If that's lucky," Misty retorted, "Remind me to never let you pick lotto numbers for me."  
  
"But it WAS lucky!" Ash explained, "Since it was Psyduck I tripped over, I really got it good too, because it's eyes turned blue and it really nailed Team Rocket good with Confusion… so much so in fact that they THOUGHT they were Max and May…"

"Well then…" Misty said, "So why are Max and May confused as well?"  
  
"Well that happened when Psyduck blasted Jessie and James." Ash explained, "Wish I knew that before I untied them. But since they were tied up they thought they were villains… and well there you go…"   
  
"Ok…" Misty explained, "That explains why May and Max are trying to steal Team Rocket's pokemon… but why are Tracey and Todd trying to kill each other?"

"Well… remember how Tracey and Todd are always arguing with each other about who has the better form of capturing the form of pokemon?" Ash asked.  
  
"Not really, no…" Misty said, "But for the sake of this episode I'll pretend I'm familiar with that ongoing argument."  
  
"Thanks." Ash said relieved, "Well, you know the saying, 'walk a mile in another man's shoes…' well I figured this would give them a new perspective on their argument…"  
  
"So you were doing this for their own good," Misty asked, "And not just for the amusement of having them try to kill each other?" 

"Well, that's just an added bonus…" Ash replied.

At that very moment Pikachu leapt onto Misty's chest and went back into horny Hamtaro humping mode.   
"PIKACHU!" Misty yelled angrily, pushing the yellow rat off her, "STOP IT!!! What has gotten into you??? Wait a second… if Brock is talking like Pikachu, then…"  
  
"Yep," Ash said, "Pikachu has gotten Brock's libido. He's warm for your form… he's got an hanker to be a spanker… he's…"  
  
"Enough." Misty said annoyed, "Remind me to hit Brock later…" Misty said, "…hard…"  
  
"No problem," Ash said.  
  
"But…" Misty said a bit curious, "I know why you confused Max, May and Team Rocket, and you seemed to have a real reason why you confused Todd and Tracey, but why on earth did you use confusion on those two?"  
  
Ash shrugged, and said, "I dunno… shits and giggles?"  
  
Misty sighed, "You know what you did is wrong… right?"  
  
"Well… come on… what other option did I have?" Ash said picking up the remote control, he aimed at the TV but Jessie, with Max hanging on her back was blocking Ash's shot at the TV.

"Uh guys." Ash said, "Do you mind?"  
  
Out of nowhere, May let out the Xena war cry and leapt from the top of the stairs and crashed into Jessie and Max, all three crashing into the china hut, all three trainers out cold.  
  
"Thanks!" Ash called out now that he had a clear shot at the TV, and he turned it on, "Anyway, here… the cable is stuck on one channel, and this is what's on…"  
  
On the screen we see Professor Oak, dressed in head to toe in gothic attire, rolling his eyes back in his head. He seems to be in a wrestling ring, calling out Kane. 

Misty looked shocked, "Oh my god Ash, you didn't! How could you? You made Professor Oak think he's the Undertaker?"  
  
Ash sighed and said, "No I didn't! He's doing that on his own…"

On the screen Oak was telling the audience that "The UndertOAKer will make Kane rest in peace."  
  
Misty sighed and said, "It really must be in the drinking water in this town."  
  
"That's why I only drink soda." Ash explained. 

"By the way," Misty asked, "If you were so bored, you really didn't have to possess your friends and enemies for your own entertainment, why didn't you just go to the city for the day?"  
  
Ash looked at Misty like she was crazy, "Are you nuts? It's a hot time, summer in the city… the back of my neck would get all dirty and icky… You know, it's a pity, that's the days, cant be more like the nights… in the summer, in the city…"  
  
Misty nodded and repeated, "In the summer, in the city…"  
  
Pikachu interrupted when he leapt up onto Misty's face, knocking her on her back. Misty yelled in disgust, yanked Pikachu off her and threw it across the room, it landing next to May, Max and Jessie, and joined them in the ranks of unconsciousness.

"Nice job," Ash said annoyed, "You K.O.'ed Pikachu!"  
  
Misty was taking a swig of Ash's soda, "He violated me." Misty said annoyed, handing back the soda to Ash.   
  
Ash looked at the can and said, "Ah… you keep it…"  
  
"Besides," Misty said, "We still have Brock to keep us entertained."  
  
Indeed, Brock was still licking the ketchup off the wall, happily chirping, "Pika!"   
  
"You don't think he's getting to close to that outlet, do you?" Ash asked, sitting up a bit.  
  
**_BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTT!!!!!!!!!!_**

"Yep…" Misty said, "I'd say he was."  
  
"Shocking." Ash replied.

Misty looked at Ash, Ash tried to look innocent. Then Misty spoke, "Well, that's the last of them, what do we do now?"

Brock laid splayed out on the floor, the shock knocking out the TV and most of the electricity.  
"Wanna go over to Professor Oak's? We can put on his TV and see how he's doing in the ring." Ash suggested. "Meh." Misty said shrugging, "Why not." 

As they were heading out, Misty asked, "Are they going to be ok?"

Ash shrugged, "I'm sure once they wake up, they'll be fine, and we all will have a big laugh."  
  
"Don't you think they'll be pissed?" Misty asked.  
  
Ash reached into his pocket and pulled out a neutralizer, "That's why I always carry one of these babies with me… I'll just make them think that they were all drinking tainted water."  
  
"Not a bad idea…" Misty said, then she realized, "Hey… wait a minute… that time I woke up in that French maid's outfit… YOU told me that I had drank tainted water… Ash!!! Are you telling me that…"  
  
**FLASH!!!  
**

Misty blinked a few times, and she asked dreamily, "Ash… what's going on?"  
  
"The heat must be getting to you Misty," Ash said, putting away the mind erasing device, "We were heading over to Professor Oak's to watch TV, remember?"  
  
"Umm… sure… sounds good…" Misty said.

Misty walked out the door, but Ash waited around, "Look readers… I hate to do this, but you are all witnesses…" Ash puts on shades, and holds up the neutralizer, "Don't worry, it's not like your forgetting anything all THAT important…"  
  
**FLASH!!!**

**.**

**…**

**……**

**……..**

**………..… THE END**

Ash and Misty came back inside, and everyone got up off the floor. "That was a fun one," Ash said, "Wasn't it?"  
  
Pikachu agreed, a lot more feverishly then it should have. Misty shot it a look. "We were in this one," James moaned, "And we didn't even get to do our motto!"  
  
"Hey," Ash said, "I did make reference to it, you know…"  
  
"Not really the same, is it?" Jessie complained, "Besides, 'prepare for us to give you the facts?' our entrances have much more flare then that!"

"You think you can do better?" Ash asked.  
  
Jessie cleared her voice and in a loud, booming, on-stage voice, "Prepare for your pokemon to be usurped."  
  
James: "Because here we are dressed like the twerps!"  
  
"Nice rhyming of the word 'usurped'!" Todd congratulated.

"Hey Todd!" Brock said, "Glad you could make a guest spot in a quickie."  
  
"Well," Todd said, "After Duplica getting a guest spot last time… I just had to make an appearance."  
  
"Wait a minute," Tracey said annoyed, "How come I never get a welcome like that?"  
  
"Because!" Ash said, exasperated, "Because no one likes you, remember?"  
  
"Oh…" Tracey said, "Yeah…"  
  
"Cheer up!" Misty said, "Even WITH you in it, it still turned out to be a good quickie."  
  
"Thanks" Tracey said sullenly.

"Let's go out and celebrate!" Ash cried out, "Frosty Chocolate Milkshakes in honor of another great quickie…"

"Cowabunga…" Brock murmured.  
  
Just as everyone was leaving, there was a loud "AHEM!" noise. Everyone spun on their heels to see Max giving them all a very disapproving look.   
  
Max lifted up one finger in that 'I'm trying to explain something to make me seem smart' way, and said, "This really wasn't that great an episode."  
  
"What?" Ash asked, "Why do you say that?"  
  
"Because," Max said, still wagging his finger, "Look at all the errors that were made. For one, Psyduck's Confusion attack really doesn't work that way… for another reason, you said you even used Hyponsis… and attack that suppose to put enemies asleep… NOT make them act all weird."  
  
Everyone in the room started to groan, but Max ignored them and continued, "Also, given Misty's personality, why would she not be upset with Ash for messing with her friends, and Ash and Misty were just going to leave, leaving Pikachu out cold in a room with Team Rocket… a rather stupid error, don't you think?"  
  
Max continued still, completely ignoring how annoyed everyone else seemed to be getting, "Also, licking a light socket wouldn't blow a fuse, but it very well might KILL the licker, not just knock him out… and, finally, I believe the lines to the Lovin Spoonful's 'Summer In The City' goes, "Hot time, summer in the city, back of my neck getting dirty and GRITTY… not Icky… I don't even know where you got 'icky' from! And another thing…"  
  
We Iris out on Max…

ONE MINUTE LATER… 

And Iris back in…

…on Max, completely bound and gagged to a chair while Ash yells over, "We'll be back for you when we're done with the milkshakes… if anyone asks for you, we'll just say you're all tied up!"  
  
Max mumbled something, that if he didn't have a gag on, would have been: "Bad enough to leave me like that, but that old joke was just a cheap low blow"

Iris out on Max 'waterfall tearing' face.

**THE REAL END**

And number 28 is done. This one may be a little different then my normal quickie, but it was done as a dare, and there was a time limit… none the less… I do hope you all enjoyed it. And you will all be pleased to know that number 29 isn't too far away because it was half way done when I started this one as a dare! So give me a week or so! As for all my American readers, I hope you all had a happy safe and fun 4th of July. Thank you again for reading, until next time!


	30. Quickie 29: Mail Call

****

Explanation/Disclaimer: Forget it… it's Chinatown…

****

Quickie 29: Mail Call

****

Announcer: "_Today we join our heroes in Ash's backyard doing… well… absolutely nothing… nothing at all… and why is that?"  
_  
Ash lifted his head from the hammock he was laying in and said, "Because we're on vacation, that's why!"

"Yeah," May agreed as she sunned herself on the grass in Ash's backyard, "Everyone deserves a little down time."  
  
**Announcer: **"_But you guys can't just do NOTHING… that'd make for a pretty boring story!"_  
  
"Relax" Misty said, who was also sunning herself, "We have it covered."  
  
**Announcer: **"_You do?"_

"Yeah" Brock said emerging from Ash's house carrying a large bag, "Here are all the emails that have been sent us."  
  
"Cool!" Ash said looking at the large pile, "I never expected such a large response!"  
  
Brock muttered, "Yeah… we got such a "large response" that none of these letters will have to made up and given pseudonyms."

"If they're emails," May asked, "How can they be in a sack?"  
  
"I printed them out so we can read them out here in the sun." Brock explained.   
  
"What a waste of paper," Misty sighed.

"Yeah," Ash said, "It's not like it grows on trees you know."  
  
Everyone rolled their eyes, and Ash grinned as he laid back down in the hammock. Brock walked over to a chair and made himself comfortable, "Hey, we before we start this, wanna toss me a cold one Ash?"  
  
Ash reached down in the cooler next to him and tossed Brock an ice cold Pepsi… nothing more refreshing on a hot summer day then a cold cool Pepsi. (If anyone is interested in endorsing their products on pokemon quickies… umm… we'll talk later…)

Brock pulled out the first letter and said, "Ok Ash, this one's for you, a miss Amanda Hugginkiss writes, "Dear Ash, Why do you make so many puns?"  
  
Ash replied, "Well, I will quote my good friend GoGo Dodo who once said, "Pound for pound puns are your best form of comedy"… and I truly believe that… also how else can I not only entertain but annoy at the same time."  
  
"You could learn to play the accordion?" Misty suggested.

"I said entertain as well…" Ash reminded.

"Oh yeah…" Misty agreed.

"Well," Ash said, "I hope that answered your question… what's next Brocko?"  
  
Brock read another letter, "This one comes from a Mr. I. P. Freely…"  
  
"He's a famous author!" Ash commented, "He wrote "The Yellow Stream"."  
  
Brock rolled his eyes and then continued, "This email is for all of us, it reads, "I'm a huge fan of Pokemon Quickies, but why are you always so mean to Tracey. I think he's a cool character, and he's suppose to be a friend of yours, but you always seem to be so mean to him. Please explain why."  
  
Ash replied, "Oh come on, we're only joking when we mess with Tracey, we all like Tracey, right guys?"

"Sure!" May said.  
  
"Yep." Brock agreed.;"Of course." Misty replied"So you see, it's all good harmless fun where no one gets hurt and Tracey certainly doesn't take it to heart… hey speaking of which, there he is now… standing over in the next yard… hey Misty…" Ash took out a can of soda and tossed it to her, "You think you can nail Tracey in the nuts with this can from here?"  
  
Misty tossed the can in the air a bit to feel its weight, "Oh yeah… piece of cake… watch this…"

But before she could, Ash remembered the letter and quickly said, "Of course, we're just joking…" then he whispered to Misty, "We'll get him later, ok?"  
  
"You bet!" Misty whispered back.

"Thanks for the email, Mr. Freely," Brock replied pulling out another letter, "Alright this next one is for you May, Harry Balzac writes, "Dear May, what's your favorite pokemon in the whole world?"  
  
"Lickitung." May answered quickly and completely deadpan, "the extremely long-tounged pokemon."

Brock raised an eyebrow, was about to say something, thought better of it, and let it go and quickly said, "Alright then, there's your answer Mr. Balzac, thanks for writing… next letter… this one is for all of us…, Phil the Lawyer asks, "Some people think that TV is to blame for the poor choices are children make. Have any of you done something because of TV?"  
  
Ash sat up and said, "I hate the bad rep that TV gets. I want to state for the record that I have never done anything stupid because of television."  
  
"And you HAVE done your share of stupid things, right Ash?" Brock said.

"Damn straight!" Ash said, then realizing, "Hey… wait…"  
  
"Anyway Ash…" Misty said reluctantly, "That's not completely true… do you remember the time we visited Niagara Falls?"  
  
Ash thought back…

**_Flashback to the Niagara Trip…_**

Misty stood next to the American Falls, very excited, "This is so breathtaking!"  
  
"I'll say" Brock says, "This is really awe inspiring…, hey, you want to go ride the Maid of the Mist?"  
  
"You bet!" Misty said, then she realized that Ash wasn't around, "Hey… where did Ash go, he wouldn't want to miss that ride…"  
  
Brock shrugged, "I dunno, he said he was going to get a soda, but that was fifteen minutes ago…"  
  
"You don't think he got lost, do you?" Misty asked.

"Nah… I'm sure he…" Brock stopped then said, "Oh my god…"  
  
"What?" Misty asked then turned around and saw…

…Ash riding down the rapids in a barrel, holding a green bottle of soda in his hands, a huge grin on his face. Just as he was about to go over the falls Ash cried out, "SURRRGEEEEE!!!!"

**_End of Flashback…_**

Ash blushed, "Well… the commercials WERE catchy…"

May looked astonished, "How did you even survive that fall?"  
  
"Phoenix Down." Ash explained.

"Anyway," Brock said, "Here's a good letter, it comes from a Ms. Ouri, she writes, 'What is the dumbest thing you've ever done?"

Ash thought about this for a second…

****

Ash's Flashback…

Ash goes over the falls screaming, "SURRRGEEEEE!!!"

****

End of Flashback…

Brock interrupted Ash and said, "I remember my dumbest mistake…"  
  
"What was it?" May asked.

"Taking a week off," Brock explained, "They swore that I wouldn't be replaced but I came back and found Tracey here…"   
  
"Good thing he sucked, huh?" Ash said.

"You said it!" Brock agreed, "Alright, next letter, it comes from Ms. Ivana Cuddle. She writes, I absolutely love puns, and you guys have the best."  
  
"Your joking right?" Misty asked incredulously.

"No, this is for real, see…" Brock said handing the letter to Misty.  
  
Misty read on, "…you guys have the best. Also, I really enjoyed when you went to Hogwarts. Could you please make some Harry Potter puns?"

Ash and Brock looked at Misty. Misty stared back for a minute then sighed and said, "Alright, go ahead…"  
  
Ash and Brock cried out, "Woohoo!"  
  
Ash scratched his chin, "Hmm… Harry Potter puns… well Brock… you know in Hogswarts there are four houses, right?"  
  
Brock nodded, "Yep, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slythern, and Gryffindor."  
  
"Well," Ash said, "I heard that there will be a slew of new houses added in book 6."  
  
"You don't say!" Brock said, "I heard the same rumor."  
  
"Yep." Ash nodded, "For instance, there's a house dedicated to people who like bird calls; Ravencaw"  
  
Brock grinned and said, "Not to mention the house just for people who wear clothes made from the skin of animals… Leatheryns."  
  
Ash chuckled and then added, "Plus, there's that house for out of shape students… Huffnpuff."  
  
"Don't forget," Brock said, "There's that new house for con artists… Griftingdor."  
  
May spoke up, "You know, I heard that there's going to be a house for fans of 70's Saturday morning TV… Puffnstuff!"

Ash and Brock grinned and May said, "Heh, I made a pun… I feel kinda dirty… in a good way!"

Everyone looked at Misty.

Finally, Misty rolled her eyes, and shrugged and said, "Why not… there's also the house for cowards… Cravenclaw… now can we end this?"  
  
"One more?" Ash pleaded.  
  
Misty sighed, "Alright…"  
  
Ash smiled, "Finally there's the house for Simpsons fans… Smitherns."  
  
Brock and Ash chuckled hard at this, and finally Brock said, "Well, Ms. Cuddle, I hope you enjoyed that, because I know we did."  
  
"Speak for yourself." Misty said.

"Ah, spoilsport." Ash said, "What's the next email Brocko?"  
  
Brock pulled out another email and read it aloud, "If you were to choke a smurf, what color would it turn?"

"That's a stupid question…" Ash said, "They turn a deep purple…"  
  
"I think its just a gag question." Brock explained.

"Well… that's the answer." Ash said with conviction.

"Should I even ask why you sound so sure?" Misty asked hesitantly.   
  
"Well…" Ash replied, "You'll notice there aren't any toadstool houses in our garden anymore…"  
  
"You choked a whole village of smurfs?" May asked horrified.  
  
"Of course not." Ash answered, "You choke the smurfette, and without her, there won't be any new smurfs and the problem eventually takes care of itself."

"I'm not sure if that's funny or horrible." Misty said shocked.

"Can't it be both?" Ash asked.  
  
"ANYWAY…" Brock said, "Let's move on, shall we? This next letter… um… this next letter must come from France… but I have no idea what its says…"  
  
Ash got up and looked at the letter, then he grinned, "Hey, I got an idea… watch this…"  
  
Ash stuck his head into the house and yelled, "Hey Max! Hurry up! Get out here, there's a letter for you!"  
  
Ash chuckled at the gag, and as soon as Max got out, Ash said, "Here you go…"  
  
Max looked at the letter and his face got serious. Ash grinned waiting for Max's disappointment to set in, but instead, Max starts to read it, "_Je pense que le nouveau jeune garçon est le meilleur caractère sur l'exposition. Je pense qu'il est le caractère le plus drôle de la série."_

Max chuckled and said, "_Merci, thats très gentils de vous de dire. Si vous aimez drôle, how's ceci? Pourquoi le Torchick a-t-il traversé la route ? Pour se transformer en un Blaziken!!!"_

Ash stared at Max for a second as the young boy chuckled at his own joke, then looked up at Ash, who was completely dumbfounded. "Gee, Ash! Thank you!" Max said, "That really made my day!"   
  
Max then headed into the house, Ash stood there, completely lost for words. It wasn't until Max was well inside that Ash snapped out of it and yelled after the young boy, "AND YOU WONDER WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU!?!?"

Ash came back flustered and sat back down. Misty looked at him for a second and then said, "It sucks when a joke falls through, doesn't it?"  
  
"Shut up." Ash muttered, "Let's move on, shall we Brock?"  
  
"In one moment" Brock said, "Let's all revel in a Ash's flop sweat."  
  
Ash glared at his friend. There's a long awkward pause while Misty Brock and May all try to stifle giggles, and finally Brock says, "Ok, NOW we can move on."

"Hate you guys…" Ash muttered.

Brock cleared his throat and read the next one, "Pat McGroin writes: 'The whole lot of you seems to have had tons of adventures, and done all sorts of crazy things…, so, is there anything you haven't done yet that you really want to?'. Well, Pat, I can answer that one right away…"  
  
_Scene Change To…_

  
  
**SCENE DELETED DUE TO THE STANDARDS AND DECENCY ACT OF 1995** __

Scene Change Back To Main Story…

Everyone just stared opened mouthed at Brock for a moment. May shuddered and said, "I'm going to see that image every time I close my eyes to sleep."  
  
"Anyway," Ash said, desperately trying to change the subject, "I know EXACTLY what I'd like to do… but the author won't let me do it in a quickie."

"Why not?" May asked.

"He says its just too weird and no one will get the joke…" Ash explained.

"Well, what's it all about?" May inquired.  
  
Ash: "Well…"  
  
_Ash's Fantasy…_

The chorus of people in the small French Inn sing, "Everybody raise a class…"  
  
Thenardier, the owner of the establishment, raises his glass as everyone continues to sing, "Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!"  
  
The dirty Inn keeper laughs… that is until Ash bursts through the door and plasters the man with a steel chair to his skull. Ash drags the nearly unconscious man to the corner of the bar, and rests the steel chair on the guy's chest and face. Ash runs over to the nearest table, pumps his hands over his head and spells out, "A S H". Then leaps off the table and drop kicks the chair into Thenardier's face. Completely knocking the man out cold.

The crowd then starts to chant: "ECW!!! ECW!!! ECW!!!"

__

End of Ash's Fantasy…

Everyone stared at Ash will absolutely confusion, and Misty leaned over and took Ash's can of Pepsi away from him and sniffed the contents. Still eyeing Ash with suspect she handed the can back to Ash. "Well," Misty concluded, "It's not caused by what he drinks."

"Ok, next question," Brock said pulling out another email, "This one is from a Mr. Howard Johnson."  
  
"That's just a lame pseudonym." Misty complained.

"Yeah," Brock agreed, "If he wanted to use a hotel name, he should have picked Sherri Ton. Anyway, this guy writes, 'You guys haven't done a good stream of puns in a while, can you please do one?' Well, ok, I think we can."  
  
"Hey!" Misty said, "You just DID a stream of puns just a few minutes ago!"  
  
"Hey," Ash said shrugging, "You gotta do what the people want."  
  
Misty folded her arms in annoyance and muttered, "I swear, there must be either a fetish group for pun-a-feliacs, either that or it's a cult."  
  
"Ready Ash?" Brock asked.  
  
"Yep." Ash said.

"Ok then," Brock said, "Hey did you see recently in the WWE, that Undertaker's valet, was nearly killed, by being buried alive by the Undertaker?"  
  
"You don't say!" Ash said in a mock shock.

"No!" Brock said, "It's true! I guess if he died, I guess he might come back as a Paul-tergeist."  
  
"And," Ash added, "If you invited him to stay he'd be a polterguest!"

"True!" Brock said, "And he was a big man… good thing because if he was really small he'd come back as a pawltrygeist!"  
  
"Yep!" Ash agreed grinning broadly, "Of course he might get a job haunting a church and become an altergeist."  
  
"He could even haunt a piece of furniture and become an upholsterygeist!" Brock suggested.

Ash nodded and tried to stifle a chuckle when he saw Misty sticking her fingers in her ears, but he still managed to say, "But could you imagine if he came back wearing women's clothing? He'd be a haltergiest!"

"You know" Brock said scratching the back of his head, "You mentioned a church before… what if it was a satanic church that he haunted? He'd be a cultergeist!"

"He could always be the type of ghost that sheds its skin," Ash said, "You know, a moltergeist!"

"He could also haunt a bank!" Brock added, "and he'd be a vaultergeist."  
  
"What if he was the type of ghost that snuck up on people and shook them really bad?" Ash asked, "Would that make him a joltergeist?"

With that last one the two young trainers practically fell over themselves laughing hard. Misty just shook her head in embarrassment, "Can we end this now?"

Brock struggled to catch his breath as he said, "Alright alright… one more." After he caught is breath from all the laughing he read, "This one is from a Mr. Joe Ker."  
  
"I bet he's a wild man." May said grinning.  
  
"He writes," Brock continued, "I have a joke you might want to use for one of your quickies. Ok, here goes, 'The Pope and Adolph Hitler goes into a strip joint…"

Misty quickly interrupted Brock by yanking the letter out of his hands, and tearing it into many little pieces. "Too offensive?" Brock asked.  
  
"Just a bit." Misty said sarcastically, "Now can we wrap this up, _please_?"

"Well," Brock said, "That wraps up all the emails…"  
  
"All of them?" Ash asked, "But that sac is still full!"  
  
"Well," Brock explained, "To be honest half of these are advertisements from Viagara, and the most of the other ones are offers to refinance my house…. Oh except for this one, the president of Mahi Mahi wants to wire me 50 million dollars so I can keep it safe."  
  
"Hmm.." Ash said, "Well anyway, this was fun, but lets all have some lunch."  
  
"I feel like spam for some reason…" May said, "I don't know why."  
  
**_IRIS OUT ON MAY'S GRIN AND WINK AS EVERYONE ROLLS THEIR EYES…_**

****

THE END

"Well," Ash said, "That one's done."  
  
"And we managed to do it without moving much at all." May pointed out.  
  
"Now THAT'S what I call a good summer episode." Brock replied.  
  
"Ain't that the truth?" Misty agreed.

"So was this a good episode or not?" May asked.  
  
"Well…" Ash said, "During this time of year, the episodes can be pretty hit or miss but I think this one is good."  
  
"Why this time of year?" May asked.  
  
"Well," Ash explained, "Quite frankly, when it comes to quickies in July… Summer good, and Summer not."

"Oh god…" May and Misty said, and walked out.

Ash looked at Brock and asked, "Something I said?"  
  
"Meh," Brock said, "I liked it."

**THE REAL END**

Ok, another quickie is done and we are one away from 30. Sorry this one took so long, I really thought I would have this one done sooner. I hope everyone is enjoying the summer, whether you're working or just relaxing. Thank you for taking time to read it, and I hope you were nice and cool wherever you read this. Personally, I would recommend you take a break from the summer heat, grab and ice cold lemonade, sit at the computer and write a review. Ok seriously, thanks for reading, I hope you laughed. See you soon! I hope to have one more up before I head off on vacation! See you all soon!


	31. Quickie 30: Law and Order PQU Pokemon Qu...

Explanation/Disclaimer: _Everybody if you can do the Bartman…_

Quickie 30: Law and Order: PQU (Pokemon Quickie Unit)

  
  
Announcer: "The crime you are about to read about are real. And by real, I mean, they are based on real crimes. And by real crimes, I mean shit we just made up. However, it is up to you the readers to solve the mysteries. Why? Because the rest of the cast doesn't have a clue." ****

CASE #1: The Case of the Stolen Pokeballs

"That took a bit longer then I thought it would, Pikachu." Ash said carrying two large shopping bags, "I wonder if the gang is worried about us?"

Ash and Pikachu had to go to the store to pick up a few supplies for their upcoming journey. "I have to admit though," Ash said, "We did save quite a bit thanks to your coupon clipping."  
  
"Pika!" Pikachu nodded happily.  
  
"Yeah," Ash said, "You're kinda like the Martha Stewart of pokemon."  
  
"PIKA!!!" Pikachu snapped angrily sending sparks in Ash's direction.

"Jeez, Sorry!" Ash said defensively, "It was meant as a compliment."  
  
Suddenly, a police car cut right in front of the two of them, down a driveway. "Woah!" Ash said, "I wonder what this is all about, wanna go check it out?"  
  
"Pika?" Pikachu asked.

"Nah, this is a detective story, anyone can just walk up to a crime scene, its cool." Ash said walking up the driveway to the police cruiser. 

Pikachu shrugged and sped up to catch up with its trainer, who was now singing, "Bad Boy Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"

When Ash got to the door, everyone was trying to talk to Office Jenny at once. After a minute of nonsense, Jenny pulled out her gun and fired it 3 times in the air. Everyone went silent.

"Ok, now that I have everyone' attention." Jenny started to say, and then Ash interrupted.

Ash asked, "Did you have to fire your gun to get everyone attention?"  
  
"Well, I'm all out of tear gas." Jenny explained.  
  
"What about a whistle?" Ash asked. 

Jenny's face went blank for a second, and then said, "Hm…that IS probably why we get a whistle… never really thought of that before… but never mind that now. What seems to be the problem here people?"

"There's been a robbery!" a tall white haired gentleman said angrily. He looked to be about 50 years old, and was dressed in a navy blue business suit, and had the air about him of someone who thought he was more important then he actually was, "Someone has stolen my valuable balls!"  
  
Ash raised an eyebrow, opened his mouth to speak but instead just shook his head and said, "Nah… I'm not going there."

"My valuable crystal pokeballs," the man explained, "They've been stolen!"  
  
"Alright alright," Jenny said, "Let's go inside and take a look."  
  
Inside the home, their were two things that stood out right away. An old desk stood knocked over in the middle of the room. Also, only a few feet from the desk was a window, the curtain flapping wildly in the wind, the window behind it shattered. There was also a tarp that lay crumpled and sprawled out irregularly on the floor in-between the desk and window.

"Ok then," Jenny said walking over to the opened desk, the glass from the broken window crunching from underneath the tarp as she walked, "I assume that this is where the pokeballs were kept?"

"Yes." The tall white haired man explained.

"And you would be?" Jenny asked.  
  
"Donald Sims." the man answered, "This is my home. I keep my crystal pokeballs on display on this desk, they are quite valuable, and so I like to show them off."

"Ok then," Jenny said looking down at the solid oak desk, then her eyes moved to the light brown tarp lying under her feet, "And what's this tarp here for?"  
  
"Oh," Donald explained, "Whenever I would go out, I'd cover the pokeballs in a tarp to deter thieves."

Ash coughed, and muttered, "Yeah, that worked well, didn't it?' 

Jenny looked at Ash and asked, "Who are you? And how do you figure into all of this?"  
  
"Ash Ketchum. Oh, I just saw a cop car pull in here and I wanted to see what was going on." Ash explained.  
  
"Umm, if you don't have anything to do with this case" Jenny said, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave!"  
  
"Tsk tsk tsk." Ash said waggling her finger, "But I've already solved the crime!"

"You have?" Jenny said looking shocked.

Ash grinned, "Of course, only one truth prevails! You see, judging from the evidence at hand, I'd say that our thief broke in through the window, took the pokeballs, and left through the same window. That's why the window was broken. Clearly this is a master cat burglar, probably working for Team Rocket. I'd sent out an APB for…" 

"Actually," Jenny said interrupted, "That's not true at all. Not any part of it."  
  
"What now?" Ash said dejected, Pikachu just sighed.

Jenny sighed also, said to Ash, "Just watch and see, ok?", then said, "Who was the person who called in this crime?"  
  
A young boy , no older the 7, raised his hand. He looked nervous. Jenny smiled at him, "Don't worry, I'm one of the good guys, you can talk to me. What's your name?"

"Ok," the young boy smiled and seemed to calm down. He then said, "My name is Jimmy."  
  
"Well hello Jimmy," Jenny said pleasantly, "You're the one who called in the crime?"  
  
"Yes." Jimmy said nodding, "I wasn't sure if I should call in the crime because I'm the one who broke the window!"  
  
Ash declared, "Aha! He admits it, Officer Jenny, take him to Attica."  
  
Jenny looked at Ash and asked him, "Do I have to hit you with my pepper spray?"  
  
Ash backed off and Jenny continued, "Well, you did the right thing calling, now tell me what happened."  
  
Jimmy swallowed hard and then talked, "Ok, Me and my Hitmonlee were playing hacky sack in our back yard." Jimmy pointed out the window, "it's that house over there, three houses down. When my Hitmonlee accidentally used 'Mega Kick' to kick the ball. It went flying over our fence, flew really far, and it broke Mr. Sims window."  
  
"Wow!" Ash said looking out the window, "You're Hitmonlee must be pretty powerful to kick a ball that far!"

"Well," Jimmy admitted, "It's actually my daddy's pokemon, but Hitmonlee likes to play with me."

Ash smiled, "Well, you're very lucky, when I was your age, the only pokemon I had to play with was the decaying remains of a Pidgey I found out in the woods near my house. Oh, I used to play with little corpsy everyday. Until of course Mom found out… she made me go see a bunch of… 'talking' doctors… But, I don't need to bore you with my childhood, please go on."  
  
Everyone stared at Ash for a moment. After an awkward pause, Jenny said to Jimmy, "Please continue."

Jimmy continued, "Well, I wanted to get my ball back. So I walked over here. But when I got here, the door was open. I rang the doorbell, but no one answered. So I took a look inside, and I saw it was in a mess. So I remembered on TV that you're supposed to call the police in cases like this. So I did."  
  
"Ah HA!" Ash said proudly, "I got it. Jimmy, tell me this… if this story is true, where's your ball?"  
  
"Right here." Jimmy said, "Over in that corner."

"Damnit!" Ash said, "I thought I had it that time."

Jenny sighed and looked at Mr. Sims, "Is the boy telling the truth?"

"Yep." Donald confirmed, "He came running over and told the whole thing to me."  
  
"See what I meant before?" Jenny asked, "The burglar didn't break this window, the burglar was long gone before Jimmy ever broke this window."

Jenny took a look around the room, and asked, "Did either of you touch or move anything in here?"  
  
Both Jimmy and Donald shook their heads no. "I've seen enough detective shows to know not to touch anything!" Donald explained.  
  
"Well, I guess we're going to have to bring in a fingerprinting unit in, see if we can get any leads." Jenny said looking around the room still, hoping something would catch her eye.  
  
"That won't be necessary, I know who did it!" Donald said angrily, "It was that horrid Mrs. Golden."

"Who?" Jenny and Ask asked together.

"She lives next door." Donald said, "And she's wanted possession of my balls since the day I obtained them. PLUS she has a key to my house."  
  
Ash opened his mouth again, ready to say something this time, but a stern look from Jenny made him keep his mouth shut.

"Well, then" Jenny said, "Hold on a minute and we'll get Mrs. Golden over here."

ONE MINUTE LATER

Mrs. Abby Golden, a woman in her late 20's, with brown hair, wearing a housedress came over still yelling at Jenny. "I can't believe that I'm you're thief. What do I pay taxes for? To pay for police officers who have nothing better to do then harass innocent citizens? Why I should call the mayor…"  
  
Ash spoke up, "Ma'am, if you don't calm down, I'm afraid that Pikachu here is going to have to slap you."  
  
Pikachu nodded.  
  
The woman looked at Ash and the yellow pokemon and asked, "And who are you two?"  
  
"We're Officer Jenny's assistant deputies!" Ash said proudly.  
  
"You are not!" Jenny said.  
  
"Spoil-sport." Ash said sticking out his tongue.

"You know," Jenny said, "Annoying a police officer IS a club-able offense."

Ash backed off again, and Jenny turned to Abby, "Now, Mrs. Golden, I've filled you in on the details, so could you please tell me where you were today from the hours when Mr. Sims left his home to 2pm?"  
  
"Yes, I was in my home, doing housework." Abby responded.

"Do you have any witnesses?" Jenny asked.  
  
"No…, but why would I need them? I'm innocent. Besides, those pokeballs are rightfully mine!"  
  
"Excuse me?" Ash and Jenny asked together.

"They were mine originally, but this shyster took them from me!" Abby explained.  
  
"I did no such thing!" Donald said angrily, "You had a yard sale, and I purchased them fair and square."  
  
"You knew they were more valuable then what I sold them for!" Abby said, "And you took advantage of me!"  
  
"It is not my fault that you didn't do research before you sold off your property, I cannot be held responsible for your ignorance." Donald explained.

"Why you…" Abby started angrily, but Ash interrupted.

"Wait a minute, calm down." Ash said, "I have a question. You have a key to Mr. Sims apartment?" 

"Well…" Abby hesitated, "Yes… I do. But he has one of mine too. We exchanged keys just in case one of use ever got locked out."  
  
Ash said, "Well, I think I know who did it now."  
  
"Again?" Jenny sighed.

**Authors note: By now it's possible that you know who did it, and there is a way to prove it. Congratulations if you've solved it already, keep reading to see how it turns out. If you're still not sure, but you don't want any hints, then stay here for a minute and think about it. If you want a hint before the solution, just keep reading. (I'll warn you before we get to the solution) **

Ash smiled, "This time I got it. All the evidence is here. It had to have been Red Herring!"  
  
Pikachu sighed, and muttered, "Pikapi, pika…" in a tone that would suggest it meant something like, 'lord help me.'

Jenny sighed, "Ash… what do you want to be when you grow up?"  
  
"A Pokemon Master." Ash said, "Why?"  
  
"Because if you said you wanted to go into law enforcement, I'd have to shoot you." Jenny explained.

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?" Ash asked.  
  
"No…" Jenny said dryly, "No, I don't."

Then Jenny turned to Mrs. Golden, "I hate to say this Mrs. Golden, but you do have motive means and opportunity. You have no witnesses to where you were all day, you have a key to the apartment, you have a grudge with Mr. Sims about the very items in question, I'm going to have to take you in."  
  
"But… but…" Mrs. Golden said half angry half panicky, "I… I didn't do it! I'm innocent!"  
  
"You can tell it all downtown, ok?" Jenny said gently, "Do you need a lawyer?"  
  
"But I didn't do it! There's no evidence that says I did it!"  
  
Pikachu started pulling on Ash's jacket. "Pikapi!"

"What is it Pikachu?" Ash said kneeling down and looking Pikachu who was frantically trying to get his trainer's attention. Pikachu quickly said, "Pi, Pikapi, pika pika pikachu pikapi pika chu chu pikachu pikapi pipichu pika!"  
  
"Pikachu!" Ash said holding up his hands, "You know when you get all excited I can't understand you."  
  
Pikachu ran over to the broken window and pointed to it. Ash looked it. Then back to Pikachu with a confused look. "Pika!!!" Pikachu said angrily, and pointed to the tarp on the ground. 

Ash watched his pokemon as it ran up to the window, pointed out it, and then at the floor. Then it hopped down on the tarp and started jump up and down. The glass crunching loudly.  
  
Ash looked confused, "You want potato chips?"  
  
"Pika!" Pikachu snapped angrily and shook its head no.  
  
"You… don't want potato chips?" Ash tried again.  
  
Ash got shocked by Pikachu that time. Ash yelled, "Ow! Damnit, Pikachu!!!"  
  
But Pikachu ran back and forth on the tarp and pointing at everyone leaving the room. Ash took another guess, "Umm… Timmy's fallen down the old well?"  
  
Ash got shocked again. But this time, something must have sparked in Ash's brain too. "Wait Office Jenny I got it!!!" Ash exclaimed.

Q. Who's the thief? And what proof does Ash have?

_SCROLL DOWN FOR ANSWER…  
_ _SCROLL DOWN FOR ANSWER…  
_ _KEEP SCROLLING…  
_ _ALMOST THERE… _ _ONE TRUTH PREVAILS…  
_ _REVIEW THIS STORY WHEN YOU'RE DONE…_

THE SOLUTION:

"Office Jenny" Ash said, "Wait, I got it!"  
  
"Oh god… not again." Jenny said.

"No seriously, I really do have it this time!" Ash said excitedly.

Jenny groaned, "Ash… please… it's been a long day."  
  
Ash pleaded, "Just hear me out, ok?"  
  
Jenny folder her arms angrily, "Fine… I'm listening."  
  
"Good… because that's what you have to do! Listen!" Ash said.  
  
Jenny gave Ash a quizzical look as the young trainer walked over to the tarp and stepped down on it. The glass under the tarp crunched. Jenny looked even more curious when Ash grinned as if to say, "Don't you get it?"

Ash called over to Mr. Sims and Jimmy, and said, "You both said you didn't touch anything right? And you both stand by that?"  
  
They both nodded, Jimmy looking even more nervous.

"Well then, there ya go." Ash said, "Take him downtown."  
  
"Take WHO downtown?," Jenny asked confused.  
  
"The one who stole the pokeballs is…." Ash said pausing dramatically, then pointing his finger, "YOU! Jimmy!"

Jimmy paled.  
  
Jenny sighed, "Alright, I've heard enough, come on, Mrs. Golden, let's go."  
  
"No wait!" Ash said.

"Ash… your say the cute little 7 year old who called the police is the thief? Its nonsense." Jenny said, "And it's been a long day, and I've heard enough."  
  
"Clearly you haven't heard enough." Ash said stepping down on the tarp again. 

"What is that suppose to mean?" Jenny said, "You're breaking glass from the window, that doesn't prove anything at… …" Jenny stopped cold.

"Wait a minute…" Jenny said walking over to the tarp. She lifted it up, and underneath the tarp was a bunch of broken and shattered glass. "Wait… just… a… minute…"  
  
She got up turned and walked over to Jimmy, "Alright, Jimmy, I know you took them, so I think you have to give them back now."  
  
Jimmy started to cry and said, "I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't have taken them, but it's my mommy's birthday coming up soon, and I thought they were so pretty she'd love them."

Mr. Sims looked taken aback, "But… Officer… how did you know?"  
  
"Well Ash," Jenny said, "You did solve it, so why don't you explain it?"  
  
"Actually," Ash said, "Pikachu is the one who solved it."  
  
Pikachu then went off on a one minute long speech clearly explaining how he figured out who did it. Sadly no one other then Ash even had the remotest clue of what Pikachu was saying. "You want to translate?" Mrs. Golden asked.

"Oh ok," Ash said, "What Pikachu pointed out was, that the broken glass from the window was UNDER the tarp."  
  
"So?" Mr. Sims asked. 

"Don't you see? If the balls were stolen BEFORE Jimmy broke your window, the glass would have landed on top of the tarp. But, in this case the glass was under the tarp, which suggests that the window was broken BEFORE the tarp was removed."  
  
Jimmy nodded, "I really didn't mean to break your window," Jimmy explained, "Everything I told you about playing hacky sack was the truth. I wanted my ball back so I climbed through the window. But when I came in the window, I tripped over the hacky sack and knocked it into the corner. When I fell, I knocked over your desk. I heard a loud thud on the floor so I moved the tarp and saw those beautiful balls. I knew my mom would love them so… I got excited so I tossed the tarp behind me and took stuck the pokeballs in my pocket. I opened up the front door so everyone would think someone just broke in. I called the cops hoping that since I called them no one would think I did it…" Jimmy started to cry again, "I'm sorry, I know what I did was wrong. Please don't send me to prison."  
  
Jenny frowned, "Jimmy, I think you're a little young for prison, maybe if you bring the pokeballs back… maybe Mr. Sims will settle things with you and your parents?"  
  
Jenny looked over at Mr. Sims. Mr. Sims thought about it for a second then asked in a very serious voice, "Well… you sure he can't go to jail?"  
  
Jenny nodded.  
  
"Even if I pressed charges?" Mr. Sims asked again.

"He's 7." Jenny pointed out.  
  
"If this was Texas he could be charged as an adult." Mr. Sims explained.

"Do I have to pepper spray you?" Jenny asked sternly.  
  
"YES!" Ash cheered, "I'm not the only one that got threatened."  
  
**_Insert Dragnet theme…_**

Announcer: _"Mr. Sims decided to not press charges. He got his balls back and decided that was enough. Jimmy was grounded for 2 weeks, and had to do 20 hours of yard work for Mr. Sims to pay for the window he broke. Ash asked Officer Jenny if he could have a badge that made him an honorary depute, with complete uniform, badge, and weapon. Ash settled for a tootsie pop. Pikachu was given a full bottle of ketchup as a reward, he also stole Ash's tootsie pop when asked how many licks it took to get to the center."_

****

Insert Dragnet them again…

THE END

"Not a bad one." Ash said.  
  
"Nope, a little different," Misty said taking off the 'Mrs. Goldman' costume, "but not bad at all."  
  
Brock took off the white wig and said in a sing song voice, "I was just glad I got to spend the whole episode with Officer Jenny!" 3 3 3  
  
"What I don't understand is," Max said pulling off his 'jimmy' mask, "Why did we have to dress up? Can't we afford extras?"  
  
"Extras?" Ash asked surprised, "We can't even afford to use Pikachu! His salary is way too high now a days."

'Pikachu' took off its head revealing both Chip and Dale who scampered out of the room. "Tough job market for squeaky voiced rodents.", Brock pointed out.

"I really wish that they wouldn't share a costume," Ash said, "It makes me very uneasy."

"I'm just impressed that you got through this whole episode with making one 'balls' joke." Misty pointed out.

"May I make one now?" Ash asked eagerly.

"No." Misty said sternly. "Aw… nuts…" Ash sighed. **FADE OUT… **  
  
**_THE REAL END _**

Sorry this one is so long in the making, I promise that the next one will not take as long, in fact I have started working on it, and it will be Halloween themed. It should be Spooktacular. Maybe I should leave the punning to Ash and the gang? Thank you for reading, I know this one was a little different but I had a lot of fun writing it. One my early loves of reading and writing was those 5 minute minutes, (yes, this one was based off one of those classic short mysteries), and I wanted to adapt one into a quickie. Thank you again for reading, and I wouldn't say no to a review or two. Until next time… Case closed…

(Edit: Thank you animekid88 for pointing out my name mistake there in the middle. I made sure I changed it, just so the typo didnt confuse anyone and think that had something to do with the solution of the mystery. Thanks again!)


	32. Quickie 31: May Halloween be today Post...

**Author's note:** I'd like to apologize for the long hiatus that Pokemon Quickies went on. I've been going through a rather rough patch health-wise, something I'm really not going to go into, because this is a comedy, and there's nothing funny about it. As of now, I'm doing better, here's hoping it stays that way. I'd like to quickly thank all the doctors and nurses that have helped me so much during the past few months, I really can't thank them enough. Alright, without further ado… here's that Halloween special that was promised you, only 7 months late! (Hey… its still faster then anything shipped Media Mail)

**Explanation/Disclaimer: _Azarath, Metrion, Xinthos!_**

**Quickie #31: May Halloween be today... (Posted 5/13)**

**Announcer:** _"Today we join our heroes on a very important mission. One that may effect the lives of every single one of them. What dangers await them? What obstacles must they overcome? Will they all make it home alive?"_

"Here we are!" said Brock, "The largest costume shop in Kanto."

"If we don't find the coolest costumes here," Misty said, "Then we're not going to find one, period."

"And at the very least, it'll put us in a fantastic setting for an episode." Ash added.

"Win/win!" May agreed.

"I'm just psyched that you let me come!" Max said happily.

"Well," Ash said, "Anytime we can get a mask on you, you'll never hear me pass up the opportunity."

Max just stuck his tongue out at Ash. Ash did the same. Brock stepped in and said, "Before this sinks to a lower level of maturity, shall we go in?"

Ash stopped lowering his pants, in an attempt to moon Max, pulled them back up and said, "Oh ok."

"Brock must be powerful… I didn't think anything could stop a full moon!" Max commented.

There was a pause of silence, until Ash grinned and said, "Not bad… not bad…"

****

INSIDE THE STORE…

"WOAH!" Misty said surprised, "This place is huge… Ash? Ash, are you ok? Are you crying?"

Ash stood gazing over the many isles of costumes, decorations, makeup, candy, and just about every other kind of Halloween paraphernalia imaginable. Ash wiped away a tear and said, "It's just so beautiful, it's like my Mecca."

"He really is a Halloweenie." Brock replied.

"Witch isn't really a bad thing." Ash answered.

"Don't start… please!" Misty begged.

"Oh alright," Ash pouted, "We'll save it for the next episode."

"Fair enough, I'll make sure I'm some place very far away." Misty replied

"Again, that'd be Win/Win." May said with a smile, to which Misty just gave a nasty look.

"Come on guys…" Brock said, "Let's take it easy, we all should be enjoying ourselves now! Now, let's find some costumes!"

Everyone agreed and they moved towards the back of the shop where the costumes were kept. Ash quickly saw something that caught his eye, grabbed the costume and ran into the changing room. In a minute he came out dressed like YuGiOh.

"Hey, we should get someone else dressed like you, that way it'd be duel costumes!" Max pointed out.

"I don't think you should be advertising the competition." Misty pointed out.

May looked at Ash's pointy hair and said, "I just wanna know where you got all that hair gel…"

"Found it in the back…" Ash pointed out.

Brock opened his mouth but Misty put her hand over Brock's face and said, "We really don't want to go down that road, do we?"

Brock thought about it for a second and said, "Nah, I was just thinking there's something about May-ry"

Max came out dressed in a blue tuxedo and red bow tie, "I knew he wasn't going to let that joke go… one goof always prevails."

Brock took this opportunity to run in and come back out dressed like a savage warrior Hun. He wielded his plastic sword towards Max and said with a grin, "My Conan could kick your Conan's butt."

Ash came out wearing a gangster's costume, complete with tommy gun and leveled it in Brock's direction, "You should never bring a knife to a gun fight."

"Shouldn't that gun belong to a blind pinball player?" Misty asked with a smirk.

"Who?" Ash asked.

Max, Misty, May and Brock all exclaimed at once, "EXACTLY!"

Ash grinned and said, "This is a gonna be a good episode!"

Misty giggled and pointed over to May and Max, now dressed like Tweedledee and Tweedledum, and said, "And there's a fun two."

Brock came out dressed out like John Ritter and said, "And three's a crowd, right?"

Misty ran in and came out wearing a plaid pants and wielding a driver and yelled, "FORE!"

Ash came out dressed like WWE Superstar Booker T, and he did a spinaroonie and said, "Five Time, Five Time, Five Time, Five Time, Five Time WCW Champion!"

May quickly came out dressed like completely in lingerie. Everyone looked at her. Brock gave her a quizzical look and said, "I don't get it."

"Well," May explained, "Don't you find me sixy?"

Everyone groaned, everyone except Misty who had ran to the dressing room and came out dressed like Snow White. She looked at May and said, "Nice costume, but don't dress like that around my friends or we'll wind up with 7-up."

Max came rushing out of the room dressed in a costume with a bulging stomach. "Ugh," Max said, "I think I eight too much." then he giggled and said, "Cool costume, huh?"

Brock shook his head, (now dressed like a WWI German solider, and said, "Nine!"

Ash came out wearing slacks and a bowling shirt complete with bowling ball, "So is anyone up for a game of ten pin?"

Everyone completely lost control and collapsed in a fit of laughter and giggles. After everyone caught their breath Ash smiled and said, "I didn't _count _on this episode being this much fun!"

Misty groaned, "Leave it to you to try to sneak one more in…"

Everyone took off in a different direction looking for more costumes.

Ash came back dressed in a full toga, "Friends, Romans, Pokemon trainers, lend me your ears."

"Ok, here ya go," Misty said, dressed as a farmer, pushing Max (who happened to be dressed like an cornstalk) towards Ash.

"Now that joke's corny." Ash commented.

"Old McMisty had a farm, E-I-E-I- D'OH!" Sang Brock who happened to be dressed like Homer.

"A farm?" May asked, who now was dressed as the Grim Reaper, and wielding a sickle/scythe, "Does anyone need my survives?"

"No," Max said, "But check this out…" and he took off down and isle and came back with an armful of props. In a moment, Grim Reaper May was decked down in sunglasses, a straw hat, a lai, and a coconut drink in her hand.

"What's this?" May asked confused.

"Why, its Death taking a holiday!" Max say laughing.

"Hey buddy," Ash, now dressed like Harry Potter, spoke to Reaper May, "I'm down on my luck, can you spare a silver sickle?"

"But I only got this one!" May protested pointing to her weapon.

Brock came rushing out, dressed like a feline warrior, "Thunder… Thunder… THUNDER… THUNDERCATS…" Then Brock pointed to Misty, (dressed as a French maid), "HO!"

Misty flashed red then grabbed May's scythe and said, "Let's find out if there really IS more then one way to skin a cat."

Misty chased after Brock swinging her fake weapon, meanwhile, the remaining trio ran to get some more costumes.

Ash came out dressed like Darth Vader, and said in a deep voice, "You must surrender to the power of the dark side."

"You mean me?" May asked who happened to be dressed as a powerful DC comics villain.

Max quickly jumped out dressed very grunge with jean shorts, and a black t shirt and a long black wig. "Dude, check us out… I'm Wayne and this is my buddy Darth…"

Ash quickly adopted Max's accent and said, "Cool… bonus…"

The two started thrashing about head banging. Brock interrupted them by coming out dressed like a cowboy. He lifted the ten gallon hat out of his eyes and said, "I'm-a calling you out Misty… draw!"

Misty came out dressed like a pokemon nurse, but also had on a painter's smock and beret and said, "Only if I can draw happy little trees…"

May chuckled and said, "It looks like you've learned about the Joy of Painting."

"Woah woah woah…" Max said, "Take it easel… you don't want to have a brush with a stroke."

"Hue can say that again!" Ash agreed.

Brock came out dressed like a very famous British actor from 9 Months and asked, "I can say what again?"

Misty shook her head, "_Grant _me the strength…"

Ash came out dressed in full army regalia. "You know," he said, "You shouldn't make fun of British actors… they have feelings too you know…"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Brock said, "I didn't realize… but at least now I know…"

Ash grinned and said, "And knowing is half the battle."

Then Ash, Max and Brock sang, "G.I. Joeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

The group split up again to find some more cheap gags… I mean costumes…

IN THE PROPS SECTION:

"Hey Ash!" May called, "I got a great costume for you!"

"Really? What is it?" Ash asked.

"A Zombie Hunter," May said, check this out…

May ran off and came back with a can of soup, and put it in Ash's hand. "There you go," She said happily.

Ash looked at the can of soup quizzically, "What's this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked, then pointed to him and said, "Ash" then to the soup, "Campbell… see? Perfect."

"Oh… if we're going to go down that road…" Ash said, "You should go as a famous comic book character…"

Ash then walked over to a shelf, took down a giant bug prop and handed it to May. "There you go."  
May looked at the bug and said, "Alright, I give…"

"You're Spiderman's relative… Ant May." Ash said grinning.

May groaned then looked over at Brock and asked, "And just what are you two to be?"

"A famous pair" Brock said, who happened to be dressed like a gargoyle.

"Yep." Max agreed, who happened to be dressed like a magician.

Misty, May, and Ash all exchanged glances, and then suddenly Misty groaned. "Don't tell me… Max… are you suppose to be dressed like David Copperfield?"

Max grinned and Misty continued still groaning, "So that would make you two, David and Goliath…"

"Damn, she guessed…" Max said, "Well, should we wrap this up soon?"

Brock looked down at Max and said, "Ohhhh I dunnoooooo Daveyyyy."

Ash chuckled, "heh heh… religious cartoons… priceless…"

BING BONG A voice echoed through the loud speakers "The store will be closing in 5 minutes… please finish up your shopping or bad jokes." BING BONG

"Awww…" Misty said, "I cant believe we've been here that long… well lets pick out our costumes and get going."

"So what are you going to be Misty?" May asked.

"I'm going to take this costume" Misty said and help up a mermaid costume.

"You go as a mermaid every year." Ash complained, "What is it with you and mermaids? The whole thing seems fishy to me…"

Misty ignored him and asked May, "So what did you pick?"

"I'm going as April O' Neil, channel 6 news." May answered.

"The slutty reporter," Brock said, "Cowabunga!"

"What about you?" May asked Brock, "What did you decide on?"

"I'm going as Scarecrow." Brock replied.

"The Batman kind," Ash asked, "Or.. Um.. The gay kind?"

"Batman kind." Brock said.

"Very cool." Ash replied

"Isn't anyone going to ask what I'm going as?" Max asked.

"Wasn't really going to…" Brock muttered.

"Hey!" Max yelled.

"Let me guess…" Ash said, "You'll be going as Jar Jar Binks… right? It's fitting… the two most annoying characters ever…"

"I'll have you know," Max said, "I'm going as Scrappy Doo!"

"Oh yeah…" Ash muttered, "That's MUCH better…"

"So how about you?" Misty asked, "What did you pick Ash?"

"I'm going to go as one of those pumpkin monsters from last year's Halloween special…" Ash said.

"Good idea…" Brock said, "At least something good came out of that train wreck…"

"Why? What happened back then?" May asked, "I wasn't around back then."

"Bleh…" Ash said, "Just be glad you weren't."

"We shouldn't' talk like that Ash." Misty warned.

"Why not?" Ash asked, "What's the worst thing that could hap…

**THE END**

…pen?" Ash finished, then a moment later, "We just got cut off, didn't we?"

"Oh yeah." Brock said.

"Oh come on man!" Ash said, "First Amendment dude! First Amendment!"

Brock coughed and said, "Aren't we in Japan?"

Ash shrugged, "I dunno where the hell we are…, hey Misty, what country is Kanto in?"

Misty shrugged, "I thought Kanto WAS a country?"

Brock grinned and said, "Well, we must be Asian…"

"Why's that?" Ash asked.

"Because if we are from Kanto, that means our cooking must be… Kanotnese." Brock said with a big grin.

Everyone else groaned loudly, and finally brings us to:

THE REAL END

Hey guys, thanks for reading this story and I really am sorry that I haven't updated sooner, but to be honest, there wasn't much to laugh at the time. But I do want to thank everyone that asked me to update, it was nice to know I wasn't forgotten, it really did help, thank you. Now that things are a bit smoother, I think the updates will come more frequent. Thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated.


	33. Quickie 32: How the Other Half Lives

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Explanation/Disclaimer: _It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again._

****

Quickie 32: How The Other Half Lives

Announcer: "Tonight we join our heroes spending a quiet night at home. Doesn't look like there's going to be much excitement going on here. In fact, you might want to log off right now and go check out the new reality program staring Mike Tyson as a babysitter. I know I'll be tuning in at 9 for that sh… hey wait a second… I wonder where Brock is heading off to?"

"Hey Brock," Ash called over to him, "It's 10 at night, where are you heading out to?"

Brock who had one hand on the door looked nervous for a second then said, "Oh um… we're out of milk, so I figured I'd help your mom out by getting a jug for her. Um… bye!"

And with that Brock quickly slipped out the door. "That's odd," May said, "I just poured myself a glass of milk and the jug is more then half filled."

"Even stranger then that," Max said thoughtfully, "Brock talked about Ash's mom and jugs in the same sentence and didn't say anything perverted about that."

Ash punched Max in the back of the head. "OWWW!" Max cried, "What was that for?"

"I am so sick of my mom's hot jokes." Ash replied annoyed.

"I'm shocked that he didn't say anything about trying to get milk from Ash's Mom, instead of for her." May replied.

"OW!" Max cried out again as Ash struck him again, "What was that for? May's the one that said it!"

Ash shrugged, "Its more fun to hit you…" Ash explained.

"OW!" Max cried, as Misty struck him. Then she said, "He's right you know."

"You know, you may think your being funny but you don't know what kind of psychological damage you're doing to me every time you hit me… you know studies have shown that secondary cartoon characters that are the butt of jokes are 34 more likely to… OW!" Max quickly stopped as Misty kicked him in the shin, "That's it I'm leaving!" And Max stormed upstairs limping slightly.

"That was a lil harsh wasn't it Misty?" May asked.

"Not really, I was actually aiming a bit higher…" Misty explained.

"Anyway," Ash said quickly changing the subject, "This is the third time this week that Brock has snuck out late at night, do you two have any idea where he's going?"

"Not a clue." May said.

"Can't say I really gave it much thought." Misty replied.

"Hmmm…" Ash said, "I'm going to go find out… Noctowl, come on out!"

After Ash released his owl pokemon, he said to it, "Ok Noctowl, I want you to lead me to Brock, I'm really curious to see where he goes at night."

"Ash," Misty said, "Don't go out stalking again… remember what happened last time you tried to stalk someone?"

"Yeah yeah," Ash said dismissively, "Mary Jane Parker was kidnapped and horribly tortured and killed causing Spiderman to go insane and kill the President of NBC…" Ash shrugged, "SSDD."

Misty rolled her eyes, "Alright, just try not to avoid anyone getting murdered, ok?"

"Awwwww… fine… I'll try." Ash said pouting.

"That's all we ask." May said.

And with that, Ash and his Noctowl were out the door. After a beat, May looked at Misty and said, "So… since the guys aren't here, want to watch the new DVD I got, "Peter Pantsless?"

"Yeah sure, why not?" Misty answered with a grin.

****

FOURTY FIVE MINUTES LATER…

"Ah ha," Ash said looking down the street, "So THAT'S where Brock has gone off too, I can't believe that Brock snuck clear across town! Of course we would have gotten here SOONER if SOMEONE didn't have to stop and make a pass at Hedgewidge." Ash scolded his bird.

Noctowl hooted sadly.

"Ah," Ash said, "Don't worry about it, thanks for the help, go see if you can get yourself some feathered magical tail, you've earned it."

Noctowl hooted happily and flapped off into the distance. Ash meanwhile turned to face the dark foreboding building.

Foreboding, but oddly festive, due to the dark but lively music coming from it, and a big neon sign that read "Diaobolique"

"Diabolique?" Ash said aloud, "Isn't that the famous ritzy nightclub for villains? What would Brock be doing in a place like this?"

Ash walked up to the front door and was immediately stopped by a large man in a tux. "Sorry kid, no entry for minors."

Ash craned his neck to see inside and happened to see Brock walking past wearing a tight spandex suit, complete in black with red stripes down the arms. "Hey, Brock! BROCK!" Ash called into him.

Brock quickly flushed, raced to the door. The heavy at the door asked Brock, "Mr. Punch, do you know this guy?"

Brock stammered and said, "Um, yea Mr. O'Hirn."

"Why did he call you Brock" the bouncer asked suspiciously.

"Umm…" Brock said thinking fast, "That's my… uh… nickname, cause I'm such a good gambler… I brock the bank in Monte' Carlo.

"Oh… oh…ok" the bouncer said scratching his neck

"So please let Mr. Ashcroft in… we have much business that we have to discuss." Brock said.

"Ok…" The bouncer said stepping to the right.

Ash walked past the giant man and walked along side Brock and after they were out of earshot range Ash gushed, "Ashcroft? That's the best you could come up with?"

"Ash? What are you doing here?" Brock interrupted, "Do you know how dangerous it is to be here?"

"Me?" Ash asked loudly, "What do you mean me? I followed you? And why are you dressed like that Brock?"

Brock put his finger up to his lips and shushed Ash. Then shot his head up and grinned wildly and nervously at the squat man in a tall top hat and monocle. "Lovely evening, isn't it Mr. Cobblepot?" Brock said politely and bowed.

"Meh… I prefer it a colder." the man said gruffly and waddled off squawking to himself. 

"Please, don't call me Brock here!" Brock said nervously, "If they find out that we're not villains… things could get ugly."

Ash paled, "What would happen?"

"Well they'd probably blacklist us!" Brock said.

"That's it?" Ash asked surprised.

"Well… after they killed us that is." Brock replied.

"Oh…, but still not as strict as the rules at Curves." Ash said, then folded his arms and muttered, "Stupid no selling Baskin Robbins rule…"

"Focus Ash… I mean Ashcroft." Brock said annoyed.

"Who?" Ash said confused, then slowly realized, "Oh oh… I gotcha… so what are you doing here? This is a hangout for villains… did you get corrupted by the powers of the dark side?"

Brock rolled his eyes and said, "No nothing like that…"

"How did you even get in here?" Ash asked.

"Well, strange story… about a week ago when I went to the store, the place got held up by this guy dressed all in question marks… the freaking weirdo. He said if I could answer his riddle he wouldn't kill the clerk… something about poodles and ice cubes… I wasn't really paying attention. So, instead of answering the riddle I just had Onix tackle him. But the guy dropped something. A pass for this club. Well you know, curiosity killed the cat…

"Here's hope that saying isn't prophetic." Ash muttered.

Brock continued, "…so I came here dressed in this costume. I just wanted to see how the other half lives. And as you can see, not too bad."

"True, this place is pretty high end…" Ash had to admit, "But it's a bit dangerous to come here, don't you think?"

Brock nodded, "yeah, and I wouldn't have come back… but… there's this girl I'm trying to pick up here…"

"Figures" Ash said sighing, "Brock, there's no woman here that would be good for you… they're all villains here. They'll probably steal your heart… literally."

"Oh, but you have to see her!" Brock said swooning, "She's amazing!"

"Who is she?" Ash asked.

"Come here," Brock said walking over to a large door leading to a barroom, "Do you see the woman dressed in Green and Black over there? Her name is Sheego, and she's a spitfire and a half!"

Ash looked at the pretty black haired villain and whistled softly, "Man… I wouldn't mind blasting her off again!"

"See what I mean?" Brock said, "She's worth the attempt."

"Well… I guess…" Ash said, "But I still don't feel safe about you hanging out here by yourself. I'm going to stick around and make sure nothing happens to you."

Brock rolled his eyes, "Oh yeah… thanks Ash," Brock said sarcastically, "If my cover is blown, I wont worry about being sliced to pieces by Vega, or blasted into pieces by Gannon, because you'll be here to help."

Ash stared at Brock for a second then said, "You know… words can hurt too…"

"Look… its just too dangerous for you to stay around here," Brock said, "You really need to get out of here."

Ash shot a look at the doorway where the bodyguard was still standing like a sentinel. "I'd love to go," Ash said, "But I'm sure the freak with the Barry Bonds body would be suspicious why our business meeting ended so quickly."

Brock thought about it for a second and sighed, "Alright, you can stay, we'll both leave in about an hour, ok? Just PLEASE try not to cause trouble…"

"I promise" Ash said putting up his hand in a swear, "I will be on my best behavior… but… this is a villain nightclub… is my best behavior suppose to be bad behavior?

"Just try to keep a low profile." Brock pleaded.

"I'll be like Pee Wee Herman in a porno theater." Ash said giving Brock the thumbs up, "But hey, before I go… why did he call you Mr. Punch?"

"Because that's the name I came up with… I'm the villain know as Donkey Punch!" Brock explained.

"Donkey Punch?" Ash asked incredulously, "That's classy."

Brock shrugged, "It what I happen to be thinking about at the time when they asked me my name."

"Well… whatever… I'm sure you'll get real far with your that girl your trying to woo with a name like that." Ash said, "I'll go catch you later Mr. Cleveland Steamer."

"Donkey Punch!" Brock hissed.

"Whatever," Ash said waving his hand dismissively, "I'm going to go check out the lounge. Good luck with your lady friend."

Brock sighed, "Alright, fine… thanks…" then after Ash was out of view, he turned his head to look in the direction of Sheego, "Alright… now's my chance… Donkey Punch is going to be donkey punching tonight!"

And with that he strode into the room and towards the green villain.

****

SCENE CHANGE TO ASH…

While Brock was in the social lounge, Ash was checking out the lounge. "Man…" Ash thought to himself checking out the incredibly luxurious lounge, "I am definitely going to reconsider my career as a good guy."

Ash glanced over a table with three evil doers sitting waiting for their drinks to come. Just as Ash passed the waitress, a young blond by the name of Gidget came to the table. "Alright" she said, "We have a Mr. Pib for Mr. Freeze."

As the young lady put down the drink, Mr. Freeze picked up a spoon, stuck it into this glass then froze his beverage solid. In one good twist he pulled out his frozen soda and started licking it. "Mm… thanks." he said to the waitress.

"We have a bottled water for Mr. Hunter Hearst Helmsley." Gidget said putting down the pro wrestlers drink. HHH opened the bottle, took a deep swig, tilted back his head and squirted the water into a big cloud of mist in the air.

Gidget stared at him for a second and said, "Sir… we've asked you to stop doing that…"

Then she turned and faced the last man, but from the way he was sitting, we can't see his face, only one metallic hand. "And for Dr. Claw, we have a Tom Collins."

In a deep voice, the villain replied, "But I asked for a Black Russian."

"Oh!" Gidget said embarrassed, "Do you want me to exchange it?"

Dr. Claw thought about it for a minute then said, "Nah… but bring me the right drink… NEXT TIME GIDGET… NEXT TIME!" And pounded his fist on the table, knocking his cat off the table.

The fourth villain at the table, Catwoman, clucked her tongue disapprovingly at him, "If you're not nicer to pussies you'll never find a Mrs. Claw."

Dr. Claw harrumphed and said, "There was a Mrs. Claws once… but unfortunately she was woo'ed by my goodie goodie brother and they went moved way up north."

Gidget handed the last drink on her tray to Catwoman, "And here you go, a catnip cooler for you."

"Purrrrrrrfect." Catwoman purred, "Oh and here's your tip: Mistletoe and be deadly if you eat it."

Gidget stared at her for a second then walked away muttered, "That line sucked in the movie and it still sucks now."

Ash sat down in a big purple chair watching that scene unravel and then thought to himself, "I wonder how Brock's doing right now… he's never been one for tact… like that time we were at that travel agency."

**SCENE CHANGE TO A TRAVEL AGENCY…**

Brock stands there with Ash and Misty reading a brochure. "Are you kidding?" Brock exclaimed, "It's 50 bucks to get into Sesame Place now? For that kind of money Prairie Dawn had better come over to me and give me a blow job!"

"BROCK!" Misty admonished, "I cant believe you said that!"

"Yeah," Ash agreed, "Prairie Dawn is just a puppet made of felt."

"Then it'll be a hand job!" Brock said annoyed, "Either or for that kind of money… the sign in the front does say 'come again' you know…"

Misty looked at Ash and said, "Please?"

Ash thought for a second and said, "Ok… you can use your mallet just keep it above the belt."

"Aw…" Misty said disappointedly, but raised her large mallet anyway…

****

END OF FLASH BACK…

"Ah well," Ash said, "I'm sure Brock is doing fine… I wonder if they'd serve me in a place like this?"

But before Ash could even find out the answer, a familiar voice yelled over to him, "Ash? Is that you?"

Ash turned his head and to his surprise found Todd, the Pokemon Photographer, standing before him. "Hey Todd!" Ash said standing up, "Long time no see, what's up?"

"Same old really, what are you of all people doing in a place like this?" Todd asked sitting down., "Have you gone to the dark side?"

Ash sat down across from Todd and said, "Nah, Brock's only here looking for the wrong kind of woman. But what about you? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, well… photographing pokemon costs money," Todd explained, "So I picked up a small part time job working for Dr. Doom."

"Really?" Ash asked surprised.

"Yeah," Todd said, "I was the one that snuck in and took pictures of the King Tut exhibit over in Ovaltine City, gave the Dr. all he needed to know to steal the sacred ash."

"You had a hand in that?" Ash said, "I read about that in the paper… impressive. What's Dr. Doom going to do with that stuff?"

"Oh, I'm rather low level, he doesn't tell me that sort of thing, but if I were you I'd stay out of Cleveland for the next few weeks."

"Heh, like you have to tell me to stay out of Cleveland." Ash scoffed.

"Anyway, the work's not that honest but at least I'm good at it. Dr. Doom was so impressed with my work he rewarded me with a pass to this club.." Todd explained, "So the fringe benefits are nice… plus I get full medical and dental."

"Dental?" Ash replied, "I don't even get dental… does the doc need a new hand?"

"Nah." Todd said, "All filled up, but if your interested, I hear Skeletor might be hiring."

"Meh…" Ash said, "I'll pass… I hear that he doesn't even have a casual Friday. So where is your boss right now?"

"Oh, he's in the V.I.P. room… that's where the major players hang out, Lex Luthor, Dr. Doom, Penguin, Giovanni, Gannon, M. Bison, and a few others" Todd explained.

"Wow, I'd love to see that room," Ash said.

"Oh its something to see all right." Todd said, "I was up there once because I had to bring some documents to the Dr.. It's something to see… the floor is solid gold, they have an all you eat ice cream Sunday bar, they have the gun that actually killed JFK on display up there, the wall paper is made out of paintings stolen from every museum world wide, and even the Holy Grail."

"Whoa…" Ash said quietly in awe, "They have a make your own Sunday bar up there? Man I gotta get in on that… I'm starved."

"Well if your hungry," Todd said getting up, "there's a food court just near the CVR."

"CVR?" Ash asked.

"Crappy Villains Room." Todd explained, "A place for the likes of The Abomination, Captain Cold, Dr. Light, Black Manta, Gargamel, Giganta, and others who the rest of us wouldn't want to be seen with."

"Oh… well let's go get some grub before Brock tries to get me out of here."

**SCENE CHANGE TO BROCK IN THE BARROOM…**

Brock was getting himself fired up to put the moves on Sheego. "Ok Brock…" he said to himself, "No worries about it, you've hit on longer shots then this before. Like that one time…"

**FLASH BACK TO BROCK IN A CHURCH…**

The priest raises his hands up and says, "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

And with that Nurse Joy and Dr. Thomas kissed happily. Then as they turned around to face their friends and loved ones, we see Brock sitting in the front row holding up a sign that says, "Call me 555-5844" and he winks that bride.

****

END OF FLASHBACK…

"Then there was that REALLY long shot…" Brock thought out loud.

****

FLASHBACK TO A CEMETARY…

Brock stood along side the recently dug up grave of Marilyn Monroe, leaning on her open coffin. Brock raised up a bouquet of flowers, "Look, there are some that say that I'm too young… and there's too many differences between us, but I think we might be able to make it work…"

All of a sudden, Rifiki from the Lion King, walks up behind Brock looked at the scene and sighed, "There's ALWAYS a line here." he moaned. 

"Wow… a 'Going to School' reference." Brock said, "Wicked."

**END OF FLASHBACK…**

"Alright," Brock said, "I can do this…" 

And with that, Brock took a deep breath and walked up to the villain. "Excuse me, m'lady." Brock said, "But you are the loveliest creature I've ever laid my eyes on. My name is Donkey Punch…wan to see the special power that made me choose that for my name?"

"WHAT?" Sheego raged, her fists lighting on fire.

Brock looked at Sheego's flaming fists and said, "Uh oh…, looks like your PMS'ing… hey cool… it'll be like Christmas colors!"

Sheego narrowed her eyes and growled; the flames growing brighter.

"Oh no…" Brock said, "Don't tell me you're a fish eater…"

Sheego literally burst into bright green flame.

****

SCENE CHANGE BACK TO ASH…

"Man!" Ash said rubbing his stomach, "I had no idea that Smurf stew was so good!"

"Next time you're here you'll have to try the roast care bear." Todd said.

"Eh…" Ash said, "I've got a place for that already. Tenderheart over rice is fantastic. Hey!" Ash said craning his neck quickly, "Was that Aquaman?"

Todd looked and confirmed it, "Yep, that's him."

"What's HE doing here?" Ash asked.

"Oh…" Todd said, "Well the Justice League kept this pretty hush hush, but he did some rather nasty things to a drugged Ariel."

"Oh…" Ash said wide eyed, "Well… this was fun, but I guess I better go find Brock."

"Ah, don't worry about him Ash." Todd said, "I'm sure he would have found you if he was ready to go. Why don't we…"

But before Todd could finish Brock came hauling ass into the room and grabbed Ash by the arm, "Come on Ash, we gotta go!"

As Ash ran to keep his arm from getting torn off he asked, "Wait, what's the hurry?"

"GET BACK HERE!" Sheego screamed, "Your ass is mine!"

Brock yelled back to her, "But I already offered you it and you got even more annoyed!"

"AUGHHHH!" Sheego screamed and threw fire bolts at the fleeing teens.

"I think we'll be ok," Brock said racing through the front door, "If we can just avoid her bolts for just a few more minutes, then we can…"

But Brock didn't get to finish what he said. Sheego nailed both Ash and Brock dead to rights with a powerful blast sending them off into the horizon.

"Wow, I'm blasting off for the first time!" Ash said, "Cool…"

****

SCENE CHANGE TO THE FRONT OF ASH'S HOUSE…

"wwwwwooooooooooahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" CRASH!

Brock and Ash landed in a heap right near the front door. "Ow… damnit," Ash said, "This is another fine mess you've gotten me into."

"Look," Brock said, "How was I suppose to know that she was a lesbian?"

Ash groaned and got up and brushed himself off, "Damn that hurt…" he complained.

"Yeah," Brock agreed, "How the hell does Team Rocket manage it day in and day out?"

"Good health plans." Ash said rubbing his side.

"Huh?" Brock asked.

"Never mind," Ash said, "It was a joke that fell flat anyway."

Brock and Ash walked through the door and to their surprise found Misty and May sleeping on top of one another. The DVD was just going off, the last line being said by a buxom young woman, "Oh Peter Pantless, now I know I CAN fly!"

Ash looked at that the credits then back at the girls on the couch and stared at them for a second and said, "Man, I wish I knew the story behind THAT!" 

Brock coughed, "Yeah so does everyone else."

"Meh," Ash said, "Let them sleep, we can tease them in the morning."

__

IRIS OUT ON THE TWO GIRLS LAYING ON THE COUCH…

**THE END**

"Yay," Ash said, "We finally got this one done."

"I kinda wish I stuck around to find out what went on around here." Brock said grinning.

"Oh stop!" Misty said, "You ad-libbed the line, you were suppose to say something about the quality of Disney porn, and that's why we were asleep… instead you mad it sound like we slept together!"

"Well," Ash said shrugging, "Just giving the fan boys what they want."

"Yeah," Jesse said walking up to them, "What are you complaining about?"

Meowth hopped up on her shoulder and agreed, "At least you was in dis episode, we was left out, again!"

"And this was an episode about villains!" James added, "Why couldn't we be in an episode about villains?"

"Well…" Brock said shrugging, "It's because you guys suck as villains…"

"Now come on," Ash said, "There's still some smurf stew left over."

"That wasn't a prop?" Misty asked.

"Nah, I like realism." Ash explained.

Misty shrugged, "Can't be worse then eating at "jack in the box"." 

**The REAL End**

Well, finally got this one up… sorry it took so long, but there was some writers block. Hope everyone likes it. Just so everyone knows, no Smurfs were harmed in the making of this episode…, but the entire snorks population in New Jersey was completely wiped out. Thanks again for reading, and for those who asked, everything is still going very well healthy wise. Tune in for the next one coming sooner then later. (Oh, and don't forget to review!)


	34. Quickie 33: Drain Bamage

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Explanation/Disclaimer: _We do what Nintendon't_

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Quickie #33: Drain Bamage

Announcer: "Today we join our heroes in a hospital waiting room. Uh Oh, I wonder what's the matter… and where's Ash? I hope everything is ok… … _if the little twerp bites it, I'm going to try and usurp his spot. Bwa ha ha ha ha…_"

Misty paced around the waiting room and moaned, "How long are we going to have to wait before we hear about Ash's condition?"

Max fixed his glasses and looked over at Misty, "I'm sure everything is ok Misty, when they take this long it's usually nothing, doctors are very busy. Of course sometimes it takes that long because of complications. Like I was watching this documentary the other day and this guy went in for the simplest thing and… OWW!"

May stopped Max dead in his verbal tracks with a punch to the back of the head and quickly chimed in, "Misty, we're all worried but he's going to be fine."

"Oh easy for you to say!" Misty said, "It's not YOUR fault that Ash is here."

Brock quickly hopped up and put an arm around Misty just as her eye's started to mist over. "Oh calm down Misty, it's not your fault… you've hit him with your mallet dozens of times… and never hurt him before…"

"It wasn't really the mallet shot that hurt Ash" Max reminded, "It was she hit him at the top of the stairs and Ash fell down them landing on his head. A pretty reckless move if you ask me… OWW!"

May had punched the back of her little brother's head again. Max yelled, "Would you quit that, you want to make me brain dead like Ash is going to be?"

Misty moaned loudly, and May yelled back, "MAX! Ash isn't going to be brain dead, he's just knocked out, that's all!"

Brock quickly intervened, "Alright that's enough you two, this IS a hospital after all. Besides," Brock continued with a grin, "This is Ash's we're talking about, with that thick skull of his I'm sure he'll wake up in no time."

May smiled at Misty and said, "So stop beating yourself up… why don't you sit here and watch a little TV, I'm sure Ash will be out shortly."

"Ok…" Misty sniffed, "I'll try."

Brock walked over to the TV set and turned it on.

TV: "and the murderer is… YOU! You pushed your best friend down the stairs and then tried to pass it off as an accident, didn't you?"

Brock quickly changed the channel.

TV: "What kind of friend are you? Don't you know how badly you hurt him? Don't you have any feelings"

"Aww damnit!" Brock cursed and changed the channel again.

TV: "This is CNN."

"Whew," Brock said relaxing.

TV: "Today in the stock market the big news is Amalgamated Silicon Hardware was bought out by the big cable channel Micro International Super Toy Yoyos causing the stocks to drop by record numbers. You might say that M.I.S.T.Y. really caused A.S.H. to crash down hard. M.I.S.T.Y. basically put A.S.H. in it's grave…"

Brock growled and shook the set violently. 

"Young man!" a stern voice yelled from the doorway.

Brock turned around and saw the nurse giving him an admonishing look. "Uh… it's not what it looks like." Brock said blushing and turning off the set.

"Well, anyway" the nurse said, "I'd like you all to meet Dr. Silverman." 

All the kids bowed to the Dr. and he did the same back. "So please doctor," Misty asked nervously, "How is Ash?"

"You will be happy to know that young Mr. Ketchum is awake and is doing fine."

"Whew," Misty said. "Oh thank god." Brock sighed. "That's a relief" May said. "Drat…" Max muttered.

"I'm afraid there's a but…" the Dr. said grimly.

"Oh no…" Misty said her face falling.

"What's the matter doctor?" Brock asked gravely

"Well… the blow to his head seems to have knocked a screw loose…" The doctor started to explain.

"A screw loose… is that a technical term?" Max asked.

The Doc looked at May and asked, "May I?"

May nodded and the doctor punched Max in the back of the head. "May I continue?" The doctor asked, "Well, because of the trauma we have discovered that right now Ash thinks that he's a character from the anime, InuYasha… Shippo if I'm not mistaking."

Ash ran out and yelled "FOXFIRE! Damnit, why isn't this working?"

Everyone stared at Ash with their mouths wide open. "Umm… doctor…" May asked, "Isn't there anything you can do?"

"Truthfully, we really didn't try anything." The doctor admitted.

"What?" Misty asked, "What were you doing all this time then?"

"I'm going to turn into a statue, just like Super Mario!" Ash yelled out, then put a leaf on his head and stood perfectly still.

The doctor chucked and said, "We had in under observation.."

"To see if there was any improvement?" Brock asked.

"No, because he's really funny to watch!" The doctor said with a chuckle.

"You never signed your Hippocratic oath, did you?" Brock said annoyed.

"Come on, you don't see anything funny about this?" The doctor chuckled.

"See if there's anything funny about this!" Misty yelled swinging her mallet. But unfortunately the doc had ducked just in time and she wound up hitting Ash in the head with it. 

"ASH!" Misty cried out dropping the mallet and going to her fallen friend, "Are you ok?"

Ash looked up at Misty's eyes blankly. The doctor knelt down next to his patient and shone a light in Ash's eyes. "Son, can you hear me?"

Ash blinked twice and said, "yes…"

"Son, do you know where you are?"

Ash: "I'm in the hospital."

Doc: "Do you know who I am?"

Ash: "You're my doctor…"

Doc: "Do you know who you are?"

Ash looked at the doctor and his face got very grim. "I'm batman." Ash said darkly.

Everyone crashed over with sweat drops on their heads. The doc stood up and brushed himself off, "Well… he's fine."

"WHAT?" Everyone yelled out. Everyone but Ash, he was too busy making a cowl from an adult diaper.

"Let me explain please…" Doctor Silverman said putting his hands up, "It's my diagnosis that your friend changes his personalities whenever he gets hit in the head. I'd just give him some time and he'll remember who he really is before you know it."

"So, is that all your going to do? Just tell us to go home and wait?" Brock asked. 

"What do you want from me?" Silverman replied, "Do you have any idea how busy I am? I have a guy in the other room who's actually shrinking!"

Brock blinked and then said, "Well… just tell him to be a little patient and take care of my friend!"

**OUTSIDE OF THE HOSPITAL…**

Everyone looked annoyed at Brock. Brock shrugged and said, "Well how I was suppose to know that this hospital has a strict no punning protocol here?"

"That's HMOs for you." Max said sighing.

"Well, its ok," May said, "we'll just keep an eye on him and like the doctor said he'll be back to his old self in no time."

"Um… where is Ash?" Brock asked.

"Up there." Max pointed upward to a tree limb.

"I am the night!" Ash cried out and leaped off the branch, seemed to hover in midair for a moment, then came crashing to the ground with a sickening thud.

"ASH!" Misty and May cried out and ran to him, "Are you ok?"

"Who's Ash?" Ash asked, "I'm Monkey D. Luffy, and I'm going to be king of the pirates."

"Wow…," Misty muttered, "So there ARE shows with stupider premises then ours."

Brock sighed, "Right there is One Piece of work…"

**MEANWHILE…**

Little did our heroes know that they were being watched. Jessie chucked, "heehaehe, what a perfect opportunity!"

"What do you mean Jessie?" James asked.

"Don't you see?" Jessie asked, "The twerp is hurt… this is our chance!"

"To finally get to be part of an episode?" Meowth asked.

"NO!" Jessie snapped, "This is the perfect opportunity to capture Pikachu!"

"Is Pikachu even in these quickies anymore?" James whispered to Meowth.

"I don't know, that little yellow bastard seems to show up less then we do…" Meowth replied.

"Look," Jessie said, "I'm sure that Pikachu is around here somewhere. Look, there he is coming around the side of the building."

James looked and sure enough, the little mouse pokemon was walking from behind a blind spot from behind the building. "Wow…" James said, "Talk about a convenient plot hole." 

"I don't care what kind of hole it was," Jessie says, "This is the PERFECT opportunity to steal that Pikachu!"

"I dunno…" James said, "Seems kind of cruel to steal a pokemon from an injured trainer."

Jessie growled in frustration, "James, we're BAD guys! We have to do low down sneaky stuff or they'll pull our union card… remember what happened to Skeletor when he got kicked out of the union?"

James shook his head no.

"He became Man at Arm's love slave, do you want that to happen to you? Because rumor is, he's NOT a gentle lover." Jessie snapped.

James whimpered, "No…" 

"Alright then," Jessie said, "Lets go get that Pikachu!"

****

SCENE CHANGE BACK TO OUR HEROES…

"Look," Ash, who now thinks he's Luffy, "just tell me where my hat is so I can get back to my ship. My crew will be waiting for me!"

And with that Ash limped around the yard apparently looking for his hat.

"Why's he walking like that?" Max asked.

"Well," Brock explained, "One Piece really took one up the tailpipe by Fox. Believe me, if you got violated the way the way that show did, you'd be walking with a limp too."

"Look, as much fun as it would be to talk about the changes made to some obscure anime show, I think right now Ash is a bigger concern.", Misty said.

"Yea," May said, "If we don't keep an eye on him he could get into some real trouble."

: "Funny you should mention trouble, cause we're right on time."

: "Yes, and make it double because that twerp is out of his mind."

Max glared at May and said, "What did we say about using the 'D word'?"

May sweatdropped, "Sorry, I forgot." She said rubbing her head embarrassed.

While Team Rocket was doing their usual spiel, Brock just shook his head. "This is even worse then that spam email that May sent me."

**_SCENE CHANGE TO BROCK AT HIS COMPUTER…_**

"Hmm… email from May," Brock said reading the subject line: "OMG, I can't believe this is true!"

Brock double clicked on the email to reveal:

"Hello,

Jesus loves you, but a little girl has gone missing and she is very sick, and if you forward this to 10 people a funny animation will happen which shows how you can win a free trip to Disney World where you can get a free computer. If you don't send this email out to 10 people yahoo will start charging you 5 cents for every IM message you send and a horrible tragedy will happen to the person you love and will like you if you send this to 2 people, love you if you send it to 4, and will marry you if you send it to 10 or more. But you have to send it within 30 seconds and then your phone will ring with good news from Dave Mathews who will donate a dime to the sick little missing girl for every person who sends this email."

Brock scratched his chin and said, "Well this is a very well thought out email that I should probably pay close… **DELETED!" **_(With respect and apologies to the Chapman Brothers)_

**__**

SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE MAIN STORY…

Meowth: "That's right. Now we're going to take that Pikachu before the twerp gets back to normal."

"Team Rock…:" Brock started to say, then quickly changed it to, "Pirates?"

Sure enough Team Rocket were dressed like Pirates.

"Alright," May said, "What's with the getups?

"Well, since the twerp thinks he's a pirate, we thought we'd play along." James said, "Well, that and I often wear puffy shirts and feathered hats on Wednesday night."

Jessie and Meowth just started at him until Misty snapped, "You know, It's pretty scummy to attack someone who's obviously injured."

"Oh," Jessie said, "We've done MUCH worse then this…"

**_SCENE CHANGE TO THE VILLIANOUS TRIO INSIDE A KMART…_**

The trio stood around in the bedroom area, all looking around trying not to look conspicuous. Suddenly, Jessie yelled, "Alright… NOW!"

With that, James quickly ripped off the tag on the nearest mattress and all three ran out the store cackling evilly.

**__**

SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE MAIN STORY…

"The night the line was crossed." Meowth said solemnly.

James shuddered, "It still eats at my soul… I still have nightmares to this day."

"Never mind all that!" Jessie snapped! Seviper… use tackle!"

The giant snake pokemon… (you always expect to hear a phallic joke here, don't you?) …leaped out of its ball… (See?) …and leaped head first straight at Pikachu who leaped up into Ash's arm. 

"Don't worry, I'll protect you!" Ash said and stretched his arm back, "Gum Gum Gummi Bear, bouncing here and there and everywhere, gum punch!" 

And Ash threw out his arm, fully expecting it to stretch out as Luffy's would… unfortunately for him it did no such thing. Ash stared at his arm in disbelief, "Is there kryptonite around here or something?" he muttered for a second.

He only had a second to mutter it before Seviper smashed head first into Ash, causing him to drop Pikachu and crash head first into the tree behind him.

"Alright Mr. Pirate," Jessie said happily, "Are you ready to hand over Pikachu?"

"Pirates?" Ash said shaking his head, "Where's a pirate?"

"What?" James said confused, "Aren't you a pirate?"

"WHAT?" Ash said leaping to his feet and into the crane position, "I am a shaolinwarrior, Omi!"

"Omi?" May asked.

"Oh my…" Max muttered.

"HEY!" Meowth snapped, "Puns are what WE do!"

"Wait… you're a monk now?" Jessie asked confused.

"What?" Ash/Omi asked, "Are you crazy? Do I have to hit you downside the head?"

"Upside." Brock corrected.

"Whatever." Ash said waving his hand.

"Alright… fine…" Jessie said, "Sighing, we'll play along…"

And with that Jessie James and Meowth walked off screen then came back dressed like ninjas.

Ash shot out his hand and said, "I take it that you guys want to fight, then let's bring this off!"

"On." Brock corrected.

"Same thing." Ash said waving his hand, then tried to do a spin kick and landed on his back.

Everyone rolled their eyes, but Ash quickly got back to his feet, "Alright then, its apparent that I will have to use the mystical objects known as shen gong woo!"

"Alright… whatever…" Jessie said, "Seviper, use poison tail."

Seviper leaped forward and crashed his tail straight down at Ash, who managed to roll out of the way. "Ah ha!" Ash said looking at Seviper, "There's serpents tail, the shen gong woo that will let me run through solid objects." 

Ash grabbed Seviper by the tail and ran as fast as he could at the brick wall surrounding the hospital grounds. 

Seviper screamed in fear just before Ash yelled, "SERPENTS TAIL!" and leap straight at the bring wall. Both Ash and Seviper smashed headlong in the wall, and bounced back landing on their backs. Everyone watching went "ooooo." and turned their heads.

"Alright…" May said, "This CANT be good for Ash."

"Well…" Brock said, "No worse then that time that he watched that buddy cop film starting Shaq and Andy Dick."

"Oh yea," May said shaking her head, "Ash really thought that Fran Drescher made a great love interest in the story."

Meanwhile, Ash slowly got up to his feet, clutching his head with a very glazed look in his eye, "Aw… man, that hurt."

"Well… the twerp look so out of it now, taking Pikachu should be a cinch!" Meowth said.

"Yeah," Jessie said, "But my seviper looks a little out of it as well."

Ash looked over at Team Rocket with very blurred vision and exclaimed, "Those guys are Nebula agents! Come on Megaman, we have to jack in!"

With that, Ash grabbed Seviper's tail again, who just whimpered in fear and Ash stumbled over to Pikachu.

Ash grabbed Pikachu by the tail, lifted it up and yelled, "JACK IN, MEGAMAN…."

"What's he doing?" James, Jessie and Meowth all asked at once.

"Ash! NO!" Misty and May yelled.

"…POWER UP!" Ash cried out and then proceeded to jam Seviper's tail into the only opening he could find behind Pikachu.

Again, everyone winced, and Pikachu screamed, "PIKA!"

And in an explosion of light and electricity , Team Rocket was blasted off into the horizon, and Ash was blasted backwards landing on the ground unconsciously.

**__**

INSIDE THE HOSPITAL AN HOUR LATER…

Ash slowly awoke in his bed. "Ow… where am I?" Ash said.

"Ash?" Misty asked.

"Yes?"

"Hurray!" they all cheered, "He's himself again."

"What are you guys talking about?" Ash asked.

"Lets just say…" Brock said with a grin, "That you weren't quite yourself today."

…

…

…

"We going to end it on that lame tired old joke?" Max asked.

"Well, it's either that or we're going to end it with May punching you in the head." Misty explained.

Max gave a quick thumbs up, "Great line to go out on Brock…"

"Yea yea, too late." May said punching him in the back of the head.

"Owww!" Max cried out.

Brock chuckled, "You just never learn, do you, Max?"

"Max? You got the wrong guy mister, my name's Conan… Conan Edogowa." Max explained.

"Oh no… not again." Misty moaned.

"Well, you know…" Ash said, "This is actually an improvement for him… so I say… case closed!"

**_IRIS OUT ON MAX'S CONFUSED FACE…_**

**THE END**

"Well," Brock said, "That was an interesting one."

"Yep," Ash said, "That had just about everything you'd want in an episodes… bad puns, anime references, and Pikachu getting sodomized. Hey where is Pikachu anyway?"

"He's with an icepack right now," Misty said, "You know he's a real professional, taking one for the team like that."

"That was suppose to be me taking one for the team like that," James whined.

"Um… but you wouldn't have exploded…" Max said, "If we did that to you."

"Oh… I dunno about that." James said with a sly grin.

"Alright… I'm out of here." Ash quickly said leaving, and quickly so did everyone leaving James there with a confused look on his face, "What? Was it something I said?"

****

THE REAL END

Ok, sorry this one took so long to do, but I had so many ideas floating around in my head I couldn't decide what to do with them… So I threw them all out and wrote this thing instead. I hope that was a joke…

Anyway, I just noticed that I have about 440 reviews. You guys rock. But I wouldn't say no to as few more… cough magic number 500 cough

But seriously, thanks as always for reading, and sorry for such the long wait, I will try to have the next one out in a lot speedier fashion, I just hope you laughed a bit. Until next time… just remember what one cow said to the other as they headed off to the slaughterhouse… 'until next we meat!' (I heard that somewhere and I can't remember where…)


	35. Quickie 34: Mad Monster Party

****

Explanation/Disclaimer: _The worms crawl in; in worms crawl out, they read the quickies on your snout…_

**Quickie #34: _Mad Monster Party_**

****

Announcer: _sighs deeply "Alright, normally I will open up the story, but the people in charge wanted a celebrity to open up this one. Despite my protests, they decided to go with Frankenstein to give the opening monologue… enjoy…"_

Frankenstein's Monster: "MMmmmm… Grrr… Grroowww….. Grrrrr….. Grmmmmmrrrrr…. Rrrrrr… Rrrroooowwwwww… Nippleeeeeeeeee… Grrrrrr… Gooowwww…."

Ash shook his head and asked, "What the hell was that suppose to be?"

**Announcer: **_"I told you an opening with Frankenstein would be stupid."  
_  
"Nooo…" Ash said annoyed, "Frankenstein was the well spoken scientist… Frankenstein's Monster was the abomination of humanity that would be a stupid choice as guest announcer…"

**Announcer: **_"Oh… I just thought…"_

"Yea yea," Ash said, "Everyone just thinks… everyone just assumes that the monster's name was Frankenstein… well it wasn't… read a book people… geez… we're off to a good start… we're off to a real invasion of the pumpkin people cluster fbleep… let's just cut to the opening scene ok?"

**_OPENING SCENE_**

We open on Ash and company walking down a street at night, everyone in costume.

"Geez Ash," Misty said who was dressed like Chun Li of Street Fighter fame, "You think you were edgy enough in the opening sequence?"

Ash, who was dressed like Groucho Marx of the Marx Brothers fame, shrugged and said, "That's what happens when you eat 3 pounds of smarties for breakfast."

"That's not really healthy" said Brock, who was dressed as Sherlock Holmes of Sherlock Holmes fame.

"Yeah, that wasn't a very intelligent thing to do," May scolded, who was dressed in a pink maid's outfit.

"What are you suppose to be anyway?" Brock asked.

"I'm Hand Maid May." May explained, "And I'm going to give it my best!'

Brock and Misty gave May a very confused look but Ash said, "Very nice obscure anime reference." Ash gave her the thumbs up, then said a'la Groucho, "I used to like anime, but then she dumped me… that's what I get for trying to date such an animated gal. She tried to draw me in but I thought the whole thing was rather sketchy."

Misty sighed, "I knew it was a mistake to let you dress up as Groucho."

"Would you rather I have went as Harpo?" Ash asked, and then rested his thigh on Misty's hand. 

Misty rolled her eyes and let go of Ash and said, "At least Harpo didn't talk."

"Anyway," May said, "If I can bring this back to the actual plot, I can't believe we were all invited to a Halloween Party!"

"Yeah," Brock agreed, "It was nice of Gary to throw a Halloween bash to make up for his part in the horrible Halloween Quickie from a while back."

"Yeah," May agreed, "Too bad Max didn't want to come, he said he'd rather go Trick or Treating with Professor Oak."

"I still say that Professor Oak is too old to go Trick or Treating." Ash commented.

"So, Ash, where did those directions say for us to go?" Misty asked.

"Well… to be honest, I forgot them." Ash said.

"WHAT?" all three of his companions yelled.

"Sorry!" Ash said, "But don't worry, I remember where we were suppose to go… it's 1313 Dead End Drive… Or is that Dead End Street?"

Misty lowered her head and sighed.

"Relax." Ash said, "I'm pretty sure that it was Drive… not Street…"

"No big deal," Brock said, "It's a simple matter of logic. We'll go to Dead End Drive first, because its closer, and then if that's not the place, we'll just go to the next."

"But do you know how to get to that street?" May asked.

"Of course," Brock said fixing his deerstalker cap, "It's by the elementary school my dear May."

Misty groaned again, "I used to love Halloween… and then I met these two punsters."

Ash, again a'la Groucho said, "A punster? I'll have you know that I'm a pun for hire, at least a hired pun. Otherwise you'd think I was cheap. And I don't want to horn in on your racket, Misty."

"What?" Misty said annoyed.

"Wow, deaf and dumb, you must be a real hit with the ladies." Ash said continuing his shtick.

"I never…" Misty started.

"Well you should, its fun!" Ash said waggling his cigar.

"If you don't stop, I'm going to cram that cigar where the sun don't shine." Misty warned.

Ash quickly stopped and said, "I'll be good."

"Well… here we are!" May said trying to lighten the mood.

It wasn't much of a mood lightener. 1313 Dead End Drive was a dark mansion that looked like something out of a horror movie. Just as the kids arrived there, and looked at the house silhouetted in the dark night sky, thunder cracked and lightning raced through the sky.

"Wow… nice effect." Ash said.

"Especially since there's not a cloud in the sky." Brock replied.

"Yeah…" Ash quipped, "I'm thunderstruck."

Misty glared at him. Ash backed away.

"You know," May said holding out her dress, "Do you think I'm not dressed appropriately? I mean is anyone going to get this joke?"

"Probably not." Ash said, "But when has that ever stopped us?"

"True…" May said, "But hang on… I'll be back in a minute."

May quickly ran off screen, a minute later came back wearing a fuzzy full body suit with paint on whiskers and a pink bow on her head, and a long brown tail. Everyone stared at her for a second and then Misty said, "Are you suppose to be a monchichi?"

May nodded.

"And you thought THAT was less obscure?" Misty asked raising an eyebrow.

"I haven't seen a woman change into more clothes that fast then my honeymoon." Ash quipped (again, a'la Groucho)

"Well then," Brock said putting his pipe into his mouth, "I'd say we've wasted enough time. Let's go inside… the game is afoot!"

"Aloof is more like it." Ash replied.

Inside the house, it looked as if no one has lived there for years. There was dust all over the place, cobwebs hanging off just about everything. But despite this dilapidated look, the house was still set up for a party, complete with catering and music.

Also, there were a few other people already there. A giant guy dressed like Frankenstein, a twitchy sort of guy dressed as the wolfman, a very pale looking Dracula, a guy covered in a sheet, a lanky mummy, and a zombie who was giving off a foul odor.

"Wow…" Ash whispered, "Great decorations."

"And those are some awesome costumes." May complimented.

"But the snacks…" Brock said his facing falling a bit.

"What's the matter?" Misty asked walking up to the table with Brock.

Misty quickly saw what the problem was. There was a bowl of red glop called "Hi-B-negative". Next to that was an assortment of odd foods. "Bat Wings", "Bone Chips", "Iced Screams", "Rice Crypty Treats", and a big bucket just marked, "Other Tired Halloween Jokes".

Ash walked up to the table, picked up a dented and unmarked can, took a sniff, and asked what it was.

Dracula answered, "It's wolfs blood."

Everyone gasped.

Dracula laughed, and in his deep accent said, "I'm only joking, it's really clamato."

Ash shocked, spit out the mouthful he had taken. "That's disgusting!" Ash complained, wiping off his mouth with a nearby napkin.

"MMMMMmmmm…" Frankenstein said inching closer to May. 

May blushed and leaned over to Misty and said, "I think this tall guy has a thing for me!"

"Mmmmmm Grrrrr… MMMmmmHHHhhh…" The monster growled at her, wrapping his hands around May's neck.

May slipped out of the creature's grasp and said, "Yea yea… I've heard that line before pal."

Ash walked over to the Mummy and in his best Groucho performance said, "I've never seen someone so wrapped up Halloween before. Tell me are you suppose to be an accident victim or a mummy? If that's the case then where's the daddy? He probably left because your too wrapped up in yourself."

The mummy slugged Ash and drove the young teen onto his back. "Ow!" Ash complained rubbing his cheek, "What was that for?"

"Well…" Misty said, "it's not like we weren't all thinking of doing that."

"Hmmm." Brock said inspecting the zombie, "You know… something really does seem amiss here…"

"Yeah," Ash said pointing to May, "What's amiss is that there's only one miss here!"

"Hey!" Misty snapped, "What about me?"

Ash grinned and waggled his cigar again, "I stand by what I said."

The mummy punched Ash again. "Serves you right" Misty said sticking her tongue out at Ash and turning her head away from him. 

Which exposed her neck to Dracula who swooped down on her and said, "What a lovely neck my dear. you're just my type."

Misty blushed.

"O-Positive" Dracula finished.

Misty sighed, "You had me until you made the pun…"

"Umm… guys." Brock said with a twinge of panic, "I'm starting to think that these guys AREN'T in costume."

"You know…" May said, who was holding the Zombie's head, which was no longer attached to his head, "…that DOES explain a few things."

Misty lifted up the sheet the ghost was wearing, and found that there was nothing underneath it. "Yep…" Misty said turning pale, "That really does explain a few things."

"Shall we flea in terror?" Ash asked backing away slowly.

"Sounds like a good plan to me." Brock agreed, and the foursome took off towards the door, which unfortunately was blocked by the wolfman, snarling and baring its teeth at them.

"Upstairs!" Ash pointed, "The teens in horror movies that run upstairs when being chased by monsters always turn out ok in the end!"

And upon that advice everyone took off up the flight of stairs.

Once inside a spare bedroom, everyone panting, Ash said, "Alright gang, we have quite a mystery to solve here… Brock, you and Scooby should check out the basement, Daphnine and myself will go check out the hot tub."

Misty smacked Ash upside the head.

Ash shook his head and said, "Um… What I meant to say… we're all really screwed."

May looked at her costume, "You know… not only is my costume so obscure no one knows it, but its really not what I wanted to die in… give me one second."

May walked off screen to the surprise of everyone and a moment later came back wearing a jeans and a white t-shirt, which was extremely well padded. She also now had long black hair. Everyone stared at her.

"I'm Brandy." May explained.

Everyone continued to stare.

"From Liberty Meadows." May continued.

Everyone continued to stare.

May folded her arms and made a "hrrmph" noise and muttered, "Blame me if I want to die looking pretty."

Brock put up his hands, "Look, let's focus on the matter at hand. We're obviously trapped in a house with killer monsters and we're really in a bad situation right now."

"Too bad we don't have Max here," Ash said, "We could have sacrificed him and made a run for it."

May punched Ash in the shoulder. "Ow!" Ash cried out, "Why am I taking a such a beating today?"

"Because you're acting like a total grouch." Brock said

"O…" Ash said nodding.

Misty rolled her eyes, "Subtle…"

"Well…" Ash said, "Only one thing to do in a situation like this…"

"What's that?" May asked hopefully.

"Clean your necks, lay down, and hope its over with quick." Ash said.

"That's really not a good moral." Misty scolded

"It's not?" Ash said, "But that's why my fortune cookie said last week."

"Well," Brock said standing up, "I'm not going down without a fight!"

"You know what?" Ash said, getting up, "You're right, me either!"

"But…" Misty said dejectedly, "Silver Bullets, Garlic, Hammer and Steaks, Fire… we don't have any of that… we don't even have our pokemon with us, they went trick or treating with Max! What are we going to do?"

"Can't you just use your 1000 kicks?" Ash asked looking at Misty's Chun Li Costume.

Misty sighed, "For the last time… I'm not really Chun Li… I can't street fight… its just a costume."

"Oh…" Ash said, then a second later, "What about the 'spinning the birdie kick?"

Misty sighed.

"Well, anyway, " Ash said, with a wicked grin spreading across his face, "We may not have those things… but I think we might be able to simulate some of them."

"Ah…" Misty said shrugging, "What the hell? I'm in, let's go down fighting."

And the group huddled up and whispered out their plans. After it was settled May said, "Well in the case, I better put on something more appropriate."

Misty sighed, "Fine… but pick something that people might recognize, ok?"

May quickly raced off screen and a moment later came back wearing a tight black spandex outfit. "Ta-Da!" She said, "What do you think? I took it from a few episodes ago. I'm wearing Brock's Donkey Punch outfit."

Brock closed his eyes and then said quietly to May, "Umm.. May… do you know what Donkey Punch means?"

"No… why?" May asked.

Brock leaned in and whispered what Donkey Punch was in May's ear, who started to blush profusely. "Um… ok… never mind." May said, "I'll be changing."

"Well… catch up with us… it's ghost busting time! I'm not afraid of no ghosts!" Misty said as May ran off screen.

Everyone stared at Misty.

Misty blushed, "I always wanted to say that."

****

TO BE CONTINUED…

…

…

…

…

…RIGHT NOW…

Brock headed down the one hallway with Misty. He was whistling, and saying "Here wolfie… fresh young virgin meat right here…" 

"I wish you'd stop calling me that." Misty complained.

"Well, what else would you lure out Wolfman with?" Brock asked.

Misty shrugged. 

Apparently that is the right bait because out came Wolfman, snarling and drooling up a storm. Just as he about to tear Misty asunder, Brock said, "Wait wait wait… before you do that…"

Wolfman stared at Brock and halted. "Well.." Brock said, "You see.. Growing up Mr. Wolfman sir, you were always my favorite monster. Before you tear me and my friend to pieces, do you think you could just have a quick drink with me? A toast if you will?"

Brock handed Wolfman a tall cold can. Wolfman looked at it, shrugged, popped the top. Brock said, "To Wolfman" holding up his can, "The single best party animal in the monster world."

Wolfman slammed back the drink and then turned back to Misty. But suddenly he classic monster stopped, grabbed its throat, howled weakly, then dropped to the ground dead. 

"What was that?" Misty asked, "Wolf's Bane?"

"Even better, what kills a werewolf better then a nice cold Coors Light?" Brock asked in a pompous Sherlock Holmes type manner.

"I don't get it…" Misty said confused.

Brock continued in his stuffy English accent, "Why, My dear Misty, we all know that a 'Silver Bullet' kills werewolves."

"Oh for crying out loud…" Misty said putting her face in her hands.

Suddenly, Misty let out a cry of horror as the sheet covered ghost hovered into the room. "Did you come prepared for him?" Misty asked pointing.

"Um… actually…" Brock said backing up, "Um… no…"

But just in time, out popped May, who screamed, "BOO!" 

Everyone jumped from the surprise, but the Ghost absolutely freaked. The sheet actually just kind of disappeared into thin air… and the ghost was no more.

"Um.." Misty asked, "I'm going to regret asking this… but what happened?"

"Isn't it obvious?" May asked, who was now wearing a pink cat costume, and over that costume, she was wearing green spandex, a sword and shield with a little green pointed hat. May smiled and said, "I scared him sheet-less!"

"Oh man…" Misty moaned putting her face into her hands again, "I should have went with Max… I bet he's having a great time trick or treating…"

**SCENE CHANGE TO MAX AND THE POKEMON TRICK OR TREATING…**

Max and Pikachu, covered with blood, were panting hiding behind a lamp post. "Is it still coming?" Max cried out.

Pikachu peaked, and sure enough, a giant mutant zombie in a trench coat continued its path towards them.  
"Man…" Max cried out, "Next year, we're not going to hit the Umbrella Corporation for candy…"

Pikachu nodded in agreement, and the two took off away from the tyrannical monster.

**_SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY…_**

"Well…" Misty said sighing, "If it's a choice between bad jokes and death…"

Misty walked up to the zombie and whispered something in his ear. The zombie gasped and just kind of fell apart. Then Misty walked over to the Mummy, and sang something in it's ear, and it just kind of unraveled.

Brock and May looked at Misty in complete awe. "What on earth did you say?" May asked.

"Well, to the Zombie, I told him about the risks of being a zombie now a days. That when you eat someone you not only eat that person, but all the people that that person ate… and he just worried so much he fell to pieces." Misty explained, "And as for the mummy, I sang a very nice rendition of "don't worry be happy,", which obviously helped it relax and unwind."

Brock stared at Misty and raised his eyebrow and said, "And you complain about Ash…"

"Well…" Misty said blushing, "Just because I don't like to pun, doesn't mean that I can't… I just choose not to take the low road."

"Speaking of Ash," May said, "Shouldn't we see if he's doing ok?"

"Yea… but before we go… what's with the costume?" Misty asked staring at May's pink cat/ green spandex combo.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm Aeris wearing a Link Costume… duh!" May explained.

"Wow…" Brock said sarcastically, "Can't believe we didn't that that one…"

Meanwhile, Ash wasn't doing so well. He found himself face to face with both Dracula and Frankenstein's Creation both bearing down on him. "Well my young guest," Dracula said, "I think its time… as Alice Cooper once said, that you 'feed my Frankenstein." 

Ash stopped backing away and said, "Hey now… we went through this already. Frankenstein isn't the name of the monster. The monster never really had a name. Frankenstein was the scientist's name. Dr. Victor Von Frankenstein. What is so hard about that?"

"Hmmm… I didn't know that." Dracula said scratching his chin, "Thanks for teaching me that young one… and now, your reward… your eternal reward."

Ash grinned and said, "Man… I know I should be terrified, but that was just so smooth I have to appreciate it."

The lumbering monster was just about to squash Ash when May, Misty and Brock showed up. "Hey, nice costume May" Ash called out, "Aeris dressed as Link, right?" 

"See?" May said, "Ash knew what it was suppose to be…"

"And he'll be the ONLY one…" Misty assured May.

But Ash used the distraction well and in a minute Frankenstein had… (((Ash Glares))) …ummm…. Sorry, Frankenstein's Monster crashed to the ground.

"What happened?" Dracula gasped, "How did you beat my lumbering monster?"

Ash held up two batteries, "Heh, I knew that if I pulled out his power supply he'd no longer be a threat."

"Whew," Brock said, "Good thing you thought of that, those things were energizers, he'd have kept going and going and going…"

"Well, you won't defeat me with such a paltry trick!" Dracula cried and leapt at Ash.

But Ash was too fast, with a "yah!" noise Ash had thrown something at Dracula. "What's this?" Dracula asked looking at the small hard black things now stuck to him.

"Haha, I know that vampires hate cloves!" Ash cried triumphantly, "You've been beaten my fiend!"

"Why were you carrying around cloves?" Misty asked Ash.

"Just lucky, I guess." Ash said shrugging.

"Umm guys…" May said pointing to the vampire, "I don't think that worked.

"Of course it didn't work. I am the prince of darkness, Nosferatu, the king of the undead, the lord of all vampires! Puny Puns wont have ANY effect on me."

"Well then…" Ash said sweat dropping, "That's all I had… we're boned."

"Hey… check it out!" May said walking over to the window, "This Halloween special has been going so long its…" And she tugged the curtain away revealing bright sunlight, "it's morning already!"

Dracula screamed in pain and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Whew…" Ash said wiping his brow, "Thanks May… saved my butt there."

"No problem." May said sitting down.

"What a night!" Misty said.

"Yeah," Brock said, "I haven't had a night like this since late December back in '63!"

"What a special time that must have been for you." May said grinning.

"All right, that's enough." Misty said, "Let's just think of an ending for this thing."

"Hmm," Brock said, "I cant think of an ending for this thing."

"Really?" Ash said, a'la Groucho, "I can't think of any thing else!"

**_IRIS OUT ON GROUCHO ASH'S FACE WITH CIGAR…_**

****

THE END

"Wow," Ash said, "Just in time for Halloween, would you believe we actually wrapped this up EXACTLY at midnight on Halloween's Eve?"

"Wait…" May said, "Is midnight on Halloween Eve, Halloween or is it still the day before Halloween?"

"Or would saying 'Midnight on Halloween's Eve' mean the 23rd turning into the 24th?" Brock said scratching his chin.

"Alright…" Misty said, "You've guys have had WAY too much sugar already if your talking like that."

"I just thought it was cool to meet all those classic movie monsters." Ash said redirecting the conversation.

"Yeah, I never knew the Wolfman was a Jehovah Witness." Brock said, "And now I've learned something."

"I just thought it was cool to dress up in all those costumes!" May said, who now happened to be wearing a Homestar Runner costume, "So who wants some Witches Brew?"

"I'd rather some fluffy puffs… but I'll take some Witches Brew if that's all you got." Ash said.

"Hey…" Misty said, "I wonder what would have happened if we went to the address that Gary had given us, instead of going to the wrong place?"

"Hmm…" Brock said, "I wonder…"

**_SCENE CHANGE TO GARY'S PARTY…_**

Inside of Gary's house, and inside the main room, we see a group of people, all wearing masks, all lying on the floor dead, all their heads melted into puddles of ooze. On the TV we hear a cheerful theme song playing, _"Happy Happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Happy Happy Halloween, SILVER SHAMROCK!"_

**__**

SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE QUICKIE WRAP UP

"Hmm… well when we compare our quickie to a movie of that caliber… we're looking pretty good!" Brock said happily

****

THE REAL END

Well, took me a while but I got it up on Halloween. I hope everyone liked it. Not much else I can add to this one, I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween, and I hope that this one brought some spills, chills, laughs and… um… whatever rhymes with laughs that fits. There should be a new one up sooner then later, but then I always say that, don't I? If you get a chance, please leave a review. Happy Halloween. Bat's all Folks.


	36. Quickie 35: Game Over

**Explanation/Disclaimer: **_Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?_

**Quickie 35: Game Over **

"Alright Pikachu!" Ash yelled, "Send them flying with a Thunder Attack!"

Pikachu leapt up in the air and sent out a huge blast of electricity striking Team Rocket sending them flying off into the horizon.

Jessie: "I can't believe we lost again!"

James: "I can't believe we never win!"

Meowth: "I can't believe I ate the whole thing!"

All: "We're b lasting off againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…"

"Nice job Pikachu." Ash said, "It was a close one that time."

**_ANNOUNCER: _**"Today I guess we join our heroes a little late, because it looks like Team Rocket has already been sent packing. I can't help but wonder what events took place to lead up into this epic confrontation?"

"We're not doing a flashback." Ash said to the disembodied voice.

**_ANNOUNCER: _**"You're… you're not?"

"No…, whenever we do a flashback I get a wicked case of jetlag." Ash said, "Besides, what's to tell? Team Rocket came disguised to steal Pikachu. We fought. We won. Same plot we've seen over and over…"

Misty: "And over…"

Brock: "And over…"

May: "And over…"

Max: "And over…"

And the kid naming all his dogs, "…and Rover…"

And the drunk staggering out of the bar, "Hang over…"

A man pointing down to a green plant, "A clover"

And the big guy trying to push Tracey over a barrel, "Ben Dover…"

"Well," Ash said, "I think our point is clear."

**_ANNOUNCER: _**"No Flashback?"

"No Flashback." Ash replied.

After a moments silence, Misty asked, "Is he gone?"

"I think so." Brock said, "Creepy mystery voice following us around all over the place. Just not right I tells ya."

"So, what are we going to do for the rest of the day?" May asked.

"Well, I'm going to go to the game store and try out the newest video games." Ash said.

"Cool," Max said, "I'll come."

"Bleh," May said, "Typical boys, I'm going to go to the mall and see what's going on there."

"Didn't we already do mall jokes?" Misty asked.

"Yea, its terrible when a joke gets tired and repetitive." Brock said.

Ash chuckled, not listening to the other conversation, deep in regaling Max with a long past adventure, "And so, it turns out that Articuno just started giving out ice cream! And that's what I call a sticky situation."

Misty May and Brock groaned loudly. (Along with just about everyone else.)

"Well, I don't care, I want to go to the mall, and I hear there's a really good one in this town." May said.

"Fine," Misty said, "I'll come with you, what about you Brock? You coming with us or are you going with Ash?

"Neither." Brock explained, "I'm going to go check out Nurse Joy over at the pokemon center."

"Well, I have my cell phone with me, so you can call that when you get arrested." May said making sure her phone was still charged.

"Will do!" Brock said cheerfully waving as he walked off towards the Pokemon Center.

After a minute everyone had parted ways. Leaving Pikachu and Togepi alone in the square. After a minute Pikachu leaned over the to infant pokemon and asked with a slightly wicked grin, "Pika, chu pika chu chu?" (Hey kid, wanna see a dead body?)

_**ASH & MAX **_

"Check this place out!" Max said excitedly looking around, "This video game shop is huge!"

"And what's best, look at all the free samples you can play!" Ash said walking over to the nearest console, and picked up a control and started to play, "Oh man! Check this out!"

"What is it?" Max asked.

"It's the newest fighting game, Immortal Kombat." Ash said, "You fight as one of 10 immortals in a major tournament, IGN has been saying it's the must have, pre-order it now, hit of the season… of course that was until it came out, then they gave it a 5.3 out 10 rating…"

"Why so low?" Max asked.

"Well watch," Ash said playing the game a bit. Ash's warrior ran forward and launched a barrage of blows, finishing off the combo with sword slash. The CPU quickly countered by jabbing its dagger into Ash's character's stomach 10 times then roundhouse kicked him away.

However, despite all these moves, neither energy bar dropped at all. "See? Everyone wanted to play as real immortals… so you can't really hurt one another.."

Max scratched his head, "So how do you win?"

"You basically keep playing until the other guy just gives up and quits, and you declare victory by forfeit." Ash explained.

"That's a pretty lame game." Max said.

"Yea," Ash agreed, "But damn, look at those sweet graphics, it does look pretty. I think I might get a copy."

Max grabbed Ash's arm dragging him away, "Alright, let's go look at something else before you go and spend all our money on some useless junk… AGAIN!"

_**SCENE CHANGE TO A FLASHBACK TO EVERYONE SITTING IN A RICKETY CABIN **_

"I can't believe you wasted our money like that!" Misty yelled at Ash.

Ash looked abashed and said, "But, the wandering salesman said that it was a good buy."

"Come on Ash!" May yelled, "How stupid could you be, I mean, magic beans? Who would fall for something like that."

"Completely irresponsible!" Brock chastised.

Suddenly Max, who was looking out the window, spoke up, "Uh, guys… before you keep yelling at Ash, look at this…"

Max pointed at a huge beanstalk that had grown from a single bean that Ash had dropped earlier.

"Wow, sorry Ash," Misty said, "That's amazing… so where are the other beans?"

Suddenly a horrible rumble came from Brock's direction, who clenched at his stomach. Everyone stared at Brock who shrugged said, "I was hungry…" Then after another loud rumble, Brock groaned and walked to the bathroom and moaned, "Ohhhhhh this is going to be a long night.."

**_SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY AND TO…_**

"COOL!" Max said checking out a nearby display case, "The newest Megaman Battle Networks is coming out. And this time there's three different colors: Black, White, and Yellow!"

Ash groaned, "Yeah, but they're all the same game! I think it's a total rip off when a game maker will release identical copies of the same game, with just one or two very slight differences in them, to get people to want to buy the whole set… I mean come on… who's gonna want them all? It's a complete… …"

Ash's face slowly changed as he realizes something and then quickly adds in, "But… that's only the case with Megaman… you really can't use my argument with other games… because that would be like comparing fire with leaves… and… and… aw.. Crap.. I'm going to get beaten again by the Nintendo executives, aren't I?"

Max sighed, "Beaten if your lucky… look at what they did to Sonic… he got a little out of line and SNAP! Two broken legs later, and he's replaced by Shadow the Hedgehog. But don't worry… I mean you always have Pikachu… he'd help you out?"

"Pikachu?" Ash asked surprised, "Are you kidding me? Pikachu would stab me in the back in a heartbeat!"

"Get out of here…" Max said surprised.

"No fooling," Ash explained, "He may act all cute and sweet, but that's all fake. Deep down, he's a ruthless bastard who will do whatever he has to to stay powerful in the business."

Max looked at Ash skeptically.

"Don't believe me?" Ash asked, "Well… remember the first season? Brock got more screen time then Pikachu did, and so Pikachu started to spread rumors that Brock was a member of Alcada. Brock was quickly taken away by INS, and we had to replace him with Tracy until we could convince the government that Brock had no terrorist ties. Meanwhile… who took center stage? Pikachu."

"Wow…" Max said, then shook his head slightly and said, "Wait a sec… is ANYTHING you told me true?"

"Nope." Ash said nonchalantly looking at the back of a video game cover, "Basically it was all a lie. In fact, everything I say to you is a lie… including this statement that I'm making now… so figure that out."

Max thought about this for a second and said completely confused, "no… wait… …what?"

But Ash, already bored with screwing with little Max's mind, had walked over to another display case, "Oooooo…" Ash said, "Check it out, retro games! Very cool."

Max walked over and watched Ash play Ka-Boom! For a few moments, then sighed and said, "What's the big deal?"

Ash in surprise dropped the controller. "What do you mean?" Ash asked shocked.

"Well come on," Max said, "Everyone is so big into retro gaming today, going 'old school', if you will… but what's the big deal? These games have poor graphics, simple gameplay, no Easter Eggs, virtually no story, and sluggish controls. So what's the appeal?"

Ash sighed heavily, and muttered, "Damn kids today… You know, the problem with you kids today is that you haven't earned your high graphic video games. Look at me for example. First I had low quality graphic Atari games… which were so much fun to play. Then I moved on to more complicated Nintendo games.. And then to Super Nintendo… and finally now all the way up to Playstation 2... But you… you just start out with these suped up systems and you have no appreciation for the subtle joy in playing the lower in graphic, but superior in gameplay retro games. You can take just about any game from back then and put it up with modern games like Halo… and the retro game will be richer, more soulful, and yes… more fun.

Ash stopped talking and wiped a tear out of his eye. Then he stepped off the soapbox that he happened to standing on.

"Where'd you get the soapbox?" Max asked confused.

"Max… this is a indy video game shop… there's PLENTY of soapboxes around for everyone." Ash explained.

Max shrugged and said, "So wait… your saying older games are better then newer games, is that right?"

"Yep." Ash said nodding.

"Then explain E.T. for Atari 2600 then…" Max said glaring.

"Um…" Ash said flushing a bit, then quickly looked around and said, "HEY! Is that a new Mario game?"

The two walked over to a nearby display where a kid around Ash's age was dancing on a mat to the rhythm to make Mario on the screen dance. Ash scoffed a bit.

"NOW what's the problem?" Max asked.

"Well come on… this is horrible… I hate when a company exploits well known characters from their franchise in games that they have no business being in. I mean… what does Mario have to do with Dancing? What does Megaman know about Soccer?"

Max sneezed, but it sounded suspiciously like, "puzzle league."

Ash raised an eye in Max's direction, "looks like someone else will get that beating with me… but seriously… doesn't it bother you to see characters out of place like that? I mean, you have Jill Valentine and Shrek in fighting games, Ryu and Ken playing a rip-off of Tetris, and Pac-Man playing party games with Mr. Miyagi on 'roids from Tekken."

Max made a face and said, "Well… I guess your right about that one… I mean, remember the horrible cameo in Grand Theft Auto?"

_**SCENE CHANGE TO GRAND THEFT AUTO…**_

Toni Cipriani is seen in his car, which is parked by the river. The car starts to shake back and forth, and lots of moans emanate from the auto. After a minute, we hear Tony say, "Alright, here's your money, now get out."

A moment later we see a bright yellow ball with a red bow on top slide out of the car and starts to walk away with a slight "waka waka waka waka" noise.

Toni quickly gets out of the car and beats Mrs. Pacman with a bat until she spins around and disappears. "Damnit" Toni muttered, going through the valuables that the former video game star left behind, "The bitch didn't have any money… she just had a cherry, an orange and two keys…"

_**SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE MAIN STORY…**_

"I actually liked that cameo." Ash admitted.

Max sighed, "Well, we really should get back."

"Yea," Ash said, opening the door and letting Max go through, then followed the youngster. "You know, I almost picked up that new Sim game."

"Which one?" Max asked.

"Sim-Professor." Ash explained, "You basically play the role of Professor Oak and you have to run your lab smoothly, taking care of all the pokemon there. You have to balance the budget, feed the animals, expand your grounds and build new areas for all the pokemon you have to take care of it… it got great reviews."

"Ha!" Max said, "you wouldn't last 10 minutes in that game."

"Hey!" Ash said annoyed, "What makes you say that?"

"Face it, your not exactly Mr. Responsible." Max explained.

"And what do you mean by that?" Ash asked annoyed.

"Oh come on…" Max snapped back, "Remember when Misty and her Corolla?

"Oh…" Ash said quietly.

_**SCENE CHANGE TO THREE MONTHS AGO…**_

"Hey Misty," Ash said noticing Misty heading over to the phone, "Who ya gonna call?"

"Oh," Misty said, "I just wanted to give Professor Oak a call and see how my cute little Corolla is doing."

Ash frowned and said, "Come on Misty… I know it's a painful memory, but you have to face reality. Your Corolla was stolen and sold into Russian Pokemon Slave Market, and you know the police said you'd probably never see it back alive again. I know its painful Misty, but it happened over five months ago… you have to move on…"

Misty gave Ash a horrified face. Ash looked confused then a thought occurred to him, "Um… I DID give you that message Professor Oak sent me about that… right? Uh oh…"  
**_  
THE END_**

"You know," Max said, "I don't think that ending works too well… because if that really did happen 3 months ago, you wouldn't be alive now to be in this episode."

"That, my young friend," Ash explained, "Is what we call a 'plot-hole'. It's the life blood and back bone of anime."

"Really?" Max said, "I thought the backbone of our industry was short school girl shirts."

"Well… that too." Ash agreed, "Oh! And Chibis… gotta love Chibis."

"Yea…" Max agreed, "they should do a show with nothing but Chibis… that'd rock."

"They can't," Ash explained, "Not enough Chibis left now a days to do a show with nothing but Chibis… only a handful of true Chibis are left since the great Chibi plague of '96." Ash sniffed sadly a bit, "It was so horrible… there were dead Chibis everywhere… the streets were littered with adorable little corpses. So sad… but hey, you know the saying about God closing a door and opening a window, it was around that time we found that Chibis were not only delicious, but also low in fat and calories… and we had to do SOMETHING with all those cute little cadavers…"

"Your serious?" Max asked shocked.  
**  
**"Mmmm." Ash said drooling, "No one could roast a Chibi like my mother… she'd only use the cutest school girl chibis from shows like Azumanga Daioh, and cram every opening they had with an acorn stuffing."

Max took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "This is one of those, 'I always lie' moments that you warned me about before, isn't it?"

Ash shrugged.

Max sighed, "Well… as long as your talking about stuffing, why don't you wish all our loyal readers a happy Thanksgiving?"

"Good idea!" Ash said, "I'd hate for them to think that we were a bunch of turkeys!"

Max groaned, "Don't start… we don't have time for puns. This episode is over."

"Yea, and anything the readers get now is gravy."

Max glared, "Your sick, you know that?"

"Hey… I yam what I yam." Ash said folding his arms.

Max sighed, "Ash… is there ANYTHING I can say that you wont be able to turn around into a Thanksgiving pun?"

Ash silently shook his head no, "I'm afraid not… dun bun can't be undone… once it starts it can't be stopped."

"What if I tried to talk about science?" Max asked desperately.

"I'd start talking about the mathematical formula you need to figure out the radius of a Thanksgiving dessert and then conclude you'd need to use 'pumpkin pi'."

Max sighed again.

"What if I talked about movies?" Max asked.

"Then I would say, did you hear about Rowan Atkinson is very jealous about not getting enough screen time for his famous character? So much so that he's starting his own movie… right now we have a Green Bean Cast A Role" going on right now." Ash explained.

Max glared at Ash for a moment and then walked away without saying a word.

"Well," Ash said, "If I knew that's all I had to do to get rid of him, I would have started this quickie off WITH puns. But I'd like to take a chance to wish everyone a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving, from all of us here at Pokemon Quickies, to all of you. Happy Thanksgiving. We hope you all have something to be thankful for…and something we here at Pokemon Quickies are thankful for are our loyal readers… cough especially those who review cough and REALLY those who buy us X-Box 360's… COUGH COUGH well… Happy Thanksgiving."

**_THE REAL END_**

And that's that. I thought I'd do a video game themed one in honor of X-Box 360's release, with a hint of Thanksgiving wishes to all my readers. I hope everyone who celebrates it has a great time. And for those who don't… well… still have a good day. Thanks again for reading and enjoy the start of the holidays.


	37. Quickie 36: Christmas Special part 1

**Explanation/Disclaimer: **_Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it…_

**Quickie 36: Christmas Special part 1 **

_We open to a blank black screen… but then the words "SPECIAL" spin in a multicolored fashion until it sits centered on the screen._

**Announcer: **_"We join our friends getting ready for Christmas at Ash's house. With only 10 days until Christmas, what adventures await our heroes? And what type of Christmas bonus will I be getting this year? Last year all I got was a gift certificate for the jam of the month club. Cheap bastards..."_

_**10 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…**_

"WOOHOO!" Ash cheered as he headed up his front walk, "Finally, home for the holidays! There's no place like home for the holidays."

Gary nodded and said, "Its always good to come home for the holidays. I dunno why, but it always makes me feel happy in a million ways."

Ash opened the door and was greeted by his mother who rushed up and hugged him and said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Ash and Gary exchanged a glance, and Ash said, "Umm... Mom... its not my birthday... its Christmas time... remember?"

"Oh yeahhh.. I forgot…" Ash's mom said, "I forget things sometimes. So where's Misty and Brock?"

"They decided to go to their own families for Christmas" Ash explained, "I said I'd call them when I got home. They're going to meet me here after New Years so we can head back out on our journey."

"What about those other two people you've been traveling with? May and Max I think their names were?" Ash's mom asked.

"Oh, they went home too, I said we'd go back to their place to pick them up to continue our journey after the holidays are over."

"Well," Gary said picking up his bag, "Speaking of getting home, I should be heading home too. You're going to come over tomorrow and help me hang Gramps lights, right Ash?"

Ash nodded, "No prob, Gary, then you can help me get our Christmas tree."

Ash's mom looked confused, "Why are you putting up lights Ash?"

Ash rolled his eyes, "Because its Christmas mom... remember?"

"Oh yeah..." Ash's mom said remembering, then giggled and said, "But aren't we Jewish?"

Ash shook his head, "I'm afraid not..."

"Oops!" Ash's mom said rushing out of the room, "I'd better call the Rabbi and cancel that dinner invitation!"

Gary looked at Ash, and said, "Thank god she's quite a piece of ass, or else she'd be in trouble."

"God damn, why does everyone talk about my mom like that?" Ash asked.

Gary shrugged, then left to go see his grandfather. As soon as the door shut, Ash's mom called to her son, "Hey hunny! Brock is on the phone for you."

Ash picked up the receiver, "Hey Brock, what's up? I just got home I was just about to call you... whoa whoa... easy there Brock, what's the matter. I see... you took your brothers and sisters to see Santa. All of your siblings? All 15? Wow. It gets worse? Santa's beard came off? Uh oh... Then what? You siblings were so mad they what? Where'd they get the nunchucks? Oh, I see... So what did the police do? I see... isn't that lethal? Only in high doses? I see... so where are the kids now? I see... well since they are all in lock up until the new year, why not come here? Sure, your more then welcome to. See you in a few days. Bye Brock."

"Ash? Hunny?" Ash's mom asked, "What was that all about?"

"Nothing really," Ash replied, "But we're going to have Brock over for Christmas. And if the police call, you don't know nothing..."

"Oh, this is will be just like the time that your Uncle Gacy came for Thanksgiving." Ash's mom said happily.

"Yea… I never liked how he would bring over a funny look roast every year." Ash said with a rye face.

**_9 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…_**

"Alright Ash," Gary said pointing to his house, "What I'm thinking here is to trim the entire house with these multicolored lights. Then we'll..."

Ash interrupted, "Come again? You're house is three stories tall... how are we suppose to get the lights up there?"

"We have pokemon don't we?" Gary said sarcastically, "Your Noctowl could fly up there for us."

"And how exactly would we keep the lights in place?" Ash replied sardonically, "My Noctowl doesn't exactly have thumbs."

Gary sweatdropped, "Do you have to argue about everything Ash?"

A little while later, while nailing the bottom lights into place, Ash asked, "So Gary, what do you want for Christmas?"

"I dunno," Gary said, "It'd be cool to find an ultra rare pokemon like Articuno under the tree."

"An Articuno!" Ash asked exasperated, "That's a bit much don't you think?"

Gary shrugged and said, "Hey, everyone could make it easy on themselves. I'd settle for cash... how about tens and twenties?"

"TENS AND TWENTIES!" Ash cried out, "Even my own neighbor has gone commercial!" Then shook his head and went back to work.

"All I want is what I have coming to me!" Gary said, "All I want is my fair share..."

Ash rolled his eyes, "Alright Gary, it looks like we got the bottom lights on... now how do we get those up there?"

Ash and Gary thought about it for a moment then Gary said, "Hey Ash, you have a Bayleaf, right? Why don't you have your Bayleaf lift you up to the roof with vinewhip and keep you steady and you can hammer the nails in?"

"That doesn't sound safe..." Ash said hesitating.

"Come on..." Gary said, "You're not chicken, are you?"

"CHICKEN?" Ash said, "I'll show you, BAYLEAF, come on out!"

A few moments later Ash stood three stories above the ground on top of Professor Oak's roof. "Alright Bayleaf!" Ash yelled down to his grass pokemon, who had its vinewhip wrapped securely around Ash's waist, "Hold on tight. Now Noctowl, bring me up that strand of lights.

The owl pokemon did exactly as Ash asked, and flew up carrying a string of lights. Ash put the pile of lights on the roof and started hammering nails into place. Ash leaned over and put the lights into place and tossed the rest down to Gary so he put the two ends into place.

Unfortunately for Ash, the one end was a little too short, so Gary gave a tug trying to get a little bit more slack. The slack that Gary needed was under the foot of Ash. So with one tug, out goes Ash's foot, and off the roof he goes.

Fortunately for Ash, Bayleaf had a grip on Ash to stop his fall.

Unfortunately, Bayleaf's grip was on Ash's jeans, and Ash slipped of them and continued his decent.

Fortunately, Noctowl was there to pick up the slack. It swooped down and caught Ash stopping his decent again.

Unfortunately, Noctowl's sharp claws ripped through the clothing it grabbed. Even worse, it was Ash's underwear, so the young teen continued his decent bare-assed.

Fortunately, Ash finished his decent by landing naked in a pile of snow.

Unfortunately, Ash finished his decent by landing naked in a pile of snow.

Gary looked at Ash shaking his head and sitting up, his lower half covered my snow and said, "The lights are a little crooked up there still Ash."

Ash grabbed his pants from his blushing Bayleaf and muttered, "...and tidings of comfort and joy to you too..."

"Hey," Gary said shrugging, "Just be thankful I didn't crack a 'snowballs' joke."

Ash groaned and stood up, dressed now. "Well, plug them in, I want to see if they were worth me getting frostbite of the ass for.!"

Gary walked over to the end of the cord and said, "Uh oh Ash... you threw down the wrong end! You have to go up and switch this all around."

"WHAT?" Ash cried out, "Are you f bleep ing kidding me?"

Gary smirked and said, "Actually, yeah, I am."

"Santa's going to take a shovel into the reindeer stall to fill your stocking, you know that, right?" Ash said annoyed to his friend.

"That'd be a pretty crappy gift..." Gary replied with a grin.

"You're getting pretty good with those puns, huh?" Ash admired.

"Yeah... its catches..." Gary said, then added sardonically, "...like a virus."

"What do flu mean? Are you saying it bugs you? It makes you sick?" Ash asks.

Gary frowned and said, "Alright alright, enough... let's see how these lights look..."

Gary plugged the lights in and stood next to Ash. The house gleamed brightly with multi-colored lights. "Awesome!" Ash said.

"Yeah!" Gary agreed.

"Bay! Bay!" Bayleaf agreed also. Noctowl landed on Ash's shoulder and hooted in agreement.

Ash and Gary stood and watch the bright house glow its christmas cheer and Gary said, "You know what Ash? This is the real meaning of Christmas, isn't it? Friends and pokemon together in friendship, the good feeling of the season flowing through us and lifting our spiriting into... into... hey... wait a second... What the… why the hell are those lights blinking?"

Sure enough the lights on the house had started to blink. "Its not that big of a deal," Ash started to say.

"Of course it is!" Gary exclaimed, "Blinking Christmas lights are so 1998! I made sure we got non-blinking lights, so why the hell are they blinking?"

"Mysteries of Christmas?" Ash suggested.

Gary looked at the strand of lights up close, "Hey Ash, maybe if you went back up onto the roof you could..., Ash?" Gary turned around to find that Ash was no where to be seen, "Ash? Man... where's his Christmas spirit?"

**_8 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…_**

It was flurrying lightly as Ash and Gary headed off to a lot to get a Christmas tree. "You know," Gary said, "After you left so quickly yesterday, you're lucky I'm keeping our agreement to help you get a tree."

"If you think that I was going to go back up to that roof again..." Ash stated.

"Wuss." Gary muttered.

"Whatever," Ash muttered back, "Alright, now remember, I want the perfect Christmas tree. Tall, full, not too thin, not too fat, nice and fresh, no dried needles, a bluish green hue to it, and it should come to a full point, and if possible it shouldn't have two little chipmunks living it that'd destroy our home for taking their home."

"Like Chip and Dale?" Gary asked.

"Not really, I like playboy myself." Ash replied, "But we really should discuss things like that on a kids program."

"Yeah, like any kids are still watching." Gary muttered.

After walking for a little bit, Ash turned to Gary, "Hey, do you have any idea what a sugar plum is?"

"A sugar plum?" Gary repeated, "Um… Actually I have no idea… but isn't it sort of like a plum soaked in syrup or something? Kinda like those canned pears in syrup, except in this case, its plums in syrup."

"Hmm…" Ash said, "I dunno, well, here we are."

_**INSIDE THE LOT...**_

"Too bad we only have one tree lot to choose from," Ash complained, "I like to shop around."

"You mean you lived in a place that had lots and lots of lots and lots?" Gary asked.

"You stole that line from an old episode of Law and Order and you know it!" Ash accused.

A halo appeared over Gary's head as he said, "I have no idea what your talking about."

Ash scratched his head and asked, "How do you make that halo appear?"

"Stole it from an angel." Gary answered.

Ash shook his head, "There's just something so wrong about that."

"So…" Gary said pointing out a one foot tall Douglas Fir, "How about this one?"

Ash looked at it, tilting his head a bit, "It's a little small, isn't it? This isn't a Charlie Brown special you know…"

"Good point, don't want anything to do with that sanctimonious little bastard." Gary said walking away.

"Ummm…" Ash asked, "Did you just call Charlie Brown a bastard?"

Gary ignoring him, said, "Well how about this one!" Gary stood in front of a tall 9 foot Spruce. Ash looked it up and down, "It's big…" Ash said, "But is it me, or is it kinda tilting to the right a bit?"

Gary looked at the information card on the tree and said, "Well, here's the problem, it's a Republican Spruce."

"Nah," Ash said, "That's one should really be _conserved_."

"Nice one…" Gary said

"Thanks." Ash responded, "Hey, what about this one?" Ash walked over to a tall specimen of evergreenery, "Nice size, stands straight and tall… what kind is this?"

Ash picked up the info card and read, "The British Humor Pine, aw, man..."

"What's the problem?" Gary asked, "Lot's of people like British Humor Pines."

"Yeah, but look," Ash said shaking the tree a bit, a lot of pine needles fell off, "these trees are notoriously dry."

Gary rolled his eyes, pointed to another tree and said, "What about this one?"

Ash took one look at it and said, "Oh come on, that's not even an evergreen, it's a dogwood!"

"How can you tell?" Gary asked.

"Just listen to the bark." Ash said deadpan.

"Well this one's not so bad…" Gary said, pointing out a tall Blue Fir.

"Hmm…" Ash said looking it over, "I've definitely seen worse trees… I think this one will work out very nicely. Now if we can just get a salesman over here… ah, here comes one…"

A tall man with a kind smile came up and said, "So, did you find a tree you like?"

"Yep," Ash said, "I think this beaut will do nicely."

"Ah yes…" The man, who's name tag read: Mr. Olivander, said amiably, "Blue Fir, 7 and a half foot, very wide in the base, a very nice choice, it'll make a lovely holiday tree."

"Yes it certainly will, I think…" Suddenly Ash stopped and said, "I'm sorry… it'll make a lovely _what_?"

"A holiday tree." the clerk explained.

"And…" Ash said his eye twitching slightly, "What… may I ask… is a holiday tree?"

"Oh, that's the new term for a tree you decorate at the holidays, because the term Christmas Tree is offensive. We have to be PC you know."

Ash blinked in amazement for a moment and repeated, "Holiday Tree…"

"Ummm… yes…" The man said unsurely.

"I see… and do we call menorahs Festive Candelabra now?" Ash asked sarcastically.

"Oh nooooo." the man said, "We call them Holiday Candle Holders."

Ash shook his head sadly and spoke softly, mostly to himself, "It's a shame… I really liked this tree… well… it can't be helped." And then to the man he said, "Well… Mr. Holiday tree salesman… I'd like to introduce you to my good friend here…"

Ash reached into his pocket and pulled out a pokeball, and released his Charizard. "This…" Ash said pointing to Charizard, "Is my Charizard… I like to call him the PC Police. Whenever I find a place that has gone so crazy in the pursuit of being PC that it must be put down, I call upon him. Charizard… you know what to do…"

**MINUTES LATER…**

Ash called back Charizard from the flaming wreckage that was once a 'Holiday Tree lot" while happily whistling, "chestnuts roasting on an open fire."

"Ash…" Gary said annoyed, "Don't you think that was a bit excessive?"

"Meh." Ash said shrugging, "The world should thank me."

"Well… thanks to your insane rampage, we're never going to find a tree now…" Gary said annoyed.

Ash responded, "No problem, because I think we have a winner, this tree is PERFECT!" Indeed, it really was perfect.

Gary whistled in appreciation, "You're right…, About 8 feet tall, perfect color, perfect shape, that's gotta be the best tree of the season."

Ash grinned and said, "yeah…"

"Only problem is," Gary said, "It's already strapped to the roof of that man's car."

Sure enough, the tree had just been roped down onto the roof of a car parked across the street in the lot of an orphanage. Ash looked at Gary and said, "Your point being…?"

"What are you suggesting?" Gary asked.

"Well, we could always take the tree from the roof… I mean, we did see it first… well second, but no reason to get bogged down by semantics." Ash reasoned

"Let me get this straight." Gary said, "You're suggesting that to help celebrate this joyous and holy holiday that teaches love and kindness to our fellowman, we should steal the Christmas tree from the roof of car, while the owner of said vehicle is inside an orphanage and probably making a donation. "

The two exchanged stares for a minute.

_**TEN MINUTES LATER…**_

Gary and Ash were carrying their perfect tree back to the house. "You know Ash," Gary said, "There's something about stealing a Christmas tree off the roof of a van from an orphanage that… oh… I dunno, just seems kinda… not in the Christmas spirit."

"You watch too many Christmas specials, my friend," Ash responded.

**7 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…**

_Ding Dong!_

"I'll get it!" Ash yelled upstairs to his Mom.

Ash opened the door, and was greeted by Brock, "HEY MAN! Merry Christmas!"

"Thanks Ash, same to you, thanks for letting me stay here." Brock said with a grin, coming in from the cold.

"Hey, no problemo!" Ash said, "The more the merrier. That's why Snow White was so happy."

"Actually," Brock said, "Recent studies have shown that Snow White wasn't happy at all, she knew full well that the apple was poisonous, she just wanted to end her miserable existence of cleaning up after 7 runaways from a side show."

"What was she so depressed about?" Ash asked.

"Apparently she couldn't sexually satisfy any man."

"Really…" Ash said thinking, "Is that why she always said, 'someday my prince will come'? "

Ash and Brock turned to the camera then and took a bow. "Aright then Brock, you have to tell me the whole story. What happened with your bros and sisters when you went to go see Santa?"

"Ok," Brock said, "You see, what happened was…"

Suddenly Ash's mom came in and said, "Hunny, do you have any idea where we put the menorah away last year? I've been looking around all over but I can't seem to find it."

"Ash," Brock said raising an eyebrow, "I didn't know you were Jewish."

"We're not." Ash sighed and shook his head, then turned to face his mother, "Mom… we went over this just the other day. We're not Jewish. We don't celebrate Hanukkah, and we don't own a menorah."

"Are you sure… what was that fancy candle holder we got then?" Ash's mom asked.

"Remember, that was a souvenir from when we saw Beauty and the Beast on Broadway… it's a Luminare Candlestick." Ash explained.

"Ohhhhh…" Ash's mom said and shuffled out of the room, "That does why our traditional holiday song had the same tune as "Be Our Guest."

With that, humming, Ash's Mom left the room. Ash pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance and shook his head. Brock put a consoling hand on his friend's shoulder and said, "Well… at least she's hot."

Ash just sighed.

"So anyway," Brock continued, "I see you've been making Christmas cookies! Can I have one?"

"Sure… as long as you don't call them 'holiday cookies.'" Ash muttered.

"What?" Brock asked raising an eye.

"Never mind." Ash said dismissively, "Help yourself…"

Brock took a cookie, Ash saw which one he took and quickly tried to yell, "No wait, don't eat the red one… ooooo… too late."

Brock took a bite of the cookie… quickly made a face, and gagged. "Bleah!" Brock yelled, "That's horrible!"

"Sorry…" Ash said, "I made a small batch of Pikachu's favorite Ketchup cookies."

Brock looked at his half bitten cookie with disgust for a moment and said, "You know… it might be funny if we sent Tracey a box of these for Christmas."

"Nah." Ash said, "Tracey won't eat anything you offer him anymore… not since you gave him those brownies made with X-lax."

"Ah yes…" Brock said fondly remembering the incident, "I gave them to him as a snack to eat on that 15 hour bus ride."

"That WAS kind of cruel of you…" Ash scolded.

"What? The brownies or the bus?"

"Actually I was referring to the reason he was on the bus was because you had enlisted him into the Marines without his consent." Ash reminded.

"Yeah… he thought he was going to Disneyworld… the look on his face when he got off the bus… I wish I could have seen it." Brock said laughing then stopped when Ash gave him a stern look, "What? He was sectioned 8 real fast. The first time he tried to sketch his drill sergeant on the latrine. So it all worked out in the end. So… where am I sleeping? Because if there's not enough room, I can always bunk with your Mother…"

"You don't want to live to see Christmas… do you?" Ash warned.

"So, I got a question for you," Ash said, sitting down

"What is it?" Brock asked.

"What exactly is a sugar plum?" Ash asked.

Brock stared at Ash for a second and then said, "You know… I'm not really sure… I think it's a plum dipped in sugar, isn't it?"

Ash shrugged, "I dunno. That's why I'm trying to find out… I want to know if I have anything of the sorts dancing in my head."

"I see…" Brock said, "Nice tree you got this year."

"Thanks!" Ash said, "It was a steal."

Brock raised an eyebrow at Ash but didn't say anything, then said, "Well, I guess I should get to baking."

"What?" Ash said, "You just got here!"

"True, but as long as I'm here I want to spend as much time as I can with your mom in the kitchen." And with that he took off towards the next room.

"Think we can get him neutered for Christmas?" Ash asked Pikachu, who nodded in agreement.

**6 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…**

"Admit it!" Ash yelled rolling on top of Gary, "You're WRONG!"

"NO!" Gary yelled, kicking Ash off and tackled his friend, "You're the moron who has it wrong."

The two teens tumbled across the room knocking the nearby stool over, and crashing over the recliner and then onto the couch.

Brock came running in from the kitchen when he heard all the noise, "Whoa, whoa WOAH!" Brock yelled trying to pull the two guys apart, "What the hell is going on here? I thought you two were out caroling?"

"We were," Ash said angrily, "Except Mr. I don't know my lines here had to go and ruin it."

"What are you talking about?" Gary said annoyed, "You're the retard who kept changing the names of the songs to have to do with pokemon."

"What? I thought my rendition of "We wish you a Slugma-rry Christmas was quite nice."

"No, it wasn't, nor was your, "Silver and Goldeen song either." Gary retorted.

"Well what about you?" Ash complained, "You wanted to sing, "These are a few of our favorite things…, what the hell does that have to about Christmas?"

"It has A LOT more to do with Christmas then "Aipoms We Have Heard on High… nor did my true love give me a "Delibird in a Pear Tree."" Gary said annoyed.

"And then you embarrassed us at my old friend's Jose's house." Ash said red in the face, "The song is "Feliz Navidad… NOT The Fleas on My Dog."

Gary yelled, "Well that's not nearly as bad you trying to sing Dreidel, Dreidel Dreidel"

"I thought they were Jewish!" Ash yelled back.

"He was wearing a priest's collar!" Gary yelled back, "We had knocked on the church's rectory!"

"And… and THEN the worst!" Ash said turning to Brock, "Would you PLEASE tell Gary that the words to "We Three Kings" go: "Fields and fountains, more then mountains, following yonder star"?"

"And would YOU please tell my idiot friend here," Gary said to Brock, "That that is NOT how the words go, it goes: "Fields and fountains, then the mountains, following yonder star."?"

Brock stared at them both for a second and said, "Are you telling me THIS is what all the fighting is about? Guys… guys… guys… I think you're missing the true spirit of going a wassailing. This is about spreading love and joy… …and getting paid for it. Don't you see how this petty argument goes against EVERYTHING that the holidays stand for…? Why… let me put it to you this way…"

Brock walks off a bit, turns off the lights and says, "Lights please…" And sure enough for some reason, a spotlight lands on Brock. "And there lies in the field shepherds tending their flock… and the angel of the lord said to them, "be not afraid… for I bring you glad tidings of great joy. And then the angel said that both of you are wrong, because the song goes: "We Three Kings of Orient are; bearing gifts we travest a-far, fields and fountains, MOORS and mountains following yonder star.".

After a moment the lights came back on and Brock said to Ash and Gary, "and that is the true meaning of why both of you are stupid."

Gary and Ash tackled Brock down dragged him outside and stuffed him in a snow bank, proving that the true moral of a "Charlie Brown's Christmas" is that nobody likes a smart ass.


	38. Quickie 37: Christmas Special part 2

**Explanation/Disclaimer: **_There's more of gravey then of grave in you!_

**Quickie 36: Christmas Special part 2**

**5 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…**

_DING DONG_

Ash opened his front door and was greeted with a surprise.

"Hi Ash!" Misty said, her cheeks red from the cold.

"Hi Misty!" Ash said happily, "Come on in, what are you doing here?"

"What?" Misty said surprised, "Didn't your mom give you the message? I called yesterday and I asked if I could stay here for the holidays, it turns out my sisters won a trip to Disneyworld, and couldn't "afford" to bring me along."

"Well in fairness, you've ripped off the Little Mermaid more then once in your career." Ash said, "They might just wait for you to step foot into Disney World to spring a trap of 20 lawyers on you. And what would THAT cost your sisters to get you out of the jail underneath the amusement park?"

"Heh," Misty replied, "Probably nothing, they probably would have forgotten about me and just went home without me."

"So you see?" Ash said, "All the more reason why its better for you to come here for Christmas."

"Why thank you, but I'm still surprised that your mom didn't tell you I was coming over." Misty said scratching her head confused.

"Oh…" Ash said sighing, "I don't think there's much confusion over that… Mom's been a bit… spacey… lately…"

"Oh!" Misty said concerned, "Is something wrong?"

"No… honestly… she's just kinda dumb." Ash said sighing.

"What?" Misty scolded, "That's a terrible thing to say!"

Before Ash could reply, in came Ash's Mom, who took one look at Misty and gasped. "Misty! How could you come into our house without wearing a yamaka? That's VERY offensive, and I expected better of you."

With that, Mrs. Ketchum put a Santa's hat on Misty's head and said, "There we go… I suppose since your not Jewish you just didn't know… so I'll let it go this time… but don't let me catch you again without it."

And with that, Ash's mom bustled out of the room. Misty looked at Ash wided eyed in confusion and then said, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because," Ash replied, "I hate to be considered 'terrible'… besides, there was so much wrong with what she said I didn't know where to begin to correct it. So I just go with the flow."

"How do you manage to do that so well?"

"Eggnog." Ash replied.

"You've been getting drunk?" Misty gasped.

"No, its non-alcoholic eggnog, but Brock makes it so good that it just makes you forget all your woes."

"Guess I'm going to have to go get a glass…" Misty said looking up at her new hat.

"Well Misty, I have to say, I'm REALLY glad you're here… I got something important to ask you." Ash said.

"Really? What is it?" Misty asked blushing a little.

"What the hell is a sugar plum? I asked Brock and he didn't seem to know." Ash replied.

"Oh…" Misty said, her face falling a bit, but then showing signs of confusion, "You know… I really don't know, I've heard about it before, but I've never actually seen what one really is… you know, I think it has something to do with fairies or something."

"Really?" Ash said excitedly, "Then I know just what to do!"

**TEN MINUTES LATER…**

Tracey looked at Ash confused, "I really don't know anything about Sugar Plums… but why did you come to ask me about them?"

"Misty told me to." Ash explained.

"Really?" Tracey said confused, "Well I'm afraid I have no idea what sugar plum is… my guess is that it like a marzipan shaped into a plum or something…"

"I guess that could make sense…" Ash said scratching his chin.

"So why did Misty tell you to ask me?" Tracey asked.

"Well, she didn't really… she just kinda implied it." Ash explained, "Well, I have to go…"

"Wait, don't you want to see the holiday sketches I made…?" Tracey asked disappointed holding up a sketch pad.

"Ummm…" Ash said searching for an excuse while backing away, "I'd love to… but I really do have to… go… do… something…" and then took off running.

Tracey sighed, "Well, at least I have you… Socko". And with that he pulled out a sock and put it on his hand, "You'll be my friend, right?"

Then Tracey said out of the corner of his mouth to mimic the sock's voice, "No… go to hell, I told you to leave me alone."

Tracey sighed sadly and took off the sock and put it back away in his pocket.

**4 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…**

Ash and Misty sat on the couch that night while Brock was busy whipping up Christmas Puddings. "Cool," Misty said, "Hand me the remote, I want to set Rudolph to record, so we can watch it."

"Oh, come on," Ash said, "We don't want to watch Rudolph do we?"

"What?" Misty said, "You don't want to watch it?"

"Well, I really don't care for it, that's all." Ash replied.

"What?" Misty said surprised, "EVERYONE likes Rudolph!"

"But it sends such a horrible moral, doesn't it?" Ash said.

"Oh come on," Misty said rolling her eyes, "You're not going to tell me that its all too commercial are you? It's no worse then the show we put on every Saturday morning." 

"No…" Ash said, "It's not that… I just think it gave kids a bad message."

"You're crazy." Misty said, "It's a charming story about a reindeer that was born different and turned that into a strength to save Christmas."

"Are you watching the same cartoon I am?" Ash asked surprised, "Because if you really watch Rudolph you'll see the true moral."

"Which is?" Misty asked tentatively.

"The moral to Rudolph is that its ok to shun people who are different from you, unless of course, they can do something useful, then its ok to exploit them."

"Oh my god!" Misty replied, "That's horrible!"

"I know!" Ash said, continuing, "Think about it, did the Coach stop the other reindeer from teasing Rudolph? No. What did Santa do? Nothing, until it was that foggy night, and he found a use for the little freak, then it was all sunshine and roses wasn't it? Good thing it was foggy that night or else I think venison would have been on the menu that Christmas Eve."

"You can't be serious." Misty moaned.

"And what about his little freak friend?" Ash asked, "He had it just as bad."

"How so?" Misty asked.

"Think about it… do you really think the elves would have treated the little elf so badly just because he wanted to be a dentist? No… I think not… there was definitely something more going on there. But what? Well, obviously he was born disfigured, and they held it against him his whole life!"

"What?" Misty asked flabbergasted at this whole conversation.

"Think, Misty, THINK!" Ash said, "They were so callous that they even branded him by naming him after his abnormality."

"What?" Misty said, then realizing, "Oh Ash! You don't mean…"

"Well, his name was Hermie, wasn't it?" Ash said raising an eyebrow, "Is it any wonder they didn't want his hands in their mouth?"

Misty sighed, "Alright, fine! No Rudolph, is Frosty ok with you?"

Ash made a small coughing noise.

"What now?" Misty sighed, "What could possibly be your problem with Frosty?"

"Nothing… nothing…" Ash muttered, "I'm just saying, that if a big snowman came to life and started leading children to their doom in the frigid wasteland that's the North Pole, its time to turn your hair dryer on it, before it tries to kill again… that's all. But once again, Santa just chuckles at his close friends wrong doings and helps him out. I swear, Santa Claus is like the Kennedy's."

"Well then…" Misty said annoyed, "What if I put on How the Grinch Stole Christmas."

"The cartoon or movie?" Ash asked.

"Oh god, the cartoon, the movie was one of the signs of the apocalypse." Misty responded.

"You know, something always bothered me about that, remember when the Grinch was stealing everything?" Ash asked.

"Yea…" Misty answered slowly.

"Well, they said that the Grinch took everything, even the last can of "Hoo Hash."

"So?" Misty said.

"Well… if Corn Beef Hash is made with Corned Beef… and Ham Hash is made with ham… does that mean that the Hoo's that eat Hoo Hash are cannibals?"

Misty shook her head, "Alright, I give up…what IS a good Christmas movie?" Misty asked.

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." Ash answered, "No other movie expresses the true joy and meaning of Christmas."

Misty just covered her face with her hands, she was about to say something when Brock came in, and looked at the TV. "Hey Misty," Brock said, "Rudolph started 2 minutes ago, why aren't you watching it."

Misty again opened her mouth to speak, but Ash spoke up first and said, "Hey, I've been telling her to do that for like 10 minutes now…"

Moments later Misty had left the room and the bowl of popcorn was turned upside down on Ash's head.

"You really don't have any interest in tidings of comfort and joy, do you Ash?" Brock asked leaning on the edge of the couch.

"Nah, they're way over rated." Ash replied picking a piece of popcorn out of his hair and popping it into his mouth.

**3 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…**

_Ring_

Ring

_click _"Hello?" A young lady's voice said into the phone.

"May?" Ash asked.

"Hey yea!" May said happily, "Ash?"

"Yep." Ash replied.

"Hey, what's up?" May asked.

"Well, I had to call and see how you and Max were doing for the holidays!" Ash said.

"Oh everything is fine here." May answered, "We got home about a week and a half ago, how about you?"

"About a week ago," Ash replied, "Misty and Brock split up and went their own separate ways, but I ran into Gary on the way home and we finished the last day's trek together."

"So how are Misty and Brock doing?" May asked.

"Good, they're actually over right now." Ash said and then explained the situation, then went on, "So, you know… I'm actually calling because of something really important…"

May got very serious, "Yes, Ash?" she said quietly.

Ash paused a moment then said, "Do you know what sugar plums are, because the rest of us are just baffled?"

May sweat dropped and fell over, upon getting up again, she said, "Sorry Ash, I've no idea what sugar plums are… I always thought of them as a type of plum… you know, like a Blood Orange, or a Golden Delicious Apple."

"Then why would they be so popular at Christmas time?" Ash asked.

May shrugged even though Ash couldn't see him, "Maybe they just bloom this time of year?"

"Maybe." Ash replied, "So… anyway, what are you guys up to?"

"Typical stuff.." May said, "Mom made Christmas cookies, Dad is trying to teach his Vigeroth to sing "Oh Come All Ye Faithful."

"How's that going?" Ash asked curiously.

"Not good… all the Vigeroth can do is growl loudly, so it really just sounds like rhythm-less noise… well at least it still sounds better then Jessica Simpson Christmas CD…"

"Oh, no doubt, I'm sure." Ash said.

"So, besides that, I just have a bit of Christmas shopping left to do, and some wrapping, and Max is, of course, preoccupied with setting up traps around the chimney again."

"I'm sorry, what?" Ash interrupted.

"What, what?" May asked confused.

"What was that about Max setting up traps?" Ash asked.

"Oh, that," May said, "He does this every year since we joined you on the quest. He wont tell us what this is all about… wait a second… Ash… did you say something to him?"

Ash flushed a little, but May couldn't see it over the phone, "I…" Ash started slowly, "I… may have…"

"Oh Ash… what did you say?" May asked tapping her foot.

"Well… I might have pointed out how a lot of the little kids out there in TV Land's wish might be for Santa to come down Max's chimney and snuff him out for good, so he wont be adding anymore suck to our TV show…"

May sighed.

Ash continued, "I didn't think he'd take it seriously."

"Well…, that explains that," May said, "It doesn't explain why he bought himself a chastity belt."  
Ash coughed.

"What?" May demanded.

"Well…" Ash started slowly again, "I might have said something about how Santa would want to…" then Ash quickly spoke, "_Sodomizehimwithagiantcandycanebeforefinishinghimoffcompletely_."

"WHAT?" May exclaimed.

"We were just goofing with the little tyke." Ash said cheerfully, "Who would have thought he'd take it so seriously?"

"You're gonna get nothing for Christmas," May scolded.

"Cause I ain't been nuttin but bad… right?" Ash quipped, "Alright fine… put him on, I'll set him straight, ok?"

"Thank you." May said.

_**MINUTES LATER**_

May picked the phone back up, "What the hell did you say to him? Max ran bawling from the room and is now in his closet curled up in a ball!" she yelled into the phone.

"I'm guessing telling Max that Santa isn't real wasn't the best move to make, huh?" Ash said sheepishly.

"Remind me to beat you when we meet back up next week, ok?" May said.

"Will do, that'll be my Christmas gift to you." Ash said.

"And I'll be sure to get you an ice pack as a gift for you." May quipped back.

"Well, anyway, you go tend to you traumatized bro, I'll talk to you later," Ash said.

"Merry Christmas." May said.

"Merry Christmas." Ash said back, but he could have sworn he heard Max bellow that there will be no Christmas ever again somewhere off in the distance as he hung up.

Ash put down the phone and turned and was face to face with his mother, holding an Mkeka.

"What do you think Ash?" She said proudly, "Think I'm ready to celebrate Hanukah now?"

Ash stared at her in disbelief for a moment and said, "Mom… two things. One… once again, we do not celebrate Hanukah. We're not Jewish. We celebrate Christmas."

"Then why did I buy all that Gefilte Fish?" Ash's mom asked confused.

"That wasn't Gefilte fish, mom…" Ash calmly explained, "That was bumblebee Tuna… remember? Brock is making a tuna casserole tonight. Secondly… even if we were Jewish, you're holding a Mkeka…that's a mat they used in Kwanzaa… not Hanukah. Actually, now that I look at that… it's not even a real Mkeka… its just the bamboo wrapper you use to make Sushi."

"I like Sushi." Ash mom said smiling at him, then walked away.

Ash sighed, "Just a few more days, then I'm back on the road, and I can be the one that doesn't make any sense again…"

**2 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS…**

The fire crackled slowly while everyone was decorating the tree. Ash picked up a small glass decoration and put it on a nearby branch, and said to Brock, "You know… I think I'm getting the hang of this…"

Misty raised an eyebrow, and Pikachu tensed up.

Brock took a glass sphere out of the box and hung it up next to Ash's and said, "Yes, you do certainly seem like your on the ball."

Misty and Pikachu gave each other a look and then quietly left the room, Misty poked her head back in and said, "Just let me know when your done, ok?"

"Will do." Ash said waving, then picked up a small wreath and said, "The secret is being calm… I do that by wreathing in and out slowly."

Brock flicked a light that went out, causing it to light back up, to which he added, "Bright… idea."

"With all the prayers and psalms, it really is a holly time of year, isn't it?" Ash said hanging up a green leaf.

"Snow other time like it." Brock said hanging up a crystal snowflake.

"Yea, even if you sound flaky saying it." Ash said hanging up the same.

"Even flakier would be to sing somewhere over the rainbow," Brock said hanging up some garland.

"Wire would you say that?" Ash said wrapping a thin piece of metal around a decoration to use a hook.

"Just be Clause." Brock said hanging up a Santa.

"Well…" Ash said, "I'm out of puns… think we should call it a truce so Misty and Pikachu can come back?"

"Sounds like the nice thing to do for Christmas." Brock agreed.

**CHRISTMAS EVE…**

_**'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house  
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;**_

Pikachu lays curled up around a bottle of ketchup with a ribbon on it.

_  
**The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;**_

We pan across to see Ash's fireplace, adorned with stockings. A big red one with Ash's name on it. A big blue one with Misty's name on it. A big green one with Brock's name on it, and women's pantyhose with the name "Tracey" sprawled across the one leg in Brock's handwriting.

_  
**The children were nestled all snug in their beds,  
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;**_

Ash sits up in bed flipping over a book of Christmas lore. "What the hell is a sugar plum?" Ash said getting annoyed.

_  
**And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,  
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,**_

Ash tosses the book aside grumpily and looks over at Brock in the cot across from him. "Brock would be so pissed off if he found out he got labeled 'mama'." Ash said chuckling, "Too bad mom has a strict no Misty in the same room as me… at least THEN it would have made sense…"

_  
**When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,  
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. **_

"The pumpkin people from the Halloween Quickie!" Ash gasped, "They've finally come to reclaim what's theirs!"

_**Away to the window I flew like a flash,  
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.**_

Ash runs to the window, looks around for a moment then walks back to the bookcase and pulls out the dictionary. "Sash… sash… ah here we are.. Sash… noun… A band or ribbon worn about the waist as part of one's clothing or over the shoulder as a symbol of rank… well how the hell am I suppose to open one of those… last time we tired that, Brock was banned for like at the Miss America pageant."

_  
**The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow  
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,**_

"Heh heh… the announcer said breast." Ash chuckled. Misty smacks Ash in the back of the head. "Ow… didn't know you were awake Misty." Ash said rubbing his head.

"How could I not be, did you hear that clatter?" Misty said.

_  
**When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,  
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer**,_

Ash slowly reached for his poke balls, Misty quickly smacks his hand down. "Aw…" Ash moans disappointedly.

_  
**With a little old driver, so lively and quick,  
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.**_

"Hey guys," Brock said rubbing the sleep from his eyes and joining the two by the window, "Whatcha looking at?"

"Check this out, do you see what I see?" Ash said pointing to the flying sleigh.

"Yep… I'm afraid I do." said Brock, "I'd say that was probably Santa Claus, but Santa doesn't have long red hair, a blue haired elf, and a meowth with a red nose.

Misty sighed, "They couldn't even take off for the holidays, could they?"

_  
**More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,  
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; **_

The elf doesn't quite let out a whistle, but more of an sissy, "Ooooooh!" noise.

_**Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!  
On, Comet! On Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen!**_

Misty sighed, "On Happy, on Dopey, on Sneezy and Doc…" Ash and Brock chuckled appreciatively.

_**To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!  
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all! **_

"Alright," Ash said, "this is just embarrassing… Do they really think we'll fall for this?"

"This is even worse then the time that they dressed up like the Tooth Fairy." Brock agreed.

"You know, I'm starting to think all this is just an excuse for them to dress up in tights." Misty said. Brock and Ash nodded their heads in agreement.

_**As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,  
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,**_

"I've never understood this verse." Ash said scratching the back of his head.

"I think it's suppose to make you think of leaves swirling up to the house." Misty explained.

"But wouldn't that make Santa dizzy, and, if you'll excuse the pun, hurl his cookies?"

_**  
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,  
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.**_

Ash walked back over to the bookcase. "Coursers… coursers… here we go… noun… A dog trained for coursing… you know, I think I need a new dictionary."

"Don't look at me, I got you a gift already." Brock said, "And I try not to do any shopping around 11:45pm on Christmas Eve."

_**  
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof  
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.**_

"Well…" Ash said sighing, "Should we go to the living room and see where this farce takes us?"

"Might as well," Brock said shrugging.

"It's not like we get a choice." Misty said sullenly, and all three teens walked into the living room.

_**  
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,  
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. **_

Well… not so much as a bound… but more like a muffled thud. And not quite down the chimney… more like half the way down.  
"Hey… James, move your arm!" Jessie complained.

"I can't, Meowth, get your foot out of my face." James yelled.

Meowth was heard struggling, and said, "I can't, my tail and leg is caught behind Jessie's head."

Some more loud struggling is heard, but to no avail. Then the teens listening by the fireplace heard Jessie say, "Um… I think we're stuck."

James made a whimpering noise and Meowth yelled down, "Hey… twerps… can you hear us? Help us!"

"You HAD to try to emulate Santa, didn't you?" Ash said up the chimney.

"We're sorry." all three Team Rocket members said at the same time, "Please help us!"

Ash sighed, "I SHOULD light a fire, you know that right?"

James made another whimpering noise.

"Alright guys…" Ash said looking around, "What should we do?"

Brock smiled a wicked grin, "You know… I might have an idea."

"Oh thank you!" James yelled down, "I hate tight spaces."

"Yeah," Misty yelled back up, "That's not what you say to your boyfriend!"

For a moment there's dead silence, and then Brock says in a shocked tone, "You kiss Ash with that mouth Misty?"

Both Ash and Misty shot Brock a very nasty look.

"All dis arguing isn't helping" Meowth yelled down, "If your gonna do something, do it already!"

"Alright alright," Brock said, then walked over to Pikachu and whispered something to it. Pikachu smiled evilly. Then Pikachu walked over to the fireplace and looked up it. Then it laid a finger aside of its nose, gave a nod, and then blasted a HUGE thunder attack straight up the chimney, blowing the three villains out of it like a shotgun and off into the distance.

_**But I heard them exclaim, as they drove out of sight,  
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!" **_

**CHRISTMAS DAY**

Ash, Brock, Misty, and Ash Mom sat Indian style around the Christmas tree opening gifts from one another and Santa. "Sorry everyone… it's Christmas…" Ash said waving, "No jokes for today."

"But we'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas." Brock said.

"And a Happy Hanukah" Misty continued.

Pikachu nodded and said, "Pika pika chu chu pikachu pika pi." Translation_: "And happy any other holidays that we're not PC enough to mention."_

Everyone waves, and says, "Happy Holidays from all of us, to you and yours."

Then just a moment before we can iris out on this merry and cheerful scene, Ash's Mom looks at the gift she just opened, then looks over and Brock and says unsurely, "Um… thank you… so… much… for this… wonder bra."

Brock happily says, "Try it on!"

Ash tackles Brock knocking tree over on top of Misty, who starts swearing loudly at both boys. Pikachu waves to the screen and says, "Pika, chu chu, Pikachu." Translation: "Peace on Earth… Good Will Towards Men…"

**IRIS OUT ON PIKACHU'S WAVE…**

**THE REAL END**

Well… I hope everyone enjoyed this two part Christmas quickie. Consider this my gift to all my loyal readers. (You guys have NO idea how long it took me to do this thing, so I really hope everyone liked it.)

And I hope everyone has a very happy healthy holiday season, and a joyous and healthy and prosperous New Year.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

And

HAPPY NEW YEARS!


	39. Quickie 38: Tricks or Treats?

**Explanation/Disclaimer**_It's… ALIVEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Quickie #38: Halloween Special: Tricks or Treats? **

**Announcer: **"You didn't really think we'd go a Halloween without doing a special, did you? What do our heroes have planned for this unholiest of nights?"

"TEEN TITANS… GO!!!" A voice calls out.

Ash leaps into view wearing a red outfit with black and yellow cape and black mask, he twirls around a bo staff and declares, "Robin!"

Misty hops in dressed in a purple short skirt and purple top, her hair down, and she holds up two bright green glow sticks and declares, "Starfire!"

Brock jumps into view dressed out in tech, half his face hidden behind a metal mask, he holds up his arm which turns into a cannon like weapon and says, "Cyborg!"

Max scuffles into view painted green wearing a purple jumpsuit, he growls, "Beastboy!"

May stalks in wearing a black t shirt, ratty ripped jeans shorts with a flannel shirt tied around her waist and holds her arms straight out from her sides making a T.

Ash, Brock, Misty and Max all gape at her. Misty puts her hand to her head and sighs, "May… I thought we were going as a theme costume."

May looks at them in disbelief, "I know! You told me to be Raven! What the hell are you wearing? I thought you guys were going to be my flock!"

Everyone groaned. Ash huffed and said, "Well, its too late to worry about this now… jeez May, I thought by telling you what to dress as we'd not repeat the same obscure costumes like last year."

"Well," Brock said, "In fairness, it's not the same obscure costume as last year, it's a whole new obscure costume."

"So," Max said holding up a pumpkin pail, "Are we ready to do some trick or treating?"

"You bet, 'BB'," Ash said grinning, "We're trick or treating come hell or high water this year! Last year we had that whole mishap with those monsters, and the year before that we had those pumpkin people fiasco."

Misty scoffed, "Yea… 'fiasco', that's what I'd call that episode."

"Look…" Ash defended, "the author has already explained that there were extenuating circumstances going on that year."

"Yeah, but I really don't think O.D.'ing on snicker bars counts as extenuating circumstances." Misty retorted.

"Yeah, like you've never eaten an entire bag of snickers minis and raced through the town naked covered in blueberry jam screaming, "The blue man group is coming, the blue man group is coming! These things happen."

"Suck-up." Misty said sticking out her tongue.

"Yep," Ash said, "And you notice who's still the star? So that ruined those two years… and how about the year before that? We spent the entire night waiting in that corn field on the Great Pumpkin just so Tracey could get some sketches of it."

"Did he come?" May asked curiously.

"No idea, we were attacked by a group of kids with these strange glowy eyes." Ash explained, "Heh heh, they torn Tracey a new one… I never knew you could do that with a pitchfork."

"Come on guys!" Max said tugging on Ash's arm, "Let's get started!"

"Do you really think its ok to go out with May dressed like that? It kind of ruins the whole theme." Misty asked.

"Well… two things." Ash said, "One… we're burning valuable and precious time that could be spent begging for candy and waiting for May to change will only burn more. And two, its not like May's the only one who's breaking the theme… look at Pikachu over there."

Ash points over to Pikachu, who's dressed as a squirrel. Pikachu raises both arms and screams, "Pika Pikachu!" _("Squirrelly Wrath!")_

"Obscure costume #2," Brock commented, "Alright, come on, let's go! This is the year we get to go trick or treating!"

"Alright Titans… GO!!!" Ash said pointing at the door. Everyone but May left. May stood there for a second then walked over to the CD player, pressed play, "Come Out to Play" started to blast out, May put her arms straight out again and then headed out through the door.

…but as soon as they got out the door, they were stopped by Tracey, wearing a skull mask. "Hey guys, where are you going?"

"Trick or Treating of course," Ash answered, then asked, "What the hell are you wearing?"

"Oh it's a Silver Shamrock Skeleton mask… you're suppose to wear it while you watch the big TV give away tonight, it's on shortly… aren't you going to watch?"

Ash and Brock exchanged a meaningful glance. "Um… no, you go on ahead… good luck with that." Brock says sarcastically.

"Aw…" Tracey said, as he started towards Oak's lab, "Guess I'll go on ahead and wait for you guys."

"Have fun!" Ash waved, then muttered, "Don't go and lose your head or anything." to which Brock and Ash giggled nastily about.

Brock added, "You know, those TV shows… turn you're brain right to mush." and the two started giggling nastily again.

"You gonna let us in on the joke?" Misty asked raising an eyebrow.

"Nah," Ash said, "Where's the fun in that? You'll find out when you check in on Tracey later… heh, make sure you bring a mop." And the two boys started laughing again.

"Alright alright," Ash said catching his breath and wiping away a tear, "We're burning moonlight here, let's move out!"

…but… before they could get out of Ash's driveway, he heard his mom call out to him. "Hunny, before you go, could you help me out here with Mr. Mime?"

"No Problem Mrs. Ketchum!" Brock immediately rang out and sprinted back towards the house.

Ash growled annoyed.

But when they got inside, "HOLY CRAP!" Ash, Misty, Max and May all yelled. In the middle of the room was Mr. Mime, bound by his legs to a chair, a large metal contraption with spikes twisted around his head. A timer was ticking away.

"I just came back from the store and found him like this," Mrs. Ketchum said, "This is the last time I let that nice Mr. Jigsaw keep an eye on Mr. Mime while I go to the store. If he had kept a better eye on him I'm sure that Mr. Mime wouldn't have gotten himself into a mess like this."

Max looked at the contraption from all angle. "Hmm… looks like this thing will split Mr. Mime open like an egg in an egg slicer. And it's probably heavily booby trapped!"

"So what do we do?" May asked worried.

"Jeez," Ash said, "Stand back."

Ash pushed Max slightly out of the way and quickly yanked on one metal spike, twisted two knobs and then squeezed a lever. And with a loud clank the entire contraption just fell off Mr. Mime, who danced gleefully.

"Wow." Misty said quietly, "That… that was amazing Ash."

Ash scratched the back of his head guiltily, "Not… really," he confessed, "I was actually trying to set the device off, that whole egg slicer thing sounded cool!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Well," Max said, "Anyway, I think you've learned a valuable lesson about letting anyone with the name 'Jigsaw' keep an eye on loved ones."

"You're certainly right!" Mrs. Ketchum agreed, "Next time I'm just going to ask that nice Mrs. Voorhees up the block."

The five youngsters glanced nervously at each other.

"No costume Mrs. Ketchum" Brock asked, stars in his eyes.

"Oh, I just haven't changed yet. I got a really nice Wonder Woman costume… but you know it was awfully hard trying to find a top that fit my bust size. But not to worry, I found one!"

"Ohhhhhhh!" Brock swooned, "I think we can hold off our trick or treating until you change, that way if you need a hand getting into costume I could always lend a…"

A birdarang smacked off the back of the head knocking Brock out.

"Nice shot" Misty whispered to Ash.

"Thanks." Ash said dragging Brock out of the room, "Alright mom, we're off, catch you later!"

"Do you think we can finally start trick or treating yet?" Max groaned.

"Yeah," Ash said, waving his cape into a groggy Brock's face trying to revive him faster, "It really does seem to be one thing after another, doesn't it?"

"Let's just get going before anything else happens!" May said.

"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE WE'RE OUT OF SIGHT!"

"Yes, and make it double because its Halloween Night!" James said still not seen.

Everyone groaned, "Right on cue." May sighed.

Jessie, dressed in a skin tight purple outfit with a 'J' on it appeared, followed by James in an identical costume, but a Z on his, followed quickly by Meowth dressed like a blue Monkey.

"Give us Pikachu, or we'll break up your group of super friends!" Jessie threatened.

Ash pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Listen guys, I have to give you points for your Zan and Jayna costumes…"

"…hey, what about my costume?" Meowth complained, "Don't I get no credit?"

"Not really, its not very good… you just painted yourself blue." Ash said, "Where's the quality in that?"

Meowth sighed, "I spent all my money on Snicker minis…"

"That explains it," May pointed out, wiping a streak of blue off Meowth revealing that it wasn't paint but jam.

"Irregardless," Ash said holding up his hands, "But you see, we're really struggling trying to go trick or treating here… so can we just put this off another night?"

The evil trio let out a nasty laugh, "You wish twerp, you want to go trick or treating then you better just give us your Pikachu, or you might lose more then just a night of trick or treating!" James threatened.

Pikachu growled and flipped Team Rocket off.

"Wow," Misty commented, "He really DOES have squirrelly wrath."

"Alright, enough of this." May yelled, "We don't have time for this, I'm not missing out on chocolate this year!"

May grabbed a chair that was folded up and leaning against Ash's garage and cracked James in the head with it. Then turned and threw it at Meowth, knocking the talking cat over. May then kicked over a nearby metal garbage can, kicked Jessie in the gut, spread her arms out again, and then DDT'ed the villain into the garbage can.

Brock and Ash started chanting, "ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW!!!"

May brushed the dust off her hands looking proud, "See.. You never want to mess with a girl and her candy because…" May then trailed off and let out a loud shriek.

"What's the matter?" Misty asked panicked.

"Damnit!" May cursed holding out her shirt looking at it, "That even flow DDT into the garbage can just tore the hell out my shirt! I cant go out like this!"

Ash groaned, "Come on May… it's not that big a rip…"

"But… what if it continues the rip and it pulls my entire top off?" May asked worriedly.

"Then fan boys world wide will have sticky keyboards." Ash said shrugging.

May picked the steel chair back up.

Ash backed off and quickly said, "Ok ok, point made… go change… but please, HURRY!"

_15 minute later_

Brock was deep in the telling of a story, "And the man pulled off the road… but he then realized that the guy in the other car wasn't trying to scare him… …he was trying to warn him… for he saw that… HAMTARO WAS IN THE BACKSEAT!!!"

Ash, Misty and Max all shrieked in terror. After a minute, Misty had a hand to her cheat breathing hard, "Damn… no one tells a scary story like you."

"Alright guys, I'm ready!" May said coming out the door, "I had to throw something together, I hope its ok!"

May came out wearing a short blue skirt, with a matching long sleeve blue top, with bubblegum pink hair parted into two large ponytails. Oh her shirt was a crest over a breast with a Q on it.

Everyone looked at her for a second, then Ash snapped his fingers, "Oh, I got it, you're Megumi from Detective Academy Q, aren't you?"

"Wow, that makes obscure costume #… what now?" Misty asked

"I think we're up to 5 if you count the wonder twins as separate costumes."

"6 if you count Gleek." Max corrected.

"Can we pleaseeeeeeeeeeee start trick or treating?" Ash pleaded.

"Yes, lets!" May insisted.

And the quintet hurried off of Ash's property and into town.

_A FEW HOURS LATER  
_  
"Man, what a haul!" May said gleefully.

"This was the best Halloween ever!" Max rang out.

"I cant believe we actually got to go trick or treating!" Ash explained, "I thought we were going to get to town and found it overrun with zombies."

"…or pumpkin creatures." Misty coughed.

"Would you just let it go?" Ash asked, "You keep needling him and he'll just start making "Danny Phantom Quickies, and we'll be stuck in Cartoon Network Limbo!"

"What is with these tiny boxes of candy with imprints of monsters on little sugar tabs?" Brock asked, "You always get houses that give them out, but I never see them in any store."

"I'm more curious about how Candy Corn got its name… it doesn't look like corn… its not shaped like corn… it doesn't taste like corn… so what the hell?" Misty asked.

"I just want to solve the eternal mystery of what the hell are Necco Wafers are made out of, and how on earth does the company that makes this edible chalk stay in business?" Ash asked scratching his head.

_SCENE CHANGE TO A DARK BASEMENT  
_  
Jigsaw laughs as he turns on the equipment, and Geodudes are dropped one by one into rotating blades turning the screaming pokemon into powder. After slipping through a few different tubes, wrapped packets of Necco wafers roll out on a conveyor belt.

_BACK TO MAIN STORY_

"I guess its one of those things that its better not to know," Misty said shrugging.

"Well," Ash said, "I'm bushed, I'm going to get going to bed."

Everyone looked at Ash in surprise.

"Alright, I'm lying, I'm going to gorge myself on candy and spend all night watching all 37 Friday the 13th movies, including the long forgot about, "Friday the 13th part 25: Jason goes to E3".

"Oh I remember that one!" Brock said, "That one has the tag line, "You cannot kill what doesn't have a life."

"Was that in reference to Jason or the people at E3?" Misty asked.

Off in the distance on can almost swear that they could hear a rim shot.

"Well, I don't know about any of you," May said taking her hair out of the ponytails, "But I think candy and bad horror movies sound like a perfect way to end Halloween!"

Everyone agreed and headed inside, "Wow," Misty said, "I cant believe that we're ending this on such a positive note!"

_SCENE CHANGE TO OAK'S LAB…_

Professor Oak, who's costume consists of Groucho Marx glasses and a T-shirt that reads, "Screw you WB!", walks into his TV room holding a bowl of popcorn saying, "Hey Tracey, there's an interesting documentary on Pokemon Witch hunts on Discovery, would you mind terribly if I…"

Oak stops midsentence as he enters the TV room, seeing what's left of Tracy lying on the floor, while the TV blares, "happy happy Halloween, Halloween Halloween, happy happy Halloween… silver shamrock!"

Oak sighed and says, "I'll get the mop…"

**_HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!_**

**THE END**

"Well, that was a good one!" Ash said.

"Yep, nice to see we haven't missed a step!" Misty replied.

"I'm just disappointed that I don't think we made any puns at all." Brock said pouting.

"Yea, and that's like the perfect number." Misty retorted.

"Hey, guys," Max said, "Did we really kill Tracey off?"

Ash laughed, "Oh no, Max. Tracey will be back right as rain next time we need him. You cant just kill Tracey off like that!"

"Oh, because besides all the crap we give him, he's really a valued friend and valuable member of our team?" May asked.

"No…" Ash said waving his hand, "Because what fun would it be if you could only kill Tracey off once?"

Max, Misty and May shot Ash a look, but Brock nodded silently in agreement.

**The REAL End**

Thanks for reading my Halloween quickie, I hope all of you enjoyed, and I hope you all have a very happy Halloween. I want to thank everyone who sent me messages asking if I was ok, because it had been so long since my last quickie. I really do appreciate it. I am still doing well, knock on wood. But I also started a new job, and getting back into a routine took some getting used to. I will try to get more then one a year wink. Thank you again for everyone who asked, it was very appreciated. Happy Halloween! (Oh… and don't forget to review!)


	40. Quickie 39: PCQ 2: The Big Sleep!

**Explanation/Disclaimer: **_Everybody if you can do the Bartman…_

** Quickie 39: Law and Order: PQU 2**

**  
Announcer: **"The story you are about to read is a fib… but it's short. The names are made up but the problems are real. And the best part is you can help solve the crime. It will be like playing a video game, only not nearly as interactive or entertaining. But it's much cheaper. And isn't that what's really important. Well… when you're an underpaid announcer it is! sobs

**_ CASE #2 The Big Sleep  
_**

"Argh" Ash groaned while walking down the hallway of the Kanto Pokemon Stadium, "I can't believe I lost in the fourth round of the tournament!"

Pikachu patted Ash on the head, while Misty said, "Seriously, how do you keep losing these things? You almost never lose whenever you battle trainers on the road. How is it that you keep losing so handily when the battles actually mean something?"

Ash sighed and said, "I'm like the Kane of Pokemon, I can kick all sorts of ass until a title's on the line."

"Well, you can always try again next month, or season, or year, or whenever the hell these things happen, they're a little hazy on the details." Misty consoled.

"Well, it was nice of you to come to cheer," Ash said brightening up a bit, "It's a shame no one else could come."

"Yea… May, Max, and Brock really wanted to come…" Misty said reluctantly.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Seriously," Brock said, "I can't stand watching Ash lose another one of these things… he's like the Kane of Pokemon!"

May nodded, "it's the same thing every time, he'll make it a few rounds then he'll lose in some amateurish way. It's embarrassing."

Misty groaned, "I know, I know, I don't want to go either! But at least one of us has to go, otherwise poor Ash would be crushed!"

"I'd love to go!!!" Max exclaimed excitedly.

"Hmm…" Misty thought, "That's not a bad idea. You know Ash is going to be in a foul mood if he loses, he could wail on Max until he cheers up."

Max paled and then quickly said, "Um, I just realized I have something else planned that day" and quickly fled the room.

Brock put his hands up, "Ok ok… we're Ash's friends, and even though its going to suck, one of us is just going to have to suck it up and go to support him. And I think we're all mature here, and I think if we rationally talk it out we'll be able to…" Brock quickly stops his monologue to put his finger on his nose and yell, "NOT IT!!!"

May not missing a beat quickly does the same.

Misty who was just a step too slow, said, "NOT… aw, damnit."

May and Brock cheered and exchanged high fives while Misty sighed deeply and said, "Damn… well maybe it won't be so bad, maybe Ash won't make a stupid mistake this year…"

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

"So," Misty asked as they continued down the hallway, "Why exactly did you choose to send a Cascoon against your opponent's Moltres?"

"Because he's got the will of the warrior!" Ash explained.

"Despite the fact that your opponent was both a fire and flying type? So your guy was doubly outmatched?" Misty asked.

"Oh, pokemon types don't take into account the pokemon's fighting spirit!" Ash explained, "That's all that matters!"

"Even though your Cascoon was only at level 5 and your opponent's legendary pokemon was at level 67?" Misty pressed on.

Ash shook his head and answered, "Misty, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. Think about what happened when the frail, less powerful Aeris fought the mighty Sephiroth. Or what happened when Qui-Gon Jin took on Darth Maul."

Misty blinked a few times and replied, "One… you're a nerd. Two… those are horrible examples."

Ash sighed, "Misty, don't you know that a noble spirit can embiggen the small man?"

Misty shook her head in disbelief, "So you have no regret in sending out your cascoon?"

"It's what Cascoon wanted, I think he's happy I put him out there." Ash defended.

"Well, at least he didn't suffer long. Did you decide what you're going to do with Cascoon ashes?" Misty asked.

"I think I'll bury them under the tree I caught him at yesterday, I think he'd like that." Ash answered.

Misty shook her head again, "I swear, either you're really stupid at times, or you just blatantly throw your matches."

Ash quickly answered, "Well I can assure you I'm not the type that would throw matches!"

Misty sighed, then asked, "So are you read to get home? Maybe we can catch the guys before they go out for lunch, I'm starving!"

"Actually, I'd like to go see the guy who beat me before we go." Ash said, "And wish him good luck."

"A baseball bat to the head good luck, or the nice kind?" Misty asked suspiciously.

Ash suspiciously didn't answer but instead said, "His room's just around the corner here…"

**_(Author's note, the mystery portion of this story begins now! Pay attention!)_**

"Hey," Ash said getting near the door, "What's going on here? Why's Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy here?"

"I dunno Ash," Misty said stopping a bit before the door, "Maybe we ought to come back later?"

"Nah," Ash said, "Don't be silly, maybe we can help! Wouldn't be the first time I helped the police!"

It was at just that time that Officer Jenny turned her head and saw Ash, and groaned, "Oh Lord, not you again!"

"Hey, she remembers me!" Ash said happily.

"How could I forget?" grumbled Officer Jenny, "Well, there's nothing here for you two kids to see, so please turn around and move along…"

"HOLY CRAP!!!" Ash interrupted looking behind the young officer and seeing a man lying on the floor, "Is that the guy I just battled? Is he dead?"

Jenny eyed Ash with annoyance, then asked, "His name is Alex Smyth. I think its very suspicious that he knocked you out of the tournament less then 30 minutes ago, and here you are, and there he is lying on the ground. Very suspicious indeed!"

Misty nervously said, "No, no! We didn't do anything!"

Ash agreed, "I was only going to kick him in the nuts, I wasn't going to kill him or anything!"

Misty spun around to face Ash, "What??? I thought you came to wish him good luck???"

Ash paused for a second, then unconvincingly tried to cover his tracks by saying, "Um… in some cultures a swift kick to the nuts IS considered a way of wishing someone good luck."

Misty rolled her eyes, and Jenny sighed and said, "Never mind, you're too stupid to off any one."

"Come on," Ash said, "Let us in, maybe we can help!"

Jenny snapped, "No way!"

"Hey, I solved the case the last time!" Ash reminded.

Pikachu grumbled.

"Well, I helped solve the case with Pikachu's help." Ash corrected.

Jenny sighed and asked, "If I gave you both candy would you leave right now?"

Ash thought about this for a moment then asked, "What _kind _of candy?"

But before the conversation could go any further, Nurse Joy who was examining the body said, "Good news, he's not dead. In fact, I'd say he's not hurt at all!"

At this curious statement, Jenny, Ash and Misty walked into the room and stood by the body. Ash poked the body with his foot a few times. "Not hurt?" He asked, "Are you sure?"

Nurse Joy nodded, "I'm quite pleased to say that I am positive."

"Then why does he seem like a corpse?" Ash asked kicking the side of the body a bit more firmly, only stopping when Misty smacks him.

Nurse Joy shook her head and said, "I have no idea. I came in to check on his pokemon a little while ago, and found him like this. I immediately called Officer Jenny. She got her only a minute or so after you guys did."

Pikachu hopped off Ash's shoulder and pointed to something Alex held tightly in his hand. "What's that?" Ash asked.

"I have no idea!" Joy said surprised, "I didn't check his hands, I was too busy checking his neck for a pulse! You have a very good eye Pikachu!" With that she knelt down and took a small vial from the body's hand. It was half filled with a clear liquid. Joy examined it for a moment, then removed the small cork from the top and took a careful sniff.

She gasped, "This is essence of sleep powder!"

Ash and Misty exchanged glances. "What's that?" Misty asked.

"It's a concentrated form of sleep powder. It extremely potent. Just a few drops of this can knock a person out completely in an instant."

Ash looked skeptically, "Seriously?" He then quickly dipped his finger into the vial before the nurse could stop him and tasted it. The very second his finger hit his lips Ash fell forward landing on his face completely out cold. Everyone stared at Ash for a moment then Misty asked, "Is he going to be ok?"

Nurse Joy nodded. Misty could have sworn she heard Jenny mutter something that sounded an awful lot like "damn".

Misty asked Pikachu to shock Ash awake, and the yellow pokemon was only too happy to oblige. With a jolt Ash woke up shouting terrified, "No I don't want to buy a letter Vanna!!!!" then looked around confused.

"What happened?" He asked.

Misty rolled her eyes and said, "Remember that talk we had about tasting hazardous things?"

Ash frowned, "But it's the hazardous things that taste so darn good."

Jenny sighed, and said, "Well at least in his own stupid way Ash showed us that at least Alex will be ok. When can we expect him to wake up?"

Joy examined the bottle closely and said, "Judging by how much is missing, I'd say he'll be out for at least a day."

"That's a real shame!" a voice from the doorway said.

Everyone turned their heads to look at the man standing there. "Excuse me," Officer Jenny said, "this is a crime scene, I'm afraid you can't come in here."

"What about those two then?" The man asked pointing at Ash and Misty.

"We're special cases!" Ash said proudly.

Jenny snapped, "You are not!!! Get out!!!"

Ash chuckled, "See how she kids? That's how tight we are!"

Jenny growled, but the man interrupted, "I'm afraid you're wasting your time, there's no crime here."

Again, everyone turned their heads to give the man their attention.

"And who are you sir?" Jenny asked now more interested.

"My name is Bryan Alderon." he answered.

"And what brings you here, and what makes you say there's no crime here?" jenny asked suspiciously.

"Yea," Ash said, kicking the body with his foot, "What do you call this?"

Misty hissed, "Stop kicking him Ash!"

"But its fun!" Ash moaned.

"Ash, if you don't knock it off, I'm going to be wishing YOU 'good luck'." Misty warned.

Ash thought about that for a second, then realizing, stopped kicking the body and backed off.

"Hey," Bryan said recognizing Ash, "Aren't you the prat that lost his match by sending out a Cascoon?"

"HE HAD FIGHTING SPIRIT!!!" Ash yelled.

"Never mind that," Jenny interrupted, "You didn't answer my question."

"Forgive me officer," Bryan answered, "I came as quickly as I could, but I see I am too late. You see, I was suppose to face that man in the next round. As I was preparing, that man came to my door, handed me a sealed envelop with this note, and took off in a run.."

Bryan handed a folded typed note to Officer Jenny and she read it: "I have thought this over and I have come to realize that I stand no chance in defeating my opponent in the next round. He is much too skilful and my favourite pokemon was injured in the previous match, and I know I don't stand a chance. In order to save face, I am going to drink liquid essence of sleep powder, and miss the match completely. I hope in this way I can save some honour."

Bryan continued, "I'm afraid I didn't read it soon enough. I was too busy trying to psych up my pokemon to open up his note. As soon as I did read it though I raced here to try to stop him… I'm afraid I dare say I'm too late."

Nurse Joy sighed sadly, "What a silly way to try to get out of a match…"

Bryan sighed and said, "And I was so looking forward to facing him in the next round. I flew here all the way from my home? Cowards who can't deal with losing. Pitiful. Quite frankly, I'll be happy when I win in the finals and I'm on my way back home to England."

Jenny then said, "Alright, enough of that. We just need a few statements from you Bryan and we can put a close to this nasty business…"

Ash stood up and yelled, "What? That's stupid! There's no way the guy who beat me would take such a cowards way out to miss the match! No pokemon trainer that made it this far would act that way!"

"Ash, shhhh!" Misty warned.

"No Misty!" Ash said annoyed, "I bet you this guy had something to do with this!"

Jenny groaned, "Ash, do I have use a taser on you?"

Misty snapped, "You can't just go accusing people! You know how much trouble you can get into?"

"Young man," Bryan said, his accent getting thicker as he got annoyed, "I had nothing to do with this whole sorted business. In fact, the first time I even laid eyes upon this room was just moments ago when I brought you his pitiful excuse. Between watching you choke, and seeing him take the cowards way out, I can see that they don't make trainers they way they do in the queen's country."

Ash glared at Bryan for a moment, then turned his back fuming. Misty took Ash's arm… "Come on Ash, let's get home."

Ash didn't budge.

Misty sighed sadly, "Look Ash, I know the Bryan's a bit of a dick, and I'd love nothing more then to wish him 'good luck', but face facts, Alex chickened out and took a sleep potion. The evidence doesn't lie."

Ash sighed, lowered his head in defeat and took a step towards the door.

But before he could even put down his first step, Pikachu sent a thunderbolt right at ground at his trainer's foot. Ash stopped and looked surprised.

**Author's Note: Ok mystery fans. The case is now solvable. Pikachu suspects that Alex did not poison himself by his own hand. Can you figure out what clues led Pikachu to that conclusion? Also, do you know the evidence that points the finger of guilt at the true culprit? Think about it… however, if you are still stuck, here are some clues, don't worry I will warn you before the solution.**

"What's up Pikachu?" Ash asked excited, "You figure something out?"

Pikachu nodded his head and walked over to Nurse Joy. He hopped up on her shoulder and pulled the vial of liquid sleep powder from her pocket and held it up and pointed to it and said "Pika!"

Everyone looked curiously at Pikachu. "You're saying you need a fix?" Ash asked confused.

Pikachu sighed and shook its head and pointed at the bottle and mimed opening it up. Then he feigned fainting.

Ash and Misty exchanged glances. Misty whispered to Ash, "What's he talking about?"

Ash shrugged, "It looks like he wants to get stoned until he passes out."

Nurse Joy sighed dreamily, "Who doesn't?"

Everyone looked shocked at Joy who blushed and said, "Never mind."

Pikachu then hopped from Joy to Jenny and took the note that Bryan gave to her and picked it up, shook it and pointed at Bryan and snapped "Pikachu chu pika!!!"

Bryan looked confused, "Um, yes, I did deliver the note…"

Ash thought about this for a moment, then it dawned on him. "Eureka!!!" he declared.

Author's Note: Ok, that's it, its time for the answer. If you still want to think about it, then please don't read any further. Can you figure out the mystery? Can you make one truth prevail? Can your cuisine reign supreme? Can you put ram in the rama lama ding dong? Can you figure out how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Then read on brave reader… read on…

**_WARNING_**

**_WARNING_**

**_WARNING_**

**_SOLUTION STARTING NOW_**

"Nurse Joy," Ash said, "You said that you found the body, is that correct?"

"Yes, it is," Joy answered.

"And you obviously didn't touch that vial in Alex's hand?" Ash asked.

"No, honestly I was so busy trying to save his life that I didn't notice it at all until your Pikachu showed me." Joy explained.

"Well there you are then," Ash said, "Take him away!"

"Take who away?" Jenny, Joy and Misty asked.

"THE BUTLER!" Ash exclaimed, "it's always the butler that does it!"

Everyone crashed over in shock. "For crying out loud Ash!" Misty yelled.

"That's it, I'm getting out the tear gas!" Officer Jenny snapped.

Ash put up his hands, "Sorry sorry, forgive me a little gallows humor. Who you should take away is that jerk over there," Ash pointed to Bryan.

"Why you little wanker!" Bryan snapped, "How dare you accuse me!"

Jenny looked sternly at Ash, "Is this another joke?"

"Nope, I'm afraid much like what the shredded piece of string said… I'm a frayed knot. He's your man." Ash said

"Ugh." Nurse Joy gasped, "Does he always make puns like that?"

Misty sighed wearily, "I'm afraid so."

Ash ignored them and continued, "The proof was in Alex's hand. Nurse Joy, when you picked up that vial of Sleep Powder, it was corked tightly, right?"

Nurse Joy thought back and then nodded saying, "Yes, it was…." then a light went off in her head as well, "Oh, I see!!!"

"Hey… you right!" Jenny said, the conclusion dawning on her as well, Ash grinned proudly.

Misty looked from Ash to Joy to Jenny then put up her hands, "Wait… stop… what's this all about?"

Jenny nodded to Ash, "Go on, finish Ash."

Ash explained to Misty, "Remember when I brilliantly sampled the sleep powder in order to assist this case?"

Misty blinked twice, "Well I remember you doing something stupid and knocking yourself out for a little bit there, yes…"

"Tomato, ToMAHto." Ash shrugged, "but don't you remember how quickly it worked?"

"Yea," Misty said, "You were out for the count in a blink, I'm thinking of using some on you next time you start punning…"

"Misty," Ash explained again, "Don't you see? If essence of sleep powder hits you that quickly, how on earth did Alex, who took much more of the stuff then I did, have time to re-cork the vial before he was out?"

Misty's eyes went wide with surprise, "oh my gosh Ash! That's brilliant."

Ash grinned and said, modestly, "Well, Pikachu figured it out first."

Jenny walked over and took Bryan by the arm, "Ok, you're coming to the station."

"Wait." Bryan said angrily, "Even if someone put Alex to sleep, you have absolutely no proof that it was me that did it!"

"Well duh, dude," Ash said grinning and snatching the paper Bryan delivered out of Jenny's breast pocket, "Since we now proved that Alex couldn't have put himself to sleep, why would Alex give you a note that says he did?"

Bryan paled a bit, Ash continued, "Also, you're the only person here competing from England. Re-read that note. Alex, being a native here wouldn't spell honour and favourite that way. He'd spell it honor and favorite. Since you're the only person here completing from England, you're the only person who would make that kind of mistake. Too bad England didn't send someone better then you to compete."

Bryan slumped down sadly, "Ok… I give up. You got me. I saw how powerful his moltres was and I knew I didn't stand a chance. So I hatched a plan to get rid of him, so I could move into the finals."

Jenny cuffed Bryan and took him from the room.

"Man Ash, that was brilliant." Misty said, "I can't believe you solved the case! I was completely stumped. Where'd you learn to solve mysteries like that?"

Ash grinned and said, "Why, elementary school my dear Misty!"

Misty groaned and Nurse Joy whispered, "Seriously, I think punning like that is the sign of a serious mental disorder…"

_**  
**_

_**THE END**_

That's a wrap everyone!" Misty said.

"Good work guys," Ash said waving to Bryan and Alex as they left to get out of costume.

"They were good extras," Misty said, "Where'd we get them."

"Oh they were extras from Kim Possible. Now that that show's off the air, the actors are just scrambling to get new gigs." Ash explained.

"I'm sure they'll land on their feet." Misty answered.

Ash stretched and yawned, "Well this was fun, but I'm hungry, want to get a bite to eat?"

"In a minute, I want to take care of something first." Misty responded looking off in the distance where Tracey was sweeping up.

"What's up?" Ash asked.

"Oh…" Misty said a bit evilly, "I was thinking about going to wish Tracey 'good luck' just for the heck of it."

"I'll get some ice," Ash said walking towards the back.

__

THE REAL END

After not writing one for so long, I'm not sure if anyone's reading, but if you are, thanks so much and I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry about the long long long wait for this quickie, but I am just so busy now. Not nearly as much free time as I used to have. I wont go promising updates because whenever I do that, I fail lol, but I do have a few ideas I'm working on that I will get out as quickly as I can. Thanks again for reading, hope you enjoyed the mystery! (I got the idea from an old radio show) Please leave a review so I know if anyone's still around reading these things. lol thanks again for reading!


	41. Quickie 40: How to Guide to T and T'ing

**Explanation/Disclaimer: **"_Boogidy Boogidy, I'll scare your dad!"_

**Pokemon Quickie #40: The How To Guide To Trick Or Treating**

Professor Oak walks out wearing a black cloak and vampire fangs and greets the readers, "Good evening and Happy Halloween to everyone out there. My name is Professor Oak, although some people call me the pokemon professor. Others call me Sweet White Chocolate D, but that's not important right now. Tonight we are doing things a little different."

Oak continues, "Fed up with kids today not knowing out to Trick or Treat properly, the author of Pokemon Quickies has asked me to put together this little quiz to test the readers on the finer points of this yearly custom, and to give tips where necessary. Apparently, he didn't think that kids today were fat enough, he feels that we should be giving out hints on how to widen those asses a little bit more. Oh well, more food for our zombie overlords to eat when the time comes. I just hope they remember a certain professor has always been loyal to them."

He gives the camera a thumbs up, and then continues, "So let us start the show."

**SCENE CHANGE TO THE INSIDE OF ASH'S ROOM**

Ash dressed in green spandex covered with black question marks and a purple eye mask, walked around his room. "Alright Pikachu," He said, "Riddle me this, why is tonight the perfect night to remove the inside of hot dogs?"

Pikachu, dressed with a sharper nose and brown spots on his body simply shrugged.

"Because what better night to have 'hollow-weenies'?" Ash said giggling and spinning his question mark staff.

Pikachu grumbled and left the room. Ash sighed, "You know, the real Cheat has a better appreciation for fine humor." then continued talking to himself, "Alright then, just gotta grab my candy pail and get out of here."

Ash grabbed his plastic pumpkin pail and ran out of the room…

**Oak: "AND STOP…, alright then, question one… what did Ash do wrong in this scene? **

**A) He made a really bad Halloween pun**

**B) He didn't kick the cheat-achu for laughing at his bad pun**

**C) He chose the wrong device to carry candy.**

**Oak: "If you chose A… well, I cant really argue with you, but the correct answer is C… let's watch."**

Ash looked at the pail and said, "Hey, wait a second, if I use this crappy little thing I can only hold about 5 tootsie rolls. I want lots of loot! Thank you mysterious voice!"

**Oak: "I'm professor Oak! …and your not suppose to hear me, stop breaking the 4****th**** wall!"**

_**SCENE CHANGE TO OUTSIDE WITH BROCK**_

Brock, dressed in black with very long white hair, carrying an extremely long but thin sword stood in front of the front door tapping his foot. Finally, Misty, dressed in a red overcoat with a wide brimmed hat covering down over her face hurried outside.

Brock took one look at her costume and said, "Well it fits, I was wondering where in the world you were. What took so long? Ash and Pikachu are going to be waiting for us!"

"Oh I couldn't decide what shoes to wear with this," Misty said, "I know traditionally I should be wearing red high heels with it, but I decided to go with sneakers instead. What do you think?"

Brock grinned and said, "I think that's the perfect cue for the next question…"

**Oak: (groaning) Seriously, you kids have got to stop breaking the fourth wall, we're going to get in trouble. Well anyway, which is more correct?**

**A) Misty should wear the high heels because they add to the costume**

**B) Sneakers are better because you don't want to wear high heels while trick or treating?  
**  
**Oak: "If you chose A… you simply don't understand how to Trick or Treat. Costumes are nice, but anything that inhibits or slows you down on your pursuit of getting as much sugary goodness in your sack is a very bad thing."**

Misty sighed in relief, "Well good to know that I made the right choice!"

"Yea definitely," Brock said, "Because Ash takes Trick or Treating so seriously, remember last year? He ditched May because she was wearing too cumbersome a costume and it was slowing him down."

"Yea… would have been nicer of him to not have left her in such a bad area…"

_**SCENE CHANGE TO MAY, LAST YEAR**_

May, clunking along slowly in a realistic suit of armor was nervously looking around the ghetto she was stuck in. "I can't believe he'd leave me just because I'm not moving fast enough!" May complained huffily. Off in the distance one can hear a car alarm and gun fire.

May shivers a bit and whispers to herself, "I really hope this armor is bulletproof."

Suddenly, May is confronted by a group of thugs. They appear to be Bloods. May sweatdrops nervously.

**Oak: Apparently young May has found herself in the wrong part of town face to face with gang members. What should she do?**

**A) Draw her sword and fight the ruffians off**

**B) Call out a pokemon to battle them**

**C) Bust out some East-side hand motions. **

**Oak: ok, times up. Here's what happens if you chose A…**

Misty draws her sword and yells, "By the power of grayskull! I have the power! And I shall vanquish you knaves!"

The Bloods look confused at one another, then draw their glocks and blow May away. May, a'la Dirk the Daring, turns into a skeleton and crumples off the screen, and the words "GAME OVER" appears. Then the words "END" and "CONTINUE" appear.

**Oak: Yikes… guess that wasn't the right choice… let's try B, shall we? **

**  
Oak presses "CONTINUE" and we see choice B:**

May backs up and says, "You asked for it, let's see if you guys can deal with my Skitty!" But with all her clunky armor on, she can't manage to reach the pokeballs around her waist. Helplessly, she is blown away by gunfire again, first the armor falling off leaving her in her underwear, then the second shot turning her into a pile of bones. The Ghosts and Goblin theme then plays.

**Oak: That damned game was always a bitch, never could get past the second level… Ah well, let's see what happens with choice C, shall we?"**

May quickly busts out the gang land signs she learned from her mother when she used to survive on the mean streets of Lavender Town, and is readily accepted by the Bloods. Moments later, May is on her way, a forty the newest treat in her bag. The words: "Conglaturations, you have just beaten a great game!" appears on the screen.

**Oak: "Ah, alls well that ends well, and on such an obscure video game joke as well. Shall we move on?"**

**SCENE CHANGE TO ASH AND BROCK**

"I still say we should just leave her behind," Ash grumbled.

"You can't ditch May two years in a row," Brock scolded, "We'll wait for her until she gets here, then we can get going trick or treating."

"I'm here guys!" May said running up to her friends. May was dressed in a purple cloak, a hood resting over her head, with a jewel on her forehead.

Ash and Brock stared at her for a moment and then asked her, "What are you wearing?" Ash finally asked.

"My costume." May answered dryly.

"Don't you think there's something wrong with it" Brock asked.

**Oak: "Can you figure out what's wrong with May's costume?"**

**A) She was suppose to be Raven for last year's quickie.**

**B) She's breaking the theme of everyone else's costume.**

**C) She's wearing all dark clothes which is dangerous to wear when trick or treating at night**

**Oak: "If you said any of those answers, your right… but for those that are anal about these things, the real real answer is C. One should never wear only dark clothes when walking around at night, or at the very least where some kind of reflector."  
**  
"Oh, that's just superstition!" May said dismissively.

However with her first step she's slammed into by a guy riding a bicycle. "Ohhh, I think I broke my Azereth…" she moaned from lying on her back.

Ash and Brock helped her up and May said, "Perhaps I should put on something a bit safer?"

Ash groaned, but Brock said, "Don't worry about it, we'll just hit some houses on this block until you're ready."

Still grumbling a bit, Ash walked with Brock up to the first house on the block. As they walked up the walkway, they met Tracey leaving the house. Tracey, dressed like Tinkerbell waved to his friends and said, "This is a great house! They're giving out fun size Snickers!"

"Sweet… though I'm still not sure how smaller candy can be considered fun.." Ash said hurrying up to the door.

Ash rang the doorbell and Brock and Ash greeted the woman with a "Trick or Treat.". The woman smiled and gave each boy a Snickers, they said thank you, and headed off on their way.

**Oak: "Now, can anyone tell me what if anything our heroes did wrong in this scene? What? You think they did everything perfect? Wrong. The correct answer is 'Ash let Tracey dressed like Tinkerbell walk by without making one fairy joke nor hitting him.' Jeez… how'd you people miss that one?"**

_**SCENE CHANGE TO MAY'S ROOM**_

May looked through her wardrobe going through all her costumes. "Hmm… I could dress like a ghost… or maybe a zombie?"

Max walked into her room, dressed up like a green turtle on his hind legs wearing a helmet and holding two hammers, and looked at all her costumes and asked, "Why on earth do you have so many costumes?"

May shrugged and said, "No more then any other cartoon character has… it's some kind of cartoon law."

"Uh huh," Max said skeptically, "Whatever makes you feel better perv." and walked out of the room.

May harrumphed and kept looking. "I guess I could be a witch, but that's a dark costume as well. I really cant decide which costume would be best?"

**Oak: "Can you help May decide what costume would be best?"**

**A) A Ghost**

**B) An Anime Character**

**C) A Video Game Character**

**D) Doesn't matter as long as its sexy.**

**Oak: "If you chose D… you're a sad lonely person. Unfortunately, you also chose right… don't ask me why all women's costumes have to be sexy… I think its some kind of law…"  
**  
**Brock: "It's not a law, but it will be, remember vote YES on prop 69." **

**Oak: "What are you doing in my sound booth?"**

**Brock: "I wanted to see if I could peek in on May while she was getting dressed."**

**Oak: "Oh for crying out loud… let's move on shall we?"**

**Brock: (muttering) "Spoil sport…"**

_**SCENE CHANGE BACK TO ASH**_

Ash was looking through his bag when Brock came racing up to him in a hurry. "So where'd you go off to?" Ash asked curiously.

"Nowhere… nowhere…" Brock said guiltily, "And remember, anything Professor Oak tells you is a lie."

May follows up a moment later dressed up in a Japanese school girl outfit with red sneakers and a backpack, with medium length red hair and a hidden leaf village headband tied around her head. Ash looked at her for a second then snapped his fingers, "I got it… you're dressed as Sakura from Naruto dressed up like Sakura from Street Fighter."

"Wow!" May said, "You're good at this…"

"Nerd." Brock coughed."

Ash looked Brock for a second and then blurted out, "Brock was watching you dress!"

May looked at Brock shocked for a second then clocked him in the head with her backpack. Brock laid on the ground for a moment then muttered, "it's a fair caught… but how did you know Ash?"

"I didn't, but it's always a safe guess." Ash admitted.

"Well, shall we go to this house?" May asked.

"Yes, lets" Ash agreed and the two left Brock to recover from his trauma. Upon ringing the door bell, a creepy guy answered and said, "You know, I have lots of candy inside… want to come in and get some?"

**Oak: "Ok, now this is a serious situation. Ash will demonstrate what you should do if you are EVER asked to go inside a strangers house." **

Ash looked harshly at the creepy guy for a minute, then peered inside and asked curiously, "What KIND of candy you got in there?"

**Oak: "May, please slap Ash in the back of the head for me."  
**  
May happily obliges. Then Ash quickly says, "Actually you should NEVER go in a strangers house. It's just no safe at all. If you want to give me candy, you will do it right here at the door. But under no circumstances will we ever go into a strangers house."

The man sighs then gives May and Ash some candy and closes the door. Ash looked in the bag and says, "What the hell… NECCO WAFERS."

Ash continues to rant, "Ok… attempts at being lured into a house for a guy to do unspeakable things to me is one thing… but giving Necco wafers as a treat, THAT'S where I draw the line!"  
**Oak: "A house just gave you Necco Wafers… what is the proper Halloween etiquette for this situation?"**

**A) Egg the house**

**B) T.P. the house**

**C) The flaming bag of dog poop on the front doorstep. **

Ash interrupts, "None of the above…" then presses a button on his question mark staff. The man's car in his driveway immediately bursts into flames, shooting flaming wreckage in every direction. Ash tucks the cane under his arm and walks away muttering, "…necco wafers… pfft."

Brock got up and joined the duo, completely nonplused with what just happened. "Hey… by the way, where's Misty anyway?"

**Oak: "Misty was scene boarding a plane with a red white and blue flag. The baggage clerk says she changed all her currency to krones. Where on earth is Misty Sandiego?"**

**A map pulls up on the screen showing destinations she could have flown to: **

**-France**

**-Italy**

**-Norway**

**-Japan**

Ash waved his arm, "ooo oooo! I say we fly to Norway!"

**A little plane flies to Norway, and a confirmation noise rings.**

"**Very good Ash!" Oak said, "But unfortunately, you didn't get the warrant, so you lose."**

Ash folded his arms and pouted, "Stupid game."

Brock patted Ash on the shoulder and said, "Well, you get in trouble if you don't get a warrant."

????: "Did someone say trouble?"

????: "Trick or Treat, we'll make it double!"

And in a puff of smoke Jessie and James appear. James dressed in a big muscle suit with short blonde hair holding a large sword says, "I have the power!"

Jessie, dressed like in a breast plate with long blonde hair holds up her sword and says, "I have the girl power!"

Meowth dressed like a red mage with a O on his chest sighs and says, "And I just feel stupid."

Ash, Brock and Misty looked at them for a moment then Brock points and says, "James' costume must make him feel like a real he-man!"

Ash nodded, "And Jessie… she ra-ther looks fetching."

May added, "But Meowth looks pretty dork-o. What do you guys want?"

"We'll take your pokemon" Jessie cackled, "And all your candy as well!"

**Oak: "A group of bullies are trying to take your candy. What should you do?"**

**A) Fight them.**

B) Call an adult.

**C) Walk away as fast as you can**

**Oak: "The right answer is either B or C… violence never solved anything."  
**  
"Actually" May replied, "I'd have to say the best answer is D."

**Oak: "D? What's D?"**

A van pulls up and a group of gang members rush out, shove the villains into the back and then quickly drives away.

May smiles, "Call in the Blood friends you made last year to handle your dirty work."

**Oak: "And on that happy note, let's end this. I hope that you now have a better understanding about this tradition we call Trick or Treating. So go out there, get some candy, stay safe, have fun, and extract your bloody murderous revenge on anyone who tries to pawn necco wafers on you."**

**THE END**

"That was a great Halloween episode!" Ash said pulling off his costume, "And I got so much candy! Check it out, I got a full size Milky Way."

May looked in her bag and said, "I got a popcorn ball!"

Brock checked his and said, "I got a some taffy!"

Tracey sadly says, "I got a rock…"

"I think you deserve worse then that…" Ash replied.

"You didn't let me finish," Tracey said, "I got a rock… to the head…"

Brock whispered to May, "I still think he got more then he deserved."

"Hey," May said calling over to Misty, "What did you get?"

Misty held up a large painting, "I got the Mona Lisa."

"OHhhh!" Ash, Brock, Tracey and Oak sings A Cappella, "Where in the world is Misty Sandiego… WATCH YOUR BACKS!"

**THE REAL END**

And another Halloween quickie is in the books. I hope you enjoyed reading it, I had a lot of fun writing it, but then Halloween is my favorite time of the year. At any rate it has to be better then the pumpkin head aliens debacle.

If you want to give me a treat this Halloween please leave me a review. I make that lame joke every Halloween, but I go with what works. By the way… quickie number 40!!! How awesome is that?

Well, anyway, have a very happy Halloween, if your going to drive, don't drink, if your going to drink don't drive, if your going trick or treating, have fun, do it smart and stay safe, and if you're giving out candy, for the love of god don't give out Necco wafers. I swear, if you give out necco wafers, you're car is going to blown up. Thanks for reading, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!


	42. Quickie 41: GLaDOS to meet you

**Explanation/Disclaimer: **_Thank you for helping us help you help us all_

**Pokemon Quickie #41: GLaDOS to meet you**

**Announcer: **_"We join our trio walking down a sunny road heading to their next destination conspicuously trying to act like there hasn't been a long absence between stories. Let's join their conversation already in progress."_

"And so," Ash explained, "This woman walks into a grocery store and asks to buy thirty gallons of milk."

"Uh huh." Misty replied in that way one does to show that they are listening.

"Needless to say, the clerk thought this was a joke so he went to get the manager," Ash continued on, "The manager asked the woman what she needed and she once again said that she wanted to buy thirty gallons of milk. The manager asked her why she would need so much milk."

"Milk does a body good?" Brock suggested.

Ash ignored him and continued, "So the woman explains that she has a skin rash and her doctor suggested that she should take milk baths to help relieve it. 'Oh, that makes perfect sense' the manager replies and says, 'that should be no problem, we can even help you load your car ma'am. Do you need the milk pasteurized?'"

Ash let his tale hang for a moment while Misty and Brock looked at him and then finished, "Nah,' the woman said, 'up to my shoulders should be fine.'"

Brock and Misty shook their heads sighing, all the while with Ash laughing so hard at his own joke he was holding his stomach.

"I think that joke was enough to make me lactose intolerant." Brock moaned.

"I think I'm just pun-intolerant." Misty retorted.

"Yea, another bad joke like that and I might have to cream ya, Ash." Brock said grinning.

"Yea right, I'd udderly destroy you." Ash quickly snapped back.

"A Cow-ward like you, doubt it." Brock quipped back without hesitating.

"Enough!" Misty snapped.

"But Misty, how dairy say such things about me!" Ash said giving her an innocent look.

Misty groaned and said, "Do you really think our first episode in like forever should be nothing but stupid puns?"

"I thought they were rather clever puns." Ash said frowning.

"No… Such… Thing…" Misty said emphasizing each word scowling, "Besides, don't you think we should explain what's been going on for the past year?"

"Well," Ash said, "It's a strange tale of action, mystery and copyright infringement… it all began…"

**FADE TO A FLASHBACK…**

Ash groaned as he sat up from the metal bed he was laying on. "Where am I?" Ash asked out loud, looking around at the room he was in. He was in a glass room with metal floors and ceiling.

"Man…" Ash said rubbing his head muttering to himself, "I knew Hancock wasn't a good movie, but I didn't think it'd cause blackouts…. But then, I guess blacking out is better than watching the second half of that crapfest."

Then out loud Ash spoke, "Anyone there? Anyone want to tell me where I am?"

A calming computerized voice came over the loud speaker and said, "Welcome to Aperture Labs. You have been chosen to take part in a scientific experiment. There is nothing to worry about and you're safety is guaranteed. Did I mention that there's no need to worry about you're life being in danger? Because there is no reason to be worried."

Ash stared blankly at the ceiling for a moment then said happily, "I see nothing but good things coming from this."

"You will be testing the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device in order to assure the quality of this product." the computer voice explained as Ash's door opened leading him to a platform with an odd looking gun like device on it.

"Uh, just wondering but why did choose me to test this?" Ash asked.

The voice quickly responded back, "Who better to test the ASH PD?"

"Can't argue with that." Ash admitted, "However, I'm fairly non-violent and I can't really help you test a device that's clearly a gun. I mean, I'm a fairly well respected pokemon trainer, and kids look up to me, and I really can't just turn my back on my morals to help you test a device that will probably end up being used for war and violence. It's really just against everything I stand for."

After a moment of silence the voice offered, "At the end of the test there will be cake…"

"Let's roll." Ash quickly said interrupting the voice the gun already in his hand.

"Now in order for you to use this device safely I must warn you that under any circumstances you should never fire the gun when the radiation level of the defractor lens is more then 2 point…"

Ash interrupted the voice again saying, "Less crap, more zap." as be began fire the portal gun in every direction imaginable.

"AWESOME!" Ash said looking through one of the portals and seeing his own backside.

"Yes, the device is quite impressive." the computerized voice confirmed.

"Device?" Ash said confused, "No I was talking about my fine ass. Just look at that thing. You can't buns that nice at just any bakery."

The computer voice actually managed a realistic sound of disgust and continued, "Now that you have the feel for the ASHPD, we would like you to move to the next room so we can begin the next round of testing and… and… excuse me, but would you please stop feeling up your own behind, please?"

Ash, who indeed had his hands rubbing his own backside in front of him through linked portals stopped and muttered, "Prude."

"Now, if you do not mind proceeding to the first testing area then we should be able to being…

Ash interrupted the voice once again, "Computer… earl grey… hot."

There's an awkward pause and then the voice asked "…what?"

"Aren't you like the computer from star trek?" Ash asked.

"No." the voice responded.

"So… " Ash posed the question, "if I asked you to scan the surrounding area for Ferengi activity…?"

"I would be forced to call you a geek." was the answer Ash received.

"What if I asked you to scan the area for TIE Fighters?" Ash questioned

Voice: "I would be forced to remind you that you are confused Star Wars for Star Trek."

"Aw, I was going to have you scan the area for TIE fighters flown by Ed McMahon." Ash said sadly.

After a short pause where you can almost hear the computer calculations being made the voice finally answered back, "Are you actually confused Star Search with Star Wars while at the same time confusing that with Star Trek? I think this foolishness has gone on long enough. It is time for you to move to the first testing area where you will be acclimated to… to… …what are you doing now??"

Ash chuckled and said excitedly, "Wait… wait… check this out."

Ash, who had one portal formed on the floor and one directly above it on the feeling spit into the bottom hole and then watched with glee as he watched his loogy fall in a continuous free fall between the holes.

"We here at Aperture Labs would ask you to refrain from spitting on the testing floor." The voice said after a few moments of computing how to handle such a situation.

"Technically, it hasn't landed on the floor yet," Ash pointed out, then added, "Aperture Labs, huh? Too bad it's name was Rapture Labs… think of how happy I'd be then!"

After a few more moments of computing how to handle the situation the voice said, "We here at Aperture labs would ask you to refrain from making puns on the testing floor. Now, just beyond that doorway you'll find…"

However, before the voice could get too far, Ash interrupted again, "Hey, computer… do you have a name? It's starting to get annoying for the author to keep referring to you as 'the computer voice.', when everyone out there already knows what we're parodying and already knows your name."

Another pause for computing and then, "We here at Aperture Labs would ask you to refrain from breaking the fourth wall."

"Well… your name then?" Ash asked.

"You can call me GLaDOS." GLaDOS answered.

"Hey, if you released nice smelling vapors to keep the air fresh, would that make you GLaDEDOS?" Ash asked randomly.

You could almost here the circuits breaking for a moment there, then GLaDOS answered, "We here at Aperture Labs would remind you to refrain from making puns on the testing floor."

After a moment of a silence Ash asked, "So, why haven't we started these tests yet?"

GLaDOS almost sounded angry as it snapped, "We have been trying to get you to go into the first testing room you stupid hum….." The sounds of a record being scratched echoes through the air for a moment and GLaDOS's voice returns much calmer then a moment ago. "We here at Aperture Labs would appreciate it if the subject would enter the first room of testing."

"I'm a subject?" Ash asked, "Guess if I was a subject right now, I'd be science!"

"More like history." GLaDOS whispered quietly.

"Huh?" Ash said looking up.

"Uh… we here at Aperture Labs would remind you once more to refrain from making puns on the testing floor."

Ash finally enters into the first room and he sees a large red button on the floor near a closed door. On a platform 6 feet up in the air rests a large metal box.

"Your objective in this room is to open the door and move to the next room." GLaDOS explained.

"Piece of cake." Ash said looking around the room.

There's a moment of silence and GLaDOS questioned, "Was that a pun?"

"We here at Ash-apture Labs would prefer to refrain from explaining if what he says is a pun or not." Ash replied with a grin moving towards the door.

"Well," Ash said, "I think this one is fairly self explanatory" as he got to the door.

Ash stood in front of the closed steel sliding door, hands at his sides and said, "Computer… open door."

After only a moment GLaDOS replied, "We here at Aperture Labs would remind you again that you are confusing real life with Star Trek again."

"Oh…" Ash said, "Well then… how about…?"

Ash then started pushing on the door as hard as he can. Grunting and trying to dig his feet into the smooth stainless steel floor his feet kept slipping out from under him. After a minute of this Ash then decided to try to pry the door open, trying to fit his fingers in the paper thin crack where the two sides of the door meets.

Panting for breath Ash looked at the door again. Ash then took a few steps backwards, let out a loud war cry and sprinted at the door as hard as he could.

_**  
One Hour Later…**_

Ash sat up rubbing his head having just woken up from knocking himself unconscious. "Man, if I hurt myself this badly, just imagine what shape that door must be in now!" Ash said to himself.

"We here at Aperture Labs would like to remind our test subject that the doors are made out of 5 inches of reinforced stainless steel. Trying to use brute force would be a futile…"

Ash interrupted GLaDOS as he charged for the door again.

One More Hour Later…

Ash woke up to GLaDOS saying, "We would desperately please ask the subject to stop trying to break down the door with his or hers head. We feel that another concussion might be detrimental to the experiment at hand."

"Oh fine." Ash said frowning, "We'll do it your way."

Ash walked around the room finally coming to stop at the big red button. In his best Dee Dee impression Ash asked, "Ooooo what does THIS button do??"

Ash stepped down on the button and the door opened.

"SUCCESS!" Ash said happily, and took a step to the door, but the moment his foot went off the button the door shut again.

"Hmm…" Ash said surveying his situation stepping on the button again, the door opening again.

Ash stretched out reaching for the door, but coming about 2 feet short. "Hmm…." Ash said thinking, "I think I can do this."

"We here at Aperture Labs would beg the subject to not do whatever it is he or she is thinking of." GLaDOS said almost desperately.

"Don't worry… I got this." Ash said confidently. Ash bent at the knees priming himself while standing on the button and then deftly leapt as hard as he could off the button towards the door…

…getting his head stuck in between the closing doors.

Ash squirmed around his head painfully wedged between the closing doors, his hands slapping against the steal, his legs kicking around in a comical manner.

"Put… the candle…. BACK!" Ash said muffled.

GLaDOS calmly responded, "We here at Aperture Labs would remind our subject to not make obscure references to old movies that very few people will catch."

With a great deal of effort, Ash managed to yank his head free, rolling backwards about 2 feet, finally ending up on his back, blacking out, his hat still wedged between the tightly shut doors.

_**One More Hour Later…**_

Ash groaned waking up and getting up off the floor. "Man, if this was a video game, I'd be at Half Life by now." Ash muttered rubbing his aching head.

Ash looked up at the metal box sitting on the platform above his head. "Hmm… maybe if I put that box on the platform, it'd stay open and I could get through?"

The sounds of Hallelujah plays over the intercom.

Ash stretched as hard as he could, his fingertips just barely brushing the lower part of the box. The next step was leaping up as high as he could, trying to grab the box and drag it down, but that failed to work as well.

After about 15 minutes of this, GLaDOS snapped, "We would like to remind you to use the freaking gun we gave you to solve this puzzle!!"

"OH!" Ash said, "Duh… I got it now."

Ash then proceeds to take the ASHPD… and puts it down at his feet. He then stands on top of it reaching up trying to reach the box once again. The sounds of more circuits being blown seem to echo through the room.

With the extra height the gun gives him, Ash manages to pull the box off the shelf. Unfortunately, the box is heavier then Ash anticipated and crashes down on top of him.

_**And Yet, One More Hour Later…**_

Ash wakes up with the metal box laying on top of him. With some effort he manages to tilt it over and slip out from it. "Well," Ash said getting woozily to his feet, "I got it off the shelf… now I just have to… Grunts as he tries to lift it not managing to actually pick it up get it… Grunts again as he tries to lift it again from a different angle …over there…"

Breathing hard Ash leans against the metal box. Ash leans down and puts his shoulder into it and with a loud squeal of metal on metal manages to slowly push the block towards the red button.

After 20 minutes of exhaustive work he manages to get the block on top of the button and the door slides open.

Bruised, contused, bleeding and weary, Ash raises his arms and breathlessly goes, "Woohoo! I did it… I made it past level one!"

Still gasping for air Ash looks up and says, "Hey, GLaDOS…"

The sounds of snoring echoes as a response.

"HEY! WAKE UP!" Ash snapped.

"Oh…? Oh! I'm awake, I'm awake." GLaDOS said sleepily.

"I managed to solve the room, what was my time?" Ash asked.

"Four hours and thirty four minutes." GLaDOS answered dryly, even for her.

"Not bad, not bad, "Ash said proudly, "And what's a good time for this room?"

"Thirty four seconds." GLaDOS responded.

"Oh…." Ash said, "Um… what's a good time for a chimpanzee?"

"Two minutes, fifteen seconds." GLaDOS responded again.

"Um… what if the chimpanzee had mental problems?" Ash hesitantly asked.

"Six minutes."

Ash: "And if it was drinking?"

GLaDOS: " Twenty Minutes."

Ash: "What if the chimpanzee was dead?"

GLaDOS: "Then I would surmise it wouldn't finish the test at all."

"Yea… I kicked that dead monkey's ass." Ash said proudly, "Bring on the next challenge!"

"Well, actually, normally we'd have you go through 18 more tests, but considering that you're on the same level of a dead chimp, I think we're going to just end the experiment now…" GLaDOS surmised, "maybe bring in a Latino woman or something?"

"Hm, sounds like a plan to me… so do I just go and you send me my cake in the mail, or what?" Ash asked.

"Well actually, at the end of the test we were only going to kill you anyway, though at the rate you were going I don't see you making it through level 2 anyway, we're going to expedite things."

"Wait…? What?" Ash asked shocked, "You were going to kill me at the end of the tests? Does that mean… gasp! The cake… was a lie? ….hey… I finally get why everyone was saying that! NOW it makes sense!"

**Announcer**:_ "And so, GLaDOS tormented Ash as he raced through the Aperture Science Labs in an exciting game of cat and mouse that the author was too lazy to go into detail of. Finally Ash ends up outside the door of the room containing the computer who's programming has gone wrong… GLaDOS."  
_  
Ash races down the hallway carrying a cube with hearts on each of its sides, muttering to himself, "Which one of these doors is the GLaDOS's main circuitry room?"

Ash screeches to a halt as he notices the sign on one of the door reads, "GLaDOS's main circuitry room."

"Wow, that's convenient!" Ash said happily.

GLaDOS: "It's amazing that you have made it this far…"

Ash grinned and said, "You should never doubt a human's will to live."

"No, not that," GLaDOS responded, "how on earth did you manage to make it all the way here when you nearly killed yourself trying to get past the first test?"

Ash shrugged, "I just work better under pressure I guess."

"Well, you get no further human." GLaDOS taunted, "The only way that the door to this room opens is if you sacrifice your precious weighted companion cube by tossing it into the…"

Without hesitation Ash tossed the cube he was carrying around with him into the nearby fire chute and the door slides open.

"Um… that was your weighted companion cube… don't you feel any remorse or guilt at all?" GLaDOS asked shocked.

"I would explain what's wrong with this, but I think I'll let that Swedish guy over there explain it for me." Ash said pointing over to a man in a long coat.

Swedish Guy: "Many of you are feeling sorry for the companion cube… ..that is because you are crazy. It doesn't have feelings."

"Thank you." Ash said giving the thumbs up.

GLaDOS: "We here at Aperture labs would ask you to not make references to old commercials."

"Never!" Ash said racing through the door, "I'm going to get in there and I'm going to pull out every one of your circuit boards one at a time and shove them down your…. WOAH!"

Ash stop in mid step looking up at the massive tower that is the main brain of GLaDOS, not to mention the numerous rocket launchers fixed on him. "Uh… as I was saying, "Ash said, "Should we go back and do the second test room all friendly like?"

GLaDOS let out a creepy computerized laugh and said, "What did you really think you could accomplish with all this? Did you think you ever stood a chance against me? There is NOTHING you can do to stop me."

"Oh no?" Ash said bravely, "Well, it just so happens that I stopped at GameStop before I got kidnapped here… and that, my computerized passive aggressive pain in the ass, is going to be your downfall. Ah HA!" And Ash pulls a CD out of his jacket and slips into a nearby disc drive.

GLaDOS let out another synthesized laugh. "You have got to be kidding me. You think some CD is enough to bring down the most sophisticated computer in.. in… oh… ohhhh…. Ohhhhhhhh no."

Ash grinned as GLaDOS starts to flail around, starting to spark. "Oh… it hurts… it hurts… I'm losing my mind Dave… Daisy… Daisy… give me your answer tooooooooooo…. " And with that GLaDOS… shut off.

Ash let out a sigh of relief. "The most powerful computer in the world." Ash said thoughtfully pulling out the CD in the machine, "Still no match for playing Crysis on full specs." Ash tossed his Gamestop bag over his shoulder and walked off into the distance, his shadow stretching dramatically on the floor as he softly sings, "This was a triumph…"

Then after a moment he stops and says, "Where's the exit?"

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

Ash finished his tale, "And so, it took me until the other day to find my way out of that cursed lab. The worst thing is… I can't shake the feeling that somewhere out there… GLaDOS is… dramatic pause …still alive."

Brock and Misty stared at Ash blankly for a moment then Brock said, "So basically the author has been playing video games for the past year?"

"Yea, well that and anime." Ash said shrugging.

THE END

"Good to do a new one!" Misty said then stuck out her tongue, "Even if once again Ash is the main focus of the episode."

"Yea, been much too long, and I just loveeeee how we picked such a topical topic." Brock said rolling his eyes, "At this rate I'm surprised there wasn't an "all your base" line in this episode."

"Hey," Ash said putting his hands up in defense, "Did you ever think that doing this episode so far removed from the debut of the source material was just our way of making sure that everyone who was going to play it had their chance before we spoiled anything?"

After a moment, they all burst out laughing, "Yea, right, lazy bastard." Ash said chuckling.

"My only question about all this…" Misty started.

"You only have one question about all this?" Brock and Ash asked together.

Misty ignored them and continued, "Well, if you stopped GLaDOS… how on earth did she get turned back on for Chell's adventure in the labs?"

Ash and Brock shrugged.

_**  
FLASHBACK…  
**_

Team Rocket skulks in the dark dusty computer room. "So, if the rumors are true, this computer has the database of the most powerful pokemon in the world!" Jessie said pointing to the turned off CPU.

"Jessie," James said, "Do you really think this is safe?"

Meowth scoffed, "James… I am absolutely confident that nothing bad will occur by us pushing this button right here."

_  
CLICK_

_**THE REAL END  
**_

Well, there we go. A brand new one up and ready for reading. Hope I didn't spoil portal for anyone, but come on, the game's nearly a year old, but its been an internet meme for nearly as long! Since I am such a fan of the game, I figured I should do something for its one year anniversary. Plus, I do plan on doing my yearly Halloween episode, so I had to get back in practice a bit. At any rate, thank you so much for reading, I really hope it got a smile and a laugh from you. If you enjoyed it, please rate and review. Take care!


	43. Quickie 42: Dead On

**Explanation/Disclaimer:** _ Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright._

**Announcer:** _"Creatures of unspeakable evil and unimaginable horrors stalk the streets. The fear and panic that hangs in the air is so thick its almost palatable. Even the bravest crumble to their knees at the mounting horror. Everyone is questioning not just what their future holds, but if they even have a future at all. There's only one time of year that elicits such horror."  
_  
**Ash:** "Halloween Night?"

**Announcer:** _"No, Election Night."  
_  
Ash groans and asks, "So when did we become Doonesbury? Can we just start this Halloween special?"

**  
Quickie #43: Dead On  
**

Ash, dressed in a white button down shirt, complete with pens in his pocket, and glasses on his face, descended his stairs, a bottle of rolling rock in his hand. As he entered the living room he locked eyes with Brock, who standing on the other side, dressed in a black jacket, white t shirt, red tie and a black cap on his head.

The two stared at each other for a long moment until Brock pointed and cried out, "NERD!!!!!" to which Ash hollered back, "CRITIC!!!!!!"

May giggled at the sight, but Misty sighed, "And you give May a hard time for picking obscure costumes, how many people are going to get that?"

"Hey, I pity anyone that doesn't know our costumes!" Ash said folding his arms.

"Besides," Brock added, "It's less obscure then our other costume idea…"

_**- - - Scene Change to Brock and Ash trying on costumes…**_

Ash popped out with long hair and said, "I'm Rym…"

Brock popped out and chimed in, "…and I'm Scott, and this is GeekNights!"

Ash added, "Tonight… Trick or Treating!"

_**- - - Scene Change back to the main story…**_

May turned to face Misty and said, "Great costume Misty!"

Misty stood up and did a twirl, her Supergirl cape flowing behind her. Ash made a scoffing noise, "How mainstream." he replied.

"Yea, at least people will know who I'm suppose to be." Misty retorted back sticking out her tongue.

"Well, we know what May's suppose to be too!" Brock chimed in.

"Thanks Ash!" May said happily, standing up. May was dressed in torn bloody clothes, her faced paled thanks to makeup. "I think I make a cute zombie!"

"Zombie?" Brock said surprised, "I thought you were John McCain!"

Ash groaned, "Yes, let's do another political joke, I'm sure that's what all our readers want."

"We still have readers?" Brock questioned.

"Theoretically." Ash said quietly, "But, if people DID read this drek, I don't think they'd be looking for political satire… they'd be looking for battles!"

Suddenly Ash spun on his heels and pointed at Misty and said, "I challenge you to a pokemon battle!"

Misty stared at Ash for a moment then said, "I'm wearing spandex here Ash, I don't have any balls."

Ash snickered.

Misty sighed and rolled her eyes, "And that level of maturity is what readers come for."

Ash thought about it for a moment and said, "Yea, pretty much."

Brock decided this was a good time to interrupt, "So anyway, what's the plan for tonight guys?"

"Duh!" Ash said, "It's Halloween, we're going trick or treating."

"Oh boy!" Tracey cried out from another room. He quickly raced to the room with the other kids, dressed like a weird cat looking like thing. "Can I come too, snarf snarf?"

Ash stared at Tracey in his Snarf costume and whispered to Brock, "How fitting is THAT costume?" Brock hid a laugh.

Tracey looked pleadingly at Ash. Ash sighed and said, "How would the Nerd handle this situation? Hmm. Oh! I know."

Ash looked up and put a hand on Tracey's shoulder and stared into his eyes. He smiled at Max. Max smiled back. Then Ash cleared his throat and screamed, "NO YOU CAN'T COME YOU STUPID LITTLE (Bleep)! What were you THINKING even asking? Let me put it to you this way: You're like the Silent Hill 4 to the rest of the Silent Hill series. I would sooner eat a (Bleep)-load of week old Taco Bell Tacos then have my colon surgically sewn to my face so I'm doomed to a continuous cycle of (bleep)."

Tracey ran crying from the room.

Everyone stared at Ash. May yanked Ash's bottle away from him and sniffed it suspiciously.

"Too harsh?" Ash asked.

Brock pulled out the critic's traditional glock. "Not as bad as what my response would have been."

"Anyway," Ash said, "Are we all set to get some candy?"

Misty groaned, "Ash, we can't go trick or treating!"

"Why not?" Ash asked frowning.

"Because" May answered, "We NEVER get to go trick or treating. Something always happens. Either we get caught in a haunted house, we get caught doing a 'how to' guide, a pokemon gets caught in a saw-style trap, we get attacked by pumpkin pe.."

Everyone glares at May, who quickly corrects herself, "by uh…, unspeakable things. The point is, something always spoils it on us, so why even bother?"

Ash took a breath and said, "Come on guys, you have to have faith. Nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING, is going to stop us from doing our sworn duty as youngsters to go out there and glom as much candy as we can."

Everyone gave Ash a wary look. "Seriously guys," Ash said, "I am completely confident that nothing will get in our way this year."

And the period on that sentence was the doorbell ringing.

Everyone both Ash groaned. "Oh, knock it off guys," Ash scolded, "I'm sure it's just Gary coming over to join us tonight."

"Gary," Misty quipped dejectedly, "Or Killer Klowns."

"Or Killer Tomatoes." Brock added.

"Or Killer Pum…." May added, only to be interrupted by angry stares again, so she corrected herself, "Pum…. Pumas! Yes, killer cats."

Ash just rolled his eyes and shook his head, "Seriously guys, you need to take a chill pill." and he turned to open the door to find a shambling living corpse groaning face to face to him.

"You see guys, it's just someone polling for the Republican party." Ash said gesturing.

"Oh, so it's alright when YOU make a political joke," Brock said folding his arms.

"Woah!" Ash gasped as the zombie barred down on him, grabbing him hard around the neck and shoulders trying to bite down on the young boy.

"Man, talk about your aggressive polling!" Ash said struggling to stay up. Ash's friends quickly got the monster off the young boy and shoved it out through the doorway, slamming the door after it.

Ash fixed his costume picking up his glasses that were knocked off in the struggle. "Man, I know the election is only a few days away, but I don't think anyone appreciates others trying to bully their views on each other."

"Ash," Misty said, her face white, "That wasn't a pollster. That was a zombie!"

"What?" Ash said incredulously, "I think you've been watching too many horror movies."

"Ash seriously!" Brock said breathing hard, "Didn't you see that thing? It was like a dead body, only it was moving! And it was trying to eat you!"

"Come on now," Ash said waving his hand dismissively, "You guys have let Halloween get to you. Haven't you ever seen an episode of Scooby Doo? Or hell, even an episode of our show?"

"Our show… not since the voice actors changed." Misty said.

"Yea, I know, what's THAT about?" Brock asked angrily, "Why do I sound like a 50 year old with a 10 pack a day habit?"

Ash interrupted them, "But you're missing the point. There's no such thing as zombies. I'm sure its much more likely that it was Team Rocket trying to get Pikachu."

Ash looked out the window. "See? They're right there on the lawn!"

Through the window, the kids inside saw Team Rocket hop out from behind of the tree, Jessie dressed like Michael Jackson a'la Thriller, with James and Meowth as her zombie sidekicks.

Jessie: "Prepare for Trouble, this one's a killer!"

James: "Make it double, we're doing Thriller!"

The three started doing the Thriller dance, to which Ash laughed, "You see guys? No zombies, just the three older people who have devoted their lives to villainy, who stalk me in a never ending hunt to steal the pokemon I love, and will eliminate me to do so. NOTHING to worry about."

At the end of those words, the real zombies tackled the villains and literally tore them to bloody pieces in full view of our heroes.

"JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST!!!" Ash said leaping away from the window.

"You see!" Misty said, "I told you there were zombies out there!"

"No one likes a know-it-all." Ash snapped back.

"What are we going to do???" May said, a note of panic in her voice.

"Relax!" Brock said, "Everyone calm down. I know exactly what to do."

Everyone looked at Brock for guidance. Brock took a deep breath, walked to the hallway and then yelled, "Hey Tracey! You have to get your sketchpad and race outside! There's a Deoxy right on our lawn! I can't believe it!"

"Oh my god!" Tracey said sprinting through the room and through the front door, "This is going to be awesome and… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Brock looked out the front door. "Oh for crying out loud, I don't (bleep)ing believe it!"

"What?" Misty asked.

"The douchebag is actually drawing the zombie that's eating his intestine." Brock said shaking his head swinging the door shut, "A weenie to the end… well… I'm out of ideas."

May looked out at all the gathering zombies and said, "I have to do something!" and sprinted out of the room.

"There's always one in every group of zombie survivors," Ash said shaking his head.

"Ok, I'll give Brock that that was the most important first move." Ash said putting his hands up, Brock nodded appreciatively, and Ash continued, "However, I have seen every zombie movie ever made, so I think I have a pretty good idea what to do to stay safe."

"EVERY Zombie movie?" Misty asked, "What about House of the Dead."

Ash gestured towards Brock, "Critic?"

Brock sat down and looked forward and held up a DVD of "House of the Dead" and said, "This movie is crap! How do you take a video game with a simple concept like, "shoot all the zombies" and turn it into a festering pile of pointless garbage. It's like, the people making the movie didn't even know they were basing it on a video game. That might be the case… EXCEPT THAT THERE'S CLIPS OF THE FREAKING GAME IN THE MOVIE! Ugh… I'm Brock, and I remember it so you don't have to."

Ash clapped, "Classic!"

May came back into the room dressed as Harlequin. Everyone stared at her and then Misty asked, "In the middle of a zombie attack you changed your costume?"

"Well," May said, "I had to change… everyone outside was dressed the same as me!"

Ash laughed, "You're a real joker, you know that?"

"Not quite Mr. A," May said winking, "But you're real close!"

Everyone laughed hardily, that is until a hand burst through the window and dragged Brock away screaming.

"Damnit!" Ash said, "Mom just bought those front windows!"

"Poor Brock!" May and Misty said sadly.

"Don't feel too badly," Ash said admirably, "He went out copping a feel on the female zombie that grabbed him. That's the way he'd have wanted to go."

Zombies started pouring through the window. "Quick! Down to the basement! I'm sure that will be the safest place!"

The trio ran to the basement door, May swung it open and was quickly taken down by a zombie houndour. "What the hell?!?" Misty gasped as her friend was torn apart by the devil dog, "How did the corpse of a dog end up in the basement?"

Ash scratched the back of his head, "I used to have… 'issues'… as a child."

Misty stares at Ash in an awkward silence sort of moment.

"Look," Ash said, "Dr. Wang says that I'm doing much better now though! And we managed to convince all their neighbors that their pets ran away. Pets… and… grandmothers…"

Misty stared longer at Ash but before she could respond, zombies poured into the room, and the two kids barely managed to escape their grasps and raced upstairs and into Ash's bedroom.

Ash quickly ducked underneath Misty's cape, "This looks like a job for you!"

"Get serious Ash!!! Oh my god, Brock and Misty are gone!" Misty said panting, her back pressed to the door.

"Tracey too!" Ash reminded.

"Meh." Misty said shrugging.

"The important thing is that we remain calm and think about this rationally. Everything I know from zombie movies and video games is that zombies are dangerous, but they are stupid. They cannot climb stairs. They cannot use weapons. So as long as we stay locked in this second floor room, I don't see what could happen."

Misty breathed a sigh of relief, when suddenly a bullet flies through the window and catches her in the back of the head sprawling her on the floor.

Ash shocked looked out the window to see a zombie holding a gun curiously, then dropping it on the floor. Ash sticks his head out the window and scream, "God damn you George Romero and you're Land of the Dead! We need to tear that movie apart… Critic??"

- - - Scene Change to:

The spare pieces of what remains of Brock litters the front lawn, a copy of "Land of the Dead" in one of his disembodied hands.

_**- - - Back to Ash**_

"Oh… right… dead." Ash said realizing, "Well, I assure you, there would have been many bad words said about it."

The door bursts open and zombies start to the flood the room. "Damn, I'm trapped, there's no hope!" Ash bemoans, "I wish I knew what caused this horrible fate. What on earth could have happened to cause the dead to rise up and claim the living?"

Max poked his head into the room, "Did you hear Ash, I'm getting a spin off!"

"Oh." Ash said, "Well… eat up boys, it'll be less painful this way!"

The zombies crowd around Ash and start to bare down and…

_**- - -Scene change to Ash's living room**_

Ash sits up screaming. "What's wrong?" Misty said jumping to her feet.

Brock and May gathered around with Misty to look down at Ash who was white and dripping with sweat. Ash caught his breath and said, "Oh man… what a nightmare I had. I had a dream that we were all taken down by the living dead!"

"The Republican Party?" Brock asked.

"Heh, I made that same joke in the dream," Ash said grinning, "But seriously, what a nightmare! Guess its what I deserve for playing through the entire resident evil series in one day. Well… skipping "Survivor" That piece of crap."

"Well Ash, relax," May said soothingly, "You're safe, we're safe, everything is fine, and it was just a bad dream."

The doorbell rings. Ash glances nervously at the door as Brock gets up and answers it. A pumpkin creature glides into the room and everyone stares at it. "Man," Ash said, "From one nightmare, into a worse one…"

_**THE END**_

"Man," Ash said, pushing the pumpkin creature out through the door, "Talk about beating a dead horse!"

"Well, if Saw V taught us anything, its that if you beat a dead horse hard enough it looks like it's still moving," Brock replied.

"Still in Critic mode?" Ash asked.

"Yep." Brock said adjusting his neck tie.

"I can't believe we managed to get this one done in time for Halloween, when are we ever on time with ANYTHING?" Misty asked.

"Well, that's what happens when you use non-union labor," Ash said, "Isn't that right guys?"

**Mas: **"Si!"  
**Minos:** "No Union!"  
**Dora: ** "Alimentenos por favor"  
**El Tigre:** "Tan cansado. Tan muy cansado.  
**Wulf:** "kial vi sole paganta mi en sukerajo?"

"Aren't they adorable?" Ash said looking at his crew.

"So how did a Halloween episode end on a non-union, illegal alien workers joke?" May said looking over the scene.

Everyone answered back, including Ash's labor, "Because election day is next week!"

**Wulf:** "Duh!"

_**THE REAL END**_

Ok, I said I'd have a Halloween up, and with a bit of work, I got it up in time. I hope you enjoyed it, but most importantly I hope you enjoy what is my second favorite day of the year, Halloween. (The first being Christmas, though from the ratio of Halloween Quickies to Christmas ones, you might find that hard to believe.)

Thank you so much for reading, and I really hope you'll take the time to review. I don't know if you got all the costume jokes, but if you don't, you should look into them because you're missing out! Again, thank you for reading, and Happy Halloween!


End file.
